Online dating

The Raptor

Its a pain in the hole. Has anyone else tried it or met someone online.

It seems as if you're messaging different guys, with the same thing to each of them.

"Hi, how are you, I'm x, a little about myself". And its the same thing over and over again.

I was messaging a guy which I liked, swapped numbers, met up and I liked him. But I wasn't his type. Such a let down.

Does anyone ever find anyone they click with?

KERSPLAT!

I know people married, others with kids, long term relationships, etc from online dating. I assume they "clicked" at some stage!

I'm sure it's like any other dating game, it can take more than a few tries before you meet someone who you are interested in as much as they are interested in you

Speedwell

I met my husband, my boss, and my best friend in the same chat room. It wasn't a dating site chat room. Maybe that's the point. We were there to chat about the room topic, and so we already had common ground.

KERSPLAT!

Speedwell wrote: »

I met my husband, my boss, and my best friend in the same chat room. It wasn't a dating site chat room. Maybe that's the point. We were there to chat about the room topic, not initially to date, and so we already had common ground.

Did you date them all!? :eek:

The Raptor

The Raptor wrote: »

Its a pain in the hole. Has anyone else tried it or met someone online.

It seems as if you're messaging different guys, with the same thing to each of them.

"Hi, how are you, I'm x, a little about myself". And its the same thing over and over again.

I was messaging a guy which I liked, swapped numbers, met up and I liked him. But I wasn't his type. Such a let down.

Does anyone ever find anyone they click with?

Ah ya kinda have to meet loads of people, have a bit of choice, see who you click with

The Raptor

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

Did you date them all!? :eek:

She could have married her boss, whose her best friend also?

Speedwell

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

Did you date them all!? :eek:

Heh, when I joined the chat room years ago, I was in a relationship intended to be permanent. My boss was and still is married; he didn't become my boss until last year (I'd known him in chat for several years by then). My best friend is around half my age (and we've never met in person). My husband came along long after I broke up with the worthless waster I had been with, and we just happened to hit it off. I know, I put it the way I do to get a laugh. Hell, I laugh myself.

Lights On

Did it for a while a few years ago, had a few dates, got a few rides but nothing more than that ever came out of it. Have some horror stories too which kind of put me off using sites again!

Speedwell

Lights On wrote: »

Did it for a while a few years ago, had a few dates, got a few rides but nothing more than that ever came out of it. Have some horror stories too which kind of put me off using sites again!

Yeah, I have a few horror stories as well (not related to the gentlemen I mention above, heh). They mostly involve people not wanting to be the same in person as they were online. Best quote ever from one of them: "Yeah, what puts me off about you is you're exactly the same as you seem to be online." What the EFFING HELL does that even MEAN.

Mr E

Lights On wrote: »

Have some horror stories too which kind of put me off using sites again!

So you woke up in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney too? Good times. Ah to be in my 20s again.

hairyslug

Met my now wife online, had some nightmare dates as well,

Elessar

I've been doing it a good few years. Been on lots of dates. Mostly really nice women, I've no horror stories, but there were very few I really clicked with. Thanks to tinder and the like I've met lots of interesting people I never would have met otherwise. Had great NSA fun with some, got a bit heartbroken with others. I've never had a long term thing from it though.

It's a numbers game really OP. And by numbers I mean a LOT of numbers. Oh and it helps if you know what you actually want from dating.

Lights On

Speedwell wrote: »

Yeah, I have a few horror stories as well (not related to the gentlemen I mention above, heh). They mostly involve people not wanting to be the same in person as they were online. Best quote ever from one of them: "Yeah, what puts me off about you is you're exactly the same as you seem to be online." What the EFFING HELL does that even MEAN.

Yeah I've had a few people like that as well, talking to them online and in person was pretty much like meeting a new person. The worst though was a girl who didn't disclose she was pregnant until we met up, which would be a major thing you'd tell someone!! Was a nice day so we met up to go for a walk somewhere to chat in person, getting on great, I asked if we should go somewhere for a drink? "Eh, no I can't drink I'm pregnant" Safe to say I didn't take that relationship any further

metaoblivia

I've tried it a few times, and have gone on some dates, but nothing ever worked out for more than a couple of dates. It's just not something I can get into. I found myself having trouble working up the motivation to meet people based on a profile and some pictures. I'd much rather my first impression of a person happen in real life as opposed to online.

darkpagandeath

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/57785742.jpg

biko

I've met several girlfriends online, one I was with for over 6 years.

Shenshen

I met my now husband online, so I suppose it can work. Then again, when I was using dating sites back in the day it was less with the explicit intend on meeting someone for a long-term relationship. I was mostly looking for some distraction, a bit of fun and the occasional ONS. That's how it started out with my husband, too. I think that may have helped.

And as people have pointed out, it's a numbers game. You'll have to block a lot of oddballs (can someone actually explain to me why some guys will send you c*ck pics without anyone asking for them? Do they really think that's the most attractive thing about them???), and there'll be any number of awkward first dates. No way around that.

shamrock2004

metaoblivia wrote: »

I've tried it a few times, and have gone on some dates, but nothing ever worked out for more than a couple of dates. It's just not something I can get into. I found myself having trouble working up the motivation to meet people based on a profile and some pictures. I'd much rather my first impression of a person happen in real life as opposed to online.

Very good point. I've found this also, where I just end up getting bored! In an ideal world would much rather meet someone in reality first...

Calypso27

I have never actually used a dating website or app but I met my OH in a chat room and I have also started several other relationships online, as well as dates and casual hook-ups. I'm 27 now but from the age of twelve I have been using chat rooms and then the likes of msn messenger as time went on, and now I use boards and instant messaging. My first serious relationship started with a text message as he had gotten my number from a friend of his and we texted for a bit and then met up, like a blind date. I was sixteen then so I have always met people in a virtual way, when it comes to relationships I think I find it easier to open up to someone online than I would in real life, and so this is how things progress into a relationship.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

The Raptor wrote: »

Its a pain in the hole. Has anyone else tried it or met someone online.

It seems as if you're messaging different guys, with the same thing to each of them.

"Hi, how are you, I'm x, a little about myself". And its the same thing over and over again.

I was messaging a guy which I liked, swapped numbers, met up and I liked him. But I wasn't his type. Such a let down.

Does anyone ever find anyone they click with?

Methinks you may be expecting too much. Lots of nice guys/girls out there, but you can;t go into eery date thinking "this has to be the one, or this idea is useless".

The probelms I have with online dating is the hoards of sad ****ing men who send out 100 messages a day that just say "hi" or "wanna" ****?"; and the women who never write to people and sit there thinking, "why do I never get any nice messages?"

And don't even get me started on dick pics.

Debtocracy

This is why online dating doesn’t work in the vast majority of cases: So take a girl who is 5/10. Because all men look like rapists online and because of female hypergamy, she will only talk with an 8/10 guy or above (only 20% of guys are rated above average attractiveness online).

So the 8/10 guy and 5/10 girl get talking and go on a date. While the 8/10 guy is happy to get a date, he is probably not going to consider the girl as relationship material (he’d rather an 8/10 girl but she won’t talk to him). As such, his main motivation is to have sex with this girl rather than form any meaningful relationship. The 5/10 girl therefore concludes that all men are pigs and that there’s no good men out there, with the average nice guy barely registering on her radar (by ‘nice guy’ she means attractive, tall, wealthy nice guy).

This phenomena of female hypergamy is becoming more prevalent in general. There’s articles aplenty these days about how there’s no good men left, with women even attributing gender population discrepancies and higher proportions of gay men to account for the lack of good men. Interestingly, the main reason women attribute freezing their ovaries is not because of career progression, but because they cannot find a suitable partner. At the same time, men are increasing their standards for commitment and marriage so the mathematics are getting even worse – the amount of single people is increasing rapidly across the Western World and no amount of online dating apps can stem the tide.

darkpagandeath

biko wrote: »

I've met several girlfriends online, one I was with for over 6 years.

Did you ever meet ? :pac:;)

Rhea Rose

I first tried it about 7 years ago when it wasn't half as popular as it is now. I was 22 at the time and it was good craic, met some sound guys, some not so sound, but nothing crazy. If anything, it gave me a few good stories for the pub I'd been in a 5 year relationship prior to that, so I guess it was my first real foray into 'dating'.

I dipped in and out of it over the years (most people seem to going by the reoccurring profiles!) and had a few relationships come out of it too. I had this strange on/off thing for years with a guy I met when I first joined it, and if anything I thought the way that ended would put me off it for life. But you know what? People are people, no matter where you meet them - online or in a bar - they're still the same. Sometimes you'll click, sometimes you won't. Sometimes they'll hurt you, sometimes you'll hurt them. It's pretty much the risk you have to take.

I ended up having a relationship with a guy in the US from it in more recent years and we did the travel/long distance thing for a while. That didn't work out, but a friend of mine met her husband the same way - so I'd never put someone off chatting to people outside of Ireland too. You never know who you might meet.

I had a break up a few months ago and I'm having some much needed time to myself right now, but I'd definitely consider trying it again down the line. The only thing that would put me off is that it seems to be getting more and more full of the 'tinder' mindset these days, and that's not my style at all. I don't think I'd ever join Tinder. I personally need to know something about a person before getting in touch, and it comes across as very shallow to me.

I met 2 of my best friends on it too. One of those guys is one of the most important people in my life now and I'm going to his wedding in a few months time So, you might not find what you're looking for - but you might still find something great.

Jim Bob Scratcher

Tried it for a while and I wouldn't recommend it, very vain place. The majority just seem to be on there for an ego boost more than anything. That was my experience from it anyways.

Rhea Rose

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Tried it for a while and I wouldn't recommend it. Very vain game. The majority just seem to be on there for an ego boost more than anything. That was my experience from it anyways.

Out of interest, why do you say that? I'm asking because I know a lot of guys get the hump when women simply don't reply, but that doesn't mean that they're vain - it just means that they're not interested. I remember I used to try to reply to everyone, even to say I wasn't up for chatting, but then I started getting abusive mails back in return and it wasn't worth the hassle.

I have been on and off the sites for a number of years now. It's been a really great experience for me overall. One of my closest friends I met through online dating. There are messers and time wasters but there are also some wonderful people. It's not for everyone and you do need a steely nerve but I always recommend it to people. Open your mind and your eyes.

That_Guy

Did it before. Had a good few dates and met an ex from it. I think people get too hung up on people not replying.

I only used to ever go on once or twice a week if I had nothing else to do that evening. It shouldn't be used as the main tool for meeting people imo.

tomwaterford

I did when I younger....great craic etc....but I doubt it's worth the hassle to do long term tbh

It's grand say if your hungover/bored of a Sunday/have nothing better to do....but if you do....I'd not be rushing headlong into it


Ideally it's the type of thing if you could subcontract out you would....:pac:

Though practically everyone is on it nowadays and half the tinder profiles I seen were of wans I known to be in relationships tbh

Peregrine

Debtocracy wrote: »

This is why online dating doesn’t work in the vast majority of cases: So take a girl who is 5/10. Because all men look like rapists online and because of female hypergamy, she will only talk with an 8/10 guy or above (only 20% of guys are rated above average attractiveness online).

So the 8/10 guy and 5/10 girl get talking and go on a date. While the 8/10 guy is happy to get a date, he is probably not going to consider the girl as relationship material (he’d rather an 8/10 girl but she won’t talk to him). As such, his main motivation is to have sex with this girl rather than form any meaningful relationship. The 5/10 girl therefore concludes that all men are pigs and that there’s no good men out there, with the average nice guy barely registering on her radar (by ‘nice guy’ she means attractive, tall, wealthy nice guy).

This phenomena of female hypergamy is becoming more prevalent in general. There’s articles aplenty these days about how there’s no good men left, with women even attributing gender population discrepancies and higher proportions of gay men to account for the lack of good men. Interestingly, the main reason women attribute freezing their ovaries is not because of career progression, but because they cannot find a suitable partner. At the same time, men are increasing their standards for commitment and marriage so the mathematics are getting even worse – the amount of single people is increasing rapidly across the Western World and no amount of online dating apps can stem the tide.

That gave me a good laugh. Thanks!


Oh, you're serious?

misstearheus

misstearheus wrote: »

Bitter and jealous lol but it's so so SO un-fair that some people can find lasting Relationships out of Online Dating!

No it's not. It's wonderful

Trebor176

I had two dates with a lovely girl from POF recently, but she decided not to take things further, which was very disappointing. It was my first online date, but also my first date in a long time. Although we shared a kiss, I don't feel that she was that interested in me, despite her saying she had been at the time.

She was a pain to message, not because of the conversation, but because it would take her days to reply online, or when texting, the next night or even a couple of days after. I took her excuse as work being busy and all that, but had she been that interested, perhaps there could have been more time to text/message? I don't know. But, the hunt goes on anyway, whether it be on or offline.

I would certainly not dismiss it, as it can work for people. For example, the girl I met said that her best friend had met her husband online. But, it's just so hard getting a reply from it, and if a reply is received to a message, it's rare for things to actually progress to more than two or three messages before she ghosts. Most that have messaged me first or viewed my profile first have been ones that I haven't been interested in. I guess it's the same visa versa.

Just to add, I don't really change online than in person. Really how I appear online is how I appear in person, but with the bit of shyness thrown into the mix. Perhaps I'm not as chatty first either :P

That_Guy

Trebor, I have a feeling she was probably multi-dating. She might have been on a date with you but she might have been comparing you to another fella in her head.

Not your fault. It just happens sometimes. It's all an experience anyways.

Peregrine

misstearheus wrote: »

Yes it is. Unless everybody gets partnered up from it and not just some, of course it's unfair. It is wonderful for them yes. And it certainly is a wonderful concept. Well wonderful would be a grand stretch but it's a nice idea. Wonderful but unfair! How about that?! :pac:

Unlucky, perhaps, but not unfair.

Trebor176

That_Guy wrote: »

Trebor, I have a feeling she was probably multi-dating. She might have been on a date with you but she might have been comparing you to another fella in her head.

Not your fault. It just happens sometimes. It's all an experience anyways.

I've been thinking the same thing alright. I've a feeling she could be with someone now.

That_Guy

Trebor176 wrote: »

I've been thinking the same thing alright. I've a feeling she could be with someone now.

Don't worry about it pal. It can be a feast or a famine.

hairyslug

It taught me alot about dating, prior to that most relationships started with drunken fumblings.
Ghosting was mentioned in another thread, I learnt to spot that a mile off, I also developed a thicker skin from it.
I went into it looking for a relationship, after a few failed attempts I stopped caring and just enjoyed it for what may or may not happen.

I had a date with a girl who used her sisters photo (she openly admitted it),a date with a mother of 5 (came as a bit of shock) and probably the weirdest was a date where I turned up, there were 7 or 8 other people there and the girl I was meeting had brought her boyfriend, I think they liked "to party" I didn't hang around

pauliebdub

It's a total disaster, I'm speaking about gay dating apps and sites. It's a mine field of players, attached guys, gold diggers, closet cases and weirdos. Old fellas looking for young lads, married fellas looking for sex while their wives are at work. Very hard to find a regular fella who is looking to date.

The Raptor

I love how the user 'call me daddy baby' thanked my original post. Such a flirty name.

maudgonner

The Raptor wrote: »

I love how the user 'call me daddy baby' thanked my original post. Such a flirty name.

But if someone used it as their dating profile name I think I might just choose to ignore them

Penny Tration

Did it for about a year, about three or four years ago.

I found it mostly positive. sure, I ended up on dates with some weirdos, but most people were nice, friendly, and I enjoyed spending time with them, even those I just wasn't attracted to IRL (and those who weren't attracted to me!).

Mostly good experiences, though I certainly didn't meet anyone I was serious about. My OH asked me out after finding my POF profile (we were friends) and realising I was looking, though.

RDM_83 again

Peregrine wrote: »

That gave me a good laugh. Thanks!


Oh, you're serious?

While I wouldn't agree with the extremity of what the poster is talking about I do think there may be some truth in it.

There is a fairly small percentage of women openly looking for casual stuff on these sites.
There is a fairly hefty proportion of guys only looking for casual stuff.
There is more woman than men portraying themselves as only interested in something that can go somewhere.

What occurs is a very high interest in any woman online looking for NSA and a fairly decent proportion of men willing to portray themselves as looking for something more but actually just after NSA.

It gives a very skewed perception of other people and isn't really great for either gender. Nobody owes anybody anything but I can see how it can be disheartening no matter what people are looking for.

If you doubt it ask one of your (female) friends who indicates they are looking for NSA and take a look at quiet how many messages they get, could easily be 50-100 a day.

On the flipside I think Debtocracy is placing way to much emphasis on male looks, those 50-100 messages a day will mainly consist of creepyness or one-liners an ability to chat and a bit of respect goes a hell of a long way,

Anyway that was my ill informed short term experience of it!

RDM_83 again

RDM_83 again wrote: »

While I wouldn't agree with the extremity of what the poster is talking about I do think there may be some truth in it.

There is a fairly small percentage of women openly looking for casual stuff on these sites.
There is a fairly hefty proportion of guys only looking for casual stuff.
There is more woman than men portraying themselves as only interested in something that can go somewhere.

What occurs is a very high interest in any woman online looking for NSA and a fairly decent proportion of men willing to portray themselves as looking for something more but actually just after NSA.

It gives a very skewed perception of other people and isn't really great for either gender. Nobody owes anybody anything but I can see how it can be disheartening no matter what people are looking for.

If you doubt it ask one of your (female) friends who indicates they are looking for NSA and take a look at quiet how many messages they get, could easily be 50-100 a day.

On the flipside I think Debtocracy is placing way to much emphasis on male looks, those 50-100 messages a day will mainly consist of creepyness or one-liners an ability to chat and a bit of respect goes a hell of a long way,

Anyway that was my ill informed short term experience of it!

hi

4zn76tysfajdxp

I don't really use online dating but my pal David swears by Tinder. "Cheaper than a prostitute" according to him. I'm not sure if I agree.

Chain Smoker

I've been using this tinder alternative called Bumble that's pretty popular here where the woman has to message first and if she doesn't within 24 that match is cancelled. A guy can refresh one match per day if he likes, I assume to send a slight message that he does want to hear from that person in particular. It's really clever imo.

Anyways, asides from the overall design being by far the best I've encountered, it's also had the most engaging conversations by far and I suspect that has a lot to do with the extra immediate investment that comes from being the person to message rather than the one to deal with heaps of tedious openers and inappropriate ****.


Tinder is like 60% bots in my area at the moment, and it really seems like no one uses it for anything other than to occupy their hands while taking a dump at this stage.

Ice Maiden

Peregrine wrote: »

That gave me a good laugh. Thanks!


Oh, you're serious?

Easy to tell the... non fans of women from the thumbs-ups to those kinds of statements.

Doesn't say great things about men either - "All men looking like rapists online".

Paddynet, Virtual Irish Pub, Mirc Chat and ICQ are where it's at. Glory days.


We now leave 1997 and obscenely expensive and slow Eircom connection and return to 2016.

Jim Bob Scratcher

Rhea Rose wrote: »

Out of interest, why do you say that? I'm asking because I know a lot of guys get the hump when women simply don't reply, but that doesn't mean that they're vain - it just means that they're not interested. I remember I used to try to reply to everyone, even to say I wasn't up for chatting, but then I started getting abusive mails back in return and it wasn't worth the hassle.

Few women that I messaged said they were only on it for a look or because their friend was on it. None of the ones i encountered on it seem to take it seriously at all. Just like some of the replies in this thread eg. ( great when you're bored or hungover ) It's a dating site why would you just be on it because you're bored ?

PandaPoo

I met my husband on a dating site. He had been on them for years and went on dozens of dates with no luck really. He was almost going to give up on them

For me he was the second person I met I think. I had chatted to loads of guys, but nothing ever came of it. I just lost interest and never met any of them. My husband sent me a really great message, I didn't find him attractive but he made me smile. So we went out the same night he sent the first message and I just loved him. We got married less than a year after we met.

There are loads of time wasters and rude people on the sites. There are also plenty of genuine ones, I think it's a really great place to meet people. My sister met her husband online too. Same with my best friend and her boyfriend.

misstearheus

Bitter and jealous lol but it's so so SO un-fair that some people can't find lasting Relationships out of Online Dating! It is a nice concept though and it's great that some are finding partners on there! I was just noticing the other day loads of guys on POF have Upgraded Membership.

There was some general Website which I think had Hub in its' name. It was a very minimal Site with Members having 3/4 elements, their Hobbies, their Location, and if seeing someone or single. It was all paragraphs, rather than individual Member Profiles. I can't for the life of remember what the bloody Website was actually for / about!! I have a feeling there was some focus on Location... Like something like a Couch-surfing set-up rather than a Social Networking Site. There was a Sister-Website possibly Chatrooms... All I can remember is hub in the name. But it could potentially be used for dating 'cos ya could search by County and see that way who's Single..

chainsmoker556

The Raptor wrote: »

Its a pain in the hole. Has anyone else tried it or met someone online.

It seems as if you're messaging different guys, with the same thing to each of them.

"Hi, how are you, I'm x, a little about myself". And its the same thing over and over again.

I was messaging a guy which I liked, swapped numbers, met up and I liked him. But I wasn't his type. Such a let down.

Does anyone ever find anyone they click with?

Well, it's a lesson learned. NEVER EVER fall to someone you haven't met personally. First, it's really dangerous coz you don't know his background or where he came from. It's okay if you two meet then relationship grows for friendship then turns to lovers, but fall at first before meeting him.. I think it's not a good idea.

BunkMoreland

Tinder would be the closest to online dating I've tried. Very rarely get a match and if i do it's usually a bot.

When it is someone genuine I couldn't be bothered getting past 2 messages, I've not idea what to say to these girls and couldn't give a rats ass about what they gave to say.

Ah well.