Men No Longer Want to Date, Why?

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165547#Comment_119165547

" what are you doing about it " is a glib , reductive and essentially non answer posing as a question , you could easily slot it in in a sneery sarcastic way in a discussion about anything from the war in Ukraine to the price of fuel at the pumps

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165575#Comment_119165575

No, it isn't. It's a way to gauge whether or not someone is seriously concerned about an issue or just using it for cynical ends, in this case to spread outrage.

Horn_of_Africa

Some people don't seem to realise that it's perfectly reasonable to discuss problems in the world without caring if a solution comes to fruition.

Discussion can take place purely for the enjoyment of the discussion.

Take men's rights for example, one can highlight the areas where men are treated less than equally while at the same time not care if that is rectified.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165582#Comment_119165582

rubbish , if that were the case , there would be no threads on boards or discussion in media ( social or mainstream ) about the war in Ukraine as the vast majority are powerless to do anything about it , absolutely bogus assertion

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165608#Comment_119165608

This is some serious moving of the goalposts there. Not sure what it has to do with men and dating either.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164675#Comment_119164675

And yet he kept them all at arm's length, doggedly refusing to live full-time with Monica almost until the end. There was a memorable bit in a tv drama about Larkin's 'love life' where Monica is pressing him to, as the young people say, put a ring on it, and he weakly mutters in response "We're fine as we Bun." "No you're fine as we are Philip." Seems to me he retained the same underlying outlook that caused him to say he'd prefer to toss himself of than spend money taking a girl out, maybe the same outlook that is driving the trend identified by the OP...

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165620#Comment_119165620

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165591#Comment_119165591

you said asking " what are you doing about it " is a way of gauging whether or not someone has cynical motives , thats one hell of a leap

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165434#Comment_119165434

This is true. Before it would have been advantageous to shack up with someone to help bring in the turf & do the gardening but now women can spend every day having duvet days and have all their stuff delivered and lads can spend the whole day playing video games while eating doritos and takeaway pizza.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165591#Comment_119165591

they know quite well that this happens all of the time , its just a sneaky way to try and quell debate of certain topics , its a crude reductive ploy to silence

Furze99

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164440#Comment_119164440

From which we may deduce that you likely don't have kids.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165784#Comment_119165784

And?

Furze99

At the end of the day, it's the nature of the human condition for most people to want to have kids and to enter into some sort of stable relationship that will enable that. So once people negotiate the stable career, housing, advancing age conundrums, they start taking a longer term view and make it work.

Having children is not about having someone to mind you in old age but it is about having people that you've reared and who you can take an interest in their lives and they in yours.

85603

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165669#Comment_119165669

there is one minor distinction between the two.

many women can just hop on a dating app and be very confident of getting a hook up, with ease and speed.

the males however, well most will just get left swiped.

I need not go into the immediate obvious implications. But one of the longer term implications seems to be men not wanting marriage, with good reason.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165807#Comment_119165807

I wonder has the dating app phenomenon resulted in increased infidelity on the part of married women ?

is cheating now much easier ?

consequences for women cheating in a marriage are much less severe than for men at the end of the day , moral hazard etc

Riddle101

Well, some men are just shy I guess, or prefer to date women in their own social circles rather than going out and meeting random strangers.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165803#Comment_119165803

The last bit 100%. I would rather die than be a burden to my kids. If my kids want to emigrate that's fine, if they want to have careers that's fine. Even if they are in Australia, I can still call them, Zoom them and take an interest in their life, go visit etc.

I know not everyone can have kids and I am not saying there is anything wrong with not having kids, I just think the vast majority of people do want kids, it just doesn't work out for some people.

85603

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165832#Comment_119165832

well the one time i can think of where tech really did boost mens position in the area of romance was paternity testing.

I'd say that prevented a lot of damage. I don't know I'd guess that cheating has maybe gone up as society became more and more civilized and lawful.

Women in places where certain uncivilized cultures are in power today ... probably not cheating very much, if only out of mortal fear.

HazeDoll

I'll admit I haven't read all the posts in the thread to see if somebody else pointed this out, but this is definitely just the newest incarnation of Mr Fegelian, isn't it?

Modus operandi:

1: Ask a question on a social issue, usually gender-based.

2: Make a stupid statement beginning with something like 'lot of people say...' and continuing to say something that no sane person has ever said.

3: Abandon thread.

Mister Vain

All the money spent on Onlyfans and toilet paper during the pandemic.

sprucemoose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119164229#Comment_119164229

'Also, loads of apps etc etc etc, so causal sex is easily available.' - jaysus, wish that were true in my experience

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165868#Comment_119165868

Paternity testing works both ways. Not so easy now for men to deny paternity either.

BrianD3

Dating is a massive pain in the arse. Any half decent looking young woman who is on social media is getting a huge amount of attention and validation from thirsty men.

Twenty something men face ridiculous competition both from each other and older, richer, more masculine men.

Weight training/gym used to be a fringe activity in Ireland and being in great shape made you stand out from the crowd. In recent years, there has been an explosion in gym culture and it has become the baseline to be in great shape. A young man who wants to stand out for his build would need to be taking anabolic steroids and plenty are

There are other ways to stand out i.e. jobs, money but there's serious competition there too.

Housing costs affect men more than women, men are mocked much more for living with their parents than women are.

At some point, a man may take a pragmatic approach or stop giving a fcuk which ironically may draw some women onto him. Especially at age 35+ when men who were previously cast aside for being not good enough are now seemingly good enough. Problem is, at this age, men are not thinking with their cock as much as they did when younger and many available women have baggage i.e. another man's children.

My personal circumstances these days put me in contact with a lot of single mothers, divorcees etc. The younger mothers lead chaotic lives and even if they seem like decent people, you'd want to be mad (or thinking with your cock) to get involved.

I'd date an older woman with adult kids though.

As for men who do/don't have kids of their own to assist them when they are older - this is also an area where my personal circumstances give me a perspective. Health and social services are a disaster and getting worse. If you aren't loaded and don't have a close family member to help you directly or at least advocate for you in your elder years, you are fcuked IMO. My grandparents needed help from their children in their final years and my parents needed help from me. Now I'm middle aged and won't be having children so what awaits me? Very possibly a shotgun in the mouth if I can even manage to do that for myself which I probably won't be able to by the time I become a "burden".

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165866#Comment_119165866

if they want to have careers that's fine

wanting to have a career, God you couldn't be up with the young crowd these days...

Manic Moran

As I recall, historically Ireland has had the world's oldest average age for marriage for a while. 33 for men, 27 for women it was, back in the 90s or so. I suspect partially because divorce was impossible, so you needed to be damned sure. That said, even with divorce as a possibility, today the figures continue to climb. It is still the oldest average marriage age for both men and women in the world, now 35 and 33 years old respectively for a first marriage.

I guess it's just a cultural thing, but being 27 yourself, you're not really beyond the 'average' for three decades ago, let alone today.

85603

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119166013#Comment_119166013

True, but there are consent issues there. Oftentimes you can't just take someones dna and use it as evidence.

So sometimes a man can just say no to paternity testing. His body his choice.

However, he can also buy a cheap paternity test online, get the kids hair/saliva/what not. And his own. Post it off and know.

Its his call from there on.

laoisgem

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165273#Comment_119165273

I have to agree with this as unconventional as it is. I had my first at 16, second at 19 and third at 30 and OMG the toll it took on my my body 30. Physically the right time to have a baby is before your 20's, as unconventional and un PC but I can definitely attest to it

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119166052#Comment_119166052

Jaysus. seriously talk to someone. If you think you're not worth it, guess what. Be happy in your own skin first.

A shotgun in the mouth (I'm hoping you're not serious!)?

I do agree with your first point that dating is a pain. I find apps and setup stuff unnatural. What's wrong with a bit of a chat at a pub or sports club, no intentions, just to get to know each other?

Everything seems so immediate now. And as for the whole alpha male crap...meh.

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119165807#Comment_119165807

You'd think that these women have a huge advantage and are out getting the ride off a bunch of different fellas every week but in reality most of their lives are as sad as the Dorito-eating lads. The duvet day lifestyle doesn't really do much for their sex drive and most simply do without. The further you indulge in that comfort zone the less you feel like doing. Both sides are becoming like the mice in John Calhoun's mouse experiment

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119166123#Comment_119166123

Any family court judge can order a paternity test be carried out. His body, his choice, but if an alleged father refuses to give a DNA sample for the test, the Court will take the view that he is the father, and rule accordingly.

Might as well take the test and know for sure.

85603

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119166216#Comment_119166216

It still may be better, all considered, to just stay off the books. Never give her that stick to beat you with.