Is it okay for your partner to masturbate to porn to sleep?

eternal

eternal wrote: »

Nothing worse than taking the bins out when the bags are laden and heavy.

Worse than violent sodomy? That's the standard don'chaknow

eternal

Candie wrote: »

Worse than violent sodomy? That's the standard don'chaknow

Shock tactics, I'm presuming.

Buona Fortuna

Candie wrote: »

Worse than violent sodomy? That's the standard don'chaknow

Yep - I'll take the bins

Buona Fortuna

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Yep - I'll take the bins

You'll change your tune when you get a hernia lifting the bags.

It'll be all 'Oh, how I wish I'd gone for the violent sodomy instead, that'll teach me to be so selfish!'

groucho marx

What harm op,better than him pulling the blankets off your side☺

fergus1001

groucho marx wrote:

What harm op,better than him pulling the blankets off your side☺

****ing hate that have two separate quilts best job ever

Thepoet85

Maybe he enjoys going at himself. Nothing worse than going at something that feels like a dying man's handshake!!

eternal

Thepoet85 wrote: »

Maybe he enjoys going at himself. Nothing worse than going at something that feels like a dying man's handshake!!

Charming.

Thepoet85

eternal wrote:

Charming.

After 20 odd pages of jokes, that's the line, wow.

eternal

Thepoet85 wrote: »

After 20 odd pages of jokes, that's the line, wow.

Carry on. I digress.

Chloris

eternal wrote:

Nothing worse than taking the bins out when the bags are laden and heavy.

Hahaha

Cannot tell if implying testes or pregnant women. Or bags of rubbish.

Perhaps the only time in history those things have ever been comparable.

fatknacker

The Corinthian wrote: »

Setting aside the bizarre question of why it would be disrespectful in the first place, or how masturbating without porn would be less so...

So the OP's boyfriend is using masturbation to help himself get to sleep, which probably means he needs to do so in the place where he will sleep. It's masturbation because the OP is not in the mood. What do you suggest?

You seem like an incredibly difficult person to have a discussion with. I can't be arsed responding to your post as I despise your method of argument.

yougoodthing

O I have laughed so much while reading posts and enjoyed reading same, despite my obvious, real issue. What replies! (and thanks to all those who answered from the heart (and even beyond that in some cases lol)..).

To clear up the matter somewhat and to retain the integrity in the question, I am not ‘trolling’ as some interpreted from a previous, first time comment which was off the cuff and tongue in cheek. As a more experienced boardsie now, this is a question which is serious and real (to me at least..)
TBH I could shed a little more light on the whole situation but the debate would still permeate to my initial question which circles around ‘is it okay...??’
Honestly, if I were truthful these are the pivotal facts:
- We have a great sex life
- I’m just too tired to enlighten him all of the time even when he’s ‘feeling it’
- Masturbation helps him sleep, he turns over into a deep slumber after it
BUT:
- Yes I feel a little put out by what he’s doing but I don’t know if how I’m feeling is a right or wrong way to feel considering that it seems functional?? But the mind is deep...

eternal

Glad you got some feedback.

Asarlai

...and to retain the integrity in the question...

:pac::pac::pac:

The Corinthian

fatknacker wrote: »

You seem like an incredibly difficult person to have a discussion with. I can't be arsed responding to your post as I despise your method of argument.

But you still wanted to have your say before running away again. Well done.

Candie wrote: »

Isn't asking your partner to allow themselves to be violently (and painfully) sodomised the action of a selfish person?

No, I think it is perfectly reasonable to say that there are certain things that we won't even try - certainly I would have a no-go shortlist that I would draw the line at.

However, to refuse to try or compromise on anything is another matter. For example, the idea of hurting or hitting a woman during sex is something that not only does nothing sexual for me, but makes me a bit uncomfortable. Yet, it's not an uncommon request. So despite my lack of interest and minor discomfort, I'll indulge it (up to a point) if sought, rather than this dogmatic rejection of any compromise that has been suggested here.

yougoodthing wrote: »

- Yes I feel a little put out by what he’s doing but I don’t know if how I’m feeling is a right or wrong way to feel considering that it seems functional?? But the mind is deep...

I suspect the discussion in this thread has ended up more heated than this issue bothers you in the first place...

Perfectly normal to feel that way, just as if your partner were to openly and platonically meet up for a drink with an ex, you'd almost certainly feel some twinge of jealousy, even though you know he would never cheat on you.

Despite what the empathy fanboys/girls seem to believe, however, just because you feel something does not mean that it makes sense or that feeling is justified, so maybe it's just something that will pass.

Or you two could agree on some workaround such as your 'helping' him occasionally and/or he lays off the porn when choking the chicken and tries to use his imagination.

I would however speak with him about the frequency of this; that he needs to do this every night is probably not a good thing.

Ozymandius2011

Well its better he does that than cheats right? If it wasn't for porn many more relationships would fail.

DoYouEvenLift

yougoodthing wrote: »

The girls were really beautiful...i'm generally considered fairly good looking but I'd want plastic surgery ten times over to have the size of the bits they do!

Not good looking enough to be chosen over porn apparently

MrVestek wrote: »

This is a mistake a lot of women make. Porn is fantasy fulfillment.

I doubt he'd want a relationship or probably even want to really shag some vacuous porn star with artificially inflated bits.

It doesn't mean that he fancies you any less.

Anyway if you fancy him at all does it not turn you on that he's horny no? Why not help him out a little? Hell... you might even enjoy it!

Ha! Yeah, definitely...

The Corinthian

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Not good looking enough to be chosen over porn apparently

If you bother to read the OP's posts you'll realize he doesn't appear to have that choice. She's stated that she cannot keep up with him sexually at times and that she was more than happy enough to let him sort himself out. So I'm not sure where you got this idea that she's waiting in sexy underwear on the bed for him and he chooses to go for his Razzle collection instead.

Dozen Wicked Words

The Corinthian wrote: »

If you bother to read the OP's posts you'll realize he doesn't appear to have that choice. She's stated that she cannot keep up with him sexually at times and that she was more than happy enough to let him sort himself out. So I'm not sure where you got this idea that she's waiting in sexy underwear on the bed for him and he chooses to go for his Razzle collection instead.

A fine old school example sir!

DoYouEvenLift

The Corinthian wrote: »

If you bother to read the OP's posts you'll realize he doesn't appear to have that choice. She's stated that she cannot keep up with him sexually at times and that she was more than happy enough to let him sort himself out. So I'm not sure where you got this idea that she's waiting in sexy underwear on the bed for him and he chooses to go for his Razzle collection instead.

Not a big fan of lingerie myself

Cold War Kid

The Corinthian wrote: »

No, I think it is perfectly reasonable to say that there are certain things that we won't even try - certainly I would have a no-go shortlist that I would draw the line at.

However, to refuse to try or compromise on anything is another matter. For example, the idea of hurting or hitting a woman during sex is something that not only does nothing sexual for me, but makes me a bit uncomfortable. Yet, it's not an uncommon request. So despite my lack of interest and minor discomfort, I'll indulge it (up to a point) if sought, rather than this dogmatic rejection of any compromise that has been suggested here.

What about something that involves you being physically hurt?

Yes, ideally we would all (or most of us) like to do whatever pleasures our partner, even stuff that might not float our boat, but if it is difficult to make that compromise at times, the person should not feel forced into it or bad about it. I'm glad you clarified - I was thinking "There really is someone advocating violent sodomy so as not to be 'selfish' and end up single - wow".

I suspect the discussion in this thread has ended up more heated than this issue bothers you in the first place...

Perfectly normal to feel that way, just as if your partner were to openly and platonically meet up for a drink with an ex, you'd almost certainly feel some twinge of jealousy, even though you know he would never cheat on you.

Despite what the empathy fanboys/girls seem to believe, however, just because you feel something does not mean that it makes sense or that feeling is justified, so maybe it's just something that will pass.

Or you two could agree on some workaround such as your 'helping' him occasionally and/or he lays off the porn when choking the chicken and tries to use his imagination.

I would however speak with him about the frequency of this; that he needs to do this every night is probably not a good thing.

Very much agreed mostly - think it's pretty much what a lot of people are saying. I do wonder why the concept of empathy brings out such hostility in you though - e.g. referring to it as moronic. It's not moronic now really is it? That's just throwing in an unnecessary dig.
You used empathy yourself above with the meeting an ex analogy. Empathy can just be recognition, in more sensitive situations, that people aren't pre-programmed robots and feelings aren't always rational/logical, so cutting the person some slack with this in mind. It doesn't mean agreeing with the person's views or deeming them sacred, it just means understanding where they're coming from and trying to work with this instead of casting aspersions on them such as they're "insecure".

OP, if he needs sexual release and you're not in the mood, well he doesn't have any alternative really (unless you join in) so if it feels a bit weird for you to be lying there and him next to you fapping away, just bear this in mind. The fact you otherwise have a great sex life makes things seem all well in the 'hood.

The Corinthian

Dozen Wicked Words wrote: »

A fine old school example sir!

Thank you. It was intentionally so.

Cold War Kid wrote: »

What about something that involves you being physically hurt?

I already said that I'd have no problem drawing the line on things and do not follow this concept of 'try everything once'. My point, that is repeatedly ignored, is not that people should compromise on everything, but that they should not refuse to compromise on anything.

Seriously, would you please try to understand this and stop making points that are utterly irrelevant to what I've posted?

I do wonder why the concept of empathy brings out such hostility in you though - e.g. referring to it as moronic. It's not moronic now really is it? That's just throwing in an unnecessary dig.

No, it is moronic. It is the triumph of cheap emotion and mob rule over reason. It is the rationalization of ego made manifest. It is the boast of the person who is too lazy to investigate.

You used empathy yourself above with the meeting an ex analogy.

No, I recognized that we are emotional creatures, not that the emotion automatically has a positive value. Choosing to use emotion alone, as has been proffered here, to determine a course of action is a very different and harmful thing. Don't confuse the two.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

The Corinthian wrote: »

No, I was sneakily pointing out that such vague advice can be use to rationalize any egocentric behaviour. That's why I used such an example.

After all, if someone in a relationship should not compromise on sex, why should they compromise on anything else? Because you've decided that this only applies to sex? Guess again.

This does not mean that one should make every compromise and agree to every demand, but the advice that was given never said that: it was a dogmatic 'no'. Full stop. And that is realistically also unsustainable in any relationship.

I suggest you expend more effort not misreading posts yourself.

Jesus, I actually basically agree with a lot of what you're saying, do you have any other gear when a single part of your posts is challenged other than "attack"? Are you that insecure about the content of your posts or actually just that rude?

I've had a higher sex drive than most of my partners, I know what it's like. It's frustrating and it can really knock your self image. Getting into a long term relationship with someone with a drastically different libido in the hope that it will "fix itself" is madness, yes. Implying that someone is fundamentally incompatible with any kind of relationship because they don't want to have sex every time their partner does is a whole nother level of madness though.

Guess what buddy, sex is different. Sexual crimes, sexual relationships, and sexual orientations are all cultural realities that are experienced and understood as being distinct from their non-sexual counterparts precisely because they are sexual. Trying to equate "I don't feel like doing housework that benefits us both" with "I don't feel like engaging in unwanted sexual activity to satisfy my partner's needs right now" (or trying to imply that that's an argument other people were making) has actually managed to lower the level of discourse in a thread that began with a made up post about a lad tugging himself.

Hagar7

stateofflux wrote: »

Or whats in the inside

It's not the size of the ship in the sea but the motion in the ocean.

Field east

myshirt wrote: »

Buy him a vajankle.

Not sufficient. Newish to the game. So pls provide best length, colour, profile and brand please.

crazygeryy

Why is there always two plonkers ^^^^^^^^^^^ in every thread that end up arguing about **** no one wants to hear about.
We are talking porn and masturbation here people! Get with it.

No it's wrong. He should be riding you like you deserve to be ridden.

fermanagh_man

He will go blind soon enough

The Corinthian

Felix Chubby Pennant wrote: »

Implying that someone is fundamentally incompatible with any kind of relationship because they don't want to have sex every time their partner does is a whole nother level of madness though.

And I never said, nor implied this. In the post, just above you I specifically say:

My point, that is repeatedly ignored, is not that people should compromise on everything, but that they should not refuse to compromise on anything.

See that, "not that people should compromise on everything", so very clearly not a question of "sex every time their partner does".

And this is why I am so 'rude' because some persist in responding to points and positions that I never made and no matter how often I point this out they continue to claim the same thing. Most people might find their patience frayed after repeating themselves to no avail for a while.

Guess what buddy, sex is different. Sexual crimes, sexual relationships, and sexual orientations are all cultural realities that are experienced and understood as being distinct from their non-sexual counterparts precisely because they are sexual. Trying to equate "I don't feel like doing housework that benefits us both" with "I don't feel like engaging in unwanted sexual activity to satisfy my partner's needs right now" (or trying to imply that that's an argument other people were making) has actually managed to lower the level of discourse in a thread that began with a made up post about a lad tugging himself.

Thank you for your opinion. Do you have anything to back it up?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Jesus wept, three days later. Have fun dude, I'm very much over this.