Men No Longer Want to Date, Why?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119432414#Comment_119432414

They have a very special relationship with law and order, so be careful.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119432414#Comment_119432414

This girl made a point or two, but she also took things out of context, pass

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119432414#Comment_119432414

Decades ago, maybe, but it's a popular destination for Americans. Sure, it has it's good sides, but there are plenty of negatives too.

The culture is very different from Western nations, especially regarding the place/expectations of men/women in relationships.. but they've been westernized for a long time too. And Filipino women are just as well practiced at manipulating men, as any other 3rd world or developing nation.

Everywhere in Asia has it's pros/cons... but you won't really understand that until you get some personal experience. It's a different world in many respects. All the same, for me, I love Asian women.. and will probably end up marrying or having my last-long-term relationships with them.

kowloon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119432438#Comment_119432438

No crack at all.

AbusesToilets

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119429750#Comment_119429750

Whiff of this

www.youtu.be/NBN77CM3aow

Markus Antonius

I personally find women a psychological and financial drain. And this is not even the ones I date.

mariaalice

So where are all these men who are not dating?

I have been to a ton of weddings this year and it's only August, every new housing development is jammed with couples buying.

The CSO is a great source of information the rate of marriage in Ireland in 1996 was 4.5 per thousand, and the rate of marriage in 2018 was 4.5 per thousand.

Marriage seems to be strangely popular for some reason.

Markus Antonius

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119433746#Comment_119433746

I wonder does the 2018 figure include gay marriage?

mariaalice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119433803#Comment_119433803

664 same-sex marriages in 2018 so it's not, it's more than in the real world the world outside the internet people are getting on with it just as they always have.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119433746#Comment_119433746

That takes time - they people being married didn't start dating last month!

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119433746#Comment_119433746

Pretty much all my friends are in healthy long term relationships. I think MGTOW is a thing that's almost entirely fictional.

kowloon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119434836#Comment_119434836

I remember first seeing MGTOW mentioned online and skipping past it because I assumed it was a tv show in much the same vein as people were talking about HIMYM and TOWIE. Had no interest or understanding until that incel that made that ranting video from his car before going on to murder a bunch of people. I've never met one in real life and I wonder if they come to exist only in the shittiest corners of the web.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119434906#Comment_119434906

Met a Canadian in the middle east who was going on about it being a rising thing. That's the sole example I have of anyone bringing it up IRL. I'm single and happily so but I won't pretend to have no interest in dating. Just making the best of it without needing any silly neologisms from the internet.

Potential-Monke

More labels

Pussyhands

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119433746#Comment_119433746

People are getting married older when they want kids.

For people who can't buy on their own the only way they can is to couple up.

Housefree

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119434836#Comment_119434836

Have any of them been through a breakup/divorce? If they are all childless 20 year olds it doesn't really mean much

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119435149#Comment_119435149

Nope. All healthy, long term relationships. A few kids now as well. One couple seem very inclined to move about which I think is a bit odd but they're happy so more power to 'em.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119434836#Comment_119434836

I think MGTOW is a thing that's almost entirely fictional.

Then you'd be wrong, because it's certainly a "thing" in the UK and the US. It tends to involve men who have had bad relationships/breakups, victims of domestic abuse, or feel that they got a terrible result in the courts. In Ireland the population of those interested tends to be quite low, so they join with the UK chapters.

I've encountered a few of them through male rights group events (yeah yeah, I know your negative views on such groups), or heard them referenced in conversations with those at the male rights events.

amacca

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119431300#Comment_119431300

Wtf is the point of it if you aren't aiming high or for what you want

I'd rather die (alone) trying than stay in my lane!...in fact being alone would be preferable than staying in any lane.........there has to be more to life than predefined lanes.....if you are happy in one fine but for others it's a prison...

Afaic the last thing anyone should do is settle for someone......really wt utter f is the point of that? You would be much better off alone imo than staying in your lane..

Fuck it, veer wildly across lanes, don't bother indicating, go the wrong direction down a slipway in this context....life is too short for staying in any lanes/ruts....

If you stay in your lane it's reduced to a contract or legal agreement and nothing else really..........if you examine something like that in the cold light of day why would you bother.........

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119435473#Comment_119435473

How does one (male or female) know what lane they're supposed to be in...?

Mister Vain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119436039#Comment_119436039

Exactly. You could have the looks but lack the gift of the gab or vice versa. Or you could have feck all success for ages and then get lucky and meet a stunner.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119436651#Comment_119436651

And how does one define a loser? Is it career choice, wealth accumulation, the wrong fashion sense, lack of confidence, the wrong bone structure..?

It's going to be different for everyone. Which is why this lane malarkey is of no practical value.

Most of it comes down to being in the right place, at the right time, where the woman is interested in that "type" of guy at that given moment. Some things can be done to improve chances, but those same things could easily put off other women. It's all luck.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119436694#Comment_119436694

The lane thing I'm lost on. As you said how do you "how do you define a loser"(i know you didnt brink up the loser word), but I'd prefer to look at the work success.

I know people who are in senior management who's industries pay pittance. Well respected, work hard and love what they're doing. I'd consider that success. Plus a happy outlook on life and are contented.

Other people are on six figure wages, moan all the time, give out about personal injustices. I'd be concerned about them getting out of bed by themselves without supervision. Useless in most things.

Two very specific examples I know and different ends of the spectrum, but I find most people are happy enough and decent.

Back to the loser word. What makes them a loser? Big pay, powern looks, notches on the bed post?

And as for types? Preferences I'd prefer. Mine have changed as I've got older and depending on the scenario.

Back to looks. Certain times in my life I've been chatted up by what I'd consider a WOW, but after a while of conversation I'd just wouldn't be interested. For a variety of reasons. I mean a short chats not meeting each other multiple times.

Other times I got to know a person and attractions developed.

It just seems at the moment expectations are so immediate. Relax the jocks. Take it easy and see where it goes. No game playing. Be as honest as you can be and just enjoy.

Ps: I was piggybacking on you message klaz, not directed at you, and including other stuff that wasn't in it.

Pps: learned what incel is. Is it a badge of honour?

Wibbs

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119436039#Comment_119436039

I'd imagine a general way to tell is to look at their previous history, their exes, people they consistently attracted before. That's their "lane" pretty much. Objectively look, which is the difficulty of course as we humans we're good at self delusion, though for the real want of a better term, as that sounds way more judgemental than it's meant. I'd even suggest it's a positive for the most part.

I've certainly heard the phrase "he/she's out of my league" about their partner quite the number of times and from an outside point of view it's very rarely been actually the case IME.

There have been some experiments on this. One where they got IIRC twenty couples and got men and women observers to "rate" them on looks individually without them knowing they were couples and in the majority of the examples the "fives" were with "fives" the "nines" were with "nines" and so on.

Looks is only one part of it too, though the obvious one. I've known couples where one was "above" the other in looks, but the less good looking one was bringing something extra to the table. An obvious if cliched example is where the man is packing above average wealth/success as that adds to his overall package. Another one going the other direction can be where the better looking man is less socially aware and/or successful. IMHO anyway the vast majority of people end up with their equals.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119437507#Comment_119437507

Pps: learned what incel is. Is it a badge of honour?

Isn't everything to people also within that group? I'm sure feminists admire other feminists for their views on feminism. It'll be the same with incels.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119438216#Comment_119438216

Hmm. I don't understand it. Maybe I'm simple.

It seems to me a sense of belonging and anger. Yeah you're right. Men/women are horrible. It's not you're fault.

Sigh. Forge your own path. Meh. If it goes well, sometimes not. Just try to grow and be yourself.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119438270#Comment_119438270

It's not hard to understand. People love to belong. And with the progression of technology, social media, the moves into denser urban areas, people are feeling alone/lonely more than ever. In the past, relationships were arranged through families, through friends, and by the structures in our lives (school, college, employment, etc) but all of those things have diminished as people moved away from their immediate local areas. The advancement of technology prevents people from being stuck within their local area, even when they don't leave it, and the remainder do leave, entering areas where their family, friends, etc are remote. Isolated. Lonely even when surrounded by a crowd of people because there are no background/historic connections. Some people thrive on such an environment, most don't.

So.. we have people seeking groups to belong to based along some form of ideology, or belief. For incels, it's a contempt, and bitterness towards women because they've had limited or no success with women. (although there are female incels too these days, with similar problems with the men or other women they wanted) When you're part of such a group, you can voice your anger, bitterness, contempt.. and not be told you're an idiot. Instead, you're told that your emotional beliefs are valid, and completely justified. This happens in all such groups with emotional themes.

Sigh. Forge your own path. Meh. If it goes well, sometimes not. Just try to grow and be yourself.

For all the talk about individualism in Western culture, there's shitloads of pressure in terms of conformity. Most people who resist/rebel against mainstream society end up merging with it after a decade or so. Family expectations are hard to resist. The same expectations from friends, lovers, your religion, your politics, your... whatever, all encourage people to conform.

So, it's easy to say follow your own path, because in reality it's quite difficult to do. I did so by leaving Ireland, and living in countries where westerners are a minority. That was my way.. but whenever I'm home I can feel the same pressures to conform to others expectations.

There is a dating culture in Ireland.. and most people conform to it. Same with any other country TBH. There are expectations, modes of behaviour, lies, and double standards. It's a hard one for many of us... and for others, they manage quite well. Being yourself.. gets harder with time, until you've decided you've finished dating, or meeting those expectations, and then it gets much much easier. Which is why so many people worldwide are opting out completely, except for the occasional one night stand, but ultimately avoiding relationships. They form their groups instead.. such as being Incel.. or as a hardline feminist, or whatever that manages to replace that space.

Ahh weekend wine. So good for a rambling post.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119438704#Comment_119438704

I'll say this in the best possible way klaz! I have had to take notes of all your points and create a logic tree! I hate taking notes (because I can't read my notes afterwards). Also, I hate taking notes.

Plus it is hard to understand for me. I'm speaking for myself and can't understand. I enjoy the majority of your posts so please don't be flippant. I do not appreciate that.

I concur with your discussion of previous ways of making connections. Its more exciting. I kinda liked my old self where I was awkward and stuff built up. It seemed more, well, satisfying. No mobiles, GPS...yummy, what happens.

What I was saying earlier, the immediacy is kinda off putting. Bit of anticipation without the mobile.

Maybe older than the OP, but it's not easier to follow you're own path. You have to live it. Advice only and not a switch. Again I say advice.

I think I chatted to you prior, if I became single again I wouldn't get into a relationship (never say never), but I am conscious that people maybe a couple decades younger than us.

I tend to conscious type. Apologies.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119438803#Comment_119438803

I enjoy the majority of your posts so please don't be flippant. I do not appreciate that.

haha... I'm truly sorry but I'm in my mid-40s so I tend to laugh a lot when it comes to the area of dating, relationships, sex, and "love". We all go through the period of taking it all too seriously, only realising later in life just how much of a joke it is, and how it would have been all so much easier, if we'd simply "let go".

I used to take it all far too seriously, thinking it was all about me.. and then I realised that other people are involved. The problem is that you have no idea what others are thinking, half the time they don't know what they're thinking, the other half of the time will say/do without thinking at all... and then, there's all the background crap from their own lives influencing them, which you know nothing about... and you're somehow, expected to know what to do right? Muahaha. It's a joke. It's absolutely nuts.. especially as society has been firmly fixated on removing all the boundaries on behaviour that previously would have provided some kind of guidance in such situations.

All I can do is laugh. Sorry.

I concur with your discussion of previous ways of making connections. Its more exciting. I kinda liked my old self where I was awkward and stuff built up. It seemed more, well, satisfying. No mobiles, GPS...yummy, what happens.

My family wasn't terribly close to other families, so there wasn't that kind of interaction for me.. leading to dating. My friends had their own problems, and generally, I was considered (by their girlfriends) wonderful material for a friend, but not terribly great for hooking up with their own friends. And.. employment, by the time I'd reached there, companies were already telling (or requiring us to sign contracts) not to date in work. So.. honestly, my dating was left with the rather frustrating side of school, random meetups, and social/activity clubs. Not great. Actually, pretty awful. Even looking back, I cringe at the options available for dating, and the kind of encounters I had.

Phones/internet took away a lot of those problems... until, as with everything on the internet, it went too far. Everything hits the extreme when it comes to technology and people. Which, in hindsight is more cringe than what used to happen before. The amount of crazies, liars, scammers, married women/men, that I've met online is astounding.. even more so, when the small population of Ireland is taken into account.

I think I chatted to you prior, if I became single again I wouldn't get into a relationship (never say never), but I am conscious that people maybe a couple decades younger than us.

I've messed around a lot. Didn't do much until my 30s, and then, went nuts for the next decade. Now, I'm more than a bit weary of the superficial aspect of it all. Relationships, I've had a few, but they've all been relatively short. I'd say not to make plans for when you're single. Some people love being single (with sex involved) or single (without sex involved), but most people end up in some kind of relationship, even if it's not the traditional stable relationship.

As for people younger than us... um.. I've never dated anyone my own age, or older. Sure, a few casual sexual short-termers but never anything substantial. I always end up with people younger than me. Although, then again, I am single (without sex) most of the time, and it rarely bothers me much.

I tend to conscious type. Apologies.

Dunno why you're apologising. Think. Talk shite. Express yourself.... and grow as a person. It's the people who don't discuss (or dismissive of) these things that are generally stunted in their development, too willing to accept the first possibility handed to them, and then, complaining about those who didn't do as they did (all the while, hesitating whether what they did was right for them).

Say whatever you like.. as long as it's real. I appreciate honesty, in all it's bleak, and hopeful shades. 😁

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119439112#Comment_119439112

I'm not going to answer everything there! Good points and some I don't agree with.

The notches on the bed post. I find confusing and not. I know there is another thread on this( know you didn't intimate that.)

I'm mid 40s too. Getting a "roide" is nice for about 20 seconds after orgasms. Couldn't wait to get out of there.

It pretty much meaningless and unfurfililling if not with someone you care about. It's just rocks off.

But back to the OP. I actually agree with you. If I was ever single again, I'd just eat unhealthy food I like and watch sport.