Sharing a table with a stranger

John_Rambo

Patww79 wrote: »

Does it really matter that she was American? The story you told about the whole thing in the restaurant is exactly the type of thing I'd be hoping to avoid by not listening to this post tiger age of person. Everyone is just blowning themselves these days.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend Pat.

OldMrBrennan83

John_Rambo wrote: »

Enjoy the rest of your weekend Pat.

Thanks John. You've helped fill a lot of my day

Church on Tuesday

John_Rambo wrote: »

Enjoy the rest of your weekend Pat.

Honestly, I'm in the stitches here reading this! :pac:

Ah I do like to see you all getting on so well.

John_Rambo

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Ah I do like to see you all getting on so well.

And I'm a complete stranger!

OldMrBrennan83

John_Rambo wrote: »

And I'm a complete stranger!

Were.

The Legend Of Kira

dubstarr wrote: »

Speaking of Supermacs.I went in with my 3 kids.Ordered got their stuff and sat at a table.I was still waiting on my food.

I got called over,turned round and there was someone sitting in my seat.My 3 kids are just sat there.They where about 2,4 and 5.Who in their right minds sits on a seat with 3 young kids.

Went over and and flung said fella out of my seat.

Whoever that guy was he sure creepy sitting next young kids like that.

The Legend Of Kira

Deleted User wrote: »

I like my own space and in certain situations such as an empty train I would raise an eyebrow if someone sat down beside me, but maybe they are lonely. We live in an increasingly insular and self-absorbed age. Heads are stuck in screens and God forbid if someone attempts a conversation. Human connection is vital. We should encourage it and try be a little more open. Sure so what if someone sits down beside you in Supermacs or the cafe or wherever. Make eye contact, say hello. The world won't end.

Sure so what if someone sits down beside you in Supermacs or the cafe or wherever.

A lot of people mightn,t like random strangers sitting next to them whether they are by themselves or with a friend, as with cafes some people just sit alone in them on their laptop signalling they don,t want to be disturbed just leave them be.

Prominent_Dawg

Patww79 wrote: »

But if you don't want to? Can hardly mess about your own life for the sake of someone else. All anyone can do is look after their own house.

I agree, why should you be told you should do something for the sake of someone else's comfort at your discomfort, I would always interact with someone if I felt comfortable too and would always put my phone down if an elderly person sat next to me, as I think thats just manners.. but I think thats different to hassling or invading someones space that is minding there own bussiness

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Deleted User wrote: »

I like my own space and in certain situations such as an empty train I would raise an eyebrow if someone sat down beside me, but maybe they are lonely. We live in an increasingly insular and self-absorbed age. Heads are stuck in screens and God forbid if someone attempts a conversation. Human connection is vital. We should encourage it and try be a little more open. Sure so what if someone sits down beside you in Supermacs or the cafe or wherever. Make eye contact, say hello. The world won't end.

People have always wanted their own space on public transport. For all of my life anyway. It’s nothing new. Before smartphones, it was newspapers and books. It’s a sentiment as trite as “this young generation is the worst ever” to make out like this is anything new. We like people we know and there’s a limit on how many new people we can fit into our lives.

On another point, I’ve had a few instances in my life of receiving bad news whilst on public transport or being in the horrors because of serious shït happening in my life. It wouldn’t necessarily read on my face. The idea of someone trying to engage me in conversation at one of those times fills me with dread. The reality is, you have no idea what’s going on in anyone’s life and you’re butting in when someone might not be in any condition to talk to you.

Tell me how

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

People have always wanted their own space on public transport. For all of my life anyway. It’s nothing new. Before smartphones, it was newspapers and books. It’s a sentiment as trite as “this young generation is the worst ever” to make out like this is anything new.

On another point, I’ve had a few instances in my life of receiving bad news whilst on public transport or being in the horrors because of serious shït happening in my life. It wouldn’t necessarily read on my face. The idea of someone trying to engage me in conversation at one of those times fills me with dread. The reality is, you have no idea what’s going on in anyone’s life and you’re butting in when someone might not be in any condition to talk to you.

I think it's possible to have a balance. For every circumstance such as you describe, there is likely one where someone feels isolated while simultaneously being surrounded by people.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Say hello, make a comment about the weather, the traffic and if the other person engages then maybe turn it in to a chat but if they don;t then take the hint and let them have their peace.

YFlyer

Order grub online or by phone and eat away from the public.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Tell me how wrote: »

I think it's possible to have a balance. For every circumstance such as you describe, there is likely one where someone feels isolated while simultaneously being surrounded by people.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Say hello, make a comment about the weather, the traffic and if the other person engages then maybe turn it in to a chat but if they don;t then take the hint and let them have their peace.

At the bad moments I mention, any engagement from another person would have been completely overwhelming. You’re already over-sensitive due to heightened emotions. Small things can seem magnified. That somebody else might want a chat because they are lonely is unimportant in those moments and not something you should really have to take on. So... how does someone know what that stranger they are beelining for is going through at that moment?

Tell me how

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

At the bad moments I mention, any engagement from another person would have been completely overwhelming. You’re already over-sensitive due to heightened emotions. Small things can seem magnified. That somebody else might want a chat because they are lonely is unimportant in those moments and not something you should really have to take on. So... how does someone know what that stranger they are beelining for is going through at that moment?

Very simply by the law of averages. You are absolutely correct in how such engagement might feel in some cases but realistically, how many times is your head in such a troubled space as a proportion of the total number of times in which you are on public transport.

If we were always afraid that we might bother someone unduly then we would never engage with someone outside of when it only serves a necessary functional purpose. That would lead to a very bland (and troubled) society.

I would argue that in at least as many cases as the engagement with a person with a troubled mind might be unwelcome, it would serve to distract that person from their woes if only for a few minutes which they would be welcome for.

I think most people who aren't interested in chatting are very clear in their body language and usually people will pick up on that consciously or subconsciously and leave them be.

There's always the oblivious few who can't seem to read people, or perhaps don't care that people aren't up for talking and prattle on regardless but I like to think they're rare.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Tell me how wrote: »

Very simply by the law of averages. You are absolutely correct in how such engagement might feel in some cases but realistically, how many times is your head in such a troubled space as a proportion of the total number of times in which you are on public transport.

If we were always afraid that we might bother someone unduly then we would never engage with someone outside of when it only serves a necessary functional purpose. That would lead to a very bland (and troubled) society.

I would argue that in at least as many cases as the engagement with a person with a troubled mind might be unwelcome, it would serve to distract that person from their woes if only for a few minutes which they would be welcome for.

Possibly for some people, but for me personally in those very hard times? No. Just, no. For three months after receiving some very bad news, I only spoke to three people: my husband and my parents. Not my sister, not my friends. People I know and love. Some randomer striking up conversation with blank-faced me during that time would have completely frazzled my brain. My feelings would have been clear to said randomer as I would have wandered off in a daze but why put anyone through that for a bit of small talk with somebody you’re never going to see again? I just don’t get small talk anyway. Very rarely, you might learn something interesting. Most of the time, it’s just bland pleasantries and platitudes. Unforced small talk is okay, when nobody has beelined for somebody else. The small talk has been borne of reacting to something that has just happened. Nobody is cornered. Public transport small talk where one is often a bit cornered is just the worst.

Tell me how

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Possibly for some people, but for me personally in those very hard times? No. Just, no. For three months after receiving some very bad news, I only spoke to three people: my husband and my parents. Not my sister, not my friends. People I know and love. Some randomer striking up conversation with blank-faced me during that time would have completely frazzled my brain. My feelings would have been clear to said randomer as I would have wandered off in a daze but why put anyone through that for a bit of small talk with somebody you’re never going to see again? I just don’t get small talk anyway. Very rarely, you might learn something interesting. Most of time, it’s just bland pleasantries and platitudes.

I would argue that the severity of your experience is rare. Absolutely it happens, but the percentage of people who are walking around with their mind in such turmoil on any given day is probably less than 1%. I'm talking that level where they are so distressed they only speak to 3 people over a period of several weeks.

"Hi", "Nice Day" is enough to gauge the openness for someone to engage in conversation and so I think it is to be encouraged (and respected if they do not engage).

Small talk isn't about learning something every time. it is about making a connection which can give a spark to someones day, you might learn something, you might laugh at something or you might end up forming a relationship (platonic or otherwise). If you are not willing to be open to the possibilities, you are guaranteed that they will not happen.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Tell me how wrote: »

I would argue that the severity of your experience is rare. Absolutely it happens, but the percentage of people who are walking around with their mind in such turmoil on any given day is probably less than 1%. I'm talking that level where they are so distressed they only speak to 3 people over a period of several weeks.

"Hi", "Nice Day" is enough to gauge the openness for someone to engage in conversation and so I think it is to be encouraged (and respected if they do not engage).

Small talk isn't about learning something every time. it is about making a connection which can give a spark to someones day, you might learn something, you might laugh at something or you might end up forming a relationship (platonic or otherwise). If you are not willing to be open to the possibilities, you are guaranteed that they will not happen.

I’m really, massively okay with not being willing to be open to the possibilities. I love my own company a lot. It brings me contentment.

Not one of my good friendships has ever arisen from a small talk situation. It’s massively unlikely. And also in my experience, even learning any interesting is on the rare side. Many people just aren’t happy with being asked to give up quiet time they were enjoying to have to give someone the brush off.

And what I describe above, about the idea of being approached when going through a bad time or after receiving bad news might be rare but why risk upsetting someone just to utter uninteresting platitudes? And it will be uninteresting small talk most of the time.

Graces7

Tell me how wrote: »

I think it's possible to have a balance. For every circumstance such as you describe, there is likely one where someone feels isolated while simultaneously being surrounded by people.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Say hello, make a comment about the weather, the traffic and if the other person engages then maybe turn it in to a chat but if they don;t then take the hint and let them have their peace.

Perfect.

Living previously in tourist areas and trading at street markets taught me how to interact meaningfully, simply, warmly.

Often when I arrive at the quiet slipway for the ferry home, there are tourists just passing .. I always ask them if they are crossing and we get chatting and some keep in touch .

Takes so little and costs nothing.

Graces7

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I’m really, massively okay with not being willing to be open to the possibilities. I love my own company a lot. It brings me contentment.

Not one of my good friendships has ever arisen from a small talk situation. It’s massively unlikely. And also in my experience, even learning any interesting is on the rare side. Many people just aren’t happy with being asked to give up quiet time they were enjoying to have to give someone the brush off.

And what I describe above, about the idea of being approached when going through a bad time or after receiving bad news might be rare but why risk upsetting someone just to utter uninteresting platitudes? And it will be uninteresting small talk most of the time.

Given your attitude, totally impossible! You must give off such vibes no one would dare speak to you :eek:

Seeking quiet time when you are out among people is odd.

OldMrBrennan83

Perfect - doing what I do.
Odd - not doing what I do.

Blitzkrieger

I'd go with what seems to be the consensus; if the gaff/mode of transport is busy I don't mind sharing a table/bench, but otherwise, stay the hell away from me. Had a person strike up a conversation with me when I was waiting for a Luas once - almost had a heart attack....

dubstarr

Seeking quiet time when you are out among people is odd.[/QUOTE]

No its not,i love having a coffee in piece.Im an introvert and i need this time to recharge my batteries.People who want to waffle to a complete stranger is not ok.Their wants and needs dont trump mine

iamwhoiam

Graces7 wrote: »

Given your attitude, totally impossible! You must give off such vibes no one would dare speak to you :eek:

Seeking quiet time when you are out among people is odd.

No its not .! I go shopping among people and then may want to sit in peace with a lunch or coffee while I get time alone .

Mr_Muffin

Went to a late showing a movie a while back. When I entered the cinema there was only a single person sitting in the entire theatre.

I looked around as if I was choosing my seat then went and sat down right next to him, leaving the other 200+ seats free. I could sense he was extremely uncomfortable.

Ted_YNWA

I think it is down to social convention here that you "have" to interact with people you meet. Even if it just a smile/nod. Possibly why we see some contintentals as cold or reserved. They don't have this built into them & are happy to sit & 'ignore' others.

dubstarr

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

Went to a late showing a movie a while back. When I entered the cinema there was only a single person sitting in the entire theatre.

I looked around as if I was choosing my seat then went and sat down right next to him, leaving the other 200+ seats free. I could sense he was extremely uncomfortable.

Why would you do that

Hate when I go into Starbucks (for tea obviously) and everyone looks like spoiled self-absorbed overly-groomed 2018 assholes taking up a whole 3 seat table to themselves with their laptop out and a dull look on their face like they don't want anyone to come near them.

Franz Von Peppercorn

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

Went to a late showing a movie a while back. When I entered the cinema there was only a single person sitting in the entire theatre.

I looked around as if I was choosing my seat then went and sat down right next to him, leaving the other 200+ seats free. I could sense he was extremely uncomfortable.

Very very odd.

Prominent_Dawg

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

Went to a late showing a movie a while back. When I entered the cinema there was only a single person sitting in the entire theatre.

I looked around as if I was choosing my seat then went and sat down right next to him, leaving the other 200+ seats free. I could sense he was extremely uncomfortable.

I would just see that as strange behaviour, that you get a kik out of other peoples discomfort and I'd just instantly move, the same way if scum sat next to me I would instantly move