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The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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    #4412
    milltown
    Registered Users Posts: 4,613 ✭✭✭milltown


    Mehaffey1 wrote: »
    One of my own here to share, thought of it on Friday bored to tears in work.

    I'm going to quit this job and go into the purse and wallet industry. At least there's money ib them.

    My dream is to open my own Northside bathroom textiles business:

    SANTRY TOWELS


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    #4413
    tayto lover
    Registered Users Posts: 51,492 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    I’m opening a cheese shop in Nazareth.

    “Cheeses of Nazareth”.


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    #4414
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,725 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    whiskeyman wrote: »
    1 is ok.
    2 fine.
    But Aintree enough?
    Not if it's the mane theme of the thread.


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    #4415
    blade1
    Registered Users Posts: 12,112 ✭✭✭✭blade1


    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »
    Not if it's the mane theme of the thread.

    3 on the trot is fine!


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    #4416
    tayto lover
    Registered Users Posts: 51,492 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    RobMc59 wrote: »
    ***BREAKING NEWS***
    A man was admitted to hospital today with 25 toy plastic horses inserted in his bottom..
    Doctors have described his condition as stable..

    I bet we’ll all get saddled with the bill.


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    #4417
    4Ad
    Registered Users Posts: 2,671 ✭✭✭4Ad


    tayto lover wrote: »
    I bet we’ll all get saddled with the bill.

    Gordon Elliott might pay it !!


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    #4418
    tayto lover
    Registered Users Posts: 51,492 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    4Ad wrote: »
    Gordon Elliott might pay it !!

    He’s too mane.


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    #4419
    Tazium
    Registered Users Posts: 899 ✭✭✭Tazium


    Betcha he's sweating more than a horse in a glue factory. Must have the trots.


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    #4420
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,725 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What did Elton John say after his 7th can of Amstel?

    Amstel standing, yeah yeah yeah


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    #4421
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,725 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    4Ad wrote: »
    Gordon Elliott might pay it !!
    Don't go there it's a minefield.


    Which is incidently the name a German uses for the place when the horse is.


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    #4422
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 76,364 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    If you ask me, this is turning into a dog and pony show.


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    #4423
    foxy farmer
    Registered Users Posts: 3,194 ✭✭✭foxy farmer


    Tazium wrote: »
    Betcha he's sweating more than a horse in a glue factory. Must have the trots.

    Not a bother on him. Being a jockey his neck is like his bollo×!!!


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    #4424
    its_steve116
    Registered Users Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭its_steve116


    milltown wrote: »
    My dream is to open my own Northside bathroom textiles business:

    SANTRY TOWELS

    My dream is to form my own Northside Metallica tribute band:

    SANTRYTARIUM


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    #4425
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 76,364 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    I wish Medusa would stop objectifying people.


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    #4426
    RobMc59
    Registered Users Posts: 4,831 ✭✭✭RobMc59


    The fella who presses the crowd cheering button at Anfield when Liverpool score has just been furloughed....


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    #4427
    fryup
    Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    here's a cracker from Carry on Abroad...:pac:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXtFQdvcp4o


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    #4428
    TheBody
    Registered Users Posts: 5,619 ✭✭✭TheBody


    Who will take the 2nd shot of this snooker match?

    Find out after the break.


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    #4429
    everlast75
    Registered Users Posts: 18,985 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    What do you call an Irish man breaking up a fight?

    Liam Malone


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    #4430
    dilallio
    Registered Users Posts: 2,728 ✭✭✭dilallio


    A very drunk Paddy meets a prostitute up an alley...
    He asks, "how much for full sex?"

    "50 quid" she replies.

    "Ok" says Paddy and they get down to business.

    Next minute a policeman appears and shines his torch in their faces. "Whats going on here then?" he asks.

    "Nothing officer, I'm just having sex with my wife."

    "Sorry sir, I didn't know it was your wife."

    Paddy shouts, "neither did I till you shone the bloody torch in her face!"


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    #4431
    fryup
    Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    ^^^^^^^^^

    good one :D


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    #4432
    RobMc59
    Registered Users Posts: 4,831 ✭✭✭RobMc59


    Oprah's next interview is with Jurgen Klopp who has also lost a title and is getting bullied at home.


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    #4433
    castletownman
    Registered Users Posts: 11,021 ✭✭✭✭castletownman


    RobMc59 wrote: »
    Oprah's next interview is with Jurgen Klopp who has also lost a title and is getting bullied at home.

    At this stage, Prince Harry has a better chance of regaining his title though


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    #4434
    Roger_007
    Registered Users Posts: 21,886 ✭✭✭✭Roger_007


    castletownman wrote: »
    At this stage, Prince Harry has a better chance of regaining his title though

    At least he scored a couple of times.:D


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    #4435
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,725 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What's the best way to delegate?

    Asking for a friend.


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    #4436
    M5
    Registered Users Posts: 10,161 ✭✭✭✭M5


    MOD SNIP

    <<NOPE>>


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    #4437
    Professor Moriarty
    Registered Users Posts: 14,359 ✭✭✭✭Professor Moriarty


    M5 wrote: »
    MOD SNIP

    <<NOPE>>

    Nope.


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    #4438
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Hey, there is nothing wrong with nepotism as long as you keep it in the family.


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    #4439
    Edgware
    Registered Users Posts: 5,875 ✭✭✭Edgware


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Hey, there is nothing wrong with nepotism as long as you keep it in the family.
    Like incest, a game for all the family


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    #4440
    fryup
    Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    for the week that's in it....

    Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman were about
    to be executed by firing squad on a tropical island.
    Paddy Englishman was first up, 3...2...1... Just before they shoot he shouted "TIGER!!!" the guards panicked and he ran away. Paddy Scotsman was next. 3...2...1... Just before they shoot he shouted "TIDAL WAVE!!!" The guards panicked and he ran away. Paddy Irishman was last. 3...2...1... Just before they shoot he shouted "FIRE!!!"


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    #4441
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,725 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.


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