What's the etiquette here??

Roger Hassenforder

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Lookit, personally I would steer clear of Sudo and Beph, any time I use them I find there is ‘pushback’ from ‘the muzzle ‘ in the shape of angry reddning and weeping skin also itchy and irritated on the shady side of the nutpurse.

Savlon and Caldescene powder are my ‘go to’ now,when there is trouble in the batterbox area.

Much less harsh in my opinion to those delicate areas.

Savlon Brendan?
I'd sooner spend the day chopping chillies and rub caustic soda with a broken finger nail onto the auld non return valve.

Some of those baby powders have asbestos.

Pintman Paddy Losty

A vigorous scrubbing with wire wool and a bucket of TCP is what you lads need. A good disinfecting. Sister Assumpta Lynam of the Cherished Sisters of Our Beloved Sacred Heart is known to provide a vigorous and thorough service for those in need of cleansing.

Boom_Bap

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

A vigorous scrubbing with wire wool and a bucket of TCP is what you lads need. A good disinfecting. Sister Assumpta Lynam of the Cherished Sisters of Our Beloved Sacred Heart is known to provide a vigorous and thorough service for those in need of cleansing.

It's rare that something I read on internet makes me wince.


This did.

Former Observer

This appears to be popular in the Far East. I'd say some of the lads on this thread could do with some.

EmmetSpiceland

Former Observer wrote: »

Lads if you've any steroid cream knocking around put a dollop on your pinky finger and give it a whirl around your ring. Lovely tingling sensation that lasts maybe 30 minutes. It does thin the skin though so don't be doing it more than once a week.

Thinning of the skin? That would concern me greatly, I would be very worried of getting a dose of “puce hoop” or leaving the bog roll looking like a Japanese flag.

Last thing I’d want would be “spotting” in the underwear department, wouldn’t like to have to explain that one to the missus.

What if you did “overdose” the area? Could you end up bleeding like Dracula’s dog?

Bullocks

Former Observer wrote: »

This appears to be popular in the Far East. I'd say some of the lads on this thread could do with some.

That's some transformation from a bit of cream. It must be like cheno unction for the cows. "quare name but great tack"

Brendan Bendar

Bullocks wrote: »

That's some transformation from a bit of cream. It must be like cheno unction for the cows. "quare name but great tack"

Bad bunch of ‘arse grapes’ there lad.

No cream would shift those bad boys.

Let’s get real here.

EmmetSpiceland

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Bad bunch of ‘arse grapes’ there lad.

No cream would shift those bad boys.

Let’s get real here.

You’re not wrong, B.

A case like that would require “banding” and if that failed you’d be looking at some sort of “roidectomy”.

JohnnyFlash

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

You’re not wrong, B.

A case like that would require “banding” and if that failed you’d be looking at some sort of “roidectomy”.

Could be the ‘root cause’ as to why some of the posters on Boards are so humourless and uptight. Medically noteworthy case of the ‘Johnny Giles’.

Bobblehats

Former Observer wrote: »

Steady on FO or I’ll be a former observer myself! I’d like to imagine such lapses in ones posterior are confined to the more serious side of the “turd world problems” that no otherwise privileged male should ever have to endure but then whatever tickles your fancy..

EmmetSpiceland

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Could be the ‘root cause’ as to why some of the posters on Boards are so humourless and uptight. Medically noteworthy case of the ‘Johnny Giles’.

Most certainly, J.

Couple that with a more acidic bolus and an abrasive case of “the grits”, a sharp sandy discharge, and it would turn the most gregarious of personalities into the type of cretinous crank found here.

It’s the only logical explanation, this “concerned” contributor, would opine.

this device could be life-changing for many of the sh1t-posters on this thread I think!



https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thanson-Portable-Universal-Complete-Discrete/dp/B07MQXDGY9/ref=sr_1_16?keywords=bidet+bottle&qid=1562002605&s=gateway&sr=8-16

EmmetSpiceland

Definitely could have done with that a couple of weeks back when I had that incident with the “garrotte”, G.

EmmetSpiceland

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Definitely could have done with that a couple of weeks back when I had that incident with the “garrotte”, G.

it's the Worf death star that thing - the business.

FFred

Former Observer wrote: »

This appears to be popular in the Far East. I'd say some of the lads on this thread could do with some.

Ah Jaysus. The written word was bad enough on this thread without fcuking photographs.

Brendan Bendar

glasso wrote: »

this device could be life-changing for many of the sh1t-posters on this thread I think!



https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thanson-Portable-Universal-Complete-Discrete/dp/B07MQXDGY9/ref=sr_1_16?keywords=bidet+bottle&qid=1562002605&s=gateway&sr=8-16

Hmmmm ...... can’t help thinking a used Fairy Liquid bottle would do the job just as well.Or one of those greenfly killer bottles with the pump action.


(Wash it out well):eek:

EmmetSpiceland

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Hmmmm ...... can’t help thinking a used Fairy Liquid bottle would do the job just as well.Or one of those greenfly killer bottles with the pump action.


(Wash it out well):eek:

Maybe use one of them “Endofluke” delivery guns, B.

Would sort out the “badge” and might clear up any, potential, liver fluke or worm, round or flat, “infestation” one might be suffering from in silence.

JohnnyFlash

Interesting discussion about relief powders and creams. Slight tangent, but I recently had a fairly serious need to cover my balls in something soothing to stop a pretty severe burn case.

I was boning a chick a few months back and she suggested I wax my balls. So I visited the local Tesco superstore and bought some extra sensitive hair removal cream. Got home and slathered the stuff all over my Don Juan and the Mexicans. Waited 5 minutes which was about 3 minutes too long. Extremely effective product, and after stepping out of the shower went with a liberal smear of Palmer’s cocoa butter on the balls and down to the grundle ridge.

No use and suddenly started to feel an extremely unpleasant burning sensation on my left nut. Took a peek and most of the ridges has turned an unhealthy purple colour. Panic stations.

I’m a quick thinker so immediately decided to sacrifice a bag of peas from the freezer. The relief was instant, tremendous, and gave me time to consider my options. E45 wasn’t bad, but short lasting. Sudo was disappointing. Durex Play Massage ‘lube’ ended up causing a messy slick that only made things worse. Ended up finding a product called Elave Sensitive Intensive Cream - a treatment for eczema and dermatitis prone skin. Magical stuff. Drowned ‘Gerry and the Pacemakers’ in it, took two Neurofen Plus, and was went to bed early.

The burning only lasted about 2 days, and my ‘cluster’ looked top class in fairness once the patches of raw skin went away.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Interesting discussion about relief powders and creams. Slight tangent, but I recently had a fairly serious need to cover my balls in something soothing to stop a pretty severe burn case.

I was boning a chick a few months back and she suggested I wax my balls. So I visited the local Tesco superstore and bought some extra sensitive hair removal cream. Got home and slathered the stuff all over my Don Juan and the Mexicans. Waited 5 minutes which was about 3 minutes too long. Extremely effective product, and after stepping out of the shower went with a liberal smear of Palmer’s cocoa butter on the balls and down to the grundle ridge.

No use and suddenly started to feel an extremely unpleasant burning sensation on my left nut. Took a peek and most of the ridges has turned an unhealthy purple colour. Panic stations.

I’m a quick thinker so immediately decided to sacrifice a bag of peas from the freezer. The relief was instant, tremendous, and gave me time to consider my options. E45 wasn’t bad, but short lasting. Sudo was disappointing. Durex Play Massage ‘lube’ ended up causing a messy slick that only made things worse. Ended up finding a product called Elave Sensitive Intensive Cream - a treatment for eczema and dermatitis prone skin. Magical stuff. Drowned ‘Gerry and the Pacemakers’ in it, took two Neurofen Plus, and was went to bed early.

The burning only lasted about 2 days, and my ‘cluster’ looked top class in fairness once the patches of raw skin went away.

John, you mustn't have been throwing up too much ‘box batther’ on that chick if she could be suggesting topiary around the porridge gun you were whilst polishing the rod?

Shouldn’t her eyes have been lodged in the back of her head and her slice wet as an otters pocket.

I’d up my game John, like at least run a few rubber bands along the shaft, good thick ones, they love that.

Brendan Bendar

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Hmmmm ...... can’t help thinking a used Fairy Liquid bottle would do the job just as well.Or one of those greenfly killer bottles with the pump action.


(Wash it out well):eek:

nah. this is a precision product and worth paying for. mind you it is prudent to rest the love spuds on the shelf of the seat to thwart the cling-on invasion as they are mercilessly sprayed off the ring burner.

Brendan Bendar

glasso wrote: »

nah. this is a precision product and worth paying for. mind you it is prudent to rest the love spuds on the shelf of the seat to thwart the cling-on invasion as they are mercilessly sprayed off the ring burner.

Tks g, might I just add that what I refer to as a ‘nut antimacasser’ fashioned from folded arse paper be deployed to prevent skin contact with the shelf.

Knew a lad who got a bad ‘dose’ as a result of such contact.

‘Kojacks roll neck’ was even threatened for a while.

Obrieski

I advised in a previous post of the benefits of using some peppermint tea to help get a move on down below. Took my own advice this morning but forgot about the other side effect - the trombone-esque performance the rear decides to put on.

Peppermint tea was drank at about 10, movement 1 occurred at 11 and cleansed the systeme thoroughly...or so I thought. After lunch, felt some rumblings so proceeded to make hay while the sun shines. Strolled into cubicle 1, thinking 2 and 3 were empty, and the orchestra started...predominantly of the 'wind instrument' variety. As I reached the crescendo, was glad there was nobody else in the vicinity until I heard a snigger come from stall 3. I felt it like the standing ovation I deserved as I hit notes not seen in a cubicle in recent times. Made a rapid exit feeling like insides have purged themselves of all toxins for the moment.

Former Observer

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Thinning of the skin? That would concern me greatly, I would be very worried of getting a dose of “puce hoop” or leaving the bog roll looking like a Japanese flag.

Last thing I’d want would be “spotting” in the underwear department, wouldn’t like to have to explain that one to the missus.

What if you did “overdose” the area? Could you end up bleeding like Dracula’s dog?

Ah no Emmett. There would be no blood. What you're describing sounds more like something from a horror film. All I'm saying is that protracted use of steroid cream on your balloon knot will thin the skin. Basically your hoop and its neighbouring territory will achieve a 'crepe paper' like texture along with semi-translucency. If you keep whipping on the Hydro-cortisone or Betamethasone ointment and running your finger up and around down there kind of shimmying it around in a circular motion you'll every time achieve that delightful tingling sensation, but yes eventually the skin around your hole will look like tracing paper.

Now Vitamin A cream is a different thing entirely. This causes burning and shedding of the skin. Fascinating stuff as I've used it for a different appliance. Suffice to say if you were putting vitamin A cream on your angus you would be shedding flecks of arse-dandruff day and night until all that was left was a painful wet wound with no protective top layer of skin. Toilet paper would stick to the wound and aggravate the freckle. I reckon it would drive even the strongest man insane Emmet. You'd probably have to buy a bidet as rubbing bogroll along your red weeping open wound would push you over the edge.:(

Hector Savage

So pictures of actual arseholes have finally made it to the thread.

ah jaysus!

Hector Savage

Hector Savage wrote: »

So pictures of actual arseholes have finally made it to the thread.

ah jaysus!

Completely unnecessary of the poster to pollute this discussion with that vile o-ring photo.

No need to see the aftermath of a baboon being rocket-docked by some John Holmes mutherfooka in pictorial format

This thread had obviously prided itself on keeping it clean and to see its ideals and mores being so casually abused is frankly shocking.

Former Observer

glasso wrote: »

This thread had obviously prided itself on keeping it clean and to see its ideals and mores being so casually abused is frankly shocking.

Deepest apologies to all my fellow researchers.

gerrybbadd

Former Observer wrote: »

Ah no Emmett. There would be no blood. What you're describing sounds more like something from a horror film. All I'm saying is that protracted use of steroid cream on your balloon knot will thin the skin. Basically your hoop and its neighbouring territory will achieve a 'crepe paper' like texture along with semi-translucency. If you keep whipping on the Hydro-cortisone or Betamethasone ointment and running your finger up and around down there kind of shimmying it around in a circular motion you'll every time achieve that delightful tingling sensation, but yes eventually the skin around your hole will look like tracing paper.

Now Vitamin A cream is a different thing entirely. This causes burning and shedding of the skin. Fascinating stuff as I've used it for a different appliance. Suffice to say if you were putting vitamin A cream on your angus you would be shedding flecks of arse-dandruff day and night until all that was left was a painful wet wound with no protective top layer of skin. Toilet paper would stick to the wound and aggravate the freckle. I reckon it would drive even the strongest man insane Emmet. You'd probably have to buy a bidet as rubbing bogroll along your red weeping open wound would push you over the edge.:(

Do you think, with repeated and extended use, the baloon knot could just disappear?

Slideways

Like a black hole.. sucking all and sundry into its depths.


A brown hole if you will

Deebles McBeebles

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Do you think, with repeated and extended use, the baloon knot could just disappear?

Leaving a reverse black hole. Doesn't suck in very well but presumably the droppings just fall out of you.

gerrybbadd

It'd be just like a belly button just tucked between two cheeks