Women commenting on and rejecting men due to height

DoYouEvenLift

I've seen and heard an increase of this phenomenon both online and in person recently. I thought it was only happening frequently in USA but seems it's hitting Ireland now. I'll preface this with the fact I'm unaffected by it personally as I'm quite tall but I have had friends and other's experience this honestly terrible scenario and it irritates me knowing this huge double standard is widely accepted and downplayed by a lot of people. Also, I'm not making a generalisation that all women do this, because they obviously don't.


If a man makes even a slight observation about a woman's weight he is considered shallow, judgemental etc. and most of the time it'll end in total uproar and offence. If a woman makes a totally harsh comment about a man's height and rejects him outright for that nobody bats an eye and the man is supposed to just take it and deal with it, "man up" is what'll probably be said if he seemed to be effected by it. Yet the thing that annoys me is how one of these is totally genetic and cannot be helped and the other is almost always a personal choice, aside from legitimate medical issues causing it, and can certainly be helped with a small bit of will power and dedication.


Now, let's disregard genders for a moment here as this is for both men and women. A person is born with absolutely no choice in the matter. They do not choose to be born with their skin colour, their height, their facial characteristics etc. These are all completely genetic and cannot be chosen by the individual. You wouldn't openly comment on somebody's race, certainly wouldn't openly reject them by telling them it's why you're rejecting them. You wouldn't openly comment on somebody's facial characteristics and openly say it's why you're rejecting them. So how come some women will openly comment negatively and let men know that they're rejecting them due to their height and not think twice about how atrocious it is and how much it could potentially hurt the guy?

I hope more men start bringing this up and putting a stop to it if they witness it first hand.


Cliffs:
- Height is completely genetic and cannot be helped
- Being unhealthy and overweight is rarely genetic and is a personal choice and can typically be helped
- Why are some women openly commenting on and rejecting men based on height
- Why do these same women go crazy when men make any comment on a woman's weight

But who was logic?

indigo twist

I think some people are a bit quick to pull the discrimination card.

There is nothing wrong with anyone (male or female) preferring a certain type. I'm a woman, I'm not generally physically attracted to shorter men. I'm not ashamed to admit that. I also don't tend to be attracted to skinny or overweight men. Plenty of men prefer slim women, or average women, or larger women, or some don't have a preference. Some prefer shorter or taller women, or blondes rather than brunettes, or vice versa. Who cares?

Making digs at a person because of their height or weight is another matter entirely. But nothing at all wrong with being attracted to certain body types more than others. Whether you're male or female.

TheBeardedLady

I think the odd eyelid would be batted if a woman told a man she wasn't interested then insulted his height? That's not acceptable behaviour from anyone and I don't know one decent human being who would consider that acceptable behaviour. Certainly if my friend carried on that way I'd call her out on it.


Having a preference for a certain height is different though; we all like what we like but it'd be expected that you're nice about it.

DoYouEvenLift

indigo twist wrote: »

I think some people are a bit quick to pull the discrimination card.

There is nothing wrong with anyone (male or female) preferring a certain type. I'm a woman, I'm not generally physically attracted to shorter men. I'm not ashamed to admit that. I also don't tend to be attracted to skinny or overweight men. Plenty of men prefer slim women, or average women, or larger women, or some don't have a preference. Some prefer shorter or taller women, or blondes rather than brunettes, or vice versa. Who cares?

Making digs at a person because of their height or weight is another matter entirely. But nothing at all wrong with being attracted to certain body types more than others. Whether you're male or female.

I didn't say there was anything wrong with personal preferences. My point is how some women will feel perfectly fine openly rejecting a man because he's not tall enough when height is totally genetic yet a man is almost crusified if he did similar to this and openly rejected a woman because she's too fat when weight is mostly down to the individual choosing to be so. So, if it turns out that it's commonly acceptable to be rejected for your height then it should also be commonly acceptable to reject others for their weight.

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

I think the odd eyelid would be batted if a woman told a man she wasn't interested then insulted his height? That's not acceptable behaviour from anyone and I don't know one decent human being who would consider that acceptable behaviour. Certainly if my friend carried on that way I'd call her out on it.


Having a preference for a certain height is different though; we all like what we like but it'd be expected that you're nice about it.

That's how it should be but I'm afraid there are still lots of people unaware of common courtesy, seems especially popular amongst younger girls.

Liam McPoyle

If a woman rejects a man because he is not tall enough and tells him to his face thats the reason why, that makes her a dick.

If a man rejects a woman because she is too fat/skinny or what ever and tells her to her face, that makes him a dick.

Personal preference/attraction is fine, being a dick is not.

Qualitymark

Think of it as a useful Darwinian marker: these women probably aren't bright enough to be good breeding stock.

DoYouEvenLift

Qualitymark wrote: »

Think of it as a useful Darwinian marker: these women probably aren't bright enough to be good breeding stock.

Too bad there would still be too many desperate white knights still willing to put up with their sh!t and settle for them.

Qualitymark

Buster Keaton has a funny unspoken tongue-in-cheek take on this in his 1925 comedy Our Hospitality. Well worth watching. I'll post a link but not the full film because it's an hour and 13 minutes long:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47yq9XTbDNY

Particularly nice part of the film is the gorgeous dog, and Keaton's character Willie McKay's relationship with it, but it's also fun that the terrifying father and brothers of the feuding family are all about 16" taller than Keating, our brave and resourceful hero.

DoYouEvenLift

Qualitymark wrote: »

Buster Keaton has a funny unspoken tongue-in-cheek take on this in his 1925 comedy Our Hospitality. Well worth watching. I'll post a link but not the full film because it's an hour and 13 minutes long:

47yq9XTbDNY

Particularly nice part of the film is the gorgeous dog, and Keaton's character Willie McKay's relationship with it, but it's also fun that the terrifying father and brothers of the feuding family are all about 16" taller than Keating, our brave and resourceful hero.

Lol that is the full film though? What time is the part you're talking about at?

everlast75

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

My point is how some women will feel perfectly fine openly rejecting a man because he's not tall enough when height is totally genetic yet a man is almost crusified if he did similar to this and openly rejected a woman because she's too fat when weight is mostly down to the individual choosing to be so. So, if it turns out that it's commonly acceptable to be rejected for your height then it should also be commonly acceptable to reject others for their weight.

As far as I'm concerned, its not okay to slag someone about something they cannot change, which is to your point, about one's height, but also about being "ginger", balding, colour of skin etc.

I agree that weight is something that most people can do something about, but the problem with slagging somebody about that is there may be underlying personal issues causing obesity.

Business Cat is of course correct on the point about slagging to someone's face, but doing it behind someone's back can also be as bad if they find out.

Jawgap

I think it's all about tone. If someone passes a comment about someone intending to be insulting / hurtful then that's not on whether it's about weight, height, hair colour etc. It's bad manners and indicates that they are probably quite shallow and not very nice.

As for the whole the height thing - I think people just need to get over themselves. People find different physical, personality and intellectual attributes attractive. What float someone's boat doesn't necessarily float the next person's - but I agree that isn't an excuse to be rude.

Also generally excluding a class of people because they don't measure up - literally and figuratively - to some ideal is just dumb. Who knows what you'd be missing out?

Finally for the record, I'm 5'8" (and a half!!) and my wife is 6'1" (taller when she throws on the heels!) - when I first met her she was sitting down. We had a great evening and swapped numbers at the end of the thing we were at and I didn't call her because I assumed she wouldn't be interested in 'shorties' - luckily she called me!

pwurple

It has become a problem here, I know this because a friend was offered growth hormones for her 2 year old, because he looks like he will be about 5'5 when he is an adult. She refused them. The doctors spoke about bullying, finding a girlfriend/wife etc. His father isn't tall, has a wife, and was never bullied, so they completely dismissed this.

Apparantly a huge amount of spanish boys are given growth hormones for this reason.

It angers me that little boys are medicated for this.

DoYouEvenLift

everlast75 wrote: »

As far as I'm concerned, its not okay to slag someone about something they cannot change, which is to your point, about one's height, but also about being "ginger", balding, colour of skin etc.

I agree that weight is something that most people can do something about, but the problem with slagging somebody about that is there may be underlying personal issues causing obesity.

Business Cat is of course correct on the point about slagging to someone's face, but doing it behind someone's back can also be as bad if they find out.

Yeah, all of those are other genetic traits so they fall under what I'm saying. Good examples too, by the way, especially balding. It's possible for almost anyone to go bald in even just a few years, even women can get thinning and receding hairlines, if they're predisposed or just suffer a medical issue to cause it, so it's always funny to see people who mock bald men end up bald themselves and then being total insecure wrecks about it.

pwurple wrote: »

It has become a problem here, I know this because a friend was offered growth hormones for her 2 year old, because he looks like he will be about 5'5 when he is an adult. She refused them. The doctors spoke about bullying, finding a girlfriend/wife etc. His father isn't tall, has a wife, and was never bullied, so they completely dismissed this.

Apparantly a huge amount of spanish boys are given growth hormones for this reason.

It angers me that little boys are medicated for this.

It's only going to get worse in the future as the more people use social media the shallower and more judgemental they get, which is why there are attempts to make it possible for people to choose their offsprings genetic traits. The surge in plastic surgery throughout the years and how good some procedures have gotten is a good indicator of where we're heading.

eviltwin

There are a lot of men out there I wouldn't be attracted to, nothing wrong with that but its not appropriate to be rude to someone. Its not like they can do anything about their height after all, what is the point in being critical about it. I don't know why people feel the need to be cruel or pass remarkable about another person, you don't like them fine, move along, find someone you do like. Why the need to make a comment on it at all? Its juvenile and petty and if someone who rejected me was to act that way I'd consider myself lucky.

syklops

"You're not my type" = fine.
"Sorry, I don't like fat/skinny/short/too tall/hairy/bald/ girls/boys" = not fine.

Whoever you saw who did it is a bitch/wanker.

DoYouEvenLift

syklops wrote: »

"You're not my type" = fine.
"Sorry, I don't like fat/skinny/short/too tall/hairy/bald/ girls/boys" = not fine.

Whoever you saw who did it is a bitch/wanker.

We've established which is and isn't acceptable. Most people are decent enough to already know these sorts of things without even being told. I'm mostly just trying to bring awareness to encourage anyone who ever witnesses it first hand to tell the person how what they're saying is ridiculous. Chances are if you make even a small logical comment about the genetic vs choice point the spastic won't have any decent rebuttal and will be embarrassed for being shown to be an idiot.

Qualitymark

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Lol that is the full film though? What time is the part you're talking about at?

Try it from about 41 minutes in. Whole film is worth watching, though. Tastes in humour vary, of course, but for me this is one of the funniest films ever made, from the view of Broadway in 1810 and Buster riding a velocipede to the makeshift train - "Into the West roared the gleaming monster" or some such subtitle - to the hero's determination not to be killed in the vendetta, and his enemies' attempts to kill him without breaking the Southern code of honour.
Edit: and the extremely cute and clever collie dog, of course.

paddy1990

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Cliffs:
- Height is completely genetic and cannot be helped
- Being unhealthy and overweight is rarely genetic and is a personal choice and can typically be helped
- Why are some women openly commenting on and rejecting men based on height
- Why do these same women go crazy when men make any comment on a woman's weight

But who was logic?

Very good post.

newport2

pwurple wrote: »

It has become a problem here, I know this because a friend was offered growth hormones for her 2 year old, because he looks like he will be about 5'5 when he is an adult. She refused them. The doctors spoke about bullying, finding a girlfriend/wife etc. His father isn't tall, has a wife, and was never bullied, so they completely dismissed this.

Apparantly a huge amount of spanish boys are given growth hormones for this reason.

It angers me that little boys are medicated for this.

I was in a small Spanish town before, there were about 150 people out in the street drinking. It suddenly struck me that I was taller than everyone there (I'm 5'11, not short but not particularly tall either). I looked around and there was one person out of the whole lot who may have been taller. At a guess, in Ireland about 30% of the men would have been taller. They do seem to be shorter in general, same in Portugal.

Whether little boys should be medicated for it is a seperate discussion (I don't think they should), but the doctor is right. If the boy ends up particularly short as a man, it will make things harder for him. The anecdote of his parents doesn't change that. It seems to be ok to laugh at small men in the media, TV, etc. Any sitcom where a woman tries dating online, guaranteed one of the "awful" ones she meets will be a man about a foot shorter than her. There's a trailer for a sitcom doing the rounds at the moment with this in it. I remember Sex and the City did something similar, Samantha was dating a short man, only hung on to him because he was great in bed, but was too ashamed to let her friends meet him. A lot of women will openly admit they will not date men shorter than them, seemingly unaware that this is a really derogatory thing to say.

TheBeardedLady

pwurple wrote: »

It has become a problem here, I know this because a friend was offered growth hormones for her 2 year old, because he looks like he will be about 5'5 when he is an adult. She refused them. The doctors spoke about bullying, finding a girlfriend/wife etc. His father isn't tall, has a wife, and was never bullied, so they completely dismissed this.

Apparantly a huge amount of spanish boys are given growth hormones for this reason.

It angers me that little boys are medicated for this.

Mental. I never knew. Not that it makes any difference, but one of the reasons I moved to Spain was my preference for average height men (stocky men of average height).

If women are making fun of men because of their height, they're arseholes. Very good indicator to get the fook away from her asap.

I luckily don't see it when I go out (probably past the "mean girls" stage of my life) but if I did, I would definitely call them out on it. That's bullying pure and simple.

TheBeardedLady

Whether little boys should be medicated for it is a seperate discussion (I don't think they should), but the doctor is right. If the boy ends up particularly short as a man, it will make things harder for him. The anecdote of his parents doesn't change that. It seems to be ok to laugh at small men in the media, TV, etc. Any sitcom where a woman tries dating online, guaranteed one of the "awful" ones she meets will be a man about a foot shorter than her. There's a trailer for a sitcom doing the rounds at the moment with this in it. I remember Sex and the City did something similar, Samantha was dating a short man, only hung on to him because he was great in bed, but was too ashamed to let her friends meet him.

Yeah, you're right and it must be hurtful to witness that kind of stuff if you're small/average height.

A lot of women will openly admit they will not date men shorter than them, seemingly unaware that this is a really derogatory thing to say.

Really? Simply stating what you like in the opposite sex without being an arse about it is derogatory? I can't agree. Perhaps because it's a sensitive issue for men that they feel hurt to hear it but I don't think simply saying, "I like tall men" is derogatory. Something like, "I like tall men because small men are [insert mean comment here]". Sometimes you see men comment on how they like foreign women on Boards. That I have no problem with but a comment such as, "I like foreign women because Irish women are ugly bitches", for example i.e. taking an unnecessary dig at what you don't like which you know is mean. The latter is derogatory but the former is not.

Lux23

There have been a few occasions when I went on dates with men who were either the same height as me or slightly shorter. I suppose it wouldnt have been my ideal, but I always kept an open mind. On two of these dates, I decided the guy wasn't for me and when I said I didn't want to meet up with them again, they assumed it was because of the height. It wasn't, it was because they didn't make an effort to talk and they just didn't seem confident.

Now maybe the shyness is down to their height but as a grown man you have to try and make an effort to get over esteem issues like that. We all have them.

newport2

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

Really? Simply stating what you like in the opposite sex without being an arse about it is derogatory? I can't agree. Perhaps because it's a sensitive issue for men that they feel hurt to hear it but I don't think simply saying, "I like tall men" is derogatory. Something like, "I like tall men because small men are [insert mean comment here]". Sometimes you see men comment on how they like foreign women on Boards. That I have no problem with but a comment such as, "I like foreign women because Irish women are ugly bitches", for example i.e. taking an unnecessary dig at what you don't like which you know is mean. The latter is derogatory but the former is not.

I'm not talking about stating what you like. I've heard women on multiple occasions say - often in front of a guy who was short -

"I would not date a man who is shorter than me".

I don't think that's the same as saying "I like tall men".



Let's reverse it. How about a man saying in front of a variety of women:

"I would not date a flat-chested woman."

How would that go down?

I don't think saying that you won't date someone with a particular physical attribute comes across the same as saying that you like a particular physical attribute in others. But maybe I'm wrong.

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

If women are making fun of men because of their height, they're arseholes. Very good indicator to get the fook away from her asap.

I know several women who have done this who are not arseholes. I think sometimes it just doesn't even occur to them that a man is going to be offended by a comment about his physical appearance.

newport2

Lux23 wrote: »

There have been a few occasions when I went on dates with men who were either the same height as me or slightly shorter. I suppose it wouldnt have been my ideal, but I always kept an open mind. On two of these dates, I decided the guy wasn't for me and when I said I didn't want to meet up with them again, they assumed it was because of the height. It wasn't, it was because they didn't make an effort to talk and they just didn't seem confident.

Now maybe the shyness is down to their height but as a grown man you have to try and make an effort to get over esteem issues like that. We all have them.

Fully agree, but you didn't say that. If they made assumptions, then that's their responsibility.

I won't date a short man because I'm not attracted to short men. I'm tiny myself - sub 5ft - and I completely recognise that being small is a much bigger deal for a man than a woman and I've never had any issue attracting men. The stereotype is that small women are petite, cute, neat etc., short men are shortarses with angry short man syndrome. It's not fair, but as your friend is finding out OP, no one has a right to be found attractive and most small men know that the majority of women find greater height more attractive. Just like a majority of men find a woman with nice hips and breasts attractive.

A (say) flat chested or overweight girl would do well to develop her best points in terms of personality and appearance to compensate for her lack of appeal in some areas, and a short man would do well to make sure the parts of his appearance and personality that he can change reflect the best of him too.

If a woman says something hurtful to a man about any physical characteristic - height, baldness, weight, looks, whatever - when she's rejecting him, she's being at best thoughtless and at worst deliberately bitchy. And the same for men.

TheBeardedLady

"I would not date a man who is shorter than me".

I don't think that's the same as saying "I like tall men".

I can't see how the first comment is necessarily derogatory. Obviously out of context with any indication of the intonation used, it's hard to tell but as it stands, it's not a derogatory comment and will only hurt the feelings of a man who's sensitive about his height.

Let's reverse it. How about a man saying in front of a variety of women:

"I would not date a flat-chested woman."

How would that go down?

Not well if the woman is insecure about her flat chest but the comment is possibly tactless but not derogatory. If a comment is derogatory, it's usually said with the intention of hurting the person in question.

I know several women who have done this who are not arseholes. I think sometimes it just doesn't even occur to them that a man is going to be offended by a comment about his physical appearance.

It's tactless then, perhaps but I wouldn't agree it's derogatory.

Triceratops Ballet

newport2 wrote: »

Let's reverse it. How about a man saying in front of a variety of women:

"I would not date a flat-chested woman."

How would that go down?

I have heard a group of blokes say stuff like this about the type of women they would or would not date, while working in an office full of men, (though they were not as pc as you) aside from the fact that its inappropriate talk for the office, it doesn't bother me I wouldn't take personal offense to someone stating a preference that I don't fit into.

Jawgap

newport2 wrote: »

I'm not talking about stating what you like. I've heard women on multiple occasions say - often in front of a guy who was short -

"I would not date a man who is shorter than me".

I don't think that's the same as saying "I like tall men".



.....

I think these are pretty much one and the same - someone is expressing a preference. That said, the tone conveys the meaning - either of those phrases blurted out in a patronising fashion by someone bursting their arses laughing after they've been asked out is bound to be hurtful (as well as a pretty good indication that the person is, in fact, a tw@t)

You can question the wisdom of basing a preference on a single attribute, but I wouldn't regard it as a reason to get upset - anymore than a women saying she wouldn't date a Leinster fan, a ginger haired guy, etc.

It's as daft as things like 'blondes have more fun!'

Lalealynn

I have dated a guy who was 5'6 I have dated guys who were over 6 FT I have a preference for taller men but I can be attracted to short guys if they have something.

The thing is some men (I don't know why) I am just not physically attracted to. I would simply say you are not my type. But usually people internalize that with some negative things about themselves. 'She does not like me because of this or that'. Really I did not maybe like how they treated me or simply I just did not like THEM. It means nothing about who they are only we are not comparable or they don't know how to make me feel good.

I guess I am classically good looking according to popular culture. But to be honest men go for what they go for. Personality counts a lot more for women. I am aware this might offend some men. But I am a nice person but I get guys whom I have NOTHING in common with life wise or background wise attracted to me. I am polite and I try to treat people decently but there is no way these guys like me for my personality we are too different and have different values. They just want their h*le. Well no I mean that in a nice way really they simply are more driven by the physical aspect and I can't feel that as much. I only give my heart to someone who has committed to me and where they is compatibility for the long term emotionally.

My friends tend to think I date losers :-/ But all in all I have really only dated one bad guy (awfully life damaging experience utterly horrific but I learnt) the rest of the people who have come this way have been pretty cool.

But it was said above that it should simply be that you are not my type. You would be lovely for someone else etc. That person is still a person with feelings and self esteem. And they have a right to feel 'hot' and 'sexy' and attractive and good about themselves man or woman.

'Personal preference/attraction is fine, being a dick is not. '

Here Here.

TO be honest I can't give a list of what I go for. One characteristic looks different on different people You know what I mean? If a guy says he likes Kate Moss that means one thing to one person and another to someone else.

What individuals are attracted to is not a universal standard of beauty. That is the beauty myth and it's very damaging. Be on the inside looking out not the outside looking in at yourself.

newport2

Jawgap wrote: »

I think these are pretty much one and the same - someone is expressing a preference. That said, the tone conveys the meaning - either of those phrases blurted out in a patronising fashion by someone bursting their arses laughing after they've been asked out is bound to be hurtful (as well as a pretty good indication that the person is, in fact, a tw@t)

You can question the wisdom of basing a preference on a single attribute, but I wouldn't regard it as a reason to get upset - anymore than a women saying she wouldn't date a Leinster fan, a ginger haired guy, etc.

It's as daft as things like 'blondes have more fun!'

I guess the point I was trying to make is that saying in front of a woman with blonde hair that I wouldn't go out with a blond haired woman is different to me than saying to her that I like brunettes. The former is saying I don't care much for an attribute she has, the latter is saying I like an attribute she doesn't have. And I think it's worse if it relates to something they can do nothing about, like height or their nose or something else like that.

Anyway, think I'm out-numbered here, so I'll concede defeat.

miamee

People have personal preferences. Weight preferences are not specific to men and height preferences are not specific to women. They are two separate issues, IMO. Some women will not go out with a man who isn't X height or at least taller than her, equally some men will not go out with a woman who is taller than he is (or maybe who is taller when wearing heels).

I'm not sure where weight came into a discussion about height? Both men and women can be put off by a potential partner being over or under weight.

I agree that some people can go way OTT in their specifications but everyone has things they think are deal-breakers no matter how unreasonable or outlandish they might seem to someone else.