What's the etiquette here??

Hector Savage

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

Just back from a trip to Europe, was in Holland for a few days. Second night couple of beers were had, nothing crazy but turned out they were sneaky 6.7%ers. Up early for a run in the local forest the next morning, beat the heat of the day. Wasn't feeling the greatest but headed off to get it done. Struggled along for about 3km and then the first signs of trouble started, bit of wind escaping and a pressure feeling in the lower gut. Time to push on to get home ASAP, not happening though...

After a couple minutes increasing discomfort felt there was nothing else for it but to bail off the trail, have a quick 360 for locals and hunker down and let loose... Single solid plug was holding it all back, once that was out it just poured out for the next 30 seconds or so. No water to hold the smell either, twas rough. Nothing but a spindly leave to wipe either...

Not my finest moment but it was a fine jog home after that, a weight lifted.

God help the poor nature rambler that will stumble across that mess Cookie_Monster!

Brendan Bendar

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

Just back from a trip to Europe, was in Holland for a few days. Second night couple of beers were had, nothing crazy but turned out they were sneaky 6.7%ers. Up early for a run in the local forest the next morning, beat the heat of the day. Wasn't feeling the greatest but headed off to get it done. Struggled along for about 3km and then the first signs of trouble started, bit of wind escaping and a pressure feeling in the lower gut. Time to push on to get home ASAP, not happening though...

After a couple minutes increasing discomfort felt there was nothing else for it but to bail off the trail, have a quick 360 for locals and hunker down and let loose... Single solid plug was holding it all back, once that was out it just poured out for the next 30 seconds or so. No water to hold the smell either, twas rough. Nothing but a spindly leave to wipe either...

Not my finest moment but it was a fine jog home after that, a weight lifted.

Once you get the ‘pace car’ off the track the ‘rest of the field’ can come through.

Hope you binned the jocks and didn’t bring them home, save the baggage handlers from asphyxiation in the confined hold of the aircraft.

Moral of the story.

Always ‘clear your throat’ before a morning run.

Slideways

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Once you get the ‘pace car’ off the track the ‘rest of the field’ can come through.

Hope you binned the jocks and didn’t bring them home, save the baggage handlers from asphyxiation in the confined hold of the aircraft.

Moral of the story.

Always ‘clear your throat’ before a morning run.

Not always possible unfortunately Bren. As a seasoned runner I’ve trained the body to hold on the clutch while maintaining a decent turn of speed.

I do find that the nerves before a race can have me in quite an anxious mess. The fear of being “that guy” who fills his shorts during a race often has me sitting on a portaloo straining to push something out. It’s a fine line between getting that schit out that really wasn’t ready yet and popping out an arse grape

Pintman Paddy Losty

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Once you get the ‘pace car’ off the track the ‘rest of the field’ can come through.

Hope you binned the jocks and didn’t bring them home, save the baggage handlers from asphyxiation in the confined hold of the aircraft.

Moral of the story.

Always ‘clear your throat’ before a morning run.

Showing great concern for the baggage handlers there Brendan... You in that line of work yourself? Hmmmmm?

JohnnyFlash

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Showing great concern for the baggage handlers there Brendan... You in that line of work yourself? Hmmmmm?

Probably drives that vehicle that is used to extract human waste from the airplane once it lands. A lav cart I believe they are known as.

EmmetSpiceland

Former Observer wrote: »

I’m lying in bed with a bit of a sticky hole. Electricity went out after I dropped a few bombs in the pond so it was difficult to know when I was done wiping. You forget how much vision is key to successfully cleaning your hole.

A bit sticky. Too lazy to move though.

Sticky inevitably leads to “itchy”, F. And wasn’t it Confucius who said ‘man who goes to bed with itchy bum, wakes up with smelly finger’.

Be sure to dust off the old nail brush and give your nails a “solid” scrub. Hope you haven’t eaten as yet.

Former Observer

Felt a bit miserable when I woke this morning. Grotty feeling down below, like someone had placed a Ferrero Rocher deep within my arse cheeks and left it melt overnight. Those little knobs of hazelnut on the outer body of the confectionery, you could feel something similar being pinched between my cheeks and when I ran my flatten palm up and down inside the damage zone during the shower I felt like I'd put my hand inside an oven glove full of breadcrumbs that had fallen away from a fishfinger.

Funny how your mood can swing though. In savage form now (almost euphoric) and releasing absolutely noxious gas from my anus as I traverse the length and breadth of the building. The office is full of double doors and whenever I pass through one I'm managing to squeeze out a real stinker. Something about a double door closing behind you as you squeeze out that last shot of eggy badness into a room full of colleagues that you don't like gives me a real kick.

Slideways

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Probably drives that vehicle that is used to extract human waste from the airplane once it lands. A lav cart I believe they are known as.

I believe it may be known as the Turd Taxi

Hector Savage

Former Observer wrote: »

Felt a bit miserable when I woke this morning. Grotty feeling down below, like someone had placed a Ferrero Rocher deep within my arse cheeks and left it melt overnight. Those little knobs of hazelnut on the outer body of the confectionery, you could feel something similar being pinched between my cheeks and when I ran my flatten palm up and down inside the damage zone during the shower I felt like I'd put my hand inside an oven glove full of breadcrumbs that had fallen away from a fishfinger.

Funny how your mood can swing though. In savage form now (almost euphoric) and releasing absolutely noxious gas from my anus as I traverse the length and breadth of the building. The office is full of double doors and whenever I pass through one I'm managing to squeeze out a real stinker. Something about a double door closing behind you as you squeeze out that last shot of eggy badness into a room full of colleagues that you don't like gives me a real kick.

Good man FO, but remember, the noxious gas can hang around the trousers for 5-10 seconds ... you may be carrying the foul noxious gases with you ...

EmmetSpiceland

Former Observer wrote: »

Funny how your mood can swing though. In savage form now (almost euphoric) and releasing absolutely noxious gas from my anus as I traverse the length and breadth of the building. The office is full of double doors and whenever I pass through one I'm managing to squeeze out a real stinker. Something about a double door closing behind you as you squeeze out that last shot of eggy badness into a room full of colleagues that you don't like gives me a real kick.

“Crop dusting”, I believe that practice is called.

Former Observer

Hector Savage wrote: »

Good man FO, but remember, the noxious gas can hang around the trousers for 5-10 seconds ... you may be carrying the foul noxious gases with you ...

Yeah I may have mistimed the first one or two but I've got it down to a fine art now Hector. I've passed back through the same area five minutes later and observed that the payload was mainly delivered in the right areas from the bit of aftertaste in the air.

Usually I'd feel self conscious about this type of thing, but I'm in flying form today and the cretins I work with deserve this smelly chite right up in their lungs. I'd say the gasses from my angus are changing their DNA to be honest Hector. Powerful eggy stuff that appears to hang in the air for approximately five or six minutes.

JohnnyFlash

Former Observer wrote: »

Yeah I may have mistimed the first one or two but I've got it down to a fine art now Hector. I've passed back through the same area five minutes later and observed that the payload was mainly delivered in the right areas from the bit of aftertaste in the air.

Usually I'd feel self conscious about this type of thing, but I'm in flying form today and the cretins I work with deserve this smelly chite right up in their lungs. I'd say the gasses from my angus are changing their DNA to be honest Hector. Powerful eggy stuff that appears to hang in the air for approximately five or six minutes.

Careful the local Sherlock Holmes doesn’t peg the crime on you, or you might find yourself in front of HR. A final warning is the best you can hope for in that scenario, but much more likely to be given your marching orders.

gerrybbadd

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Careful the local Sherlock Holmes doesn’t peg the crime on you, or you might find yourself in front of HR. A final warning is the best you can hope for in that scenario, but much more likely to be given your marching orders.

Is that the kind of operation you run Jonathon?

The expelling of foul air from the rectal region could hardly be grounds for dismissal? Its as natural an act as breathing. No harm letting work colleagues know their place with a swiftly and strategically deployed egg bomb.

Former Observer

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Careful the local Sherlock Holmes doesn’t peg the crime on you, or you might find yourself in front of HR. A final warning is the best you can hope for in that scenario, but much more likely to be given your marching orders.

I could literally press my warm wet purse lips to one of the phucker's mouths and expel a long poisonous stream of Nescafe infused effluence deep into their lungs and I still wouldn't be fired. Civil Service. Actually, if this was during one of my periods of anal gasping I could probably sit on his face and keep the wretch alive vis-à-vis anal life support.

EmmetSpiceland

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Careful the local Sherlock Holmes doesn’t peg the crime on you, or you might find yourself in front of HR. A final warning is the best you can hope for in that scenario, but much more likely to be given your marching orders.

That depends on how he “plays” it, J.

I had a repeat “duster” who used to spray out like a skunk whenever he passed my desk when I worked in a different department.

This lad used to compile reports for us, a very IT sort of character. Scrawny, thick glasses, generally “odd” and had no indoor voice.

I called him out on his behaviour but he continued to dropping his “bombs”. I eventually went to the line manager to sort it out, yer man didn’t even get a warning. All they could do was to ask him, “politely”, not to walk past my desk whenever he was in our part of the office.

He wasn’t one bit sorry.

gerrybbadd

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That depends on how he “plays” it, J.

I had a repeat “duster” who used to spray out like a skunk whenever he passed my desk when I worked in a different department.

This lad used to compile reports for us, a very IT sort of character. Scrawny, thick glasses, generally “odd” and had no indoor voice.

I called him out on his behaviour but he continued to dropping his “bombs”. I eventually went to the line manager to sort it out, yer man didn’t even get a warning. All they could do was to ask him, “politely”, not to walk past my desk whenever he was in our part of the office.

He wasn’t one bit sorry.

Sounds like you were specifically targeted for bio terrorism Emmett.

branie2

Stinky!

gerrybbadd

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Sounds like you were specifically targeted for bio terrorism Emmett.

You reap what you sow lads, a few fellas where I work were notorious crop dusters. It came back to bite them eventually.

Former Observer

Deleted User wrote: »

You reap what you sow lads, a few fellas where I work were notorious crop dusters. It came back to bite them eventually.

Do tell.

I won't go into too many details but it involved some foul smelling effluent from the deli counter being spilled "accidentally" and repeatedly in and around and maybe on the person's involved. Said crop dusters now have a look like they might explode from the build up of pressure at the end of the day as they try to hold their foul gasses in until they clock out.

EmmetSpiceland

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I won't go into too many details but it involved some foul smelling effluent from the deli counter being spilled "accidentally" and repeatedly in and around and maybe on the person's involved. Said crop dusters now have a look like they might explode from the build up of pressure at the end of the day as they try to hold their foul gasses in until they clock out.

Another good “revenge” is to empty a tin of dog food on the carpet around their desk and chair and then “walk” it deep into it.

It does take some time to get it good and deep but once you do it’s not coming out without a good “scrub”.

Ush1

Former Observer wrote: »

I could literally press my warm wet purse lips to one of the phucker's mouths and expel a long poisonous stream of Nescafe infused effluence deep into their lungs and I still wouldn't be fired. Civil Service. Actually, if this was during one of my periods of anal gasping I could probably sit on his face and keep the wretch alive vis-à-vis anal life support.

You've got problems mate.

Former Observer

Deleted User wrote: »

I won't go into too many details but it involved some foul smelling effluent from the deli counter being spilled "accidentally" and repeatedly in and around and maybe on the person's involved. Said crop dusters now have a look like they might explode from the build up of pressure at the end of the day as they try to hold their foul gasses in until they clock out.

Sounds a bit like workplace bullying Nial.

Former Observer

Former Observer wrote: »

Sounds a bit like workplace bullying Nial.

Never did it myself F, but those involved brought it on themselves. A bit of crop dusting now and then is indeed amusing. Better out than in and all that. But like many things in life, it can be taken too far. Some people can only be pushed so far before a swift and foul smelling retribution is dispensed in a small enclosed environment.

JohnnyFlash

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Sounds like you were specifically targeted for bio terrorism Emmett.

Fecoterrorism

Hector Savage

Former Observer wrote: »

Yeah I may have mistimed the first one or two but I've got it down to a fine art now Hector. I've passed back through the same area five minutes later and observed that the payload was mainly delivered in the right areas from the bit of aftertaste in the air.

Usually I'd feel self conscious about this type of thing, but I'm in flying form today and the cretins I work with deserve this smelly chite right up in their lungs. I'd say the gasses from my angus are changing their DNA to be honest Hector. Powerful eggy stuff that appears to hang in the air for approximately five or six minutes.

They could study the zone, rather like the areas around Chernobyl are called "Radiological research sites" ...

Hector Savage

I started this thread ~1 year ago.

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=107256632


Bits of chite on the seats in the jacks now .... filthy kernt ..

Former Observer

Hector Savage wrote: »

Bits of chite on the seats in the jacks now .... filthy kernt ..

Does this guy wear a hoody Hector?

mfceiling

Feckin Eastern Europeans on our job. The bang out of the jacks is unreal after them. I've watched and smelt the rubbish they eat at break time. Like a mixture of pickled dog food, mixed with toasted swan and smoked alsatian.

It's nothing to the smell that they leave in the jacks. One sh*tter between about 20 of us and the door is on a self closer. The Irish lads seem to have an unwritten rule to jam the door open after tipping the cart but not these smelly gits.

Went in this morning to make a lodgement and the bang would have taken paint off a gate. Was like the c*nt had shat on the floor and then set fire to it. Animals.

mfceiling

mfceiling wrote: »

Feckin Eastern Europeans on our job. The bang out of the jacks is unreal after them. I've watched and smelt the rubbish they eat at break time. Like a mixture of pickled dog food, mixed with toasted swan and smoked alsatian.

It's nothing to the smell that they leave in the jacks. One sh*tter between about 20 of us and the door is on a self closer. The Irish lads seem to have an unwritten rule to jam the door open after tipping the cart but not these smelly gits.

Went in this morning to make a lodgement and the bang would have taken paint off a gate. Was like the c*nt had shat on the floor and then set fire to it. Animals.

that's one advantage of working in an office - you can usually scout out a "safe haven" i.e. disabled toilets where you won't have to endure the smells and sounds of other punters.

I've never worked in a place where a disabled person happened to work there at the same time so wasn't like parking in a disabled parking space or anything like that.