Things you have done, that made you wish the ground could immediately swallow you up.

Sweetemotion

One day a couple of weeks ago I hadn't eaten all day and for some reason got a craving for a KFC burrito, don't know why. I have only had one me life.

So I'm driving along and see a KFC and think yes this is finally my chance to cure this craving. I pull into the drive through and ask for my burrito, the woman on intercom said she couldn't understand my order and could I come to the window.

I go to the window and she says sorry what was your order? I reply " I want a burrito please" sorry we don't do burritos, "what do mean you don't do burritos?
every KFC in the country does burritos" she says I know but this is Burger King.

Anyone, got any similar stories?

0ph0rce0

Only knew the girl for a few days.

Jumped into bed.

Blew my load just as it touched off her leg. (It had been a while haha)

Caught it in my hand quickly and flew to the jacks and then pretended to be sick and wasn't up to it.

Horrible awkward night.

Sweetemotion

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

Only knew the girl for a few days.

Jumped into bed.

Blew my load just as it touched off her leg. (It had been a while haha)

Caught it in my hand quickly and flew to the jacks and then pretended to be sick and wasn't up to it.

Horrible awkward night.

Ahh man. :pac:

Hande hoche!

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

Only knew the girl for a few days.

Jumped into bed.

Blew my load just as it touched off her leg. (It had been a while haha)

Caught it in my hand quickly and flew to the jacks and then pretended to be sick and wasn't up to it.

Horrible awkward night.

Quick thinking.

Fluffy Cat 88

I said "congratulations, when are you due?" To a woman who wasn't pregnant.

Most embarrassing moment ever!

BorneTobyWilde

Saw a neighbour had his drive way retarred , new tarmac so on.

Few days later while walking by I saw him in driveway
I commented loudly to him '' Retard '' in a way to acknowledge his new driveway

4Ad

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

Only knew the girl for a few days.

Jumped into bed.

Blew my load just as it touched off her leg. (It had been a while haha)

Caught it in my hand quickly and flew to the jacks and then pretended to be sick and wasn't up to it.

Horrible awkward night.

You should of just rubbed it into her hair and pretended she was Cameron Diaz....maybe it was...

FortySeven

Going up in front of a disciplinary panel of three women at work for not showing up and after telling them I was sick, they pointed out that they had been made aware I was in fact in bed with two of my subordinates having a thteesome all day.

Got fired.

Arghus

FortySeven wrote: »

Going up in front of a disciplinary panel of three women at work for not showing up and after telling them I was sick, they pointed out that they had been made aware I was in fact in bed with two of my subordinates having a thteesome all day.

Got fired.

I'd call that getting fired with panache.

Edups

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

Saw a neighbour had his drive way retarred , new tarmac so on.

Few days later while walking by I saw him in driveway
I commented loudly to him '' Retard '' in a way to acknowledge his new driveway

I kind of felt like that was going that way

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

My whole life is an embarrassment

The worst was being in college with a girl who never washed herself or her clothes. She reeked and you could even smell when she had her period.
Anyway, lets call her Laura. So, were all in class one day and there's a nasty smell as usual. There's another girl drowning herself in deodorant and it's billowing out under her arms like steam. Let's say her name was Megan.

So, jokingly, I made a joke that Megan smelled. I said "look at the steam under your arms". "I think you need to go home and take a shower...." but said Laura (because I was thinking it in my head, but meant to say Meg.

Lord save us, it was awful. I remember sitting there wondering did that actually come out of my mouth or had I imagined it. I looked at the other girls, 2 of them staring at me with their mouths open, 1 with eyes streaming tears from laughing and the smelly girl to my left pretending it didn't happen.

I felt terrible, and told the college principal what I did cause man, that was nasty and I'm not deliberately a nasty person. She just laughed and said "she may need to hear it from her peers, she's not taking it on board when we say it". Bad form, I'm sure.

suicide_circus

"what can I get you, sir?"

"I'm a woman"

Stheno

suicide_circus wrote: »

"what can I get you, sir?"

"I'm a woman"

I have been the woman in said situation wearing a dress and heels

My colleagues cried with laughter

Edups

Stheno wrote: »

I have been the woman in said situation wearing a dress and heels

My colleagues cried with laughter

That sounds like willful ignorance if nothing else

munster87

Blew my load just as it touched off her leg. (It had been a while haha)

Caught it in my hand quickly

This made me think of Spider-man for some reason

bikubesong

A few years ago... I had been seeing a guy for about a month. He had told me that he'd been in a previous relationship that had lasted a few years, and from his Facebook page, it didn't take a detective to figure out who the girl was.

Anyway, I was idly browsing on my laptop and went on her FB page for a nose, ended up on her Instagram page. She seemed like an interesting girl and actually had really cool pictures on her page so I just kept flicking through - not even being nosy about their relationship, just mindlessly browsing.

Fast forward to that evening when the guy came over and we decided to stream a film online. My laptop was on the coffee table so he opened it up and there, on the screen, was a browser window about 73 weeks deep into his long term ex's Instagram feed.

He was actually really sound about it but I have never wanted the ground to swallow me up so badly.

Ferrari3600

Got chatting to a blind man on the bus many years ago.

For some reason we started talking about weather forecasters on RTE....he said his favourite was (he named a certain female weather forecaster)....I replied "yeah and she's good looking too!"

Jeez, the cringe factor.

irishlady29

Was texting somebody slating my then boss......sent it to my boss...called into the office and she read it out to me word for word.........wanted the ground to open up.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

When I have to do anything with my car.
Two examples.

1. Ring up this place looking for insurance. Guy on the phone asks what size my engine is. Me with not a clue how to even open the bonnet, had to tell him God I don't know to be honest, I've never seen it. I could hear him coughing trying to disguise his laughing while he patiently explained engine size as being 1.3/1.4/1.5 etc

2. I needed new tyres. I go to the tyre shop. Man asks if he can help me. I say "two tyres please". What tyres? "Sorry?" What size tyres do you need? "Oh, just the regular size please." He was staring at me like I was a complete simpleton. I don't know what more to say to him without sounding even more stupid. So without saying a word he walked outside and looked at my car himself.

Winterlong

When I was a teenager I was with my mum and met a friend of hers. I commented on what I thought was her pregnancy and she mumbled something and left. My mother nearly killed me....turns out the woman was recently widowed and carrying a bit of extra weight. Not pregnant.

Important life lesson learned. Never comment on a suspected pregnancy she tells you she is pregnant or you can see the head coming out.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Or that time I had made an account on paddy power for during Cheltenham. Had to choose a username. I think I chose something like Alexisverycool. It was cringe but I figured nobody will ever know. But because it was a new account I had to contact the call centre support. Imagine my shame having to tell my username. The man on the phone was laughing saying "haha we've all been there", and then I got cut off. Then when I called back I got talking to a man again and he said "I think I was talking you before you got cut off. What's your username? Oh yeah, it was definitely you." And started laughing again.

Learned my lesson there, grown up and modest usernames from now on

Lucyfur

The other week I told my friend that I really love her hillbilly style.

I meant rockabilly. The 50s glam style. Not the straw eating riding your ma style.

The worst part is is that I didn't realise my mistake until I got home hours later.

Edups

LexieOnRale wrote: »

When I have to do anything with my car.
Two examples.

2. I needed new tyres. I go to the tyre shop. Man asks if he can help me. I say "two tyres please". What tyres? "Sorry?" What size tyres do you need? "Oh, just the regular size please." He was staring at me like I was a complete simpleton. I don't know what more to say to him without sounding even more stupid. So without saying a word he walked outside and looked at my car himself.

Sorry Lexie but this just has me in bits.
"Yes please sir I will take two tyres, regular please sir."

"Regular?"

"Yes sir car size"

fizzypish

Coming back from college years ago was chatting with a mate and his female roommate. Conversation warped around and they ended up finding out I was a virgin. Took the piss out of me on the bus and not quietly. Can't complain too much. Younger me was a bit of a dick.

For Forks Sake

munster87 wrote: »

This made me think of Spider-man for some reason

NikoTopps

Waitor/Waitress: "Enjoy your meal"

Me: "You too"

I can't tell you the amount of times I've been at a restaurant and this happens. Cringe. :rolleyes:

Anytime I'm out with my boyfriend he's waiting to see will I say it, mean fűck!:pac:

Edups

NikoTopps wrote: »

Waitor/Waitress: "Enjoy your meal"

Me: "You too"

I can't tell you the amount of times I've been at a restaurant and this happens. Cringe. :rolleyes:

Anytime I'm out with my boyfriend he's waiting to see will I say it, mean fűck!:pac:

I often get overly angry a bit quickly with them, when they make a mistake.

Excuse me, I asked for no mayonnaise..

Oh did you?

YES I FUXKING DID YOU ****

sir I wasn't arguing with you..

Ahem... very good

everlast75

checking out of a hotel on Sunday morning - more than a little hung over.

Paid up the Bill, grabbed my overnight bag and said "see ya" to the receptionist.

She replied "Hope you enjoyed your stay"

For some reason I said "you too"...

osarusan

Was staying at a hotel in Japan on a trip paid for by my university. In order to get reimbursed, you need an official, itemised receipt.

While channel-surfing and trying to work out the remote, I accidentally* activated the porn channel, which added 1,000yen (about €8) to the official itemised bill.

The worst bit was that it wasn't immediate - I had a day and a half to worry about how they'd react when I submitted it for reimbursement.

*it really was accidentally - for those who would like to avoid having the fee for the porn channel on their receipt, there is a special vending machine that sells 1,000yen cards which you insert into the base of the tv to activate the channel without adding anything to the bill.

Four Phucs Ache

Summer 98, shelf packing in Quinnsworth.It was my first job and I was on the drink section packing coke, 7up bottles etc.

It was a steaming hot Saturday afternoon about 2pm. I had my warehouse trolley packed about 7 feet high.This thing had no sides or straps, nothing ! But was the norm,no safety concerns back then.

Was trying my luck with one if the checkout girls for weeks and there was a hint of some action that night as she told me she wasn't going with her fella anymore because he was a sap and would I like to get a pizza with her at her house.I was feckin on a high all day.


Got to the section and it was packed with people enjoying summer. Planted the thing in the middle of the aisle and worked away cutting the plastic off the bottles.

Checkout babe stopped to casually talk .

While I was in a trance looking at her didn't I only slice the fookin blade through a 2ltr bottle of Fanta.

Because of my enthusiastic unpacking the bottle was primed like a bomb.There was fookin Fanta everywhere .A woman with her baby was walking passed when it blew.Fook me it was on men women and kids for a good 15 feet.The woman told me I ruined her dress.The baby was laughing.

The manager stood at the end of the aisle with his hand on his hips and shaking his head.

With my mouth still open I turned to say sorry to checkout babe whos shirt I could now see through because it was fookin soaked.

I said you look great wet.



BEST. NIGHT. EVER.

BUBBLES1978

tore ligaments in my ankle a few years ago so was on the aul crutches. went into a local bar for a few drinks sat down and noticed a guy i hadn't seen before sitting across the way with a set of crutches beside him. after a few drinks i was smiling at him and saying ah look we're like twins with our lovely gammy leg and crutches, he smiles back, little while later he got up to leave and had only one fockin leg...i still cringe thinking about it.