Online dating

cantdecide

Different ways work for different people. At the risk sounding defeatist (I do have many other wonderful traits according to me ma) but I'm below average looking and unphotogenic to boot which conspires to earn me more than a fair share of left swipes. I'm not especially outgoing in general especially with new people and I appear to suffer the male resting bitch face, all of which screws online and bars for me being several goals down to begin with.

Anyone I've met before I've met through mutual friends or through some other connection.

Ficheall

Augme wrote: »

I'd be of the opinion that you'd want to be desperate to keep seeing someone who actively tried to deceive you. Talk about a terrible characteristic to have in a potential partner.

Alright, let's keep it simple.
What's your upper age limit for dating, Augme? Leaving aside for the moment that you don't have one and that age is just a number, of course. Let's work with the age bracket that you put in when you're searching for matches.
Let's say it's N.

Some person aged N+1 is on the site. They're pretty amazing, but you won't find them. Now, suppose they put down in their info that they were N, and you found them and found that they were amazing, and then they told you they were N+1. Would you tell them to scram? No you wouldn't, because you're not a cretin.

That's pretty much the principle.

I, personally, don't set out to deceive anyone in my profile*, but I presume that's the logic behind being untruthful about one's age.


*Aside from only putting up "good" photos, not mentioning ex hang-ups or neediness, trying not to show off my belly, only mentioning good traits, etc...

Shint0

cantdecide wrote: »

Different ways work for different people.

Anyone I've met before I've met through mutual friends or through some other connection.

Exactly, cantdecide.There's more than one way to crack a nut.
Stick to what works for you.

manonboard

StripedBoxers wrote: »

I decided to have a mooch on POF recently, have to say, the amount of men who cannot be arsed putting an effort into their profile is shocking.

Aside from the fact only a few of them take time to write anything on their profiles, in proper, readable, legible English. Most are only a few lines, text speech etc. which puts me off for some reason.

It's like they want to make an impression but can't be arsed putting the effort into making that impression.

Having looked on both Tinder and POF, I can safely say online dating just isn't for me.

I was only saying to a friend earlier I seem to have more luck on nights out than anything else, which is ironic given I rarely go out and when I do, I never approach guys, I'm usually with my friends chatting and laughing away.

I never really look for anyone anyway, I'm of the opinion if it happens, it happens, it's just on nights out I seem to meet guys for some reason and I don't even try. I don't mean that in a boastful way or anything just seems to be my luck.

I met my ex through his previous job, on a night out a few months ago I came home home with a couple of numbers, first time that ever happened.

I think I prefer meeting chaps in real life too, because you can see them and their personality in reality, rather than through a mobile/website and I find that with online dating who you are talking to, although it may seem like you "click", when you meet them in reality, there's something missing, you don't like etc. and I dunno, it seems more romantic to meet in real life.

Call me old fashioned but meeting in real life is most definitely for me, online dating isn't

I wish this was the way i perceived things from the male looking for female side of things.
So many female profiles are a few sexy pictures, with interests Traveling, movies, socializing..

It's the most bland expressions and very difficult to try start an interesting conversation. Even i cringe at some of the boring stuff i've said but it's a rock and a hard place.
I think women get too many messages that it just becomes too easy to filter people out.. I can't blame them, I'd prolly be the the same if the roles were reversed.

I was on a date last night with someone from pof. It was a fun night but i wasnt too attracted to them in person. They're pictures were quite a bit more attractive, which i understand but it was a bit of a let down. They also failed to mention a disability which would have large effect on our physical activities which are very important to me as i'm a very active person who likes to use my body. I brought up the topic about gender roles to which their reply was that society would fall and we'd all start murdering and raping people..
She was good craic in fairness and a nice person. Just a bit not the right fit.

Are people finding that people misrepresent their looks and intelligence online much?

KikiDee

manonboard wrote: »

I think women get too many messages that it just becomes too easy to filter people out.. I can't blame them, I'd prolly be the the same if the roles were reversed.

Yeaaa....I wish!!!

manonboard wrote: »

Are people finding that people misrepresent their looks and intelligence online much?

Oh completely!! But it's human nature. You're essentially 'selling' yourself so you're gonna put your best foot forward. When choosing my pics, I made a conscious effort to include a pic of me on an aul night out, a full body pic and a 'me wit 0 effort' pic. So ya can see exactly what you're getting.

wakka12

manonboard wrote: »

I wish this was the way i perceived things from the male looking for female side of things.
So many female profiles are a few sexy pictures, with interests Traveling, movies, socializing..

It's the most bland expressions and very difficult to try start an interesting conversation. Even i cringe at some of the boring stuff i've said but it's a rock and a hard place.
I think women get too many messages that it just becomes too easy to filter people out.. I can't blame them, I'd prolly be the the same if the roles were reversed.

I was on a date last night with someone from pof. It was a fun night but i wasnt too attracted to them in person. They're pictures were quite a bit more attractive, which i understand but it was a bit of a let down. They also failed to mention a disability which would have large effect on our physical activities which are very important to me as i'm a very active person who likes to use my body. I brought up the topic about gender roles to which their reply was that society would fall and we'd all start murdering and raping people..
She was good craic in fairness and a nice person. Just a bit not the right fit.

Are people finding that people misrepresent their looks and intelligence online much?

Well obviously, we put our best version of ourself out there to get the most attention possible. Everyone I have met from the internet so far though has looked and acted exactly how I expected, but I could easily imagine this happening, especially with girls, theyre good at getting their best photo angles and lighting!

Augme

Ficheall wrote: »

Alright, let's keep it simple.
What's your upper age limit for dating, Augme? Leaving aside for the moment that you don't have one and that age is just a number, of course. Let's work with the age bracket that you put in when you're searching for matches.
Let's say it's N.

Some person aged N+1 is on the site. They're pretty amazing, but you won't find them. Now, suppose they put down in their info that they were N, and you found them and found that they were amazing, and then they told you they were N+1. Would you tell them to scram? No you wouldn't, because you're not a cretin.

That's pretty much the principle.

I, personally, don't set out to deceive anyone in my profile*, but I presume that's the logic behind being untruthful about one's age.


*Aside from only putting up "good" photos, not mentioning ex hang-ups or neediness, trying not to show off my belly, only mentioning good traits, etc...

If straight away they told me they were N+1 I'd have no issue with it. If they waited then I would tell them to scram. Same as if they actually lived in Galway when they claimed Dublin.

KikiDee

wakka12 wrote: »

especially with girls, theyre good at getting their best photo angles and lighting!

Contouring on fleeeeeeek and all that sh1te!

Augme

StripedBoxers wrote: »

I decided to have a mooch on POF recently, have to say, the amount of men who cannot be arsed putting an effort into their profile is shocking.

Aside from the fact only a few of them take time to write anything on their profiles, in proper, readable, legible English. Most are only a few lines, text speech etc. which puts me off for some reason.

It's like they want to make an impression but can't be arsed putting the effort into making that impression.

Having looked on both Tinder and POF, I can safely say online dating just isn't for me.

I was only saying to a friend earlier I seem to have more luck on nights out than anything else, which is ironic given I rarely go out and when I do, I never approach guys, I'm usually with my friends chatting and laughing away.

I never really look for anyone anyway, I'm of the opinion if it happens, it happens, it's just on nights out I seem to meet guys for some reason and I don't even try. I don't mean that in a boastful way or anything just seems to be my luck.

I met my ex through his previous job, on a night out a few months ago I came home home with a couple of numbers, first time that ever happened.

I think I prefer meeting chaps in real life too, because you can see them and their personality in reality, rather than through a mobile/website and I find that with online dating who you are talking to, although it may seem like you "click", when you meet them in reality, there's something missing, you don't like etc. and I dunno, it seems more romantic to meet in real life.

Call me old fashioned but meeting in real life is most definitely for me, online dating isn't

When a guy comes up to you in a bar you know nothing about him, he doesn't hand you a CV with his likes and dislikes on it. Secondly what most likely happens is that he'll say "Hi, how are you?". Which seems to be another cardinal sin in online dating.

The great benefit of real-life dating is that people have such little information to go on that generally they are happier to let things play out more. If a guy yu like the look of chats to you in a bar you'll happily engage him in conversation. If that same guy has a limited profile, sends an opening message that says "Hi, how are you?" he'll be ignored.

Mikkl

Update: we got on great and and a brilliant time. I drank far too much unfortunately. Not entirely my fault, some Americans sent over a drink for me but not for him because he is not Irish.......... I thought that was a wind up. He said are you voteeng for donald etrumpa? I tried and failed to hold on to two mouthfuls of porridge with coconut milk there. He is absolutely insane, but in a nice way. I told him I am a feminist though and gave him a severe reprimand for looking like that would be an issue. Then he started vaping to handle the revelation that I'm a feminist. I hate vaping. It's weird. I told him my cleaner vaped. He told me both his ex-wives hated him. So with all of that in the open, we're meeting next week. He has about five million friends on facebook. I like that he's confident.

Mikkl

Hombre Lobo wrote: »

So far I've got two great ideas from this thread for a new dating site if I was ever to make one.

1. If you have no photo uploaded, you can only match or see other people with no photo.
2. You can't see anybody's age. Let their profile and image do the talking.

you'd have to have some mechanism for making sure that people used a recent photo, but yeh, you're really defined by your age on line in a way that you're not (or at least, not so categorically) in rl.

cailin.

Mikkl wrote: »

Good luck Cailin! sounds promising. The first date is really the zero-eth date so it can't even seem to good to be true YET but update please!

So an update!

We met this morning in a cute coffee shop, had great coffee, great chats about absolute everything and finally brunch. We ended up staying for three hours, and decided to go for an impromptu stroll which lasted two hours. He asked to see me again, and sealed the deal with a kiss. I'm still a bit in awe of how well we clicked, I may have to thank PoF for this one!

StripedBoxers

Augme wrote: »

When a guy comes up to you in a bar you know nothing about him, he doesn't hand you a CV with his likes and dislikes on it. Secondly what most likely happens is that he'll say "Hi, how are you?". Which seems to be another cardinal sin in online dating.

The great benefit of real-life dating is that people have such little information to go on that generally they are happier to let things play out more. If a guy yu like the look of chats to you in a bar you'll happily engage him in conversation. If that same guy has a limited profile, sends an opening message that says "Hi, how are you?" he'll be ignored.

I've had chaps message me on Tinder with "hi", "hello", "hey, how's you?" etc and I've responded. It's not how they open the convo, what their first message says, I like that they have messaged me so I would reply.

I just find the lack of effort into making that first impression online a bit off putting. I'm sure those guys are lovely and all, but even a bit of effort is something, text speech, etc just comes across as them being "meh" about it, to me at least.

Mikkl

Striped, you ever had a message which seems long and personal but then you realise it's likely to be generic as despite its relative length there's not one specific reference to your profile?!

I had a message earlier today from a man who said that ten years ago he wouldn't have been compatible with a woman like me but now he was. WHAT does that mean I wonder? He's only looking to date. Think i@ll just see how it goes with this Spanish guy now. He's like three or four people anyway.

Mikkl

Mikkl wrote: »

Striped, you ever had a message which seems long and personal but then you realise it's likely to be generic as despite its relative length there's not one specific reference to your profile?!

I had a message earlier today from a man who said that ten years ago he wouldn't have been compatible with a woman like me but now he was. WHAT does that mean I wonder? He's only looking to date. Think i@ll just see how it goes with this Spanish guy now. He's like three or four people anyway.

It means that maybe he is a different person than he was ten years ago or is in a different place.

I agree with you regarding some long messages. For me it's more and more about the content of them.

xkariex

cailin. wrote: »

So an update!

We met this morning in a cute coffee shop, had great coffee, great chats about absolute everything and finally brunch. We ended up staying for three hours, and decided to go for an impromptu stroll which lasted two hours. He asked to see me again, and sealed the deal with a kiss. I'm still a bit in awe of how well we clicked, I may have to thank PoF for this one!

Awh lovely!! Hope it goes well for ye both ..

Shint0

Mikkl wrote: »

Think i@ll just see how it goes with this Spanish guy now. He's like three or four people anyway.

As in Multiple Personality Disorder three or four people??

StripedBoxers

Mikkl wrote: »

Striped, you ever had a message which seems long and personal but then you realise it's likely to be generic as despite its relative length there's not one specific reference to your profile?!

Only once have i gotten one of those messages, it was on Tinder and it was clear as day that he hadn't taken a proper look at my profile, most other guys who looked at my profile and messaged me made reference to some things on my profile, asked me about them, went on to tell me about ways they could relate etc so such and such etc.

Mikkl wrote: »

I had a message earlier today from a man who said that ten years ago he wouldn't have been compatible with a woman like me but now he was. WHAT does that mean I wonder? He's only looking to date. Think i@ll just see how it goes with this Spanish guy now. He's like three or four people anyway.

Deleted User wrote: »

It means that maybe he is a different person than he was ten years ago or is in a different place.

I agree with you regarding some long messages. For me it's more and more about the content of them.

Just means as Persepoly has said, he's changed and is in a different place than he was back then, I wouldn't view it as a negative thing, he was open about it with you, which is a good thing I think, he wasn't trying to hide it.

Mikkl

Shint0 wrote: »

As in Multiple Personality Disorder three or four people??

I mean crazy funny ideas bursting out of him......... even though english his second language he spoke really quickly and I enjoyed that. He was not boring and it didn't seem like a performance. The lively eccentricity wouldn't be for every body and he told me he'd been on a date with a bank manager a week back who found his so dreadful she left after one drink. I thought he was hilarious myself. So Peig Sayers was right, there is a lid for every pot. Or maybe that was Oprah.

Shint0

Mikkl wrote: »

I mean crazy funny ideas bursting out of him......... even though english his second language he spoke really quickly and I enjoyed that.

Well you know them Spaniards. Never stop to take a breath. That can have its advantages.

Sounds like a good one. Top of the list so far.

Ceribrial

on average how many dates have people been on since their last relationship?

StripedBoxers

Shint0 wrote: »

Well you know them Spaniards. Never stop to take a breath. That can have its advantages.

:pac: :P

This has me in stitches!

Peregrine

Good afternoon all,

After much discussion and consideration, it has been decided that due to the fact the subject of this thread is provided for specifically by the online dating forum, it does not belong in After Hours.

As we have seen happening with many threads, it has turned into more of chat and flirting thread which we have previously outlined as something that is not for AH.

We understand that this will be an unpopular decision, but the decision on this one is final.

For access to the Online Dating Forum you can request access here (please note that the OD forum is NOT a place to try and pick up members of the opposite sex, so please do not use this forum purely for flirty purposes!).

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056968455

For specific relationship advice there is a forum here (as always, read their charter before posting, theirs is understandably strict).

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174

There is even a forum specifically for flirting, for those of you who wish to do so!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1312