Boyfriend went to Lap Dancing Club

Girl Confused · 10-05-2005 4:03pm #1

Hi
On the 16th of December I found out that my boyfriend of six years had gone to a lapdance club on two occasions that I am aware of spending €300 on one night and the second night €600. He does not know that I know about the second time at all.
I am very unsure as to what would have went on between him and the lapdancer. He told me that €300 got him a private dance for a half an hour. I really do not believe him, I think that a lot more happened than he is letting on.
I am now unsure as to stay with him, Can anyone please help me? Do anyone know what goes on in these clubs this club was in limerick city

Mr.Nice Guy · 10-05-2005 4:11pm

Girl Confused wrote:

Hi
On the 16th of December I found out that my boyfriend of six years had gone to a lapdance club on two occasions that I am aware of spending €300 on one night and the second night €600. He does not know that I know about the second time at all.
I am very unsure as to what would have went on between him and the lapdancer. He told me that €300 got him a private dance for a half an hour. I really do not believe him, I think that a lot more happened than he is letting on.
I am now unsure as to stay with him, Can anyone please help me? Do anyone know what goes on in these clubs this club was in limerick city

So what? It's unlikely he slept with her as that would've not been looked on too kindly by the managers of this club. It's not a big deal and certainly shouldn't affect a six year relationship.

WhiteWashMan · 10-05-2005 4:14pm

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

So what? It's unlikely he slept with her as that would've not been looked on too kindly by the managers of this club. It's not a big deal and certainly shouldn't affect a six year relationship.

its a big deal to this woman, and i think it would effect any relationship regardless of how long together you were.

have you asked him why he did it?

Larianne · 10-05-2005 4:15pm

Well if he went with a bunch of lads to have a laugh I can't see a problem. I know a few lads that have gone and it's just for the laugh. If he went on his own, now that's a different story! Must be loaded though to be blowing 600 quid in one night!! :eek: :eek:
Hope he spends that much on you!!

The General · 10-05-2005 4:16pm

When i was in spain, i went to a lap dancing club was telling my girlfriend the next day and she didnt seem to mind, mind you i didnt get any private dance, although if i did i doubt she'd mind. In spain it was €15 for a private dance, so i doubt very much that it cost him €300 for a private dance even if it is ireland.

Girl Confused · 10-05-2005 4:16pm

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

So what? It's unlikely he slept with her as that would've not been looked on too kindly by the managers of this club. It's not a big deal and certainly shouldn't affect a six year relationship.

It is affecting the relationship as now I don't trust him and wondering if he thinks about them when he is with me.I am heartbroken because of this

bombidol · 10-05-2005 4:16pm

the biggest factor here is if he went alone or with mates. If he went with mates. just give him a frowning, its just a laugh. if he went alone, alarm bells should be going off. either that of you just arent doing the business for him

Lainey · 10-05-2005 4:18pm

i don't blame you one bit for being upset.. i wouldn't mind my boyf going as such but i'd be questioning how he managed to spend 900 yo yo in two nights.. ?? thats outrageous money to spend on a half hour lapdance.. in that case this girl would make a deposit for a house in a week..

WizZard · 10-05-2005 4:19pm

Honestly, for €300 it would want to have been some dance!

Most clubs have a strict "No touching" policy, but there are stories about much more than dancing being offered by certain clubs, once the price is right.

I personally have no problem with lapdancing clubs, whether a guy is in a relationship or not (but then I'm a guy). However I would advise you to talk to him about it. It will be better for your relationship in the long run if you can talk about these things.

Girl Confused · 10-05-2005 4:19pm

The General wrote:

When i was in spain, i went to a lap dancing club was telling my girlfriend the next day and she didnt seem to mind, mind you i didnt get any private dance, although if i did i doubt she'd mind. In spain it was €15 for a private dance, so i doubt very much that it cost him €300 for a private dance even if it is ireland.

He said that it was for a private dance for a half an hour

Boston · 10-05-2005 4:20pm

A private room, with a lapdance would set you back about 300 euro in angels in dublin, so I'd imagine it would be about the same. Has this club been open long? These clubs are closely watched by vice, and are often getting closed down. if it been open awhile, chances are it's ok. If he wanted to have sex, he could have got it allot cheaper. I suggest you demand that he brings you to this club to see it for yourself first hand, whether it is just a brottle or a high class place, and then decided if it was just harmless fun.

bombidol · 10-05-2005 4:20pm

yeah its 600 for a one hour dance with a few different girls and a bottle of bubbly in the VIP room

base2 · 10-05-2005 4:20pm

Every reason to leave him. He's after spending E900 on having sex with some dirty romanian prostitiutes. You know it and we all know it. Have some pride in yourself.

whippet · 10-05-2005 4:22pm

€300 - €600 is easily spent in a lapdancing club. To be honest the vast majority of dancers and estabilishments are what they say on the tin.

I wouldn't be too worried about 'what might have gone on', just be glad he is in an enviorment whereby even touching the girl is out of order rather than 'pulling' some random stranger in a pub and sleeping with them.

Lapdancing and places of that nature have been around for hundreds of years and have been frequented by just about every type of man, it's nothing new.

meditraitor · 10-05-2005 4:23pm

You seem to be going over board a bit, loosen up, very doubtfull anything happened during the dance,
300yoyos sounds about right for a half hour private dance,thats what u should be angry about , wasting all that cash on some scaldy for at most, sticky underwear.
Also if he didnt tell you about the second time, some trust issue there!!!(maybe your just too uptight and he is afraid to tell you)..

WhiteWashMan · 10-05-2005 4:23pm

bombidol wrote:

the biggest factor here is if he went alone or with mates.

i think you have to be pretty niave if you think that.

the biggest factor is did he respect her to tell her he was going, or mention it afterwards.

its not a case of having a laugh, its a case of respecting his partner, and knowing his partner, and knowing waht limitations there are.

we all do stupid things, but not many of us do it to that degree, twice.

i think the OP has got a good reason to be upset.

hell, if my partner was off without telling me what she was up to twice, id be pretty darn upset. it would be like she had something to hide from me.

what would she want to hide from me? does she not trust me? why doesnt she trust me? what have i done that she feels she cant trust me enough to tell me, and what did i do to make her go not once, but twice?

youd either want tobe exceedingly confident, or overbaringly controlling to be able to say that your partner going off into a sexual situation without your knowledge a number of times, does not have an effect on you.

either that or you have some sort of cuckold fetish...?

meditraitor · 10-05-2005 4:24pm

base2 wrote:

Every reason to leave him. He's after spending E900 on having sex with some dirty romanian prostitiutes. You know it and we all know it. Have some pride in yourself.

Too much telly for this guy, dont mind him

base2 · 10-05-2005 4:25pm

If on the other hand he didnt have sex then I'd say leave him. He's obviously a bit of a fool if he spends the best part of a grand and doesnt get sex.

Girl Confused · 10-05-2005 4:26pm

bombidol wrote:

the biggest factor here is if he went alone or with mates. If he went with mates. just give him a frowning, its just a laugh. if he went alone, alarm bells should be going off. either that of you just arent doing the business for him

He went on his own, We are together 5 or 6 times a week. I don't inderstand why he did it. I am very open minded and more than willing to try new things and he knows this

kittenkiller · 10-05-2005 4:26pm

I'd hang him out the window by his b@lls & demand he pay you for every single sexual act you have performed on him in the 6yrs you've been together!!

If he can go off and PAY to leer at some stranger, he can pay you too!!!!

Boston · 10-05-2005 4:26pm

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i think you have to be pretty niave if you think that.

the biggest factor is did he respect her to tell her he was going, or mention it afterwards.

its not a case of having a laugh, its a case of respecting his partner, and knowing his partner, and knowing waht limitations there are.

we all do stupid things, but not many of us do it to that degree, twice.

i think the OP has got a good reason to be upset.

hell, if my partner was off without telling me what she was up to twice, id be pretty darn upset. it would be like she had something to hide from me.

what would she want to hide from me? does she not trust me? why doesnt she trust me? what have i done that she feels she cant trust me enough to tell me, and what did i do to make her go not once, but twice?

youd either want tobe exceedingly confident, or overbaringly controlling to be able to say that your partner going off into a sexual situation without your knowledge a number of times, does not have an effect on you.

either that or you have some sort of cuckold fetish...?

You're forgetting he told her the first time. Maybe she was bang out of order and accused him of cheeting the first time, and he decided he had nothing to be sorry about.

Larianne · 10-05-2005 4:28pm

You said that you found out about this on the 16th of December. That's quite a while back? Have you talked to him about it since?? The feelings you have about it shouldnt be kept inside. You should tell him how you feel. It must be driving you insane at this stage. It's better to have it all out in the open than eating you inside. Ask him why he went? Was it just a random thing with mates or was he trying to get something else out of it?

FreaK_BrutheR · 10-05-2005 4:35pm

I don't see the big deal with lap dancing clubs really - its all a bit of fun - mind you 900 is alot of money to be spending in my opinion and experience.

I enjoy Titillation and fantasy and I think they are all very normal things to enjoy. If it costs you a bit of cash then maybe thats just a little bit more stimulating to some people.... the whole seediness can be a mad turn on like.

Ive been to clubs with girls before and got lapdances with the two of us there - great crack it was and the girl seemed to enjoy it too!!! Foreplay of sorts.... couldnt wait to get home like

People in Ireland are still too uptight about the whole thing I think.

Anyway I don't think you've alot to worry about at these clubs - Ive been a rake of times and never been offered anything other than a lapdance unless I was with my girlfriends

. I was watched by bouncers who I did see throwing people out for even touching the girls so.....

DOn't worry about - be happy your botfirend likes a bit of a turn on and isn't too prude to enjoy himself

ionapaul · 10-05-2005 4:36pm

I think she mentioned he went by himself...I think this is something that the OP needs to work out for themselves, as we all have different ideas about what is acceptable in a relationship or not. Personally (I am a guy) I think what he did (€900 in lap dancing clubs by himself, not as a laugh with the lads) is very suspect, even unacceptable, particularly as he didn't tell her about the second time.

simu · 10-05-2005 4:36pm

That's a total waste of money!

You could try going off and dancing intimately with a guy in a club or get a male stripper or something and see how he likes it!

xzanti · 10-05-2005 4:38pm

I was in college with an Itallian girl who used to hand out flyers for a lapdancing club on Dame St.. I wont name it but we all know the one Im on about... and she told me most of the girls there are not adverse to getting on ones knees for the right price if you catch my drift... Naaaaasty

OfflerCrocGod · 10-05-2005 4:42pm

Honestly the best thing you can do is try and talk it out with him and ask him why he went, keeping this hidden from him will only make it worst for yourself.

WhiteWashMan · 10-05-2005 4:42pm

LiouVille wrote:

You're forgetting he told her the first time. Maybe she was bang out of order and accused him of cheeting the first time, and he decided he had nothing to be sorry about.

what she said was she found out about it. i dont know how she found out about it, but it doesnt sound like he happily told her over the sunday roast.

either way, for me its an issue of respect, and if it upsets the OP, then i think its over the line for the boyfriend. and after knowing her for 6 years, you have got to assume he knew he w3as doing something that would upset her, but still went on and did (whatever it was) anyway.

for me, thats the unacceptable part.

as for lapdance clubs, ah, ive been in one, its wasnt very exciting, i didnt have a dance. it was a stag party.
and i still wonder how many times the toilet has been used for having a crap in, coz i bet that only 1 in 1000 use it for that purpose

Mr.Nice Guy · 10-05-2005 4:43pm

It's funny how people are so quick to judge. The guy didn't go to a prostitute as some silly person said above. He had a lap dance that's all. A six year relationship should be thrown away over that? Crazy.

base2 · 10-05-2005 4:44pm

Dont be so naive. Some sort of sex was involved.

FreaK_BrutheR · 10-05-2005 4:48pm

I don't know anyone who has gone to a lap dancing club in Ireland and ended up getting any kind of sex apart from a slutty looking girl shaking her bits in the face. Thats what I know.... not what I speculate.

Boyfriend went to Lap Dancing Club

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