Breastfeeding Mom in restaurant stare off...

Peregrine

La Fenetre, do not post in this thread again.

Everyone else, don't reply to their posts and drop the pro-life vs pro-choice digs.

Mod

greenorchard

eviltwin wrote: »

Stay classy dude

I breastfed my baby in a church a few weeks ago at a christening and the friend who was having her baby christened also breastfed her baby during it too. His head will probably explode now

One eyed Jack

lazygal wrote: »

Breasts, babies and feeding are different for everyone. Skin contact is really important in the early days and if the baby needs the whole breast out to feed so be it. You might have views on how you think women should breastfeed but that does not mean we all fall into those rules or guidelines. Plus you might have an awkward bra on or the top isn't easy to access and I'm damned if I'm getting a new wardrobe so someone isn't freaked out because my toddler needs to feed.

I'm not at all suggesting anyone has to follow any rules or guidelines or any of the rest of it, nor am I suggesting anyone has to get new bras or anything else. I'm only saying that there's no necessity for a woman to go overboard and whip out the whole breast, come on now, there isn't, but in any case, she should adopt your attitude and concentrate on feeding her baby rather than looking around to see who's staring at her.

sup_dude wrote: »

But a utilitarian milk delivery system is exactly what they're being used for when breast feedimg and shouldn't be thought of as anything else under the circumstances.

Hmm, how realistic now honestly do you think that is? It's certainly not something I would ever seek to shame someone for thinking tbh. It's crossed my mind on more than a couple of occasions, though I've never actually acted on it, because that would be weird, for me personally speaking! :pac:

DukeOfTheSharp

...so why are people so pissy about her breastfeeding? She was feeding her baby, who cares? Did she walk over the chap who was staring and have him hold the baby? Was everyone forced to watch her? No? Then why does anyone have an issue with this? She should be allowed to breastfeed, regardless of method, without some disapproving muppet staring at her. Does anyone think she wanted to have this happen to her? Because it totally can't be about feeding her baby, it has to be about 'attention seeking'. God help this country when we're so aggressively apathetic we're paranoid that anyone doing something normal and natural is doing so 'for attention'.

Ave Sodalis

One eyed Jack wrote:

Hmm, how realistic now honestly do you think that is? It's certainly not something I would ever seek to shame someone for thinking tbh. It's crossed my mind on more than a couple of occasions, though I've never actually acted on it, because that would be weird, for me personally speaking!

It would be only unrealistic if we go by what you're suggesting and continue to insist women stay covered to breastfeed. There are other countries where it is completely normal to have a woman's breast exposed when breatfeeding and nobody bats an eyelid.

eviltwin

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I'm not at all suggesting anyone has to follow any rules or guidelines or any of the rest of it, nor am I suggesting anyone has to get new bras or anything else. I'm only saying that there's no necessity for a woman to go overboard and whip out the whole breast, come on now, there isn't, but in any case, she should adopt your attitude and concentrate on feeding her baby rather than looking around to see who's staring at her.





Hmm, how realistic now honestly do you think that is? It's certainly not something I would ever seek to shame someone for thinking tbh. It's crossed my mind on more than a couple of occasions, though I've never actually acted on it, because that would be weird, for me personally speaking! :pac:

One Eye, seriously, how often does a woman do that, expose the entire breast? I've never seen it anywhere, not a cafe, on a bus or even in a mother and babies group. It doesn't happen. But it does happen that a woman who is breastfeeding is looked at, asked to leave a premises, made to feel like she is doing something offensive. Breastfeeding in this country is virtually non existent and attitudes like this are part of it. Its a sad state of affairs that a woman can't use her breasts as they were intended but walking around in low cuts tops is okay or semi naked women on the front of lads mags.

lazygal

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I'm not at all suggesting anyone has to follow any rules or guidelines or any of the rest of it, nor am I suggesting anyone has to get new bras or anything else. I'm only saying that there's no necessity for a woman to go overboard and whip out the whole breast, come on now, there isn't, but in any case, she should adopt your attitude and concentrate on feeding her baby rather than looking around to see who's staring:

Stop using terms like whipping out a breast. It really doesn't do your argument any favours. Your posts are full of contradictions, on the one hand you support breastfeeding but if any more than a nipple is "whipped out" its a big deal.

I havent found any proof that someone was staring at her. You'd think she would havent taken a photo, wouldn't you?

And wtf is an intactivist?

cantdecide

I moved in to a house with some new people and got very friendly with them pretty quickly. They had friends around, a couple, who had their newborn there and within less than 5 minutes of first meeting them, she's sitting across from me at my kitchen table eating and her boob's out as I'm sitting directly opposite at my kitchen table trying to eat and make nice with the guests and there are boobs everywhere.

Was I offended? Not in the slightest but it quickly became apparent that I can blush uncontrollably at times.

One eyed Jack

sup_dude wrote: »

So... they shouldn't have to cover up... but they should cover up. You still don't see the contradiction?

This is very frustrating. They shouldn't feel they have to cover up, but they should only need to expose as much as is necessary in public. If other people's reactions make them feel bad, then they should probably find another way to feed their baby, because they can't control other people's reactions, they can only control their own attitude and behavior.

The priority in that situation is feeding their baby, not what other people think of them feeding their baby, but if they're going to make a point of doing it in as public a manner as possible, well, some people just aren't going to get all cooey-eyed about it because it's "the most natural thing in the world".

Plenty of things could be considered "the most natural thing in the world", but humans have come up with plenty of ways to make these natural things just that bit more convenient for themselves. It shouldn't be like some competition to see who win the most natural mummy of the year awards on social media.

osarusan

The argument that 'if she'd been focusing properly on breastfeeding she wouldn't even have noticed anybody staring'* is especially ugly.



*paraphrasing a few posters.

osarusan

One eyed Jack wrote: »

This is very frustrating. They shouldn't feel they have to cover up, but they should only need to expose as much as is necessary in public.

If it turned out that for this woman, at that moment, for whatever reason, she found it necessary to expose as much breast as she did, what argument would you have left?

lazygal

One eyed Jack wrote: »

This is very frustrating. They shouldn't feel they have to cover up, but they should only need to expose as much as is necessary in public. If other people's reactions make them feel bad, then they should probably find another way to feed their baby, because they can't control other people's reactions, they can only control their own attitude and behavior.

The priority in that situation is feeding their baby, not what other people think of them feeding their baby, but if they're going to make a point of doing it in as public a manner as possible, well, some people just aren't going to get all cooey-eyed about it because it's "the most natural thing in the world".

Plenty of things could be considered "the most natural thing in the world", but humans have come up with plenty of ways to make these natural things just that bit more convenient for themselves. It shouldn't be like some competition to see who win the most natural mummy of the year awards on social media.

Tl/Dr I've never actually breastfeed a baby or toddler but I'll tell you exactly how it works and how you should do it.

Unless you've actually breastfed, you don't know what works. Both mine feed in different ways.

Ave Sodalis

One eyed Jack wrote:

This is very frustrating. They shouldn't feel they have to cover up, but they should only need to expose as much as is necessary in public. If other people's reactions make them feel bad, then they should probably find another way to feed their baby, because they can't control other people's reactions, they can only control their own attitude and behavior.

That's a very backwards way of doing things. You're basically saying that if there's a problem with society, we should just conform and not try to change it. It's like saying if a girl walks down the street and gets heckled, then she should wear trousers from now on. Nope, the judgers and starers are the one with the problem and the one who should change, not the breastfeeders.

Fleawuss

This thread is really getting on some people's tits.

IvyTheTerrible

We have this exact thread every few months. You'll have one person continuously using terms like "whipping them out" when there's no evidence anyone actually feeds a baby in public like that.
It's the breastfeeding equivalent of the "I'm not a racist but..." argument. Just admit you don't like women breastfeeding in public.

One eyed Jack

lazygal wrote: »

Tl/Dr I've never actually breastfeed a baby or toddler but I'll tell you exactly how it works and how you should do it.

Unless you've actually breastfed, you don't know what works. Both mine feed in different ways.

My consultants have no experience of what it's like to be blind in one eye, nor to have a gammy hip, but I'll trust their judgement and their knowledge and their education any day over my own, because they know what they're talking about, even if they have never experienced it for themselves.

I don't have to have breastfed to know how it works, I have a fair idea already. We have eviltwin saying that it just doesn't happen that women expose their whole breast, and yet there she is in the OP. sup_dude saying that women have their breasts exposed all the time in other countries (of course they do, but that's a whole different culture, they don't know any different because they've never been exposed to any different).

It's unfair to be suggesting that because someone has never breastfed a baby that they have no idea what they're talking about when the issue is more about breastfeeding in public, which I have said numerous times now I have no issue with, and even if a woman needs to take off het top and all just to breastfeed, well she should go right ahead... but then to complain because people are staring?

They're staring because it's unusual, they could react an infinite number of ways, and that's the most natural thing in the world too!

Ave Sodalis

One eyed Jack wrote:

sup_dude saying that women have their breasts exposed all the time in other countries (of course they do, but that's a whole different culture, they don't know any different because they've never been exposed to any different).

So what? It doesn't mean that we shouldn't strive to be the same. Should we not strive for better just because we aren't used to it? Could you imagine using that argument for other aspects of society?

One eyed Jack

sup_dude wrote: »

That's a very backwards way of doing things. You're basically saying that if there's a problem with society, we should just conform and not try to change it. It's like saying if a girl walks down the street and gets heckled, then she should wear trousers from now on. Nope, the judgers and starers are the one with the problem and the one who should change, not the breastfeeders.

There isn't a problem with society though. Some people have a problem with society because they feel like people are judging them for breastfeeding in public. Well they are!

So either the person gets used to it, or they continue to let it upset them, but that's only one person that stared at them, out of how many that didn't?

Ave Sodalis

One eyed Jack wrote:

There isn't a problem with society though. Some people have a problem with society because they feel like people are judging them for breastfeeding in public. Well they are!

Judging people for breast feeding is a problem!

lazygal

One eyed Jack wrote: »

My consultants have no experience of what it's like to be blind in one eye, nor to have a gammy hip, but I'll trust their judgement and their knowledge and their education any day over my own, because they know what they're talking about, even if they have never experienced it for themselves.

I don't have to have breastfed to know how it works, I have a fair idea already. We have eviltwin saying that it just doesn't happen that women expose their whole breast, and yet there she is in the OP. sup_dude saying that women have their breasts exposed all the time in other countries (of course they do, but that's a whole different culture, they don't know any different because they've never been exposed to any different).

It's unfair to be suggesting that because someone has never breastfed a baby that they have no idea what they're talking about when the issue is more about breastfeeding in public, which I have said numerous times now I have no issue with, and even if a woman needs to take off het top and all just to breastfeed, well she should go right ahead... but then to complain because people are staring?

They're staring because it's unusual, they could react an infinite number of ways, and that's the most natural thing in the world too!

Unless you've breastfed a baby you've no idea what you'll need to do to feed them. I had no clue when I started and quite honestly only those who'd actually breastfed had any useful advice whatsoever. None of which told me exposing any more than a nipple was the correct way to feed or that other people's reactions should affect how I needed to feed.

osarusan

lazygal wrote: »

Unless you've actually breastfed, you don't know what works.

More to the point, unless you have actually breastfed that baby in the OP, you don't know what works.

Nobody on here has the slightest clue of the best way to breastfeed that particular baby, but still, so many assumptions.

lazygal

osarusan wrote: »

More to the point, unless you have actually breastfed that baby in the OP, you don't know what works.

Nobody on here has the slightest clue of the best way to breastfeed that particular baby, but still, so many assumptions.

Yes, exactly. How my two year old feeds now is completely different to how he fed as a new born.

One eyed Jack

sup_dude wrote: »

So what? It doesn't mean that we shouldn't strive to be the same. Should we not strive for better just because we aren't used to it? Could you imagine using that argument for other aspects of society?

Wait a minute, your first point was that people shouldn't have to conform to this culture, but you're now suggesting that we should strive to conform to the norms of another culture whose practices suit you? How is that actually "better"?

I can't imagine using that argument for other aspects of society because I would see that as cherry picking out of context values from another culture and trying to mould them into our own.

Gaygooner

Squirt milk in the prude's eye. That will soften their cough

lazygal

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Wait a minute, your first point was that people shouldn't have to conform to this culture, but you're now suggesting that we should strive to conform to the norms of another culture whose practices suit you? How is that actually "better"?

I can't imagine using that argument for other aspects of society because I would see that as cherry picking out of context values from another culture and trying to mould them into our own.

How is not having a problem with breastfeeding an out of context value?

Ave Sodalis

One eyed Jack wrote:

Wait a minute, your first point was that people shouldn't have to conform to this culture, but you're now suggesting that we should strive to conform to the norms of another culture whose practices suit you? How is that actually "better"?

What? How is it not better? How can people not being judged for something that needs to happen and happens for a very specific reason, be the better option? People who have issues with breast feeding not being covered up are the people with the problem. Your arguments are getting weaker and weaker. We should go back to women not voting because why is women voting better? We should also abolish SSM again because why is that better? In fact, we should all judge people for being gay because how is that not better than not judging them. There are places in the world where child labour is the norm but I guess we shouldn't bother getting rid of that either because why is it any better?

One eyed Jack

osarusan wrote: »

More to the point, unless you have actually breastfed that baby in the OP, you don't know what works.

Nobody on here has the slightest clue of the best way to breastfeed that particular baby, but still, so many assumptions.

It's a fairly safe assumption all the same. There's generally no necessity to expose the whole breast in the manner in which this woman has done.

I understand of course that she was trying to make a point about people's attitudes to breastfeeding in public, but the facts speak for themselves when she could only find one woman to have a stare-down with while she was feeding her baby.

Her attitude IMO is incredibly immature.

Ave Sodalis

One eyed Jack wrote:

It's a fairly safe assumption all the same. There's generally no necessity to expose the whole breast in the manner in which this woman has done.

So what if the whole breast is exposed? It's not in any way sexual and those who think otherwise have quite the twisted mind. Yeah, it might not be comfortable to do it that way, in which case helpful advice can be offered, not judgement. Why should there be any problem if a woman needs to take off her whole top to breast feed? Those that have a problem with it, are the problem.

Wibbs

I have zero issue with mothers breastfeeding their children "in public". Why the hell would anyone? TBH I find it almost soothing to see*. I was breastfed myself and without getting into that other minefield out there, IMHO it's by far the best start for a kid and should be encouraged, not bloody vilified. I can see why kids go for it, it's lovely, and sweet and minus that fatty greasy vibe with cows milk.

Unless… it's being done to Make a political Point(™) as part of some hippie/crustie/leftie/knit your own muesli/I was born too late for Greenham Common/I need to be offended agenda for ArseBook. Then you're just being a dick, or tit. As it were. So to speak.

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Attention seeker seeks attention and gets it.

That's all there is to this story really.

Aye OeJ, I do see what you mean. These days my Cynic Meter goes into the red when I see stuff like this. I know I shouldn't and know I should reserve judgement, but with so bloody many notice boxes in dire need of ego validation out there being fed the crack of social media, TBH I do tend to err on the side of being well bloody dubious about this sorta thing.




*caveat; I'm not a boob man. Maybe some blokes are irresistibly aroused and/or riled up? I say FFS resist lads, we're not apes in the jungle. Mostly.