My husband is a fussy eater, I need help

RunRoryRun

mille100piedi wrote:

I think his problem is not with food, people that behave like that many time have some kind of depression or mood disorder. An adult person shouldn't be so upset regarding food, there something else wrong here

Does being a dickhead qualify?

mille100piedi

RunRoryRun wrote: »

Does being a dickhead qualify?

yes unfortunately many men with mental disorders are dickheads, women tend to cry and men tend to be a dickhead and get angry for stupid things. Also men have more problem to admit they have a problem

Minderbinder

If the man likes plain food give him plain food. Steak and Chips, lamb chops, pork chops and potatoes, shepherds pie, bacon and cabbage.

A lot of Irish people don’t like food covered in sauce and our relationship with food is more practical than the French. Men are very habitual usually and they don’t really like trying new things while women like to try new foods even at the risk of not liking it.

I can totally understand why he might not like French food and maybe there are issues around dining etiquette that he doesn’t like. Not everyone is the adventurous type. Calling him a man child is not going to help anyone. The man is going out everyday providing for his family. Yes he has flaws but reducing him to ‘manchild’ is a bit unfair. Warren Buffett is one of the wealthiest people in the world and he has what would be considered a poor diet.

Your husband is working all day and wants to come home to a simple dinner. He doesn’t want to play the gourmet lottery.

I’m not excusing his behaviour at all because he should be able to express himself clearly and make it easy for you.

Doctors room ghost

Minderbinder wrote: »

If the man likes plain food give him plain food. Steak and Chips, lamb chops, pork chops and potatoes, shepherds pie, bacon and cabbage.

A lot of Irish people don’t like food covered in sauce and our relationship with food is more practical than the French. Men are very habitual usually and they don’t really like trying new things while women like to try new foods even at the risk of not liking it.

I can totally understand why he might not like French food and maybe there are issues around dining etiquette that he doesn’t like. Not everyone is the adventurous type. Calling him a man child is not going to help anyone. The man is going out everyday providing for his family. Yes he has flaws but reducing him to ‘manchild’ is a bit unfair. Warren Buffett is one of the wealthiest people in the world and he has what would be considered a poor diet.

Your husband is working all day and wants to come home to a simple dinner. He doesn’t want to play the gourmet lottery.

I’m not excusing his behaviour at all because he should be able to express himself clearly and make it easy for you.

Boll1x to that.give him whatever the rest of ye are having and if he doesn’t want it give it to the dog.
Hunger is a great sauce.fussy eater my hole.a spoiled baba more like.

OldMrBrennan83

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cursai

Get a real man. And tell him to go back to his mammy.

heroics

Minderbinder wrote: »

If the man likes plain food give him plain food. Steak and Chips, lamb chops, pork chops and potatoes, shepherds pie, bacon and cabbage.

A lot of Irish people don’t like food covered in sauce and our relationship with food is more practical than the French. Men are very habitual usually and they don’t really like trying new things while women like to try new foods even at the risk of not liking it.

Or he could just cop the f*ck on to himself. If he resorts to eating a bag of crisps because he doesn't like a dinner he wont even try then he is a child. At the end of the day she is his wife not his slave to only cook what he likes when he won't even make a suggestion of what he wants. I'm a guy so maybe I'm different but I'd stop buying crisps and cr@p in the weekly shop and let him starve.

Most of my mates have no problem trying new foods (men or women) In fact the fussiest eaters I know are women. Nothing better than food covered in sauce from casseroles to steak and pepper sauce to garlic cheese fries. More sauce the better.

I don't understand people not being able to at least cook the basics. It was something my mam always insisted on us doing growing up. we would take turns cooking dinner after school once we got to about 13/14.

theteal

Did this place turn into AH? Is this a joke? Has to be.....?

Triangle

cmoidd wrote: »

I know!!! It’s crazy!!! Worst than a child, but I would like things to change, introduce him to new food, cook something he might like, if he is willing to try
Any suggestions??

You need to not try and change someone who doesn't want to change. I presume you married him cod you loved the person he is, not the person you want him to be.

Coming from being a fussy eater in my childhood, trying foods that are not strong flavoured is the easiest way to get to like new foods.

Heres Johnny

One thing I can agree with is that when he finds something he likes he eats every day and gets sick of it, I do that too! Stumble on something I like, have it every day then get fed up of it.
But then I move on to something else, problem solved.
I agree this is much more a behaviour issue than a fussy eater issue.

Options

Tell you what he likes and you seem happy to cook for him

Cook himself

Starve

Get a takeaway

Eat cheesy poofs for a while see how he feels

Grow up

Cop on

B0jangles

cmoidd wrote: »

If only it was this simple. He will get upset... it’s what I did yesterday, I cooked a lovely chicken stew for today, then prepared a raclette cheese with potatoes and ham for my supper, I wouldn’t eat it. So I didn’t prepare anything for him. And asked him to make his own dinner, while I was done cooking, tired, it’s a bit of work... seating at the table about to start my supper, he came in the kitchen and said what’s for me? I said I don’t know, pick what you want. And he got upset....
then later on after story time for our son, he cane to me saying, he felt puky and it was because of me, I didn’t cook anything for him so he had to eat an entire big bag cheese puff...

When I first read this post I honestly thought it was your toddler child who'd eaten the cheese puffs and came to tell he felt 'pukey' and that it was your fault.

Your adult husband is behaving like a stroppy 4 year-old, and I really don't think you should be doing anything to accomodate the tantrums of a giant baby.

He needs to either grow up and cook for himself, grow up and learn to eat like an adult or grow up and learn how to talk to the person who's doing the cooking to come to an agreement about meal options.

GreeBo

Stop buying the junk food, he will soon start eating what you cook.

scarepanda

cmoidd wrote: »

And be ready to accept new food, how can I help him do that?

By going the take it or leave it route!

He's acting like a toddler, so be prepared for the toddler like tantrums when you stop being his maid.

Do what you would do with an older toddler, sit him down this evening. Explain to him that you would love to cook for him, but from now on if he wants you to cook for him then he eats what's on the menu at the dinner table (and you cook a mixture of your stuff and his, without stressing yourself). And tell him that it's up to him whether he takes it or leaves it after that, but that your only cooking the one meal. And leave it at that. He won't go hungry

You then proceed to have you dinner, and give your actual child the same options. They won't go hungry either.

Pelvis

OP, this is not the behaviour of a normal adult. You have much bigger problems than trying to figure out what to feed your husband.

Doctors room ghost

He needs to be taken outside and shot with balls of his own sh1te carrying on like that.
He refuses dinners cooked and left up to him cos he’s an ungrateful fukr and he eats a bag of cheesy puffs and feels “puky” and then blames the wife.fukn priceless.
And then the dr phils come on here saying to offer him a steak or a few plain chops.why not set up a restaurant and give him a menu while ye are at it.
Holy sh1t balls is this what this country is coming to.and people died in the ditches eating grass during the famine.
Give him what ever the rest of ye are having and if he doesn’t want it,toodle fukn doo jack you will be going to bed hungry or get whatever you want yourself.otherwise you are just enabling an arse hole and encouraging his bull sh1te behavior.

Hannibal_Smith

It's not fussy eating, it's being difficult. Coming in to you as you're reading your kid a bad time story and telling you he's feeling sick and it's all your fault because he ate a bag of cheese puffs??? Really??

He's not telling you what he wants, you're not a mind reader. I would cook a meal for the 3 you sit down the three of you. If he eats it he eats it. If he doesn't let him make something himself. Don't let your kid grow up thinking this is right.

morritty

I used to be the same, delighted I changed though (made to change by the other half), the amount of amazing food I had missed out on over the years.

kylith

My mother had a wonderful saying for situations like this: you know where the bread is.

I think you should sit down with him and give him 3 options: give input into the family dinners, eat what’s put in front of him, or feed himself.

If he just wants nuggets, or burgers he can research and make them himself.

SusanC10

I think your Husband's behaviour is awful and I just couldn't put up with that.
I am a SAHM at the moment and my Husband works long hours plus a commute so I do the cooking Monday-Friday. No way would I continue to cook for him if he behaved like that.

Our Daughter is a fussy eater. She doesn't eat a lot of different foods but worse she may eat something this week and then refuse it the next.
I cook for all of us and put her portion on a plate in front of her. If she eats it great but there is no alternative provided and if she refuses it at a weekend she won't get Dessert. She doesn't have to finish the portion but she does need to make a good effort at it. So we leave it up to her.
If she wants a snack it must be Fruit/Veg/Yogurt.

I would try this approach with your Husband. Put Dinner on the Table in front of him. Offer no alternative. Stop buying Junk Food. See what happens.

sbsquarepants

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

He needs to be taken outside and shot with balls of his own sh1te carrying on like that
.

Pretty much this.

He's a grown man acting like a spoiled toddler.

My approach would be - there's dinner, your options are -

A: Eat it.
B: Leave it.

That's dinner taken care of.


"What do you want?" "Cooked food" - Go cook for yourself, you clown!

Reati

Patww79 wrote: »

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Amen to that.

osarusan

cmoidd wrote: »

then later on after story time for our son, he cane to me saying, he felt puky and it was because of me, I didn’t cook anything for him so he had to eat an entire big bag cheese puff...

Being a fussy eater is one thing, but this absolutely pathetic behaviour from anybody over 6 years old.

I know a few fussy eaters, but they know they are fussy, know it's a bit of a pain, and take responsibility for their own food. Him not seeing/caring about that is a problem.

All I can suggest is that you sit down with him and try to work out a set/rotation of meals that he will agree to eat, then stick to it, and get him to stick to it, by pointing out that he agreed to it.

But again, I'd say his failure to realise/acknowledge what a spoiled child he is being is another issue here.

Uncharted

Sounds like a classic example of T.I.M.B.E.R.

Are you familiar with this particular syndrome O.P? It's very prominent in the Irish environment.

Generally doesn't reveal the true depths of the syndrome until the male subject reaches the age of approximately 18/19 and can carry through in extreme cases until mid 30's.

This sounds like a classic example.

It's also known as Typical Irish Mammys Boys Emerge Ruined.

I diagnose a swift kick to the bollox.

Cushie Butterfield

Seems to me that you’ll just have to feed him according to the way he acts. Some good recipes here (just increase portion size):
http://www.heinzbaby.co.uk/recipes.aspx?age=Month_12_to_24

Also make sure he has medical insurance for when he starts to have gastronomic issues as well as other possibly more severe medical issues.

More importantly a good life insurance policy & so as you & children won’t be left destitute when he inevitably dies prematurely.

Best of luck.

beertons

I haven't laughed so much in ages at some of the reply's. Let him do his own cooking is the simple answer. He'll get fed up of popcorn sambo's fairly quickly.

G-Man

I see this is cry for help, for having tolerated this for so long. You need to be more mature, to bake and cook the things you are good at..

Your husband has caused these bad habits to be passed on to your child. Please start doing it right now.

Buy well and be proud, you cook well and pass these habits to your children. Healthy diet is a very important part of long term health.

heretothere

WOW! He sounds so like a nightmare!! It's grand not to like something but he should be coming up with ideas of what he will actually eat!

Alun

What I don't understand is how this didn't come to light early on in the relationship? If I went on a single date with someone who was picky about their food in any way that'd be it over, no questions asked, not to mention the obvious Irish mammy's boy syndrome he's demonstrating.

OP, I bet you make the grocery shopping also? Only buy healthy foods, no cheese puffs, no pizza. Cook for him, let him eat or not.

cmoidd

Thanks @Bigus for your meal suggestions

Hurling Rankings wrote: »

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Thanks that's reasuring to know, i'm not the problem here, he is. I always blame myself, but maybe i should not!

Peregrinus wrote: »

I suggest maybe telling him that you're going to do a bit of weekly menu planning. You'd appreciate his input

I'll do that, we can plan meal togheter! and then if he doesn't want to eat, he doesn't it, he can starve! you're right!

elbyrneo wrote: »

Show him this thread.

Having said that, if food is just one issue in a dominating relationship I imagine you wouldnt dream of showing him this. In which case maybe you need to consider the bigger picture......

Oh GOD noway on earth i would show him this thread, he would HATE me forever if he reads all of that... he is really self conscious about what people think of him, if he knew he would go mad! i'm sure he doesn't realise how bad his food behaviour is, it became worst slowly at the time, he wasn't always like that!
Maybe i should look at the bigger picture! because he is authoritative in a lots of way, but he wasn't always like that...

dudara wrote: »

I’ll be honest, there’s no way I’d tolerate this. This is the behaviour of a 2 year old toddler, not a grown man who’s about to become a father again. It’s absolutely pathetic behaviour from an adult, and a terrible way to treat his wife. How are you coping with all of this, how does it make you feel?

It does make me feel really bad to be honest, i don't know how i cope with it... things need to change!

wildwillow wrote: »

I bet he doesn't do any housework or tidy up after himself either. What you have here is a spoilt and manipulative man. I think it's a control issue for him, even if he doesn't realise it.

Start by insisting on all meals at a properly set table, with no television or phones. Prepare meals which are nutritious and varied, eat for a set period of time and then clear up. Explain that you want to teach your child proper eating habits and you need him to give good example.

Don't comment if he complains.

Try to set up a new routine before baby arrives, otherwise you will not cope.

Get him to do the shopping using a detailed shopping list based on a weekly menu plan. If he has never cooked he might actually enjoy it if he had some lessons.

Children tend to eat veg if the are involved in growing it. could you have a tiny veg patch and grow some lettuce and scallions and maybe a few herbs.

Get him some multivitamin and mineral tablets as he must be deficient in these as a result of his diet.

You are his wife, not mother or slave. Good luck and hope things change for the better.

No he doesn't do any housework, but he does clean up his plate, when he eats at the table (because i ask him) otherwise he leave everything behind
I'm starting to wonder if i'm his wife or his maid...
But in faireness he does a lot with our child, he plays with him, entertain him, yesterday while i was cooking he gave him his bath (the bathroom was a total mess but he did gave him his bath), he is not all bad, he helps a bit

I tried to make him eat at the table, but he just want to lay down on his sofa with his laptop on his legs! it remind me of one time, he was having a big fat steak with chips and he asked me cut the meat for him because he couldn't eat it laying down I didn't do it OBVIOUSLY so he had to seat up to eat...
I negociated to have lunch at the dinner table together to set an example for our son, but the evening it's a no way, he is too tired, he rather not eat than eat something that has be eaten at the table.

It's what i did yesterday, when he started to complain about his belly hurting, i just ignore him and when to bed...