Sharing a table with a stranger

OldMrBrennan83

As if they actually did.

Prominent_Dawg

Patww79 wrote: »

As if they actually did.

It wouldn't surprise me, I've been on a bus before where a fella moved from the back of the bus to sit next to me on an empty bus, sitting as close as possible to me, not saying a word, there are some strange people out there

OldMrBrennan83

Prominent_Dawg wrote: »

It wouldn't surprise me, I've been on a bus before where a fella moved from the back of the bus to sit next to me on an empty bus, sitting as close as possible to me, not saying a word, there are some strange people out there

I've seen that on buses before but normally their hand is down their kacks at the time.

Pyr0

Prominent_Dawg wrote: »

It wouldn't surprise me, I've been on a bus before where a fella moved from the back of the bus to sit next to me on an empty bus, sitting as close as possible to me, not saying a word, there are some strange people out there

It's not my fault strangers smell good

PlaneSpeeking

Prominent_Dawg wrote: »

It wouldn't surprise me, I've been on a bus before where a fella moved from the back of the bus to sit next to me on an empty bus, sitting as close as possible to me, not saying a word, there are some strange people out there

Post carriage on train last week - every seat bar 2 empty.

Elderly lady sits next to me, facing same way. Perhaps she wanted the company ?

Prominent_Dawg

PlaneSpeeking wrote: »

Post carriage on train last week - every seat bar 2 empty.

Elderly lady sits next to me, facing same way. Perhaps she wanted the company ?

Perhaps!

To be honest, if an elderly person makes a point of sitting beside me or saying a few words, I'll always go out of my way to chat to them. It can be a lonely world out there and particularly so if you don't get out much so even if I'm really not in the mood, I'll make the effort.

I don't impose myself on people but I do like chats with strangers, it's nice to connect with your fellow humans positively. I've had some lovely chats with people in queues and waiting rooms and it usually leaves me feeling good about life. It doesn't hurt to be nice. If someone is giving obvious 'keep off' vibes though, then respect that too.

iamwhoiam

Candie wrote: »

To be honest, if an elderly person makes a point of sitting beside me or saying a few words, I'll always go out of my way to chat to them. It can be a lonely world out there and particularly so if you don't get out much so even if I'm really not in the mood, I'll make the effort.

I don't impose myself on people but I do like chats with strangers, it's nice to connect with your fellow humans positively. I've had some lovely chats with people in queues and waiting rooms and it usually leaves me feeling good about life. It doesn't hurt to be nice. If someone is giving obvious 'keep off' vibes though, then respect that too.

Exactly . Also it could well be that an eldery person feels a little safer sitting next to someone they see as unthreatening .

Mrnew

the bus is the worst Im quite tall so like the seats upstairs that are over the stairs as they have the most leg room and if your over 6"2 your legs literally cant fit behind other seats. Anyway I always sit there and if someone is already there they are nearly shocked someone sits beside them... tossers

Foweva Awone

I've not a problem with someone sharing my table so long as they don't expect me to talk to them. If I wanted my lunch to be a social occasion, I wouldn't have gone on my own.

Was on the bus the other day, I was sitting upstairs, probably only 3-4 other people on the upper level. I'd a large shopping bag on the seat beside me - only because the bus was so empty; I'd have taken the bag down if the bus had started to fill up. Dude comes over and looks at the bag pointedly - "can I sit there?" even though the majority of other seats were free. Made no sense! I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe he was on the spectrum or something, so I got up and moved myself and my bags across to a free seat, leaving him the one I'd been in.

Still can't work out who was being odd there, him or me or both of us.

seamus

PlaneSpeeking wrote: »

Elderly lady sits next to me, facing same way. Perhaps she wanted the company ?

Could be cultural shifts too. In the past it would considered rude to be travelling somewhere with another person and not strike up a conversation, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you.

This is what an extravert-dominated society looks like; everyone should interact with eachother all the time or there's something wrong with you.

Now we're more cognisant that people are different and a lot of people, if not a majority, are not interested in smalltalk. So it's not considered rude or ignorant if you don't.

That's not to say that if someone talked to me on a bus I would find it odd or ignore them, but there is that first 30 seconds where you wonder whether they're mentally ill and hope they're not going to keep talking for the whole trip. And I'm not going to be the one to start a conversation unless there's something that actually needs saying.

The Norwegians would be even worse. If one person is sitting at the bar in Norway, then there are no seats left.

Church on Tuesday

I was 'that person' just last night, in a crowed pub having a few pints whilst waiting for a bus, I had to share a space with a couple, there was simply no other option.

They promptly got up and moved somewhere else.

iamwhoiam

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I was 'that person' just last night, in a crowed pub having a few pints whilst waiting for a bus, I had to share a space with a couple, there was simply no other option.

They promptly got up and moved somewhere else.

There was no other option yet they moved somewhere else ?

Church on Tuesday

iamwhoiam wrote: »

There was no other option yet they moved somewhere else ?

Another place became free

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

dubstarr wrote: »

No its not,i love having a coffee in piece.Im an introvert and i need this time to recharge my batteries.People who want to waffle to a complete stranger is not ok.Their wants and needs dont trump mine

Yes, this exactly. Battery recharge - very important for introverts. I hate having to give up that time to think of platitudinous things to say to somebody I don’t know.

Candie wrote: »

To be honest, if an elderly person makes a point of sitting beside me or saying a few words, I'll always go out of my way to chat to them. It can be a lonely world out there and particularly so if you don't get out much so even if I'm really not in the mood, I'll make the effort.

I don't impose myself on people but I do like chats with strangers, it's nice to connect with your fellow humans positively. I've had some lovely chats with people in queues and waiting rooms and it usually leaves me feeling good about life. It doesn't hurt to be nice. If someone is giving obvious 'keep off' vibes though, then respect that too.

I don’t think people who aren’t interested in small talk with strangers are necessarily not nice. And definitely people who chat away to anyone don’t always fall into the ‘nice’ category.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I don’t think people who aren’t interested in small talk with strangers are necessarily not nice.

Apologies, I didn't mean to imply that but I can see how it could be inferred.

dartboardio

Agree with previous poster; I don’t mind having random chats with strangers sometimes or bumping into people I know, or if someone shared my table at a fast food place I couldn’t give a flying f, I’m only there to eat my meal.

But if it’s an evening where I’m coming home from work and wanted to be alone/listening to music or whatever or just be content with my own thoughts, for example last week bumped into an acquaintance I felt I had to speak to or it looked ignorant, and I was seriously pissed at the thought of standing there making **** talk for half an hour, I jumped in a taxi wanting to get home fast and felt forced to bring her with me

Sometimes you do enjoy being alone or content with your own company, eg if someone joins you that you don’t know well enough or don’t click with for the conversation to just flow.

Or the big one, just chatting at work. You know and like the person but dont feel the need to chat away constantly all day when you’re not busy/have time. I think they might sometimes find me odd that I chat to them when I feel like it but will happily stare into my computer reading a thread too rather than chat

Wibbs

seamus wrote: »

Could be cultural shifts too. In the past it would considered rude to be travelling somewhere with another person and not strike up a conversation, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you.

This is what an extravert-dominated society looks like; everyone should interact with eachother all the time or there's something wrong with you.

Eh... humans are a social animal. The normal state of affairs is social engagement, not disengagement. That's what a social society looks like. While some cultures are more "extraverted" than others, there isn't a culture on the planet that doesn't engage in this kinda thing.

"Smalltalk" is an opener or a way to establish you're not a weirdo in a social context, hence it concerns itself with fripperies like the weather etc. That's the point of it. To not be serious. If someone opens with "what about the holocaust eh?", you know you're dealing with a weirdo, or someone blindly unaware of normal social mechanisms.

Now we're more cognisant that people are different and a lot of people, if not a majority, are not interested in smalltalk.

I dunno where you get this majority from. Social engagement and "smalltalk" is far more prevalent than not. Even a place like Boards which is more likely to attract the more introverted all the way up to spectrum folks, yet even here it seems more voices are fairly OK with chatting with other people, including smalltalk.

So it's not considered rude or ignorant if you don't.

It depends on the context and the environment. I personally would have little personal investment in smalltalk. That isn't the point. It's to engage with others. So because I'm not so self obsessed and self involved - which I have found both the more extreme extraverts and introverts tend to be. And both have a skewed even antagonistic view of the the other(doubly so for introverts) - I make the effort and it's hardly much of an effort. In nerd terms, it's like an old phone modem, it's the irritating beeps and whistles of the handshaking before you connect(or don't). I'm happy to accommodate the silent types, again because I've got their concerns in play as much as my own.

OldMrBrennan83

You just seem obsessed with pleasing others (and placing far too much importance on yourself) but that's only for you and not necessarily correct.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Wibbs wrote: »

Eh... humans are a social animal. The normal state of affairs is social engagement, not disengagement. That's what a social society looks like. While some cultures are more "extraverted" than others, there isn't a culture on the planet that doesn't engage in this kinda thing.

"Smalltalk" is an opener or a way to establish you're not a weirdo in a social context, hence it concerns itself with fripperies like the weather etc. That's the point of it. To not be serious. If someone opens with "what about the holocaust eh?", you know you're dealing with a weirdo, or someone blindly unaware of normal social mechanisms.

I dunno where you get this majority from. Social engagement and "smalltalk" is far more prevalent than not. Even a place like Boards which is more likely to attract the more introverted all the way up to spectrum folks, yet even here it seems more voices are fairly OK with chatting with other people, including smalltalk.

It depends on the context and the environment. I personally would have little personal investment in smalltalk. That isn't the point. It's to engage with others. So because I'm not so self obsessed and self involved - which I have found both the more extreme extraverts and introverts tend to be. And both have a skewed even antagonistic view of the the other(doubly so for introverts) - I make the effort and it's hardly much of an effort. In nerd terms, it's like an old phone modem, it's the irritating beeps and whistles of the handshaking before you connect(or don't). I'm happy to accommodate the silent types, again because I've got their concerns in play as much as my own.

For the love of jaysus. And that whole last paragraph of your post is very self-aggrandising whilst also managing to pigeonhole vast swathes of people. You’re a selfless social dynamo. We get it.

OldMrBrennan83

Imagine someone that self inflated being the one to sit down and start talking to you. And then they wonder why people don't want to be bothered?

Wibbs

Patww79 wrote: »

You just seem obsessed with pleasing others (and placing far too much importance on yourself)

Kinda contradictory, no? Never mind it's hardly an obsession, or difficulty to engage in normal social interactions. Well maybe it is for some.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

For the love of jaysus. And that whole last paragraph of your post is very self-aggrandising whilst also managing to pigeonhole vast swathes of people. You’re a selfless social dynamo. We get it.

Projection there Ted. I'm nowhere near a saint of selflessness, just normal range for y'know normal humanity. Not scowling in the corner having an ego fit because *gasp* some stranger said hello and mentioned the weather. And yes I have noted time and time again both extreme extroverts and introverts to be very self centred. Me, me, me, albeit expressed very differently.

Though TBH I have a few issues with the extroverts/introverts labels. I have noticed "introverts" to be far more likely to "pigeonhole" and be disparaging of what they see as "extroverts". Even though a lot of the time it's just normal people interacting with other normal people. It comes up on the regular on the interwebs and here on Boards. Well I suppose extreme extroverts don't even notice introverts. That's their self centred nature coming out.

Wibbs

Patww79 wrote: »

Imagine someone that self inflated being the one to sit down and start talking to you. And then they wonder why people don't want to be bothered?

So I'm "self inflated" because I have no particular issue with someone sitting down and talking with me? Or not for that matter. Someone wants their own space? Cool. We all do from time to time.

Yet you're apparently so well balanced of ego and not "self inflated" because by your own admission you only care about yourself and a couple of other people and the rest are usually **** and you'll be damned if you'll engage with them? OK... I'm not so sure you quite know what self inflated means.

Flaccus

orourkeda1977 wrote: »

If I'm getting on a bus and I see someone changing seats to sit on their own, I'll deliberately sit beside them even if there are free seats.

At the very least I'll have had the pleasure of annoying them

People dont communicate with each other anymore and I find it strange that they want to run away from each other every chance they get.

They wont even share a seat with a stranger

I commute on the Galway - Cork bus roundtrip a few days a week. I want a quiet time / rest in the evening. I've experienced the asshole behaviour you engage in on a number of occasions. Cretin.

Wibbs

Flaccus wrote: »

I've experienced the asshole behaviour you engage in on a number of occasions.

Aye F. That's the other end of the gobdaw scale and another example of being clueless of normal social interaction.

Flaccus

Wibbs wrote: »

Aye F. That's the other end of the gobdaw scale and another example of being clueless of normal social interaction.

I'm on the Galway bus right now. It's full. Someone is sitting beside me and it's grand. But before we departed a girl said to the driver there was no seats. Turns out there was one free but yer man was occupying the outside seat and pretending to sleep with his legs up on the window seat. I thought it was 2 people till I saw the driver sort it. Yer man purposefully did this to try and claim 2 seats. Not cool. Seen this sort of thing occasionally.

Prominent_Dawg

That's just rude, I've seen people do this on trains putting their stuff on the inside seat and sitting on the outside seat while people are standing

OldMrBrennan83

Flaccus wrote: »

I'm on the Galway bus right now. It's full. Someone is sitting beside me and it's grand. But before we departed a girl said to the driver there was no seats. Turns out there was one free but yer man was occupying the outside seat and pretending to sleep with his legs up on the window seat. I thought it was 2 people till I saw the driver sort it. Yet man purposefully did this to try and claim 2 seats. Not cool. Seen this sort of thing occasionally.

Yeah someone at that needs to be just put off the bus altogether.

John_Rambo

Flaccus wrote: »

I'm on the Galway bus right now. It's full. Someone is sitting beside me and it's grand. But before we departed a girl said to the driver there was no seats. Turns out there was one free but yer man was occupying the outside seat and pretending to sleep with his legs up on the window seat. I thought it was 2 people till I saw the driver sort it. Yet man purposefully did this to try and claim 2 seats. Not cool. Seen this sort of thing occasionally.

Patww79 wrote: »

Yeah someone at that needs to be just put off the bus altogether.

That someone needs me, my American friend (with her acoustic guitar) & my Vietnamese friend singing "he's got the whole world in his hands" IN HIS FACE. (in the most friendly manner)