What's the etiquette here??

Woke Hogan

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Worried that Ahmed is gonna call over and introduce himself to your wife?

I'd say your own wife has eaten a few exotic crabs herself after you've come home from your trips abroad.

mfceiling

Woke Hogan wrote: »

I'm talking about the muck they serve in restaurants over here, the "four in ones" or whatever the **** it's called. I'm not talking about the food that's actually native to and eaten in India, China or Thailand.

Quote: JohnnyFlash
I’m telling you that Thai food is the finest. You’d be eating it thinking that it’s going to be hotter flowing out of you than it is is going into you, but no, everything tends to be perfect. You can’t say the same with Chinese or Indian food.


Woke Hogan replied...

I could never poison myself with any of that ****e

Bobblehats

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Worried that Ahmed is gonna call over and introduce himself to your wife?

Beware of the complimentary “baklava” amidst any orders it’s a sure sign he’s trying to keep someone sweet. Usually hardened leftovers from last weeks batch rendered inedible but our “uncultured” palates aren’t to know

Former Observer

Mood has darkened in here, gone a little toxic. Reminds me of when I ate a copious amount of gelatinous black rice over the course of several days a few years ago. My hole was stretching and contorting like Donald Trump's mouth during an orgasm as a stream of thick black fetid bowel juice was spat out into a low sized cheapo arse basin. Smelt like lamb shank and gravy fresh from the oven, enticing, would wet your palate, but had a whiff of death and eternal pain about it too. My housemates came back the Sunday night and wanted to know what I was cooking. Called me "master chef". How right they were.

Hector Savage

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

People are different, I always prefer to go into a cubicle where there is someone next to me. I'm very often in the central cubicle for that reason. Never occured to me that there could be a problem.

what now ??

Former Observer

Hector Savage wrote: »

what now ??

Indeed. I've tried to ignore that particular contribution. Highly disturbing. Perverse even. Good to know they're out there though.

Hector Savage

I should have put in a tea spitting gif...

Brendan Bendar

Woke Hogan wrote: »

I'd say your own wife has eaten a few exotic crabs herself after you've come home from your trips abroad.

Doubt it Woke, fcuker turns himself into the Dept of Agriculture office at the Airport,claims he was “on a farm and dealing with farm animals” and gets a ‘full de-lousing ‘,crabs, lice, loose worms, ticks, scabs and ‘loose impediments’ around the hoop all cleared under high pressure.


The twig and danglers have a ‘snas ‘ on them like a new car and smell better.

Pintman Paddy Losty

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Doubt it Woke, fcuker turns himself into the Dept of Agriculture office at the Airport,claims he was “on a farm and dealing with farm animals” and gets a ‘full de-lousing ‘,crabs, lice, loose worms, ticks, scabs and ‘loose impediments’ around the hoop all cleared under high pressure.


The twig and danglers have a ‘snas ‘ on them like a new car and smell better.

You sound like a man who's availed of that service after going on important company business in the far East yourself Brendan?

Arriving home with a scabby knob that looks like a lion bar. Dirty kernt.

Cordell

Woke Hogan wrote: »

I'm talking about the muck they serve in restaurants over here, the "four in ones" or whatever the **** it's called. I'm not talking about the food that's actually native to and eaten in India, China or Thailand.

The eat dogs and rats over there. And intestines (as such, not as support for sausage meat). And crickets and other bugs. And p1ss boiled eggs: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virgin_boy_egg

Former Observer

There's a guy in work that keeps telling this 'anecdote' about a 'friend' of his that loves to dip his balls in the Dyson Airblade. Sick phuck. Discovered some soapy white material on the Airblade today. Presume it's soap but this rotten cretin has really killed my enjoyment of the Dyson Airblade.

There really is the most revolting collection of bottom-feeders in my office.

Was up on the top floor the other day and went into the jacks. Absolutely foul smell. Would turn your stomach. Smelt like a compost toilet in some third world country full of bluebottle eggs which hadn't been emptied out for six months after the entire village had died of parasites. On inspection what had happened made me recoil in horror. There was no water in the toilet at all. Just a deep dark hole filled with a tower of different colored chites. Even though there was no water or plumbing, these guys had continued to go up there, sit on the jacks, and plant their own loaf on top of the last one for what must have been several days. It was like staring in the abyss. Really shocking.

fuerte1976

Former Observer wrote: »

There's a guy in work that keeps telling this 'anecdote' about a 'friend' of his that loves to dip his balls in the Dyson Airblade. Sick phuck. Discovered some soapy white material on the Airblade today. Presume it's soap but this rotten cretin has really killed my enjoyment of the Dyson Airblade.

There really is the most revolting collection of bottom-feeders in my office.

Was up on the top floor the other day and went into the jacks. Absolutely foul smell. Would turn your stomach. Smelt like a compost toilet in some third world country full of bluebottle eggs which hadn't been emptied out for six months after the entire village had died of parasites. On inspection what had happened made me recoil in horror. There was no water in the toilet at all. Just a deep dark hole filled with a tower of different colored chites. Even though there was no water or plumbing, these guys had continued to go up there, sit on the jacks, and plant their own loaf on top of the last one for what must have been several days. It was like staring in the abyss. Really shocking.

Yep, terrible carry on. I've encountered some 'varied lasagnes' over the years in many different stalls, none more horrific though than in a trap in Crete a few years ago.. A Bio hazard doesn't discribe the sight & aroma..

Hector Savage

^^^ LASAGNES!!!!

I'm ****ing dying here!!!

gerrybbadd

I'm in a different kind of trap today, in the hospital for an endoscopy.

However, they are wheeling out big lads all day after having colonoscopy procedures done. Now if you are not familiar with these, they first fill your bowel with air. And now, what goes in must come out

I'm not overestimating here - some of the noises are wild lads.

Wish me luck that they don't use the same camera for me later!

Former Observer

gerrybbadd wrote: »

I'm in a different kind of trap today, in the hospital for an endoscopy.

However, they are wheeling out big lads all day after having colonoscopy procedures done. Now if you are not familiar with these, they first fill your bowel with air. And now, what goes on must come out

I'm not overestimating here - some of the noises are wild lads.

Wish me luck that they don't use the same camera for me later!

I believe that's called a fecal transplant Gerry. Was all the rage a few years ago. My girlfriend got it done to cure her allergies. Basically they take a q-tip covered in another person's bowel slime and get it right up inside your anal cavity and wipe it around against your inner lining.

Don't forget to check in and let us know that you're okay later Gerry.

Brendan Bendar

Former Observer wrote: »

I believe that's called a fecal transplant Gerry. Was all the rage a few years ago. My girlfriend got it done to cure her allergies. Basically they take a q-tip covered in another person's bowel slime and get it right up inside your anal cavity and wipe it around against your inner lining.

Don't forget to check in and let us know that you're okay later Gerry.

The whole thread wishes you well, lad.

Keep us informed and your hoop well scrubbed.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

The whole thread wishes you well, lad.

Keep us informed and your hoop well scrubbed.

To Blue Flag status, Brendan.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

To Blue Flag status, Brendan.

Indeed John, but being a bit of a pedant, I steer clear of the description as it required independent inspection and signing off on.

Wouldn’t like some Green Party afficionado studying my muzzle for detritus and to use a golfing term ‘abnormal ground conditions’.

No sir...slip the auld phone around under the flanks ,take a few ‘snaps’ and throw her up on the 60 inch flattie via that Chrome thing.

All would be revealed, make sure to delete immediately in case you are showing pics of the kids to the mother in law later on though.

Lad I knew threw a spread up by mistake to the in laws, convinced them it was a series of satellite photos of the Badlands of SD taken from space!!!


Be careful out there.

gozunda

Here I sat all broken hearted. 
Tried to shat, but only farted. 
So today I took a chance. 
Now I say I **** my pants. 
Tomorrow I decide my fate. 
I'll borrow a quart of Kaopectate.

Written on the pot ...

Dr Strange

gozunda wrote: »

Here I sat all broken hearted. 
Tried to shat, but only farted. 
So today I took a chance. 
Now I say I **** my pants. 
Tomorrow I decide my fate. 
I'll borrow a quart of Kaopectate.

Written on the pot ...

What poetry. ****ing beautiful, I’d say! 🤧

gozunda

Dr Strange wrote: »

What poetry. ****ing beautiful, I’d say! 🀧

Thanks - but nah I think it's fairly ****e tbh. Must try harder nnnnrrrrrrrrhhhhh ...

EmmetSpiceland

Former Observer wrote: »

There's a guy in work that keeps telling this 'anecdote' about a 'friend' of his that loves to dip his balls in the Dyson Airblade. Sick phuck. Discovered some soapy white material on the Airblade today. Presume it's soap but this rotten cretin has really killed my enjoyment of the Dyson Airblade.

Jesus, F, that sounds like,almost, deviant behaviour. You’d have to imagine he’s getting some sort of sexual “buzz” out of that. Some weird type of “ghost frottaging”.

He’d want to be careful, who knows what sort of damage or injury one could visit upon themselves sling their “junk” in there? There’s no real “mechanisms” they could get caught in but a power surge, or some such, could blast his bollocks to the side of the Airblade or send them into a painful “twist”.

It’s amazing the levels some people will sink to get their “kicks”. I knew a lad who used to talk constantly about “delayed gratification”, “edging” I believe it’s commonly called these days.

Anyway, this lad would be pulling the plum off himself and just when he’d get up to the “vinegar strokes” he’d jam two fingers, really hard, into his “barse” to stop anything getting through.

Sure enough, after “practising” this for long enough the old “two fingers” weren’t enough so he took to squatting, hard, down onto the end of his bed as it had a high, rounded, shape that really helped. He used to boast about his “technique” and how he’d be able to “please” any woman, once he got the chance, far better than any of us.

Then there was an “incident”. I’m not sure of what exactly occurred, as I wasn’t there, but I heard the “official” and put two and two together. The “official” line, from his mother was that he “fell” onto the wooden bit at the end of his bed. An ambulance was called and he was off to hospital.

It’s pretty obvious that he was engaging in some of his patented “edging” when he must have backed down onto the bed frame far too hard. The outcome was that he did some terrible damage to his “urethra” pipe, damage that led to scar tissue that requires him to go in for a “re-bore” every few years when the pain gets too much. The story he tells now is that it’s as a result of a bad “tackle” in a soccer match.

Some people really do push things too far, you might think about warning your “dodgy” workmate there, F. Wouldn’t wish anyone having their sac “torn” off or anything like that.

Hego Damask

gerrybbadd wrote: »

I'm in a different kind of trap today, in the hospital for an endoscopy.

However, they are wheeling out big lads all day after having colonoscopy procedures done. Now if you are not familiar with these, they first fill your bowel with air. And now, what goes in must come out

I'm not overestimating here - some of the noises are wild lads.

Wish me luck that they don't use the same camera for me later!

:eek::eek: Can't that kill you ?
Seriously that is supposed to be really dangerous, like if you blow into a pussy while going down on a girl or if she blows into a dick - can cause sudden death!!

Pero_Bueno

^^ Must mean water not air.

Anyway reminds me of the last prostate exam I went to, I was very nervous but the doctor was an absolute gent, he had me very relaxed.

He stood behind me and explained everything , it was a little uncomfortable as I felt his fingers entering my anus - but I got used to it, .... ... then he put one hand in front of my face ... and then the other and said "Look no HANDS!!!" ...



Jaysus ... awful experience, brought the brokeback mountain memories to me ....

JohnnyFlash

Pero_Bueno wrote: »

^^ Must mean water not air.

Anyway reminds me of the last prostate exam I went to, I was very nervous but the doctor was an absolute gent, he had me very relaxed.

He stood behind me and explained everything , it was a little uncomfortable as I felt his fingers entering my anus - but I got used to it, .... ... then he put one hand in front of my face ... and then the other and said "Look no HANDS!!!" ...



Jaysus ... awful experience, brought the brokeback mountain memories to me ....

Like the fella who goes to get his prostate checked twice a month from the ‘big black doctor’ in Vincent’s. Not sure if that’s an urban legend or not.

Former Observer

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Some people really do push things too far, you might think about warning your “dodgy” workmate there, F. Wouldn’t wish anyone having their sac “torn” off or anything like that.

To be fair Emmet, if the Dyson Airblade ripped a hole in his sack and sucked out one of his nuts I'd shed no tear. Tremendous wind speed on those things. Are you acquainted? Most of our bathrooms have them fitted now, with three level flushes.

Regarding your buddy with the four poster, it sounds like he may have ended up with a prolapsed anus. Actually an attractive feature in certain, underground, circles. A man with a voluptuous, tail-like protuberance can fetch a high price. There are all kinds of unfathomable activities they get up to: "tug of war", "pin the tail on the donkey", "row row row your boat". All very sexual. Makes one feel very "vanilla". Very dark world out there.

Former Observer

Pero_Bueno wrote: »

Must mean water not air.

Well he's not checked back in with us so maybe he did mean air. RIP Gerry

Ush1

It is air, I've had it done a few times myself. They need to blow air so the camera can pass through unobstructed. The air gets lodged and wants to release after. The brown brass chorus in the recovery ward is something else I tell ya, poor feckin' nurses dealing with that for 8 hours a day.

On the bad smells thing, the oul fella is a plumber and tells me a lot of traps go dry this time of year so seals are gone in the bowls and then there is no water blocking the smell from the sewer pipe, place smells like a bushmans armpit as a result.

mfceiling

Pero_Bueno wrote: »

^^ Must mean water not air.

Anyway reminds me of the last prostate exam I went to, I was very nervous but the doctor was an absolute gent, he had me very relaxed.

He stood behind me and explained everything , it was a little uncomfortable as I felt his fingers entering my anus - but I got used to it, .... ... then he put one hand in front of my face ... and then the other and said "Look no HANDS!!!" ...8



Jaysus ... awful experience, brought the brokeback mountain memories to me ....

Always found the most embarrassing part of getting your balls checked is when you run your fingers through the doctors hair.

gerrybbadd

Ha ha I'm alright lads. Hiatus hernia!!! Not caused by air!

Oh ya, they fill up the bowel with air. I know that, I've had it done myself in the past. That was a fun car journey home, herself was near catatonic with the unbridled noises eminating from the passenger seat