Men No Longer Want to Date, Why?

10-08-2022 8:39pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455870#Comment_119455870

Women are terrible at communicating the truth about what they want. What they want for dinner, or what they want romantically, it's never communicated in a clear, straightforward way.

Loafing Oaf · 10-08-2022 9:17pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455968#Comment_119455968

Well the poster who started the thread complaining about men messing her about over dates is being advised (including by me I have to admit) not to be so upfront about wanting 'commitment' and children when dating. So it seems our culture requires women to dissimulate and act coy if they want to 'land' a man.

combat14 · 10-08-2022 9:25pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119450663#Comment_119450663

problem is you cant just leave now you will lose your house, kids, most likely have no where to live and also lose at least half your **** - the system is stacked against you so it is not so easy to flippantly say you'd leave ..

10-08-2022 9:41pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456122#Comment_119456122

No, that's just your and a few other posters opinions... it doesn't mean that our culture requires it.

I've known women who have known exactly what and who they wanted, went for them, and got them. It's all about how it's done. Most men are aware that most women want to have a family at one point.. The way you're talking is like guys are going to run away from a woman who wants a serious relationship and kids in the future, but if she ticks the right boxes for him, then he'll be happy with such an offer.

A large percentage of people I knew growing up or went to school with, met their significant other, and got married quite young. Some men don't want to settle down, and frankly, a woman being honest about what she wants is the best course of action, so she doesn't waste time on someone who isn't interested. There will be plenty of other men who will be.

10-08-2022 10:36pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456122#Comment_119456122

Isn't it fairly standard for both men and women to sort of act a bit different in the initial dating stages of a relationship? I for one tended to completely paper over my flaws on first dates. I think it's probably better for a woman to not be too upfront in the initial stages, not to scare off potential suitors. But after, I don't know, 10 dates you would hopefully build up trust to a certain degree to maybe broach the subject tactfully.

ancapailldorcha · 10-08-2022 11:03pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455664#Comment_119455664

In fairness, it probably isn't.

I'm not the "Go to the pub and be merry" type. It's a lesson that took a long time to learn but pub culture is not for me. Grand if I'm with people but that rarely happens now. I've gone to the pub alone a few times and never, ever enjoyed it.

10-08-2022 11:19pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456572#Comment_119456572

There's plenty of options outside the pub though (I tend to take a book to the pub, and not engage with others). Activities you're interested in. I found toastmasters to be pretty good for meeting people, which sometimes led to dating. Same with book readings/discussions from authors I like (a lot of the fantasy writers tour with these kind of sessions). Same with some formal concerts (classical, jazz, blues, etc), which often have a mingling session afterwards. I have a range of oddball interests, and invariably I meet like-minded people at them. It's not done with the intention of dating... but.. just keeping yourself open to the possibility is a good mindset to have.

Still, I'm now in my mid-40s and I'm unlikely to settle down with anyone.. although I keep myself open to the possibility. I'd recommend doing the same, simply because there's a lot of experiences worth having.

Mister Vain · 11-08-2022 8:20am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456572#Comment_119456572

I never really liked the pub culture either. The only good experiences I've had are in Irish pubs abroad where I actually went out on my own and met a lot of different people while being merry but never plastered. Most of my nights out here are a bit of a blur.

As Klaz said, there are plenty of options outside the pub. Although it really depends on where you live and what your hobbies are. I'm in a few photography groups but its a bit of a trek to get to them as I'm out in the sticks.

blade1 · 11-08-2022 8:59am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455919#Comment_119455919

This place would be dead and buried long ago if there wasn't the people that got easily wound up.

ancapailldorcha · 11-08-2022 11:11am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456637#Comment_119456637

I've gone to a few things like that. They can be quite enjoyable and stimulating experiences.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119457218#Comment_119457218

To be honest, I don't drink. I've found that alcohol-free beer offers some cover in this regard but I just find myself sat alone whenever I'm at the pub spending an inordinate amount of money on drinks I've no interest in. A shame late night coffee shops weren't a thing.

growleaves · 11-08-2022 11:56am

@ancapailldorcha 'To be honest, I don't drink. I've found that alcohol-free beer offers some cover in this regard but I just find myself sat alone whenever I'm at the pub spending an inordinate amount of money on drinks I've no interest in. A shame late night coffee shops weren't a thing.'

There are coffee shops on the Edgware Road that stay open until 2am every night. Lebanese/Iraqi owned but no one bats an eyelid if white dudes go in. A five min walk from the Underground station.

More a place to bring new friends rather than meet them though since I assume you won't be chatting up Muslim girls.

Anyone who is bothered by solitariness should consider expanding their social circles. Its like exercise in that it feels horrible to begin (e.g. going to meetup groups and befriending strangers, awkward) but once you're in the flow you feel so much better.

ancapailldorcha · 11-08-2022 12:19pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458116#Comment_119458116

I actually find women from Islamic countries to be extremely attractive but, yes I probably wouldn't be. Might give those cafes a look though.

Loafing Oaf · 11-08-2022 12:23pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458233#Comment_119458233

The little teases...

11-08-2022 12:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119457891#Comment_119457891

I'd suggest cocktail bars, and whiskey bars.. as the barpeople are trained to make non-alcholoic mixes, and there's often quite a bit of art involved. After finding a place to be a regular, bar staff often will create signature drinks just for you... and cocktail bars have the advantage of being popular for many kinds of women, while generally having a more relaxed vibe.

I do drink alcohol, but I don't really like the taste of it. Beer is generally boring, quite like Dry Cider but that gets meh after two pints, and the rest.. ugh. Cocktails in a decent place are a life saver for me. Besides, I usually like the environment that goes with such places.

London has some of the best cocktail bars in Europe.

j2 · 11-08-2022 1:10pm

I'm going on a date tomorrow so I guess I'm not in this category. I think people make a mountain out of a molehill with the dating thing. If it works out and you like each other then great, if you don't go any further it's usually still just an evening or afternoon spent doing something chill and having a conversation with somebody, hardly Chinese water torture. I've never had such a bad date that it was actually a horrible experience, and I've never left early even if I knew I wasn't interested in a second date. I think people are a lot nicer than the news/internet/social media would lead you to believe. Everyone I've ever been on a date with has been polite, kind, and at the very least interesting to talk to for a couple hours.

yourdeadwright · 11-08-2022 4:09pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458508#Comment_119458508

Agree used to date loads about 7 years back & never had a bad one e ,

Ye i meet some women i saw no future with & we didn't date again ,also some of the women i did really like made it clear i wasn't for them which is also perfectly fine ,but always had a good time on the dates, its ok to see someone as a partner but just enjoy your evening in there company , i think you just need to be relaxed about fates & realise you don't have to find the love of your life , No pressure just enjoy a night out with someone , & then you can each go your own way after ,

Also some of the nights ended with good *** with neither party worrying about ever seeing each other again ,

Basically go enjoy your life and all the moments in it , even they ones that don't work out as you expect just make the best of them ,