Online dating

KomradeBishop

Ya I've heard of experiences very similar to that before, from multiple girls who've done online dating, so it's a very common thing alright - a lot of girls seem very willing to ignore the warning signs as well, and end up being too trusting, so some of these guys really take the piss with the lies they spin.

I don't think people doing online dating should be overly cynical/paranoid or anything though - that would be bad and lose people opportunities - just don't ignore the warning signs when they pop up (and most especially, don't allow someones charm to disarm you, and cause you to give them undue benefit of the doubt)

Mikkl

His wife was flogging a dead horse trying to give out to the women he was chasing around town.

I think it is difficult to know whether you're being cynical or aware, or spotting a sign, or reading too much in to a sign.

I just checked my messages and one Spanish guy messaged last week, I replied in Spanish and he sent me four messages in a row but I was not on POF for a while and then when I tried to repl, he'd blocked me. That kind of big ego and damaged self-esteem is what I'm trying to avoid so I thank him for moving along.

xkariex

xkariex wrote: »

If you've been ghosted by someone after being on dates, how long would you wait to delete them as a facebook friend?

This shouldn't even be a question!

Someone treated you badly so you cut them off straight away.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I block people on whatsapp and Facebook for little/no reason. Being ghosted? They'd prob have been blocked half an hour before they ghosted me!

xkariex

Mikkl wrote: »

jimbobaloobob wrote: »

i think you already know the answer to that mikkl

you're right........... the little voice in my head ALWAYS turns out to be right! I should listen to the voices in my head

Always follow the voices haha ...
However, it's a funny one though because it could be innocent but then if your gut is going one way then it's usually right...

I deleted him; lesson learnt don't message someone for a long period before meeting up! Ha ....
Onwards and upwards!

makingmecrazy

Mikkl wrote: »

you're right........... the little voice in my head ALWAYS turns out to be right! I should listen to the voices in my head

Except the stabby stabby ones. They generally get you into trouble

wakka12

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I block people on whatsapp and Facebook for little/no reason. Being ghosted? They'd prob have been blocked half an hour before they ghosted me!

Why? Blocking seems like a statement especially in a private chat like whatsapp. Facebook maybe not so much but why not just unfriend rather than blocking ?

tomwaterford

wakka12 wrote: »

Why? Blocking seems like a statement especially in a private chat like whatsapp. Facebook maybe not so much but why not just unfriend rather than blocking ?

If ya don't want to talk to them/care about them,..,,what harm like


The biggest weakness most have in life is people getting too attached to each other

tomwaterford

tomwaterford wrote: »

If ya don't want to talk to them/care about them,..,,what harm like


The biggest weakness most have in life is people getting too attached to each other

I have no time right now to explain why I completely and utterly disagree with this Tom.

wakka12

tomwaterford wrote: »

If ya don't want to talk to them/care about them,..,,what harm like


The biggest weakness most have in life is people getting too attached to each other

Why is that a weakness? Theres a difference between drifting apart and being too attached to each other. You can stay on good terms, I just think blocking for no real reason is cold and unnecessary. Ive only ever blocked a handful of people some were for harassment and others were guys who constantly messaged and were very clingy but I didnt like them

Shint0

tomwaterford wrote: »

If ya don't want to talk to them/care about them,..,,what harm like


The biggest weakness most have in life is people getting too attached to each other

There can be different issues around attachment but certainly attachment in relationships can sometimes spill over into obsessiveness, neediness, fear of rejection, jealousy and sometimes controlling/stalkerish behaviour with couples constantly checking up on each other online. It's like everybody's every move can be watched and couples often jump to wrong conclusions and descend into nastiness and levelheadness just goes out the window. It's uncomfortable to see these kind of scenarios being played out publicly online.

tomwaterford

wakka12 wrote: »

Why is that a weakness? Theres a difference between drifting apart and being too attached to each other. You can stay on good terms, I just think blocking for no real reason is cold and unnecessary. Ive only ever blocked a handful of people some were for harassment and others were guys who constantly messaged and were very clingy but I didnt like them

Not even block for a while until your over them to stop your msging them/vice versa


Blocking is no worse than ghosting??


Very fine line between being/getting attached to people vs clingy??

Who wants that in their life/who wants to be like that

(My point is somewhat rambling now...but you get the idea)

makingmecrazy

tomwaterford wrote: »

Not even block for a while until your over them to stop your msging them/vice versa


Blocking is no worse than ghosting??


Very fine line between being/getting attached to people vs clingy??

Who wants that in their life/who wants to be like that

(My point is somewhat rambling now...but you get the idea)

I think I know where you are coming from Tom
Some people are, and always will be "free spirits" so to speak. Being in relationships can often feel like being "tied down". Where one party in the relationship wants more of the other party and then this can feel like being "owned" or as you say clingy.
Can be a very difficult line to thread in life.
This, so I'm told, can all change if/when you meet the right person.
I'm not sure that there is such a thing as "The right person" myself but thats a WHOLE nuther can of worms right there

tomwaterford

makingmecrazy wrote: »

I think I know where you are coming from Tom
Some people are, and always will be "free spirits" so to speak. Being in relationships can often feel like being "tied down". Where one party in the relationship wants more of the other party and then this can feel like being "owned" or as you say clingy.
Can be a very difficult line to thread in life.
This, so I'm told, can all change if/when you meet the right person.
I'm not sure that there is such a thing as "The right person" myself but thats a WHOLE nuther can of worms right there

As someone who for a very long time avoided/didn't want dating etc in their life (personal reasons)

I don't find the notion of the right person completely unbelievable...but I do think a lot of people waste too much time looking as some just aren't made right for it
(Again I wish I was more coherent)

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

wakka12 wrote: »

Why? Blocking seems like a statement especially in a private chat like whatsapp. Facebook maybe not so much but why not just unfriend rather than blocking ?

Clean break. Chop chop. Unfriend? Sure. Do I want them to be able to see my stuff, or do I want to be able to see theirs? No. Block.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

tomwaterford wrote: »

As someone who for a very long time avoided/didn't want dating etc in their life (personal reasons)

I don't find the notion of the right person completely unbelievable...but I do think a lot of people waste too much time looking as some just aren't made right for it
(Again I wish I was more coherent)

From another POV, just from how you come across, I think any girl would be lucky to date you. You're nice, you're kind, you're low maintenance, not into games, you don't seem like you've a bad bone in your body, I just think you need to open your mind up a little bit more, bit more self confidence. There's no reason someone else could find the right person but there's no right person for you. A lot of girls would be lucky to find you as their right person

Mister Vain

So my date went very well yesterday. It turns out she is only in the country a few months so I took her out to see some sights. The weather was terrible but it didn't dampen our spirits. We're meeting again next weekend. Unfortunately she lives a fair distance from me but I think she's worth it.

tomwaterford

tomwaterford wrote: »

If ya don't want to talk to them/care about them,..,,what harm like


The biggest weakness most have in life is people getting too attached to each other

Tom, Lexie posted pretty much what I wanted to say. You're a great guy who willmake the right woman very happy, if you just open yourself a little.
I've picked up on your fear regarding getting attached. You've often posted similar.

Attachment is the foundation of all relationships. Unfortunately for many people their attachment style isn't secure. This can manifest itself in being needy, clingy, fearful. Others have a avoidant stye. It works a little like "well I'm not going to allow myself to connect with this person because that will only lead to hurt and pain". But by protecting themselves in such a way they are really missing out on the great that having close friends and intimate relationships bring.

It is very useful to know where you fall in terms of attachment because it comes in to all of our relationships. Have a read of John Bowlby. He explains the importance of secure attachment, how it comes about and why it falls apart.

Attachment isn't weakness, it's an intrinsic part of being human.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Also for every 100 people that let you down or leave, there'll be at least 1 that never does, and they're generally worth not giving up for

Mikkl

I've a date on Saturday night. All the more scary cos he seems nice.

Persepholy, you're right, we're hardwired to connect, and I've dated people who kind of made me feel that that was a weakness in me, that society had made me believe I wanted a relationship. 0_o hmmm. Relationship said with the same tone as ''diarrhoea''. Anyway, being vulnerable is a strength, according to loads of smart self-aware people who give ted talks :-p AND OPRAH :-p

Mikkl

ps, date not with mr may be married....

xkariex

Mikkl wrote: »

ps, date not with mr may be married....

Best of luck on your date!!!

D3V!L

My online dating story starts with me leaving a long term relationship and returning to Ireland. I enjoyed meeting loads of different people, had some on and off relationships, met some of the biggest nut jobs I ever met and in late 2013 decided enough was enough.

Until I was flicking through POF one evening and thought "well she's not my type but we have loads in common", so I mailed her. We met for a couple of pints and hit it off but....... I didn't feel anything, partially because I was numb from all the nonsense I put up with from other dates.

Roll on a couple of months and our friendship flourished, just as friends. She was looking for a room in Dublin for work and I said "f*ck it" I have a spare room, I can't see why you can't move in with me.

Come April 2014 we were having a blast, she was the best house mate ever and in the mean time I met someone through work but I found I was rushing home to see my "housemate". I realized I was falling for her and after we were huddled up watching Top Gear one night I lent over and kissed her

Over two years later and we're engaged, have a dog together and will hopefully marry this time next year

xkariex

D3V!L wrote: »

My online dating story starts with me leaving a long term relationship and returning to Ireland. I enjoyed meeting loads of different people, had some on and off relationships, met some of the biggest nut jobs I ever met and in late 2013 decided enough was enough.

Until I was flicking through POF one evening and thought "well she's not my type but we have loads in common", so I mailed her. We met for a couple of pints and hit it off but....... I didn't feel anything, partially because I was numb from all the nonsense I put up with from other dates.

Roll on a couple of months and our friendship flourished, just as friends. She was looking for a room in Dublin for work and I said "f*ck it" I have a spare room, I can't see why you can't move in with me.

Come April 2014 we were having a blast, she was the best house mate ever and in the mean time I met someone through work but I found I was rushing home to see my "housemate". I realized I was falling for her and after we were huddled up watching Top Gear one night I lent over and kissed her

Over two years later and we're engaged, have a dog together and will hopefully marry this time next year

This is an amazing story and I wish you both all the best in your future!!

La.de.da

D3V!L wrote: »

My online dating story starts with me leaving a long term relationship and returning to Ireland. I enjoyed meeting loads of different people, had some on and off relationships, met some of the biggest nut jobs I ever met and in late 2013 decided enough was enough.

Until I was flicking through POF one evening and thought "well she's not my type but we have loads in common", so I mailed her. We met for a couple of pints and hit it off but....... I didn't feel anything, partially because I was numb from all the nonsense I put up with from other dates.

Roll on a couple of months and our friendship flourished, just as friends. She was looking for a room in Dublin for work and I said "f*ck it" I have a spare room, I can't see why you can't move in with me.

Come April 2014 we were having a blast, she was the best house mate ever and in the mean time I met someone through work but I found I was rushing home to see my "housemate". I realized I was falling for her and after we were huddled up watching Top Gear one night I lent over and kissed her

Over two years later and we're engaged, have a dog together and will hopefully marry this time next year

Welled up reading that. That's lovely.

cantdecide

D3V!L wrote: »

Over two years later and we're engaged, have a dog together and will hopefully marry this time next year

Great story. Ideal, really.

My universe request form reads 'I'd like to fall in love, please' and your story is the reason why. Look what happens when you remove expectations.

maudgonner

Pffft, I've just had my own saga of true love begin on POF.

I've been informed that a user named 'Whopperdong' wants to meet me. Clearly this will be a romance for the ages, they will write poetry about us!


(Seriously though, that's a great story D3V!L, congratulations )

AppleBottle

D3V!L wrote: »

My online dating story starts with me leaving a long term relationship and returning to Ireland. I enjoyed meeting loads of different people, had some on and off relationships, met some of the biggest nut jobs I ever met and in late 2013 decided enough was enough.

Until I was flicking through POF one evening and thought "well she's not my type but we have loads in common", so I mailed her. We met for a couple of pints and hit it off but....... I didn't feel anything, partially because I was numb from all the nonsense I put up with from other dates.

Roll on a couple of months and our friendship flourished, just as friends. She was looking for a room in Dublin for work and I said "f*ck it" I have a spare room, I can't see why you can't move in with me.

Come April 2014 we were having a blast, she was the best house mate ever and in the mean time I met someone through work but I found I was rushing home to see my "housemate". I realized I was falling for her and after we were huddled up watching Top Gear one night I lent over and kissed her

Over two years later and we're engaged, have a dog together and will hopefully marry this time next year

Aww this is lovely. I wish you guys the best of luck in the future.

Mikkl

MaudGonner (great screen name by the way, yours that is, not whopper) I give you ''legoverlad69"
that guy messaged me to ask me if I would like to go camping in roundwood this weekend (why roundwood I@m not sure) but when I said no thank you, but congratulations on having the sleaziest screen name I've encountered so far, he replied ''your [sic] like the rest of the boring prudes on here''.

i hope he's found love too. There's a lid for every pot.

Mikkl

D3V, do I understand that you didn't fancy her immediately but a physical and romantic attraction grew? see, that happens to me after getting to know a man better but I didn't think it happened to men. I thought they just put women in a yay or nay column within three seconds.