An example of my writing

Agent Weebley

lulu1 wrote: »

womansskirtfan someone suggested moons ago to stop changing your story to suit other people and here you are again changing the clothes to suit op. It's your story you decide.

Not making many comments but still keeping an eye.

That may have been my suggestion, lulu1. I too am also too busy to comment, but after mental images of Groundhog Day, I now have strange mental images of winter coming, along with snowballs, snowblowing, and snowjobs. Thanks, Ficheall . . . not.

But all is still good. I happen to know, WomanSkirtFan8, you are going to stop bending to minds and write the most awesome mind bender. That was me that "liked" your outline that seems to have magically disappeared.

Oh, and strangely, today I posted a note to someone named alohajim on The Daily Bell, today. They were talking about solutions to the current criminal currencies issue. I linked to TI and his song, Big Things Poppin' . . . Do IT.

WomanSkirtFan8

I'm certainly going to try! But I'm going to change ONLY TWO things about Andrea's outfit. The reason? I think that these two changes will probably work better for the story.

Firstly, Andrea's shirt: As I already have the four girls wearing shirts as part of their school uniforms, I don't think its therefore necessary to have Andrea in a shirt (again to try and avoid repetition).

Secondly, Andrea's shoes: Probably better to have Andrea wearing black court street shoes than knee-high boots. It'll make it easier for her feet to burst out of the shoes once the transformations get underway.

those are the only changes that i am making to her outfit. So her outfit is now as follows:

black cashmere coat.
beige top with long sleeves.
black gypsy skirt with white stripes (with tight-fitting lether belt)
white wool socks
black court street shoes.

This is the final version of Andrea's outfit and there will be no more changes to it.

Agent Weebley

Andrea could be wearing nothing at all for all I care. I'm landing in Dublin again for 2 weeks starting September 12 @ 6:50am. I'll be getting picked up by our Muirgheal. The same goes for her.

You had better be thinking about diverting yourself over to Water, WomanShirtFan8, and tell all your friends to start writing . . . that topic is about to pop on boards.ie.

The Pooka

Ficheall wrote: »

This is the weirdest erotic fiction I've come across since that incestuous snowman thing...

I'd call it the most elaborate trolling of this forum since Trent.

And at least Trent doubled as inspired satire. Jesus.

lulu1

The Pooka wrote: »

I'd call it the most elaborate trolling of this forum since Trent.

And at least Trent doubled as inspired satire. Jesus.

Never heard of Trent but I agree about the trolling I said as much in a post about a month ago. Definately making fools off us all.

Agent Weebley

lulu1 wrote: »

Never heard of Trent, but I agree about the trolling. I said as much in a post about a month ago; definitely making fools of us all.

The Pooka and lulu1: I don't agree. She does remind me of "Another Question" from a while back, but if it weren't for her, we wouldn't be where we are today. True Leprechaun Magic!.

WomanSkirtFan8

Agent Weebley wrote: »

The Pooka and lulu1: I don't agree. She does remind me of "Another Question" from a while back, but if it weren't for her, we wouldn't be where we are today. True Leprechaun Magic!.

okay folks. having read the above post,I really feel to respond.

Firstly, i've been branded a troll. Now let me make something absolutely clear here: I AM NOT A troll. I have seen what they are. I know what they are and I have absolute NO interest WHATSOEVER in being one!

Sorry if this comes across as being angry. Its jut the way I genuinely feel right now.

Here' a quote to bear in mind:

“Who steals my purse, steals trash, but he that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.”

Othello,
William Shakespeare

WomanSkirtFan8

lulu1 wrote: »

Never heard of Trent but I agree about the trolling I said as much in a post about a month ago. Definately making fools off us all.

Really? Well then, you might want to bear this quote in mind:

Here' a quote to bear in mind:

“Who steals my purse, steals trash, but he that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.”

Othello,
William Shakespeare

Agent Weebley

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

okay folks. having read the above post,I really feel to respond. Firstly, I've been branded a troll . . . .

Er, did you not not notice I said I don't agree? And did you not notice I said if it weren't for you, we wouldn't be where we are today?

Mind if I tell you a little story? OK, thanks.

Back when was a little kid, I had a bunch of toy cars. I was a little sick of building things with Lego, so I used my Lego pieces to build complex road structures on the landing. The rest of my family would have to step between the curbs to pass by, and I would do most of my "driving" from the stairs, so I could get a good view of the cars as they came around bends and such.

I had this little problem. I don't even know if I should tell you this, as it is a little weird.

OK, I will.

My favourite car was the DB5, complete with ejector seat, front guns, and a plate steel pop up rear deflector . . . it was Agent 007s car. Silver. Soooo cool.

Al my other Dinkys paled in comparison, and were the "extras" in my little world.

When Agent 007 came around a bend, I had the yaw of the car down pat. Oversteer.- perfect. It was a balanced machine.It would do the coolest wipe-outs and escapes from tense situations like being blocked by the bad guys in my crappy ice cream van that someone bought me that was really ugly and green, and the sliding windows on the sides were all scuffed and it was way too top heavy and would fall over when it took bends too fast. OMG, sorry about that.

Now, I drive the Aston Martin Rapide, and I am working on getting 1 for Steve when we land in Dublin this coming Thursday.

Anyway, here's the weird part. My family still laughs at me for it . . .

I used to do instant replays of the DB5 for like . . . ages! Time after time I would go over the same ground, each time the instant replay was slightly different. I made very realistic car sounds as well. And it would give rubber in every gear.

Anyway, I definitely see promise in your writing, and since I am 49 now, I've learned to never go over the same ground. Always outside the envelope. Always a pedal to the metal, put the hammer down writing style. Sometimes I crash. Sometimes I have a near miss. But I find that since I am in a virtual world, trying my best to become real, I have nothing to lose.

It's just a game.

Now . . . you may have noticed that 3 minutes have just disappeared. Go back to the beginning and check this out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDxI8LgKWsI

WomanSkirtFan8

"Er, did you not not notice I said I don't agree? And did you not notice I said if it weren't for you, we wouldn't be where we are today?"

Yes I did thanks. T That's true enough alright. I was just simply trying to make the point that I'm not intentionally trying to lead anyone on. That's basically the point I was trying to make.

I do understand what you're saying: I should just stop messing around and just write the bloody thing!

lulu1

In your own words you say you should stop messing about and write the bloody thing. I think that is what you should do. In the first two pages alone I counted at least 10 times that you changed the story because someone told you too. Ok I know you asked for their opinion but you dont have to go with it if you think your version is ok. As for the outfit the teacher is wearing you have said in your last post that there would be no more changes but really op did you ever see anyone wear a nice pair of court (no need for street ) shoes along with white wool socks. As I say I am lost.

WomanSkirtFan8

lulu1 wrote: »

In your own words you say you should stop messing about and write the bloody thing. I think that is what you should do. In the first two pages alone I counted at least 10 times that you changed the story because someone told you too.

Ok I know you asked for their opinion but you dont have to go with it if you think your version is ok. As for the outfit the teacher is wearing you have said in your last post that there would be no more changes but really op did you ever see anyone wear a nice pair of court (no need for street ) shoes along with white wool socks. As I say I am lost.

I haven't actually, now that I think of it tbh. My apologies if you feethe l you have been misled. That was NOT my intention!

WomanSkirtFan8

Hi all, sorry if sounds like an absolutely stupid question but:

(1) I don't think you can actually burst a gypsy skirt, can you?
(2) Do they have buttons and zippers?

Apologies again if they sound like two really stupid questions,but I've had a lot of stuff on my mind lately so I'm probably not exactly thinking straight

WomanSkirtFan8

dee_mc wrote: »

You've switched scenarios there. Initially you were talking about how a random teacher would react on finding uniforms abandoned on entering a classroom; now it's Ms O'Brien noticing them in the room she's teaching in, having given the girls in question a shrinking potion?
Obviously the reaction of a random teacher will be different to that of the person who caused it uniform scenario.

"Uniform Scenario" = What do you mean by that exactly?

"Why would students of any age appear to take off their clothes during class?"

Would a teacher actually be thinking that if they came across an abandoned school uniform? What if there were two or three school uniforms lying strewn about in the school corridor?

WomanSkirtFan8

dee_mc wrote: »

A class teacher would more than likely comment on a stained uniform, particularly in a strict all girls school. The reaction of the student would vary wildly depending on the individual.

I don't know how to answer the question about the stretchiness or otherwise of school jumpers though - surely you're not getting bogged down in striving to be realistic about the properties of fabric under pressure due to the effects of, um, magic, are you?!

No. Not at all. Basically I think what I'm trying to say is, that, while you can stretch a school jumper to a certain degree, unlike a shirt, trousers or skirt, you can't split or snap the seams, can't you?

I'd imagine that if two schoolgirls stained their school uniforms together, they'd both be fairly ashamed and embarrassed especially if a teacher was telling them off!

WomanSkirtFan8

dee_mc wrote: »

Depending on the school, they might yeah. I think the school I went to had a rule that the skirt could end no more than 2 inches above the knee, something like that. Schoolgirls will roll their skirt at the waistline in order to make it shorter without actually cutting it.

Wonder why that is? I mean, I can understand them feeling uncomfortable or being reluctant to wear a school uniform, but I can't think for the life of me as to why girls woud do things like that.

I also noticed, when I was in secondary school, that not all the girls' skirts were of exactly same length. Some were knee-length (either a couple of inches slightly above or below the knees and some were nearly ankle-length.

Some girls wore black tights and other wore school socks, though not that many that I noticed!

WomanSkirtFan8

dee_mc wrote: »

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

Ah ok, that makes things clearer!
Yes, I'd imagine the students would try to cover their modesty too but as they're unaware of the fact Andrea is a witch, they're probably more surprised/shocked/scared than she is? I think it would be good to show their contrasting reactions.

"Yes, I'd imagine the students would try to cover their modesty too but as they're unaware of the fact Andrea is a witch, they're probably more surprised/shocked/scared than she is?"

Indeed. But I don't really want to do anything thats really "on the nose" so to speak. Maybe their first reaction is for the four of them to giggle but then as more and more buttons fly off their shirts,then the shock and fear might take hold of them? You know something like:

(1) Miss O'Brien shirt buttons start pinging and flying off it.
(2) The girls initially giggle and laugh at her but then their buttons also start pinging and flying off.
(3) Three of them gasp in horror but Eva keeps giggling until her own shirt pops open and she then follows suit.

WomanSkirtFan8

"7. In her chocolate-brown hair she wore a white hairband.

A white hairband sounds kind of horrible with that outfit."

Really? How So?

up for anything

Quite petite - five foot seven inches? Only in a world peopled by giants.

WomanSkirtFan8

up for anything wrote: »

Quite petite - five foot seven inches? Only in a world peopled by giants.

Sounds like Gulliver's Travels!

WomanSkirtFan8

Here's a (much thought-out!) revised opening to this story:

Enrtrappment!: The Magical Tent


Prologue

The small Irish town of Glenmallen, Co. Kerry. A fairly typical Irish town which, to an outsider, looked like something out of the 1950s. However, it was also a town which had already experienced its fair share of disasters, ranging from fire and flood to bad crops. Nonetheless though, the people's strength, courage and determination had always somehow managed to help ensure that the town was rebuilt to a much better standard. It seemed almost as if nothing could break the townspeople's reslove.

But then, not long after the most recent rebuild, some extremely strange and unexplained things began to happening. It all started when two young teenage girls suddenly and mysteriously disappeared without trace while on their way home from school. An extensive search was mounted but tragically, no trace was ever found of either of them. But this was only the beginning of the trouble.

Over the course of the next few weeks and months, between 20 and 30 people disappeared in some of the most unusual and extremely bizzare ways; the most bizzare of which concerned a woman by the name of Karen. The story goes, that she went to bed one night, having already arranged to meet her cousin, Rebecca, for coffee the following day. Karen went to bed at her usual time of 11:30pm with the clock beside her bed set to go off at 8:30am the following morning which was a Saturday.

Now, nobody knows exactly what happened that night, but Karen never got up that Saturday morning. It was only after she failed to show up to meet Rebecca that yet another search was mouted but like all the other ones that had preceeded it, Karen was never subsequently found. This was completely out of character for her as she was known for keeping to quite a meticulous timetable.

It was against this backdrop that Andrea O'Brien arrived into the town fropm her native Cork city on the very same day that Karen was declared as a missing person. Andrea was there to take up a position of science teacher in the local secondary school. But Andrea has a secret, pone that, if it is every discovered, could have extremely serious consequences for her.

And that's where our story begins. Meanwhile, these mysterious events keep occuring with more and more people mainly female disappearing (though a few have been male) and with no seemingly possible explanation as to why this is happening, can anyone figure out what is happening but much more importantly, can it be stopped before its too late?.......

Judgement Day

You should try using spell check before posting - I counted nine typos/spelling mistakes in your short piece. Like your 'The Sailing Trip (Ladies' Lunch Disaster)' story I can't help feeling that you're just seeking attention. Given the hour that you posted I would recommend that turning in earlier at night might help stimulate the creative juices whatever about the spelling.

Sorry, make that ten typos - I've just noticed that even the title is misspelt: Enrtrappment should be entrapment!

WomanSkirtFan8

Thanks for that. I had a good read of it there, and have made some changes already.

Here's the revised version:

Entrapment!: The Magical Tent

Prologue
The small Irish town of Glenmallen, Co. Kerry. A fairly typical Irish town which, to an outsider, looked like something out of the 1950s. However, it was also a town which had experienced its fair share of disasters, ranging from fire and flood to bad crops. Nonetheless though, the people's strength, courage and determination had always helped to ensure that the town was rebuilt. It seemed almost as if nothing could break the townspeople's resolve.

But then, not long after the most recent rebuild, some extremely strange things began happening. It all began when two young teenage girls suddenly mysteriously disappeared without trace while on their way home from school. An extensive search was mounted but tragically, no trace was ever found of either of them. But this was only the beginning of the trouble.

Over the course of the next few weeks and months, more and more people disappeared in some of the most unusual and extremely bizarre ways; the most bizarre of which concerned a woman by the name of Karen. The story goes, that she went to bed one night, having already arranged to meet her cousin, Rebecca, for coffee the following day. Karen went to bed at her usual time of 11:30pm with the clock beside her bed set to go off at 8:30am the following morning which was a Saturday.

Now, nobody knows exactly what happened that night, but Karen never got up that Saturday morning. It was only after she failed to show up, that yet another search was mounted but like all the other ones that had preceded it, no trace of her was ever found. This was completely out of character for her as she was known for keeping to the same regular timetable.

It was against this backdrop that Andrea O'Brien arrived into the town from her native Cork city on the very same day that Karen was declared as a missing person. Andrea was there to take up the position of science teacher in the local secondary school. But Andrea had a secret, one that if it was ever discovered,would have had extremely serious consequences for her.

And that's where our story begins. Meanwhile, these mysterious events keep occurring with more and more people mainly female disappearing (though a few have been male) and with no seemingly possible explanation as to why this is happening, can anyone figure out what is happening but much more importantly, can it be stopped before its too late?.......

JimmyD85

I like it. The only thing I would suggest is to be aware of your sentence length. Do not try to fit too much in one sentence. I know people like to use flowery language, but knowing when to curtail sentences makes it much easier to follow and, as such, be drawn into the story. I won't highlight every single thing, but I've some edited samples below you can compare and contrast.

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

1.
Over the course of the next few months, more and more people disappeared in some of the most unusual and extremely bizarre ways; the most bizarre of which concerned a woman by the name of Karen. She went to bed one night and had arranged to meet her cousin Rebecca for coffee the following day, Saturday. Karen went to bed at her usual time of 11:30pm; her alarm set for at 8:30am.

2.
And that's where our story begins. Meanwhile, these mysterious events keep occurring with more and more people mainly female disappearing (though a few have been male). With no seemingly possible explanation as to why this is happening, can anyone figure out what is happening? More importantly, can it be stopped before its too late?.......

Keep going!

WomanSkirtFan8

JimmyD85 wrote: »

I like it. The only thing I would suggest is to be aware of your sentence length. Do not try to fit too much in one sentence. I know people like to use flowery language, but knowing when to curtail sentences makes it much easier to follow and, as such, be drawn into the story. I won't highlight every single thing, but I've some edited samples below you can compare and contrast.



Keep going!

Thanks. I certainly will!

WomanSkirtFan8

Entrapment! The Magical Tent
Chapter 1

Andrea O'Brien sighed rather heavily. It had been an extremely long hard day, But now, she couldn't wait to get out of the school and head home. The teaching profession wasn't as easy a job as she had thought. It was an extremely delicate balancing act. Nonetheless, she really loved it.

At 3:30pm, the school's student population began filing their way out of the main gates on their way home. As Andrea made her way down towards the staffroom, she discovered, to her absolute surprise, that someone had appeared to have left part of their school uniform lying untidily on the floor. Her first thought was how careless they must have been but her mind almost instantly began rationalizing it.
(Maybe, they were in a bit of a rush from their P.E. class an didn't have time to change into their school uniform properly?!)

She knelt down and examined it very carefully. The, very carefully making sure that nobody was around, she picked it up and, carrying it under her left arm, she made her way along the corridor, eventually reaching the staffroom.
"But you really can't be serious, Michelle!"
"I'm telling you the truth Karen!"
"But that can't be true!"
"What could?" Andrea remarked, closing the door behind her.
"Hi Andrea! Oh Michelle was just saying that she heard on the radio that they may very well have found some way of tracing some of those women who have apparently disappeared!" Karen told her.
"Oh! I wouldn't read too much into that Karen!" Andrea remarked. "But speaking of mysteries, look what I just found in the corridor!"
"Well that's a little bit unusual!" Karen remarked.
"Not really Karen." replied Michelle. "Some students are nearly always leaving parts of their school uniforms in various places in this school. I've found tights, socks, ties, even some skirts like that!" Michelle.
"Yes. You're probably right!" replied Karen as she finished off her cup of coffee.
"Are you heading home now?" Michelle asked.
"Not quite." replied Andrea. "I have to oversee a detention period first."
"Who with?"
"Julie, Emma, Eva and Sonia."
"Good luck with that!" Michelle remarked.
"Yes. You're going to need it!" added Karen.
"Don't I just know it!. I'll see both of you on Monday! Have a good weekend you two!" Andrea said as she went out of the door.
When Andrea had gone, Michelle turned to Karen.
"So have you any plans for the weekend Karen?"
"Well, I'm heading up to Dublin to meet my cousin Rebecca but apart from that, nothing else really. What about you?" Karen asked.
"I have to go to that library meeting tomorrow."
"What's all that in aid of?"
"Well, as you may know, they've been looking for some help in trying to raise funds for a new internet broadband service. I just said that I'd give them a hard." replied Michelle.

*******************
"Stop it Julie!"
"No! I won't"
"Would you two just give it a rest?!"
"And who the hell asked you, Eva?!"
"What did you say Emma?!"
"Alright! That's enough you three!" Andrea said as she marched extremely purposefully into the room.
This immediately quietened things down somewhat.
Andrea then instructed the four girls to take out their school text books. Emma, Eva and Sonia complied with this almost instantly. Julie, on the other hand, initially hesitated for a few moments, but then she did so, albeit somewhat extremely reluctantly.

Ficheall

I don't know if I've ever said this before, but.. There are too many girls!

Nerdlingr

Ficheall wrote: »

I don't know if I've ever said this before, but.. There are too many girls!

I've only read the bit above but I definitely agree with that!

WomanSkirtFan8

Nerdlingr wrote: »

I've only read the bit above but I definitely agree with that!

Okay. Here's a revised version of the prologue:

Entrapment!: The Magical Tent

Prologue (Version II)



The small Irish town of Glenmallen, Co. Kerry. A fairly typical Irish town which, to an outsider, looked like something out of the 1950s. However, it was also a town which had experienced its fair share of disasters, ranging from fire and flood to bad crops. Nonetheless though, the people's strength, courage and determination had always helped to ensure that the town was rebuilt.

However, not long after the most recent rebuild, some extremely strange things began happening. Nobody knows why but they just seemed to occur fairly randomly and usually without any warning at all.

It all began when two young teenage girls suddenly mysteriously disappeared without trace while on their way home from school. An extensive search was mounted but tragically, no trace was ever found of either of them.

Over the course of the next few weeks and months, more and more people, usually women, disappeared in some of the most unusual and extremely bizarre ways. The most bizarre of these incidents was one which concerned a woman by the name of Karen.

She usually met up with her cousin Rebecca, in Dublin every Saturday for a coffee and shopping trip. Her routine was nearly always the same. Now, nobody know exactly what happened on the Friday night, but Karen never made it on that particular Saturday. A few weeks went by and then a month, but Karen was never seen again.

Her name was then added to the ever-growing list of missing persons by the local police. It was against this backdrop that Andrea O'Brien arrived into the town from her native Cork city. Something of a slightly mysterious figure, she was there to take up the position of science teacher in the local secondary school. But Andrea had a secret, one that if it was ever discovered,would have had extremely serious consequences for her.

And that's where our story begins. With the female population of Glenmallen now almost completely depleated and with no seemingly reasonable explanation as to why this is happening, can anyone figure out what is happening but much more importantly, can it be stopped before its too late?.......

WomanSkirtFan8

Right. Here's a revised version of the first chapter with some sentences shortened and I've taken out two girls so there's only Miss O'Brien and two of her students: Julie and Eva:

Entrapment! The Magical Tent
Chapter 1

Andrea O'Brien sighed rather heavily. It had been an extremely long hard day, But now, she couldn't wait to get out of the school and head home. The teaching profession wasn't as easy a job as she had thought. It was an extremely delicate balancing act. Nonetheless, she really loved it.

At 3:30pm, the school's student population began filing their way out of the main gates on their way home.

As Andrea made her way down towards the staffroom, she discovered, to her absolute surprise, that someone had appeared to have left part of their school uniform lying untidily on the floor.

Her first thought was how careless they must have been but her mind almost instantly began rationalizing it.
(Maybe, they were in a bit of a rush from their P.E. class an didn't have time to change into their school uniform properly?!)

She knelt down and examined it very carefully. The, very carefully making sure that nobody was around, she picked it up and, carrying it under her left arm, she made her way along the corridor, eventually reaching the staffroom where two of her teaching colleagues, Michelle and Karen, were.

"But you really can't be serious, Michelle!"
"I'm telling you the truth Karen!"
"But that can't be true!"
"What could?" Andrea remarked, closing the door behind her.
"Hi Andrea! Oh Michelle was just saying that she heard on the radio that they may very well have found some way of tracing some of those women who have apparently disappeared!" Karen told her.
"Oh! I wouldn't read too much into that Karen!" Andrea remarked as she eyed Karen somewhat carefully. "But speaking of mysteries, look what I just found in the corridor!"
"Well that's a little bit unusual!" Karen remarked.
"Not really Karen." replied Michelle. "Some students are nearly always leaving parts of their school uniforms in various places in this school. I've found tights, socks, ties, even some skirts like that!" Michelle.
"Yes. You're probably right!" replied Karen as she finished off her cup of coffee.
"Are you heading home now?" Michelle asked.
"Not quite." replied Andrea. "I have to oversee a detention period first."
"Who with?"
"Julie and Eva."
"Good luck with that!" Michelle remarked.
"Yes. You're going to need it!" added Karen. "They are the two most troublesome students in the school."
"Don't I just know it!. I'll see both of you on Monday! Have a good weekend you two!" Andrea said as she went out of the door.
When Andrea had gone, Michelle turned to Karen.
"So have you any plans for the weekend Karen?"
"Well, I'm heading up to Dublin to meet my cousin Rebecca but apart from that, nothing else really. What about you?" Karen asked.
"I have to go to that library meeting tomorrow."
"What's all that in aid of?"
"Well, as you may know, they've been looking for some help in trying to raise funds for a new internet broadband service. I just said that I'd give them a hand." replied Michelle.

*******************
"Stop it Julie!"
"No! I won't"
"Alright! That's enough you two!" Andrea said as she marched extremely purposefully into the room.
This immediately quietened things down somewhat.
Andrea then instructed the four girls to take out their school text books. Emma, Eva and Sonia complied with this almost instantly. Julie, on the other hand, initially hesitated for a few moments, but then she did so, albeit somewhat extremely reluctantly.

(Note: The whole point of here is to try and create a sense of mystery and suspense).