Men No Longer Want to Date, Why?

carmel1992

Hello,

I am 27 and I would be interested in knowing why men don’t go into relationships as readily anymore or marry as often as they once did.

I'm told that Irish society has become anti-male and men are avoiding marriage and fatherhood at alarming rates but I think it's more to do with the institutional bias and blatant sexism of laws and practices that have become the norm against men. The numerous reasons are a court system stacked against men in regards to paternity/wider justice issues, a school system which is stacked against men and boys, a hostile work environment to men in many workplaces.

I don't disagree that relationships have their ups and downs but it may help to understand more about what the typical men are going through in this country and why they don’t actually feel and think as much about relationships.

Was too much hassle with covid (i live in countryside),kind of too content to rock the boat now,and havnt time,as going about building a house etc

SuperBowserWorld

Housing costs, kids costs, etc etc etc

Also, loads of apps etc etc etc, so causal sex is easily available.

Also, society isn't supportive around families, except as a unit of consumerism and hamster/worker bee producers.

Then there is climate change, ecology collapse, wars, pension crisis, ...

😂

Edit

I haven't come across the anti male stuff you mentioned. But maybe if I had a divorce I'd experience some of these issues.

clobber

Women are the same

It's starting to sink in now that people want certainty re. careers, housing etc before taking the risk into relationships. So they're not too pushed about dating if it eventually leads down this road

We know how hard it currently is on economic and financial front

SuperBowserWorld

It's a huge problem for society.

(Edit removed bitter statement)

Wanderer78

yea, we ve made a right fcuk of things, we ve almost completely decoupled from our most critical of needs, which is leading to serious social dysfunctions, no wonder theres a rapid rise in mental health issues.....

EmmetSpiceland

I’m not sure asking on here is a good idea. You won’t get an answer that matches “real life”. Most of the single guys I know would be dating, in the normal way.

A site, like this, has developed a real MGTOW “vibe” over the last while. They’ll say that women only want them for marriage, babies, a house or whatever other nonsense they can come up with.

You’ll hear cautionary “tales” of balding lads in their early 30s getting tricked into getting with an older women who’ll marry them, get 2 kids out of him and then shuts up shop once she’s got them. And that may well happen, albeit rarely, they’ll use it as a concrete example of every woman.

Normal lads are still dating, as they always were. I don’t doubt that the dating “game” is tricky to navigate but I, certainly, wouldn’t be looking for the take on the scene on here, that’s for sure.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058248990/men-no-longer-want-to-date-why

This sounds like men's rights claptrap.

fryup

because its too expensive the cost of petrol, food, going out etc

cheaper staying at home and having a 'tommy tank'

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164320#Comment_119164320

Complete with female-sounding username, which has become the modus operandi for a certain contingent on here. It's textbook.

Montage of Feck

Institution sexism against men? Oh, just grow a pair get over yourself.

But anyway I'm single and more than anything it's probably due to the fact that affordable housing independence is currently impossible for me.

There’s a lot of them who sit around at home playing online computer games, ranting online, and then trying to pull the skeleton out of themselves via their cock while watching deeply misogynistic gonzo porn online.

Then they blame society and women for feeling lonely, angry and depressed. Can’t date etc.

Wanderer78

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164343#Comment_119164343

*porn hubs 'misogynistic gonzo porn'

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000

Too hard to find a woman that doesn't have a rake of kids and/or other baggage at my age so it's easier use the apps for casual stuff.

Montage of Feck

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164350#Comment_119164350

No. Maybe read a history book or look at current events and come back to me with why feminism is unnecessary?

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164350#Comment_119164350

No.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164310#Comment_119164310

Exactly. I hear people saying stuff like "People are choosing their careers over kids", will their 'careers' keep them company when they retire?

I honestly believe there is a mass rise in mental health issues because people are prioritizing their careers over important things like family, and their hobbies (I'm not saying this is the only reason). I have an okay career, at the start of my career, I ran myself into the ground trying to get up the corporate ladder. I was working 18-hour days and it was tough. I have learned now though that you should work to live, not live to work.

Why are men no longer dating? I honestly think social media has had a massive impact on the dating scene. When I was on the dating scene there were no social media (Except Bebo). People generally just went out and chatted in pubs/clubs. I think people, in general, had better social skills and were more sociable before social media came along. Also, the hookup apps like Tinder can't be helping either, people seem to always think "I can do better" or something.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164343#Comment_119164343

There's a thread on Ireland's declining birth rate over in CA and within the first ten or so replies we had someone blaming it on "ugly young wans who won't get off their fat holes" and that Irish women are basically too unattractive to ride.

It's exhausting.

Brid Hegarty

@SuperBowserWorld Also, loads of apps etc etc etc, so causal sex is easily available.

Speak for yourself. All I hear about is how the text dialogue fizzles out on those apps because the girls have too many options.

CosyChair

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164370#Comment_119164370

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164370#Comment_119164370

Kids shouldnt have anything to do with it if you meet the right person & its usually the women that gets left the kids in a breakup so if you miss out on having your best friend for life you have only yourself to blame.

SuperBowserWorld

(Edit) referring to previous post which had a load of stereotypes in it ....

I hate online games.

I play single player offline games.

And I'm bald.

I don't watch online games like soccer or formula one.

But yeah, the original post has a couple of unrelated things in it. It's a rant wrapped up in a why don't guys commit question.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164411#Comment_119164411

And that's why men's rights is bollox. It's got f*ck all to do with helping men and everything to do with misogyny.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164405#Comment_119164405

I don't necessarily think it's a choice that's quite this clear cut. Not everyone finds someone. Your career, by comparison is something you have a greater deal of control over.

Having children so you can have company when you retire is incredibly selfish IMO. What if your child wants to emigrate as a great many Irish tend to do?

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164425#Comment_119164425

I would put a large amount of money on the OP being male.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164421#Comment_119164421

To be fair, I am 32 and married but I have friends who are single and discuss this with me. I don't think I would like to be involved with a woman with young kids, it can be so messy if the father is still around.

Also "women get left with the kids in a breakup", I am pretty sure most women are very happy to be "left with the kids", whereas the father normally gets to see the kids once every second week.

SuperBowserWorld

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164412#Comment_119164412

Yes, the apps work for every sex under the rainbow. Nobody will commit, it's the tyranny of choice.

manonboard

The type of costliness that men have to endure becomes incredibly tiring over time. Take something as basic as Tinder which is how most meet these days. The experience of it as a guy is horrible. You swipe right to incredibly high amounts of people just to get enough matches for some conversations. Huge amounts of the conversations don't get a reply as the women have 100's of matches available to them because the guys have to swipe right on so many. Due to the vast options available to the women, they put so little effort into the conversation and expect you to basically chase them. Guys are treated pretty disposable, which we are, so its a terribly exhausting dynamic. Add in all the women who are just looking for validation and attention, which is huge, and it becomes a pretty exhaustive process.

From a dating perspective, its much easier after the initial dates but there is serious dysfunctions at play that make it a waste of time. Women over 35 are desperately scanning for fathers and it comes off incredibly dehumanizing to be put into a box they think you fit without it really having much to do with who you are as a person. I think women feel like this in the 20's when they are treated like a hole and wet meat. For guys, its when the women are looking for dad potential we get to experience that objectification. Its fine if they have goals, its just incredibly depersonalizing how its approached under the time pressures.

When it comes to the dating game without goals. We have a lot of issues in our society where women think they are a prize, and men have learned that to speak your truth that you fancy a girl.. its seen as an immediate problem. Women behave as if they got their validation, so why would they bother giving more to the guy. Its super sad that as a society we reward game playing rather than honest and truthful experiences.

Its quite possible that dating has always been super problematic in these ways. Maybe we can just see it more now with so much information. It seems to be the same value/jealousy dynamics we possess as children about toys and attention. For stable, fulfilling relationships. I think as a society we should normalize making many many friendships, and eventually dating your friend who has already shown you years of good friendship, support, communication, shared interests, laughter, good social times and adventure. I find its much more stable and energizing having a relationship with a good friend who i came to find attractive, versus letting my attraction (horniness) lead me and hope they turn out to be a good friend. I think this prioritizes good values in people as attractive, rather than 3-5 good pictures.

manonboard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164411#Comment_119164411

yeah thats pretty stupid level of thinking. Women these days are super attractive. We as a society tend to eat well, most people like some basic exercise and our health levels are great in general. I find it odd that people often comment on people being unattractive. I think i find the majority of people physically attractive, im just not attracted to them for compatibility reasons or a lack of time that i don't actually know about them enough.

Physically people are super hot and well dressed these days. Though i spend a lot of times doing sports i like so people are in great shape there.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164440#Comment_119164440

Keeping me company when I am older isn't why I had kids, it's hopefully just a nice side effect of having kids.

If my child wants to emigrate I would support that and hopefully go visit them as much as possible. I will always encourage my kids to pursue whatever they want, if moving abroad was what they wanted, then they should go for it.

During my mid-twenties when I got into working in IT work became my sole focus and I was working I'd say on average 12 hours a day, and also doing weekend work. That was not healthy.

The main point I was trying to make is that work shouldn't be the sole focus of your life, if it's not kids, then get hobbies that you are into or something. When work becomes the sole focus, people tend to overwork and then burn out.. in my opinion.

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164421#Comment_119164421

Nope, kids have everything to do with it. I don't want any and I certainly don't want anyone else's.

And I'm perfectly happy with that decision thank you very very much.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164615#Comment_119164615

That's a bit like asking what the second world war was about.

Wezz

Plenty of men are dating if the guys I know are anything to go by. Priorities have changed maybe, marriage and children isn’t for everyone. Doesn’t mean relationships aren’t happening. If the OP really is 27 I’d say part of it is few people at that age are wanting to get married. Give it a few years and lay off the dating sites.

ShamanRing

I think any of the male posters on this thread who have yet to be with a woman should probably back out of the convo, I’m not sure their perspective adds anything here.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164320#Comment_119164320

Mens rights are human rights. Allegedly...

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164324#Comment_119164324

Or to quote one of poet Philip Larkin's less elevated lines: 'I don't want to take a girl out and spend circa pounds 5 when I can toss off in five minutes, free, and have the rest of the evening to myself.'

ShamanRing

Larkin loved his porn, but he was not short of women. Sure he spent most of his life having Monica and Maeve fight over him.

Dating is grand these days, but lads, accept that you too do not get the Disney experience either. You won’t be loved just for being yourself… you gotta have your worth.

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164229#Comment_119164229

I have been burned badly in a past relationship that became controlling so I am slow to commit to someone now.

Tis true if you go for the traditional happy family setup with mortgage,kids & both parents working you are pretty much throwing yourselves to the wolves. So much extra expense every month and you are at the mercy of how much society wants to fleece you. It has just become unaffordable for a great deal of people. Whereas a single parent can apply for all sorts of help.

Knew a few lads who went the whole hog with the traditional family setup - new build house, expensive wedding & honeymoon and none of them were on a great wage. They landed themselves into a right uphill battle for the next 20-30 years and would be a disaster altogether if they had to get divorced.

EmmetSpiceland

The thread has taken a sharp “Current Affairs” turn.

carmel1992

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164639#Comment_119164639

To be fair, it gets more difficult the longer you wait and I think so many make that mistake. The reason I say this is because I know people who did that and they are still single five years later.

MrMusician18

The OP opens with a bold statement that men are no longer dating but offers no evidence that this is the case.

The assertion is completely groundless.

And yet, two threads on AH:

🤔

Patsy167

PLenty of men are willing to date. I see plenty of my neighbors with online profiles. Most of them are married though!

fryup

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164657#Comment_119164657

really? and what poem might that be my good sir?

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164799#Comment_119164799

Wouldn’t be too hasty in calling married men on dating sites adulterers. There’s plenty of couples who would have, what you might call, “an understanding” out there.

Wouldn't be my thing, at all, but it happens.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164642#Comment_119164642

What are you doing about it?

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164650#Comment_119164650

Dear women,

Why are you so terrible?

Regards,

Men

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164810#Comment_119164810

Not a poem, as you probably guessed, an excerpt from a letter to his old mucker Kingsley Amis

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/they-may-not-mean-to-but-they-do-part-one-of-the-authorised-biography-of-philip-larkin-1497669.html

Wezz

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164721#Comment_119164721

Easy solution to this is to meet people in real life. Worked for me :)

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164909#Comment_119164909

Are you ranting against men's' rights here or mysogny? Or are you claiming they're the same thing?

I see a lot of condescending dismissive remarks from you about this that don't actually say anything - can you put forward your position in a respectful and concise tone or are you just venting?

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164379#Comment_119164379

maybe read something yourself which makes you realise that contrary to what feminist thought teaches , 99% of men in history had no more power than women of the time , only difference today is that for the 99% , women actually have more power , beit the justice system , family courts , health and social spending budgets ( homeless statistics show its overwhelmingly men ) , list goes on

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164615#Comment_119164615

Because viewing women as victims ( patriarchy structure etc ) is an article of faith for progressives , viewing men as inherently responsible for this is another article of faith

progressives instinctively view any sort of mens rights movements as a sort of support group for abusers even they dont know the individuals involved in them