Men No Longer Want to Date, Why?

riclad

With the pandemic it's not so easy to go back to meeting people close up or else young men can use apps to meet up and just have casual sex. Alot of people had no choice, stay home, there was no where to go, pubs, cafes closed. Many people now work from home. People got used to not going out Also people over a certain age are already in a relationship. Yes it's probably tough, being a woman over 30, if you are looking for someone to be in a relationship and have a child. I think theres loads of attractive women around if you live in a city yes alot of people work hard and then just go home and watch TV, Netflix or play online games. I think society is not so supportive if you look at high rents, high house prices. I don't think it's sexist to say if you meet a woman and have a child with her you will have to pay child support , that's basic common sense. I think dating was easier or simpler before smartphones existed. You met someone in a pub or a club and if there' was mutual attraction you started going out.

ILoveYourVibes

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058248990/men-no-longer-want-to-date-why

No.

You are mislead about the Irish male psyche.

Irish men don't fear feminism or irish women despite what people here would tell you.

However Irish /Western culture tends to view marriage as well ' the old ball and chain' for both genders. Its seen as when your youth ends. If you are woman you are over the hill not when you reach 30 or 40 but when you marry ..same with men. It's the end of your fun your exploration.

Plus let's face it the workload of job etc lack of money ..being tired has sucked the lust right out of them.

It's not that they fear women or resent them its that they fear the drudgery of marriage and see an alternative in singledom that in reality is not as bad as some would have you think.

I know many with girlfriends but they never wanna marry or have kids. And they probably couldn't afford to anyway.

Irish men are grand though don't get me wrong.

BUT ..well they like to party ..they like friends ...and are a little wild let's say compared to some in America or from Europe ....they don't want to give up their wild days.

And more power to them!

Plus there is less stigma to being single now which is a great thing. People don't have to follow the path of their grandparents.

I would also say the concept of romantic love ...its not really very Irish.

Im a firm believer what is for you will not pass you buy. So if guys are single these days it's because they want to be or should be its what is meant for them. What is right for some is not for others. And most of them seem happy. I mean they have more money for themselves more time for themselves etc.

Mister Vain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119167741#Comment_119167741

Also in the past people had alot more sex, this generation is having the least amount of sex.

Oddly enough that seems to be the case, at least if the research is anything to go by. This is despite the fact that we supposedly have a hook-up culture where sex is readily available through dating apps.

manonboard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119167111#Comment_119167111

I don't think that metric is something that changes whether they are attractive or in good shape. You can be a bit overweight and still be flying physically. I was quite underweight for most of my life (an eating disorder). Even while that happened, I still climbed 3 times a week, ran, and considered myself fairly ok physically looking. I was far from some society wide objective standard of hot, but we all look well in our own way and different people have different tastes.

Miadhc

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119167661#Comment_119167661

She's clearly an absolute degenerate.

growleaves

A lot of people are trying to 'bulk up' with extra food after heavy gym work.

I wonder are these included in the overweight category. BMI can be deceptive if it is taken with no context.

Also a lot of big people are middle-aged and older. When you are a parent you get less sleep which makes it harder to burn calories. You are stuck indoors a lot too. If you have an office job you are also sitting for 37 hours a week. Metabolism slowing down with age. Hence the 'dad bod'.

By contrast, young singletons can go to a few lectures, then hit the gym, then go out.

had

BrianD3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168156#Comment_119168156

A man with a BMI in the normal range (18-25) will look skinny or very skinny and unmasculine to many women. He could be in great shape with very low body fat but look unimpressive with clothes on.

Before I started weight training, my weight was comfortably within that BMI range and I had lowish bodyfat. I got numerous comments about being a whippet, not eating, asked if I'm a jockey etc. And this was years ago when there wasn't anything like the "more is better" muscle and steroid culture that there is now.

Women want tall, big men who can, or at least look like they can, mangle other men in a fight. Better to be burly with thick bones and carrying a bit of fat than be "skinny".

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164312#Comment_119164312

You’ll hear cautionary “tales” of balding lads in their early 30s getting tricked into getting with an older women who’ll marry them, get 2 kids out of him and then shuts up shop once she’s got them.

Is that a "thing"? I've never heard of a fella in his 30's getting "tricked" by an "older woman". By early 30's the power imbalance has started to even out and turn in the man's favour by the early-mid 30's. If he is "getting tricked" at that stage he's an eejit.

I remember reading some random article years ago where the author was advising women that the best time to get a "good husband" (if that is what they want) is when the man is between 27-30. The general logic was that up to the age of 27, the odds are against fellas so they are a bit desperate, or at least more amenable to marriage. The girls have their pick at that stage so if they want a "good" one, then that is the time to lock him down into that path.

After that age, the fellas start to get a little more comfortable and confident, and then by the early 30's they have realised that they don't have to get married, and then by the mid 30's the whole power dynamic has shifted. The article might have been from the US where people still tend to get married a little younger.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119167734#Comment_119167734

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119167718#Comment_119167718

If someone is the type of person who would let someone casually go down on them in the toilets of the local, then they've no moral high ground to look down from and judge anyone else by.

Likewise, guys who carry on like this shouldn't be suprised when the "nice" girl they meet and want to date doesn't deem them "dating material" or give them the time of day. Girls don't want to date that type of guy either. Women talk too.

ancapailldorcha

I'm in my thirties and I quite enjoy being single. I work in a mainly female workplace so I'd have opportunities there if that sort of thing weren't frowned upon. That leaves the gym and I don't want to be a sleaze. Beyond those two, all that's really left are apps and I utterly loathe those.

I think it's just a waste of energy to be honest. If I wanted to become a World War 2 expert, I can do online course, watch videos, read books and travel. I can put the same amount of time into dating and I'd just get depressed.

Mike Murdock

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119167529#Comment_119167529

Nicole Eggert for me...

🤤

Still stihl waters 3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168450#Comment_119168450

Have I taken the moral high ground? not wanting to date someone because of their sexual history is hardly a new thing, I've said I don't care what they do and I really really don't but don't expect me to enter into a relationship with the town bike, obviously its the same for women, that's their choice if they don't want to date the local male slut

Still stihl waters 3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168494#Comment_119168494

There are many more ways to meet women apart from apps, you've ruled out work and gyms and you've ended up with apps being the only way into a relationship, there's a big wide world outside of online dating, go out and enjoy it

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119167726#Comment_119167726

Chilli sauce in between them !

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168588#Comment_119168588

I don't drink. If I did, I might have more options.

growleaves

@ancapailldorcha 'That leaves the gym and I don't want to be a sleaze'

It needn't be sleazy as such imo.

Instead of 'hitting on' gym girls just say "Hi!" to them and some will be very happy to talk to you, and then you just take it from there.

Testing the waters like this is fine.

Even better if you do it in a pub/club/smoking area where it's more expected...

Look at from the girls perspective, if she is in a bar especially: if she wants to be meet a man all she can do is stand around trying to look approachable but not too much like she wants to be approached (perceived as slutty).

When you start a friendly conversation you're taking all the difficulty away.

If she doesn't want to be bothered, hey you were only being friendly so no big deal.

No sleaziness, no creepiness just a vibe of 'Hey you look like a nice person to talk to'. (If that's how you approach it in your mind that's how it will come across.)

Then she may be into you when you both get talking and she sees that you're a cool, interesting guy.

Hope this advice is useful to you.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168588#Comment_119168588

Is there? I recently had a conversation with two old friends, (both single attractive women in their early 30s), and when we were talking about dating (as I've recently restarted dating in Ireland), they both went on something of a rant about guys approaching/hitting on them in places which aren't normally considered places for dating. The places they go to relax, or focus on particular activities. The gym was listed as one of the big, no no, for them. Same with many of the social events, meetups, etc that they participate in, but don't want to be hit on. I realise that these are just two women out of many, but they asserted that it was a common viewpoint among their own female friends.

TBH It seems to me, from my last 4 months of actively trying to date, that things still revolve around the woman initiating the encounter in normal times, and the more traditional venues such as the pub for meeting people, or online crap. There's a lot of hesitation, wariness, etc about strangers interacting now, and less interest in having a casual conversation in a cafe, that leads to the exchanging of numbers.

Now, admittedly, I'm living in a small town, but I've done a few weekends in both Galway and Dublin to see what it was like, and I wasn't very impressed. Oh, there's the dedicated events like speed dating <shudders>, wine tasters, etc but my experiences with them have been that it's all rather superficial, and quite dishonest. There seems to be a lot of people already in relationships trying to play the field.. ugh. Not nice.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168635#Comment_119168635

Why? You can have a non-alco beverage in a pub and nobody will know unless you tell them. It's not a big deal tbh.. and I suspect many women who are finished with the party lifestyle, would appreciate someone who doesn't drink. I know it's appreciated abroad..

Is Ireland really still so focused on boozing? I had the impression that it had put a lot of that behind it.

Mister Vain

Pubs are probably better, but it can be difficult to find someone to go out drinking with as you get older. It's a real pain when you're living out in the sticks too as you have to keep organising lifts and taxis. Apps and hobbies seem like the only options right now.

growleaves

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168702#Comment_119168702

A single woman at a social event annoyed that men are flirting with her? That sounds unusual to me. They must know that this will happen, and there are lots of girl-only meetup groups.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168792#Comment_119168792

There's flirting and being hit on. I think you know the difference.. most people do.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168577#Comment_119168577

Shaming anyone for their sexual history is taking the moral high ground.

Using derogatory names like "town bike" or "male slut" to refer to a person is shaming them.

growleaves

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168808#Comment_119168808

Of course.

But is one following on from another that big of a deal ? At a social event, not work or a random encounter.

Some girls are annoyed or disappointed when you flirt with them then no follow-up afterwards, like you've wasted their time or something.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168725#Comment_119168725

I live in the UK so I can't speak for Ireland.

I've done the sitting in a corner in a pub with a sweet drink thing before. Fine with a friend, a touch depressing when alone.

freemickey

The internet has made the world a much lonelier place.

All that time wasted looking at screens of social media is tragic and it naturally means less time in the real world.

So when the heads lift up from the screens and look around it's like "oh, this is crap". No doubts, look at where your time and life has went instead.

Good luck to the teenagers and children growing up with this stuff, it seems like entire generations of social pariahs and misfits are coming, gonna be bad.

And yes, irony in posting this on the internet, wasting my time!

Still stihl waters 3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168837#Comment_119168837

I disagree, you can get sensitive about the names if you wish, it's not my job to pander to your delicate nature

Horn_of_Africa

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168494#Comment_119168494

You have the entire world to meet women. Walk over and say hello. If you can't do that then you need to work on why you suffer from a lack of confidence.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119168862#Comment_119168862

A friend of mine in the UK swears by the Toastmasters events as a way to meet people, with dating being an option. It's about learning how to give good speeches, rather than the drinking. Might be an option for you. I did it myself a few years ago in Asia, and it was a lot of fun.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119167661#Comment_119167661

Many men wouldn't touch a woman who did that ( myself included) and more to the point when it's publicly known