Men No Longer Want to Date, Why?

gameoverdude

Also don't get into a fwb scenario.

Friendship is worth more than a shag. IMHO.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119439112#Comment_119439112

Sorry for quoting your post again. A lot there.

When I say sorry I don't mean sorry. As you know, typically irish.

I will admit I'm confused about what is dating life is. It seems so complex. It should be simple. We fancy each other, or we don't! Boom. Move on or a bit of a mooch.

It's the complexity for the sake of it raises my eyebrow.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119439191#Comment_119439191

The notches on the bed post. I find confusing and not. I know there is another thread on this( know you didn't intimate that.

I've no idea how many people I've slept with. TBH Sex isn't worth particularly much except at that given moment. 20 minutes after sex how much do you remember of it, except that you did or didn't enjoy it?

The notches on the bed post is the competitive nature of people. To hang out with friends and to gain acceptance/points within that group by talking about these things. I did it when I was younger, and was remarkably stupid in doing so... because it does nothing but lessen yourself.

I've become quite a strong believer in Karma.. and being positive in thoughts/behaviour. I can still be cynical, but there are some behaviours which produce nothing of value.. bragging over sex is one of those things.

I'm mid 40s too. Getting a "roide" is nice for about 20 seconds after orgasms. Couldn't wait to get out of there

Which is why relationships and intimacy are so attractive.. because then, the ride becomes something more meaningful. Or something. Maybe. Depends on the person, on you, and the kind of relationship. Or so I've been told.

Casual sex is only really appealing to those who aren't getting any, or get some extra boost that's separate to the actual ride. Like cheating on their boyfriend and not getting caught. The sex is just a small part of the overall pleasure.

But back to the OP. I actually agree with you. If I was ever single again, I'd just eat unhealthy food I like and watch sport.

And I play Grand Strategy pc games that takes days to complete, tabletop wargaming, get stoned, go to cosplay events (abroad)... but I still "date". You don't have to do one or the other. At some point, you should have the confidence to say, this is who I am, don't want it, someone else will.

Or they won't, but you don't really know that at the time. It doesn't matter. Live your own life, and if you keep yourself open, you might find someone. Whereas if you close yourself off, there's really no chance of anything happening. It doesn't hurt to keep your options open.

And quite honestly, I think most guys should consider living a few months in mainland Europe, or another non-English speaking country. Stay away from America, UK, Oz (all very similar dating cultures).. and try France, Germany, Italy, or further afield like Asia for a few months. The experience of meeting gorgeous women, who love to dress as women, who don't curse, and who don't want to drink 6 pints of beer... while appreciating you as being different from her local guys, is something wonderful to behold. Then, take that experience home with you, and consider Irish women again.. and you'll have a far different experience here (because you'll know what's possible)

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119439202#Comment_119439202

A shag is never just a shag. There's sex, and then there's good sex, great sex, fantastic sex, loving sex, fun sex, drunk sex. drugged sex, etc... and it can be even better with a friend that you know won't expect a relationship... and can still have great conversations with.

FWB are great because there's trust involved... being passed over from the friendship. Now, sometimes it's a terrible mistake to become FWB, but honestly, I continue to consider it the best option when single.

I've had a lot of FWB over the years, and most have remained friends after the sex ended. Some haven't.. but honestly, friends tend to disappear anyway due to time, and changes in lifestyles. If anything, I think many of my FWB have stayed friends because we had regular sex for a while, but could manage to stay friends regardless.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119439254#Comment_119439254

It's the complexity for the sake of it raises my eyebrow.

There's no such thing as a simple person. Our minds don't work like that.. and that becomes even greater when emotions are factored into things. It should be simple, but it's not... and it's never going to be simple. There are simply too many factors at play all the time.

Now, saying that, sometimes you'll meet someone that you just click with, and all the shite fades into the background. Doesn't mean that your relationship will be perfect, the shite is still there, but mostly it's not an issue (until it is). haha. I've had three partners like that.. and it was smooth, until they all ended abruptly. Very. But still wonderful memories nonetheless.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119439324#Comment_119439324

I'm tired, so will get to you tomorrow fully.

Emotions! Spot on. Think about it. My emotions may different to yours.

A shag can be just a shag. I don't understand. It's just rocks off? Should we fall in love?

You are right with loving sex. Something completely different.

I like the click. Another thread was about quiet men.

I'm lucky enough to have a woman where a raised eyebrow or a quirk of the lip and we understand each other. Very lucky. It just seems completely natural.

Daunting, but right.

BaywatchHQ

Here is a good new video from Incel TV but it may be difficult for the blue pilled here to listen to.

My favourite part was the Reddit poster who posted about his sexless marriage and how his wife development a mysterious condition after marriage which made sex painful. The betabuxer didn't even catch on that she is making it up to avoid sex with her beta husband.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IXG48Wd8dS8

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119441900#Comment_119441900

Not watching.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119441900#Comment_119441900

The betabuxer didn't even catch on that she is making it up to avoid sex with her beta husband.

Whereas I tend to turn off whenever I hear anyone talk of people in terms of alphas and betas.. what a way to consider people. Pure cringe.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119441900#Comment_119441900

Sorry but blue pill is one of those insipid, idiotic neologisms that causes me to disengage immediately. I see beta makes an appearance as well.

kowloon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119441900#Comment_119441900

What is a betabuxer now? I'm not up on all these new terms the kids are using these days.

Tony EH

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119442840#Comment_119442840

So sick and tired of all these stupid American internet terms. 🙄

Username here

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119445182#Comment_119445182

That is QUITE an opening post.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119445182#Comment_119445182

None. I'm a man, not a pill.

peckerhead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119441900#Comment_119441900

Geez, you listen to some awful tripe. What age are you?

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119435473#Comment_119435473

Yup, life is way too short to settle 🙌

cuttingtimber22

Is this the the future?

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220725-the-rising-curiosity-behind-open-relationships

bnt

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119426387#Comment_119426387

For a book, I’ll point you towards Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. It’s from 2015 but still relevant since Tinder was the rage (?) then too.

(Not that it helped him avoid an iffy #MeToo accusation in 2018, though.)

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119445530#Comment_119445530

Gladly 🙌 I'm very blessed to have a lovely big family, best friend, friends, nephews, and neices. Would much rather die single than be in an unhappy relationship. Some people are in relationships and have never felt more alone.

Hodger

If men are meant to be unwilling to date when you look at most dating site or dating apps the majority of the users are men whereas only a small per % are female users on dating sites / apps most could conclude that women would have greater options to choose from, like a real life example years ago a popular late night bar advertised online on their facebook for a speed dating night' on the actual night about 15 to 20 fellows showed up for it no women showed up all the fellows had to be refunded and the speed dating event had to be canceled.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119445771#Comment_119445771

Problem is most people (predominantly men) on dating sites are just looking for the ride. There might be a lot of men on there, doesn't mean they're all quality men.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119445771#Comment_119445771

Maybe that's because most of these 'dating' sites and aaps are really about hookups and women suss this out and give them a wide berth. And yeah a woman genuinely looking for no-strings attached sex will always find plenty of willing partners to choose from...

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119445771#Comment_119445771

I don't want to keep banging the drum but I've only had horrible experiences on the apps and that's when I even get a response. It's too much input for no reward. Plenty of Fish was the main free site back in the day and that's gotten worse and worse as they cut bits of it off and hide them behind paywalls. I knew a lad who worked in marketing for a university. He was on a premium site and he was convinced that the company had a load of fake profiles to entice subscribers.

If you're not interested in getting hammered then that leaves very few options.

Hodger

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119445811#Comment_119445811

What exactly is quality men and how can quality men be defined ?

Hodger

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119445813#Comment_119445813

Im not really referring to NSA, with most dating sites the majority of users being men; Id Imagine female users most get lots of messages from different men; while being contacted from various men the female users would of have their choice in which messages they choose to reply or not and which fellows they would be willing to do the talking stage with first prior to any dates.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119445529#Comment_119445529

Unlikely. Open relationships sound great until you've been in one with someone you genuinely care about. People tend to be rather... possessive about their partners, and after a while, jealousy tends to set in. Anyway, sexually... women are always going to be more successful than men, and that's going to effect any relationship.

I had one open relationship a decade ago, and never again. It's just not me. There's no security, no real trust, can't have sex without a condom, or whatever because you never know who she's been with. It takes away all the positives of being in a relationship... so might aswell just stay single, and date freely.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119445530#Comment_119445530

Everyone dies alone. The point is more about dying without any major regrets to bother you.

Undividual

This topic makes me so depressed. I am mid 30s, happy relationship with kids. A few years ago I went through what most people would call a mid life crisis. After my first child, I felt profoundly lonely, angry and frustrated in my relationship. I thought about all of the things I could no longer do, while waking up and going to a job that was slowly turning me grey.

Long story short, I woke up one day and realized what I had. I figured out that a lot of sources want people to be unhappy in relationships, whether that be due to envy, jealousy, financial / political incentives. This is why I'm sympathetic to men and women struggling in this new landscape. I'll throw out a list of things that seem to me to have made it far harder to be happy in relationships for both men and women (and which should generally be resisted):

• Anti marriage sentiment - We've been told in recent years that women are the new men, that men and women are completely equal, the future is female etc. I listened while my 15yo niece was told the other day by two generations of women that she didn't "need a husband". Two of the women who offered the 'advice' are happily married. In my opinion, its not about "needing" a husband. The fact is, most people want a partner for life, so lets raise kids who know what a relationship should be, know what they're worth, and know how to be good partners.
• Tinder etc - I think these are probably how most people meet sexual partners now. A lot of single people believe that any person they do meet is potentially sleeping around through an app. I've heard some success stories, but it seems to be rare. Apps favour playboys, while basically women lose over the long term, and less desirable men dont get much success.
• Propaganda - Feminism and Red-pill culture appear to me to be two sides of the same coin. Both encourage complete autonomy over yourself, never relying upon / general distrust of the opposite sex, and an obsession with not being taken advantage of. Its good to have your eyes open when going into a relationship, but both sides are too extreme. I am probably exceptional in that I pay the bills and give my partner money each month, while she minds the children. But she is also exceptional, in that she is grateful to me for facilitating her staying home with the kids. She respects me, and I her. Her friends/family have tried to bend her ear and plant seeds of unhappiness etc. I think they think I'm sitting on piles of cash, which I can assure you, I'm not. Luckily she rejects what they're offering.
• Encouragement from society to "Have fun!" - This one really bugs me. Lets be honest, most of the best potential partners are taken early in life. If you have a girlfriend at 20 who ticks all the boxes, you'll probably stay with her for life. If you're dating in your 30s, there are assumptions made about how many people have chosen not to be with you, what have you spent the last ten years doing (there should be something to show for your 20s), and what kind of emotional baggage are you bringing to a relationship. I also have friends who cant have children because they waited too long. My eldest asked my friend "Where are your children?". I almost felt sick after she said it, but what can you do? I think the culture encourages people to play the field when they're young etc and be responsible later. If you order the most important decisions of your life, partner choice and kids would be probably the top 2 for the majority of people, so why are people encouraged to take risks with the biggest choices they'll ever make?
• Anti-humanism / climate change concerns - Some of my friends have touted this one, and I just find it so disgusting. It is not virtuous NOT to have children, mainly because children aren't evil. I have had 2 women younger than me voice how the thought of changing nappies etc is 'gross'. I dont think that's a coincidence. I think women are warned about everything they will lose by having children, and not told about the unbelievable sense of purpose a child gives you (for both men and women). A nappy is gross the first time you do it, then you just get on with it. Eventually you make jokes about it! A world without children is terrifying, and I don't think people understand what our own future will look like, given the course we're on. With declining birth rates, we could end up in the situation where we are being cared for solely by robots in retirement, not because our children wont look after us but because there are not enough professional carers to look after a predominantly older population.

If anyone is interested, Louise Perry gave a wonderful interview on the feminist case for marriage (and attending problems) on Triggernometry (Youtube) recently.

buried

You forgot the age old major one - Potential Mother in Laws

kowloon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119445830#Comment_119445830

Same. Tried out the whole internet dating thing before covid hit and it was a miserable experience that was making me start to dislike my own species. I'd never do it again, I don't like being reduced to a profile picture, my height and how much money I have by women who get hassled so often by horny gobshites that they no longer have any time to treat anyone with respect. People don't get away with treating each other so poorly in real life. It really brings out the worst in everyone involved.

Greyfox

Theirs still loads of men not just looking for the ride, it just means doing some tedious work of figuring out which ones want more. OD is a bit tedious for both men and women but that's simply because the apps are sadly designed to keep men and women looking for someone better