Is it okay for your partner to masturbate to porn to sleep?

silverfeather

Mister Vain wrote: »

I don't want to hear men vocalize. They can shut right up. If the girl has a posh British accent its great.

Yeah but I do!

Mister Vain

silverfeather wrote: »

Yeah but I do!

You may go and watch that 50 Shades stuff then.

Although I think the men talk a fair bit in the Donegal pornos. "Ohh I'm gonna fcuk ye nigh ye wee bitch ye." It's not often you can fap and laugh at the same time. :pac:

Shanotheslayer

This thread is great. Don't think I've ever thanked so many hilarious posts in one thread before.

Then I realise it was all a Lie:(

silverfeather

Shanotheslayer wrote: »

This thread is great. Don't think I've ever thanked so many hilarious posts in one thread before.

Then I realise it was all a Lie:(

They gave us the switch!

Shanotheslayer

Feck it going for a ****

Shanotheslayer

Back :pac:

silverfeather

Shanotheslayer wrote: »

Back :pac:

I'm still on mine ....

Shanotheslayer

silverfeather wrote: »

I'm still on mine ....

I just set a new PB. Best night ever.

silverfeather

Still on mine....

fergus1001

Vandango wrote:

Would straddling you be better?

Do that to the oh always works

silverfeather

still on mine ....neeaaaaarly there

Buona Fortuna

lickme wrote: »

My partner wants to **** down my throat and give me a golden shower. You have it easy.

Make sure he does it while you're awake, otherwise you could choke.

Certainly do not mind what the girls do with porn - I watch it and they watch it - sometimes together and sometimes in our own time.

But the idea of requiring porn to sleep suggests some issue to me and I would genuinely be concerned for their well being.

fergus1001

Best tactic just keep poking her in the back with "it" until she gets the idea

Buona Fortuna

fergus1001 wrote: »

Best tactic just keep poking her in the back with "it" until she gets the idea

or elbows you in the nuts

The Corinthian

Cold War Kid wrote: »

I agree it's disrespectful and a bit odd just to fap away with her lying next to him (I'd think the very same if it were a woman pressing the happy button to porn when her man is lying in the bed next to her) unless she says she's ok with it beforehand I guess, but it's still not ideal IMO.

Well, let's just look at the situation described by the OP. Her partner masturbates not for reasons of fantasy fulfillment or pleasure, but to exploit some of the effects of the male refractory period to induce sleep. Pornography appears to be used as an aid to induce orgasm. The process is masturbation because he has no willing sex partner. That it occurs in front of her is because they sleep together and presumably go to bed together at the same time. Going to another room to masturbate before going to bed would likely defeat the purpose of encouraging sleep as the effects don't last very long.

Those are the facts we know. If this process disturbs or 'offends' her then the following possible options are open:

1. He goes to bed before her and masturbates / sleeps first.
2. They sleep in separate bedrooms.
3. He uses his 'imagination' rather than pornography.
4. She agrees to 'help' him every evening.
5. He stops and takes sleeping pills.

Options 1 and 2 are likely to disrupt the relationship. Option 3 may not be an option and ultimately how much better is it that he imagines other women and masturbates next to her? Option 4 is an unfair imposition on the OP and the final option is frankly grounds for a breakup; any partner who would rather you take drugs than be 'offended' is a partner best left. So overall, maybe a compromise position of some sort of mix of the third and forth options might be best.

My own feeling is that, to begin with, the OP's partner has a deeper issue if he needs to do this every night; either he has sleep issues that need medical investigation or in reality the problem is more to do with the two of them having sex drives that are incompatible - and if the latter, that's going to be a much bigger problem down the road.

And the OP also has some self image issues if it bothers her. I'd say the same of a man who feels uncomfortable with his partner looking at pictures of male porn actors. It doesn't lessen their discomfort, but it ultimately the issue is with their own self image and so people using terms like 'disrespectful' simply serves to rationalize and hide the root problem.

Chloris

I agree with most of what you said. However, I have sex most nights and I still can't get to sleep without cracking one off. Luckily my boyfriend is a heavy sleeper and I just watch stuff on my phone... also there's not any mess to clean up (no more than he would have left there previously, anyway!) so I can just fall off to sleep afterwards.

Now, I've told him I do it and it doesn't bother him in the slightest. He's even told me to feel free to use him while he's asleep as he thought it probably wouldn't rouse (lol) him. The one time I did, he woke up, flipped me onto my back and destroyed my nether regions, so I felt kind of bad for waking him! Felt a bit self indulgent. Of course, I'm bad at waking up in the morning so I've told him if he has something for me, he can do what he likes, and he often does. It's a handy compromise.

I think that's what it comes down to, sexual compromise. If you're not comfortable doing something your partner likes or vice versa, and you don't bend even a small bit, that's a recipe for sexually frustrated pent-up resentment.

Autonomous Cowherd

Chloris wrote: »

I agree with most of what you said. However, I have sex most nights and I still can't get to sleep without cracking one off. Luckily my boyfriend is a heavy sleeper and I just watch stuff on my phone... also there's not any mess to clean up (no more than he would have left there previously, anyway!) so I can just fall off to sleep afterwards.

Now, I've told him I do it and it doesn't bother him in the slightest. He's even told me to feel free to use him while he's asleep as he thought it probably wouldn't rouse (lol) him. The one time I did, he woke up, flipped me onto my back and destroyed my nether regions, so I felt kind of bad for waking him! Felt a bit self indulgent. Of course, I'm bad at waking up in the morning so I've told him if he has something for me, he can do what he likes, and he often does. It's a handy compromise.

I think that's what it comes down to, sexual compromise. If you're not comfortable doing something your partner likes or vice versa, and you don't bend even a small bit, that's a recipe for sexually frustrated pent-up resentment.

WTF did I just read?

hahhahah

Shanotheslayer

Autonomous Cowherd wrote: »

WTF did I just read?

hahhahah

Seeme like something out of 50 Shades

Chloris

Autonomous Cowherd wrote:

WTF did I just read?

The devious sexual tendencies of a pair of perverted miscreants.

Shanotheslayer wrote:

Seeme like something out of 50 Shades

We were boning each other almost a decade before that drivel was even a notion in the author(whoever they are)'s head. We love the fck out of each other.

Penny Tration

Chloris wrote: »

The devious sexual tendencies of a pair of perverted miscreants.


We were boning each other almost a decade before that drivel was even a notion in the author(whoever they are)'s head. We love the fck out of each other.

So you've been having sex with him since you were about thirteen? You mentioned being 24/25 on another thread.

Christ, I didn't need to think of two children fcuking.

Chloris

Jenny Thalia wrote:

So you've been having sex with him since you were about thirteen? You mentioned being 24/25 on another thread.

What the hell is wrong with that?! I think it's class. We had our entire sexual discovery with somebody we loved intently and trusted unconditionally and we continue to fulfill each other enormously. If you consider that child porn, that's worrying...

coopdog85

I watch porn in bed beside my girlfriend but only to trick her into getting up on top of me & riding me like a knackers horse.

If I'm really horny I'll fumble around for a few mins & I'll watch some random scene & say to her "I'd love to try that with you some time soon". Without fail she'll just get up on top of me & bounce away. Without admitting it she loves when I turn it on because it gets her so wound up. We have the healthiest sex life I've ever had in any relationship & porn is definitely a factor in it. We both love it.

syklops

Chloris wrote: »

I agree with most of what you said. However, I have sex most nights and I still can't get to sleep without cracking one off. Luckily my boyfriend is a heavy sleeper and I just watch stuff on my phone... also there's not any mess to clean up (no more than he would have left there previously, anyway!) so I can just fall off to sleep afterwards.

Now, I've told him I do it and it doesn't bother him in the slightest. He's even told me to feel free to use him while he's asleep as he thought it probably wouldn't rouse (lol) him. The one time I did, he woke up, flipped me onto my back and destroyed my nether regions, so I felt kind of bad for waking him! Felt a bit self indulgent. Of course, I'm bad at waking up in the morning so I've told him if he has something for me, he can do what he likes, and he often does. It's a handy compromise.

I think that's what it comes down to, sexual compromise. If you're not comfortable doing something your partner likes or vice versa, and you don't bend even a small bit, that's a recipe for sexually frustrated pent-up resentment.

You sound awesome!

WoollyRedHat

If this was on a gardaí chat forum then it would be a whole different story and it would be a bit of a cop out tbh. " Stop it Jim, I told you not to shoot that thing in here, we're on a stake out, this is completely unprofessional"

The Corinthian

Chloris wrote: »

I think that's what it comes down to, sexual compromise. If you're not comfortable doing something your partner likes or vice versa, and you don't bend even a small bit, that's a recipe for sexually frustrated pent-up resentment.

I do get the impression that there are many couples who are, sexually speaking, incompatible out there, typically where one may have a much lower sex drive, this has become legitimized in popular culture - suggesting the sort of compromises you've suggested is akin to marital rape in the eyes of many.

This leads to a situation whereby the problem is not discussed or, worse still is defined as not being a problem.

The net result of which is that the problem persists, is never addressed and typically gets worse over time. Then one day the one with the higher sex drive ends up posting here how he or she is in a relationship where their spouse hasn't had sex with them in a year and they're thinking of having an affair.

Gongoozler

coopdog85 wrote: »

I watch porn in bed beside my girlfriend but only to trick her into getting up on top of me & riding me like a knackers horse.

If I'm really horny I'll fumble around for a few mins & I'll watch some random scene & say to her "I'd love to try that with you some time soon". Without fail she'll just get up on top of me & bounce away. Without admitting it she loves when I turn it on because it gets her so wound up. We have the healthiest sex life I've ever had in any relationship & porn is definitely a factor in it. We both love it.

Not terribly healthy if you can't just say straight out what you want to do, and have to 'trick' her into it.

syklops

The Corinthian wrote: »

I do get the impression that there are many couples who are, sexually speaking, incompatible out there, typically where one may have a much lower sex drive, this has become legitimized in popular culture - suggesting the sort of compromises you've suggested is akin to marital rape in the eyes of many.

This leads to a situation whereby the problem is not discussed or, worse still is defined as not being a problem.

The net result of which is that the problem persists, is never addressed and typically gets worse over time. Then one day the one with the higher sex drive ends up posting here how he or she is in a relationship where their spouse hasn't had sex with them in a year and they're thinking of having an affair.

Nail on head. I think here in Ireland we are much too closed off about sex still.

I used to live abroad in a place where extra marital affairs were the norm. At first it was a bit shocking, but when you get down to the mechanics, a sexual need is a need like any other, like food and water almost. If one person in a couple goes off the boil for a few months then its tough but thats relationships for you. If one partner goes off the boil permanently what does one do? On the one hand you have this lovely person who you love, he/she is a great mother/father and a good partner. They tick 9 out of ten possible boxes, the one they no longer tick is the bedroom department. So what do you do?

smash

Gongoozler wrote: »

Not terribly healthy if you can't just say straight out what you want to do, and have to 'trick' her into it.

Ah stop it...

Medusa22

If you are happy with your sex life and he doesn't watch porn non-stop then I wouldn't worry OP but it is your relationship after all. Of course he looks at attractive women when he watches porn, it doesn't mean that he wants to run off with them. I don't see why he'd want to look at ugly women tbh I watch porn and my wife doesn't mind at all, she never has. She's probably just glad that I'm not bothering her :pac: