The Alpha Male - does he really exist?

professore

Deleted User wrote: »

qwerty ui op wrote: »

Here's a clue... going out on the pull, is one of the best things you'll ever get to do life and you should not judge people after reading a single post.

Only thing I've really agreed with so far.

Folks, you gotta realize that many people are not set up to have long-term relationships, whether that's a girlfriend or marriage. There might be something missing in their/my personality, I really don't know.

I'm just over 40 and a bachelor. I've never been interested in marriage, and TBH long-term relationships bore me to tears (I have had a few, and was engaged once). I've met many wonderful women, and I've had opportunities to become serious, but it wouldn't have been fair to them to go the whole way. I'm not ready for that, and likely never will.

So, what are we confirmed bachelors or single people to do? Just give up? Nah. Bugger that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going out, meeting someone new, and having sexual relations with them. And that's it. As long as it's an honest experience, I see nothing negative involved. It might not be your sort of thing, but it is for many others... And it's definitely not a sign of immaturity.

Most of my friends are female. I have them for friendships. I have others for sexual relationships. "Friends with benefits" for the most part, although a few are purely sexual with little friendship involved... And I am perfectly content with that...

And honestly, going out on the pull is fun.

That's interesting, I noticed that in general guys like you don't have many male friends, often wondered why that is?

Unless you are the type that constantly goes on about his conquests and how easy it is to get laid, then I get it ...

Wibbs

qwerty ui op wrote: »

Why? all you've done is point the finger and say juvenile and childish without explaining why.
What I've described above is the most common approach not just in Ireland but many places all over the world. You may be unhappy with this and call it a lot of things but seeing as it's done by vast amounts of adult human beings it's not juvenile/childish.

True enough. That's pretty much the normal way of things, with a couple of local cultural tweaks repeated throughout the western world of a weekend.

I've met and worked with 100's of international women, In my early twenties I was in a 2 year relationship with a girl from Denmark and I'm currently married to a woman from northern Spain we've been together over 9 years. All this time, even now when my wife's family/friends are around one thing I've never heard about is this so called problem with Irish men and dating.

I have. Well the "drinking culture" has been noted anyway. Irish men in particular? I have heard(and seen) compared to some dating cultures that Irish men tend to be less full on, less pushy. Seen as a positive. Some cultures are more meat market, others more based on extend social groups, some drink less, some drink more.

Go for a night out with your friends
yet, I'm " beyond worrying"Is this because I've used the word "pints" ?
Is this a self loathing Irish thing?do you think we should just automatically change and copy some other country?

The Irish self loathing thing can be very much a thing alright.

Deleted User wrote: »

Folks, you gotta realize that many people are not set up to have long-term relationships, whether that's a girlfriend or marriage. There might be something missing in their/my personality, I really don't know.

I'd go further TBH and say few enough people are naturally built for long term monogamy. That it requires effort. Especially in the modern western world.

That effort was less in the past when the life trajectory of leave school, get job, settle down, get hitched in your 20's(often with the "first love"), have kids, work until 65 etc. People simply have more choice now. The average 30 year old man or woman has had more partners and more social and sexual experiences than their great grandparents would have dreamed of.

The life trajectory these days is more along the lines of leave school, go to third level, have a few partners there, go through the 20's, into the early 30's with a few two to three year monogamous relationships, with breaks where a couple of flings might be in play, then settle on somebody in the mid 30's and get hitched/have kids then.

I would say the latter trajectory could make the "lifetime" relationship harder to navigate. For a start a person has more to compare one partner with past ones. Secondly the lifetime partner is often just as much a case of timing and age(moreso with women I've found) than compatibility. If they had met at 22 chances are high it would have lasted the 2 to 3 years and split, often for good reasons, but at 35 people are more likely to stick it out and then wonder at 50 why they did. I've seen that quite often.

At the level of the individual I would say some people are more adaptable than others. Most can adapt to long termers/marriage to one degree or other, of the rest, some are made for it, some are not. It has also been my experience and observation that some people cast a wider net as far as partners that would suit them, while others cast a narrower one. The former is the more normal.

Speaking personally I would say I'm pretty adaptable in long termers and would be happy enough within one. With the right woman. But I'm one of those people who casts a very narrow net, so in my life I've only met two, maybe three women I could be adaptable with.

professore

professore wrote: »

That's interesting, I noticed that in general guys like you don't have many male friends, often wondered why that is?

Well, I've got 7 close friends, three being male and four female (although they're spread worldwide).

The remainder I consider to be mostly 'acquaintances'. People I like, and they want to know me, but we don't really try that hard to stay in contact. I've had enough betrayals in my life that I tend not to trust people easily. It's an emotional reaction to the past rather than a logical response. There's also the aspect that I really dislike "Laddish" behavior, or being touched without my permission. Men, in the west, tend to behave certain ways which, they consider signs of friendship, but I often find extremely uncomfortable (bear in mind the bullying I experienced).

Unless you are the type that constantly goes on about his conquests and how easy it is to get laid, then I get it ...

Haha.. no. I don't talk about my sexual/romantic experiences much. I'm generally a very private person about who I'm dating or dated. Anyway, my friends are usually as experienced as I am, and not terribly interested in such conversations.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

True enough. That's pretty much the normal way of things, with a couple of local cultural tweaks repeated throughout the western world of a weekend.

I don't really know the lives of other people. My own circle tends to fall into two groups. My friends from China who are, for the most part, very traditional about relationships/marriage/children and then those like me.

I'm quite mobile. I haven't put down roots anywhere because I like to experience other cultures. Many of my friends are similar. Either due to their personality or their careers. When you're moving around every few years, it's difficult to maintain the mindset to allow a long-term relationship, and in my experience, long distance relationships don't work.

However, those who have entered relationships or marriage, the vast majority are divorced or separated now.

I have no problem with monogamy. I've tried the playboy lifestyle of being with many different women within the same week or day, but I didn't enjoy it.