An example of my writing

WomanSkirtFan8

Okay folks, here is the first version of Chapter 1:

Camping Chaos (The Tent Collapse)
Chapter I: (The Detention Class) (Version #1)

Andrea O'Brien was an extremely attractive woman who worked as a chemistry teacher in the local secondary school. She was of standard height, with long curly dark-brown hair. While she tended to dress very femininely, she usually occasionally came across as being something of an understated dresser, yet had both a charm and beauty that sometimes shone through. Even though she had quite a selection of various shirts, blouses, dresses and long skirts, she almost always wore the same outfit. This usually consisted of the following:
A black cashmere jacket
A white, figure-hugging blouse.
An ankle-length black gypsy skirt with white stripes and a brown leather waist-nipping belt.
A pair of fishnet tights.
A pair of knee-high black boots.

Andrea absolutely loved her job teaching. However, like every teacher, she did occasionally tend to come across her fair share of troublesome students. In her case, these were a gang of four students. Their names were Julie and Eva (who were the ringleaders) and Emma and Sonia (who were the hangers'-on).
One afternoon after school, all four girls were in Miss O'Brien's chemistry classroom for a detention period. None of theme were extremely happy about this, particularly Julie and Eva.
"So what kind of jokes do we do this time?" Eva asked.
"I don't know." replied Julie. "Have you got any ideas?"
Eva shook her head.
"What about you two?" Julie asked Emma and Sonia.
"We could try and glue her to her seat again?" suggested Sonia.
"No. We need something a little bit.....well.....you know?..... different!"
There was a moment's thought.
"Welll...What about trying some itching powder?" suggested Emma.
"Yes! That might be just the thing!"
Just then, Miss O'Brien came into the room. She had a fairly stern look on her face.
"Okay then. You're all here? Good! I'd like the four of you to take out your chemistry textbooks and start reading. You girls have an awful lot of ground to make up after what happened this morning." she said.
Sonia and Emma both immediately did as they were told. However, Julie and Eva rather sulkilly did so. All Miss O'Brien could do was just fold her arms and shake her head.
"I really don't see why WE have to do this?!" Julie exclaimed rather bitterly.
"Oh shut up Julie!" snapped Emma. "If you two hadn't dragged Sonia and myself into this, it's more than likely we wouldn't be here now!"
The girls all then began shouting and arguing amonst themselves, threatening all sorts of things on each other.
Eventually, Miss O'Brien had had enough.
"Stop that immediately!" she commanded
Immediately, all four girls quietened down.
"Now then!" Miss O'Brien stated, hands clasped together. "If you four don't behave yourselves, I will give you TWICE the amount of study work to do!"
That was enough.
The girls immediately settled back down again
"But Miss! I've already arranged to meet Sarah, Joanne, Sharon and Louise at the cinema later on!" moaned Eva.
"All the more reason for you to get on with your study then, Eva!" replied Miss O'Brien extremely firmly.
Eva began moaning again.
"Now then!.No more of that! If you keep on moaning and complaining you'll be here for even longer!" replied Miss O'Brien. "And if the rest of you start doing the same, you'll also be here for longer!"
"Oh come on Miss! We didn't do anything!" protested Emma and Sonia together.
"I mean it! Nobody leaves here until this detention class is over!"
This immediately deflated the girls' attitude. There was no further arguing with Miss O'Brien so all they could do was just simply get on with their study.
Julie, on the other hand.
"You know something?" she said. "I'm not going to do anymore!"
"Julie!" Eva exclaimed slightly worriedly.
"And you can shut up as well!" Julie shouted immediately getting up from her seat.
Knowing that her authority was now directly being challenged, Miss O'Brien very slowly got up from her desk. She very calmly made her way down to where the girls were sitting.
She stood directly in front of Julie, eye to eye.
Then, very calmly, she said, "Okay Julie! You don't want to do that study? Fine."
Julie and the other girls were slightly taken aback by this.
"What do you mean 'we won't have to do the study'?" Eva asked somewhat confused.
"I mean exactly what I just said," replied Miss O'Brien.
The girls all hi-fived each other, at least Julie and Eva did.
"However, there IS a consequence." replied Miss O'Brien.
"What's that?" Sonia asked.
"Well. I'm trying to organise a camping trip as part of a nature studies' trip. " replied Miss O'Brien. "I would like you four girls to go with me."
"I...I...I don't really know!" Julie said.
"Neither do I!" echoed Emma. "I don't really like camping!"
"I'll go Miss!" Eva replied rather excitedly.
"Me too!" Sonia agreed wholeheartedly. "It'd be nice to get away from school for a bit!"
Miss O'Brien smiled.
"Okay then." she chuckled quietly. "I'll make all of the arrangements for next Wednesday afternoon."
"Where are we going?" Eva asked.
"The local forest and I know just the place.." replied Miss O'Brien. "Just remember though, as we're going during school hours, you four will be in your school uniforms. But I don't think I really need to tell you all that!"
She then glanced at her watch,
"Right then!" she said. "The class is over. You four can go home now. "
With that, the girls all put their textbooks back into their schoolbags. Then one by one, they left the room.

Miss O'Brien waited for a couple of moments. She then made sure that the classroom was in order. Then she picked up her handbag, slung it over her left shoulder. She then made her way out of the room. After locking the room, she then started walking down the half-lit corridor towards the exit.
As she did so, an extremely broad, yet wicked smile gradually spread across her face.
("I've got them! I've FINALLY got them! Boy! Are THEY in for a SURPRISE! Hee! Hee!")

(End Of Chapter 1)

Ficheall

Just as a matter of interest - who is the target audience?

WomanSkirtFan8

Ficheall wrote: »

Just as a matter of interest - who is the target audience?

Correction: Have decided to change one key thing in order to try and make the story a little bit edgier.

Firstly:

1: The girls' ages: All the girls are aged between 17 and 19.
Julie (18)
Eva (18)
Emma (19)
Sonia (17)

This will now free me up a bit and now allow me to write the story the way I originally envisioned.

Timmyctc

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

Okay folks, here is the first version of Chapter 1:

Camping Chaos (The Tent Collapse)
Chapter I: (The Detention Class) (Version #1)

Andrea O'Brien was an extremely attractive woman who worked as a chemistry teacher in the local secondary school. She was of standard height, with long curly dark-brown hair. While she tended to dress very femininely, she usually occasionally (which one?) came across as being something of an understated dresser, yet had both a charm and beauty that sometimes shone through. Even though she had quite a selection of various shirts (I'd choose one here not both), blouses, dresses and long skirts, she almost always wore the same outfit. This usually consisted of the following:
A black cashmere jacket
A white, figure-hugging blouse.
An ankle-length black gypsy skirt with white stripes and a brown leather waist-nipping belt.
A pair of fishnet tights.
A pair of knee-high black boots.
You say she dressed femininely usually, sometimes understated, but always the same outfit. Maybe rephrase?

Andrea absolutely loved her job teaching. However, like every teacher, she did occasionally tend (choose one) to come across her fair share of troublesome students. In her case, these were a gang of four students, Julie and Eva (the ringleaders) and Emma and Sonia ('the hangers'-on'). (Rephrased)
One afternoon after school, all four girls were in Miss O'Brien's chemistry classroom for a detention period. None of theme were extremely happy about this, particularly Julie and Eva.
"So what kind of jokes do we do this time?" Eva asked.
"I don't know." replied Julie. "Have you got any ideas?"
Eva shook her head.
"What about you two?" Julie asked Emma and Sonia.
"We could try and glue her to her seat again?" suggested Sonia.
"No. We need something a little bit.....well.....you know?..... different!"
There was a moment's thought.
"Welll...What about trying some itching powder?" suggested Emma.
"Yes! That might be just the thing!"
Just then, Miss O'Brien came into the room. She had a fairly stern look on her face.
"Okay then. You're all here? Good! I'd like the four of you to take out your chemistry textbooks and start reading. You girls have an awful lot of ground to make up after what happened this morning." she said.
Sonia and Emma both immediately did as they were told. However, Julie and Eva rather sulkilly did so. (would rephrase) All Miss O'Brien could do was just fold her arms and shake her head.
"I really don't see why WE have to do this?!" Julie exclaimed rather bitterly.
"Oh shut up Julie!" snapped Emma. "If you two hadn't dragged Sonia and myself into this, it's more than likely we wouldn't be here now!"
The girls all then began shouting and arguing amonst themselves, threatening all sorts of things on each other.
Eventually, Miss O'Brien had had enough.
"Stop that immediately!" she commanded
Immediately, all four girls quietened down.
"Now then!" Miss O'Brien stated, hands clasped together. "If you four don't behave yourselves, I will give you TWICE the amount of study work to do!"
That was enough.
The girls immediately settled back down again
"But Miss! I've already arranged to meet Sarah, Joanne, Sharon and Louise at the cinema later on!" moaned Eva.
"All the more reason for you to get on with your study then, Eva!" replied Miss O'Brien extremely firmly.
Eva began moaning again.
"Now then!.No more of that! If you keep on moaning and complaining you'll be here for even longer!" replied Miss O'Brien. "And if the rest of you start doing the same, you'll also be here for longer!"
"Oh come on Miss! We didn't do anything!" protested Emma and Sonia together.
"I mean it! Nobody leaves here until this detention class is over!"
This immediately deflated the girls' attitude. There was no further arguing with Miss O'Brien so all they could do was just simply get on with their study.
Julie, on the other hand.(?)
"You know something?" she said. "I'm not going to do any more!"
"Julie!" Eva exclaimed, slightly worriedly.
"And you can shut up as well!" Julie shouted, immediately getting up from her seat.
Knowing that her authority was now directly being challenged, Miss O'Brien very slowly got up from her desk and very calmly made her way down to where the girls were sitting. (One sentence as opposed to two)
She stood directly in front of Julie, eye to eye.
Then, very calmly, she said, "Okay Julie! You don't want to do that study? Fine."
Julie and the other girls were slightly taken aback by this.
"What do you mean 'we won't have to do the study'?" Eva asked somewhat confused.
"I mean exactly what I just said," replied Miss O'Brien.
The girls all hi-fived each other, at least Julie and Eva did. (Did all the girls do it or just the two?)
"However, there IS a consequence." replied Miss O'Brien.
"What's that?" Sonia asked.
"Well, I'm trying to organise a camping trip as part of a nature studies' trip. " replied Miss O'Brien. "I would like you four girls to go with me."
"I...I...I don't really know!" Julie said.
"Neither do I!" echoed Emma. "I don't really like camping!"
"I'll go Miss!" Eva replied rather excitedly.
"Me too!" Sonia agreed wholeheartedly. "It'd be nice to get away from school for a bit!"
Miss O'Brien smiled.
"Okay then." she chuckled quietly. "I'll make all of the arrangements for next Wednesday afternoon."
"Where are we going?" Eva asked.
"The local forest and I know just the place.." replied Miss O'Brien. "Just remember though, as we're going during school hours, you four will be in your school uniforms. But I don't think I really need to tell you all that!"
She then glanced at her watch,
"Right then!" she said. "The class is over. You four can go home now. "
With that, the girls all put their textbooks back into their schoolbags. Then one by one, they left the room.

Miss O'Brien waited for a couple of moments. She then made sure that the classroom was in order. Then she picked up her handbag, slung it over her left shoulder. She then made her way out of the room. After locking the room, she then started walking down the half-lit corridor towards the exit.
(Try avoid 'telling' with "And then...and then..and then.")
As she did so, an extremely broad, yet wicked smile gradually spread across her face.
("I've got them! I've FINALLY got them! Boy! Are THEY in for a SURPRISE! Hee! Hee!")

(End Of Chapter 1)

Had a quick read there. There's a few syntax/grammatical issues I'd have a look at before adjusting any content. Bolded some of the ones I noticed. Some aren't important, just my opinion.

WomanSkirtFan8

Timmyctc wrote: »

Had a quick read there. There's a few syntax/grammatical issues I'd have a look at before adjusting any content. Bolded some of the ones I noticed. Some aren't important, just my opinion.

Hi there. Yeah Thanks. I can see now where I went wrong. Right! Time to make some changes!

Agent Weebley

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

Hi there. Yeah Thanks. I can see now where I went wrong. Right! Time to make some changes!

No, no . . . keep going. You can make changes later. If you keep polishing the steam engine, the train will never leave the station.

WomanSkirtFan8

Agent Weebley wrote: »

No, no . . . keep going. You can make changes later. If you keep polishing the steam engine, the train will never leave the station.

true enough. Correct that, I'll just keep going and see where it goes.

Agent Weebley

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

true enough. Correct that, I'll just keep going and see where it goes.

That's great. You may want to overly announce or adjust the ages of these students to >18 years old (I had to assume they already were.) Your tent scene made it seem a little X-rated, especially for the teen market . . . or maybe lose the buttons . . .

EDIT:
They could be in a college for magical Irish Pookas. They aren't that good at it yet - the teach runs rings around them.

PS: I just read that [pooka] piece - strangely, I may see 1, as I will be visiting relatives in County Down the first weekend I'm there. I can't wait - they're a riot!

WomanSkirtFan8

Agent Weebley wrote: »

That's great. You may want to overly announce or adjust the ages of these students to >18 years old (I had to assume they already were.) Your tent scene made it seem a little X-rated, especially for the teen market . . . or maybe lose the buttons . . .

yes. that's pretty much what I had originally intended. The girls are all supposed to be around 18 or 19 years old. Also one of the girls, Eva, has a crush on Miss O'Brien.

My mistake, I should have made that clear from the start.

Agent Weebley

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

yes. that's pretty much what I had originally intended. The girls are all supposed to be around 18 or 19 years old. Also one of the girls, Eva, has a crush on Miss O'Brien.

My mistake, I should have made that clear from the start.

You could challenge The Pooka in The Arena. It would give you a break from your story.

Oh, and don't tell anyone about Eva's crush, except within the body of the story. It should leach out here and there as a tidbit, and not the whole "crush" thing like a data dump. It sounds somewhat meaningless . . . except . . . is there a possibility of a mud fight happening?

It could actually be a good book if you stopped listening to people like me and just write it. Magic story lines are "in" right now, especially Irish ones. An Irish female twist on Harry Potter would be fresh. There are 80 million Irish diaspora throughout the world. Where I am right now, in Canada, there's an Irish pub that wants to make March 17 into St. Paddy's Week! Everyone wants to be linked with their Irish heritage. Even my dental assistant, who I saw today for a cleaning, named her kids all Irish names, but stopped short naming her last daughter Siobhan, because people would say "huh?" And she is as Canadian as they come. Even the guy in this video holding the scaffold connector said his great grandfather was Irish! Oh my, I've gone on a little too long, haven't I?

WomanSkirtFan8

Not at all. A mud fight? Possibly. In fact Eva could be competing with one of the other girls for Miss O'Brien's attention? Interesting idea. Don't worry I won't reveal that until just before the tent scene.

To be honest, I'm still trying to figure out two things:
(1) How the magic in this story actually works
(2) How exactly the tent collapses

Ah well. No matter. I'm sure I'll figure that out as I go along

Agent Weebley

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

Not at all. A mud fight? Possibly. In fact Eva could be competing with one of the other girls for Miss O'Brien's attention? Interesting idea. Don't worry I won't reveal that until just before the tent scene.

To be honest, I'm still trying to figure out two things:
(1) How the magic in this story actually works
(2) How exactly the tent collapses

Ah well. No matter. I'm sure I'll figure that out as I go along

Since you asked, in the old days, all it took was pure innocent or child-like "belief" in magic to make magic happen Yes, all it took was belief in magic, and just like that:

Belief - Magic <> Magic - Belief.

Since we are all now "modern" thinkers, as explained by CS Lewis in TheScrewtape Letters, we all need just a little bit more proof than just "belief." To throw out a modern term or 2, we need to use phrases like Quantum Mechanics, The Singularity, and Qubits.

The current way to explain how magic works is by actually being remotely controlled or remotely controlling others. Usually, you really don't know witch thing is happening at the time - am I being remotely controlled, or am I remotely controlling others? But what I do know, is that there is an overabundance of negative witchery going on in this world, and it needs to be balanced with some positive witchery.

If you want the tent to fall down, paraphrasing what hcass said a while ago in her recent story, The Festival: "you are a mentaller."

Yes, WomanSkirtFan8, it's all in the mind. You want the tent to fall down? You make it happen with your mind.

A spinning Qubit makes another Qubit spin,and so on . . .

WomanSkirtFan8

Timmyctc wrote: »

Had a quick read there. There's a few syntax/grammatical issues I'd have a look at before adjusting any content. Bolded some of the ones I noticed. Some aren't important, just my opinion.

Hi there. Thanks for that. I went back through the piece and have made a note of all the changes pointed out. Will leave all that to the editing once the story is finished.

WomanSkirtFan8

: Yes, WomanSkirtFan8, it's all in the mind. You want the tent to fall down? You make it happen with your mind. A spinning Qubit makes another Qubit spin,and so on . . .

"You want the tent to fall down?" Yes that's exactly what's intended to happen. What I'm thinking at the moment is the following:

(1) The tranformations begin
(2) There's a bit of a struggle Miss O'Brien and the girls transform
(3) The tent eventually collapses with all five of them bursting out and free of it.

Agent Weebley

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

"You want the tent to fall down?" Yes that's exactly what's intended to happen. What I'm thinking at the moment is the following:

(1) The tranformations begin
(2) There's a bit of a struggle Miss O'Brien and the girls transform
(3) The tent eventually collapses with all five of them bursting out and free of it.

I gave you the secret to magic, and all you do is give me more outlines?

Do you think there's any magic happening here in Creative Writing, WomanShirtFan8? I made Miss O'Brien iron a skirt - but only after pressing!

If you don't think there's any magic happening here . . .perfect. It gives me plausible deniability. Nothing to see here. Move along.

OK, so keep the story going . . . Miss O'Brien transforms into Optimus Prime . . .

PS: I do hope you have a sense of humour, WomashirtFan8, because I'm throwin' 'em but you ain't catchin' 'em. Loosen up a bit . . . 'ave a larf. I hear one needs to write a million words before one gets good at writing. I'm up to a 1000 now, so I'm optimus I'll be in my prime soon enough.

WomanSkirtFan8

Agent Weebley wrote: »

I gave you the secret to magic, and all you do is give me more outlines?

Do you think there's any magic happening here in Creative Writing, WomanShirtFan8? I made Miss O'Brien iron a skirt - but only after pressing!

If you don't think there's any magic happening here . . .perfect. It gives me plausible deniability. Nothing to see here. Move along.

OK, so keep the story going . . . Miss O'Brien transforms into Optimus Prime . . .

PS: I do hope you have a sense of humour, WomashirtFan8, because I'm throwin' 'em but you ain't catchin' 'em. Loosen up a bit . . . 'ave a larf. I hear one needs to write a million words before one gets good at writing. I'm up to a 1000 now, so I'm optimus I'll be in my prime soon enough.

hi there. how's it going?
Okay. I've finally decided to completely do away with outlines and just write!
I'll be posting, at least the next two chapters over the next few days. I know it's going to be a bit long but hey!....at least I'll be writing it!

I will admit, that I've been holding myself back for too se long possibly. It's time for me to stop being a thinker and now start being dooer!

PS: love the transformers reference to optimus prime by the way! Yes! i do believe there is magic in everything! Including Creative Writing! And I do have a sense of humour. Only thing is, my catching sometimes isn't that great!

Agent Weebley

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

hi there. how's it going?
Okay. I've finally decided to completely do away with outlines and just write!
I'll be posting, at least the next two chapters over the next few days. I know it's going to be a bit long but hey!....at least I'll be writing it!

I will admit, that I've been holding myself back for too se long possibly. It's time for me to stop being a thinker and now start being dooer!

PS: love the transformers reference to optimus prime by the way! Yes! i do believe there is magic in everything! Including Creative Writing! And I do have a sense of humour. Only thing is, my catching sometimes isn't that great!

Excellent!

I know what it's like. When you're expecting serious answers, but you get joke answers; you're not ready, and may not get the joke - especially if it's dry humour like mine. Then I slip in a serious truth and everyone thinks I'm still joking - that's magic.

You know when you're on the same wavelength with someone you've known for years? You can just look at them while they're looking at you . . . something passes between you, and you've both just got the message? Magic.

Just write your heart out for a while and when you're ready, post it. And don't ask for feedback - I never ask. But I get it all the time. Magic.

Have fun and go places you've never been - you'll love it, it's a way of life.

WomanSkirtFan8

Hot Of The Presses!

Just completed Chapter 2:

Camping Chaos (The Tent Collapse)
Chapter II: (Andrea's Plan) (Version #1)
The following morning after breakfast, Andrea began planning as to how she was going to deal with Julie and the other girls. She knew that, whatever she came up with would need to have a way of instilling a lot of humility in them so that they would then, hopefully, show a lot more respect towards her and her teaching colleagues in the future.
("What on earth could I possibly do that would solve my problem here?! I know! Maybe shrinking them down to a few inches might just be the answer! Now where is my magic book?!")
She walked into the living room and stood in front of the grandfather clock. Gently moving it to one side, which then revealed a hidden cupboard, Andrea opened the cupboard. She took out an old and extremely dusty covered book of spells.
She took it into the kitchen where she sat down and began reading it.
After a while or so, she eventually found the very spell that she was looking for.
("Ahha! THAT's what I need! The "containment and restriction" spell! Lovely!")
She knew that she would probably have to test this spell before using it as she hadn't really used it for an extremely long time.
As for the problem in regard to shrinking the girls? Well this was no problem as Andrea knew that she could make a potion that would enable her to do this without anyone ever noticing.
With that, she immediately started working on her plan.

The following Monday morning as Andrea arrived in the school for her day's teaching, on entering the school building, she immediately spotted her first two victims, two girls named Barbara and Sinead. They were in the same academic year as the four girls, though not in the same class.
The first few classes went pretty smoothly.
At 11am, the school bell rang to indicate the start of another twenty-minute break. Andrea came out of the staffroom. She made her way down to the school library.
As she entered, Barbara and Sinead were sitting over on the far right in the study area.
"Could I have a word with both of you for a second, please?" she asked rather politely.
"What is, Miss?" asked Barbara as she looked up from her book.
"I wonder if you two could help me out in some way?"
"How so?" Sinead asked somewhat curiously.
"Well, I'd like you both to have a taste of this new drink I bought only this morning. " Andrea said, showing both girls a plastic bottle of the "new drink" that she was holding.
"Oh! That's that new energy drink, isn't it?!" Sinead asked rather excitedly.
"I think so!" replied Miss O'Brien, trying to sound confused.
Without another word, Sinead immediately took the bottle from Miss O'Brien and took a swig of it. She then handed it to Barbara.
"Come on Barbara! It's great stuff that!" she exclaimed.
"Okay!....But I really DON'T know about this!" Barbara exclaimed somewhat hesitantly.
As she watched the two girls, that same wicked smile gradually spread across Miss O'Brien's face.
("These two poor fools! They've no IDEA what they've just done! They'll be insects within the next hour!")
"Okay that's enough for now!" she said taking the bottle back from both girls.
"There you go Miss. " replied Sinead. "Is that all you need?"
Andrea nodded, quite contentedly.
"Yes! That's absolutely perfect! You two better get back to your study!"
Both girls nodded in agreement.
After Miss O'Brien had left the library, Barbara suddenly winced.
"Ohh!" she moaned. "I don't feel too well!"
"Neither do I! Ohh! Excuse me!" Sinead exclaimed as she belched rather suddenly.

At 1pm, the school bell rang again to indicate the start of the usual lunchbreak. This lasted for half an hour. As all the students began filing into the school canteen, it seemed that everything appeared to be as usual. But it wasn't. Down just outside the school art room, the teacher, Miss Niamh O'Connor had made a startling discovery. Hers was to be the first class after the lunchbreak. Everything seemed to be in order but for some, unknown reason, she had found two abandoned girls school uniforms, lying around the legs of two of the seats down the back. This really puzzled her but what really confused her was the state these two uniforms appeared to be in.

The shirts were stilled buttoned up and everything seemed to b okay apart from the fact that Barbara and Sinead were nowhere to be seen. Well she just simply couldn't understand what on earth was going on.
("So! Do I tell someone about this or not? No! They'd never believe me! I wonder if Andrea would know? I'll aske her later!")
Later on when school had finished for the day, Andrea was making her way back up towards the staff entrance when she saw Emma and Eva.
"Well. Have you three started organising yourselves for our little camping trip?" she asked.
"Not quite Miss." replied Emma.
"I have Miss! I can't wait to go on it!" Eva exclaimed.
"Okay but remember we ARE going on Wednesday afternoon so make sure that you're both ready!" Miss O'Brien told them.
"Don't worry Miss. We will." replied Eva.
"Okay then. See you both tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow Miss." Eva answered.
With that, they all headed for their respective homes.
As Andrea left the school, she smiled to herself. Her plan had gone smoothly and most importantly of all, her shrinking potion had worked brilliantly.
("That worked better than I could haved hoped! Those four poor fools have absolutely NO IDEA what they're in for but just let them wait! Just let them wait!")

WomanSkirtFan8

I certainly will. By the way, just to let you know, the theme of the Burst-Out / Tent Collapse is "One Way Or Another." (i.e. "One way or another we're going to get out of this tent!")

Was listening to Blondie's song "One Way Or Another" there yesterday and it suddenly struck me that that's the theme.

Anyway I'd better get on with it!

WomanSkirtFan8

here's the first version of the Tent Burst-Out:

Camping Chaos (The Tent Collapse)
(Burst-Out!: The Tent Collapse) (Version #1)
It had been raining heavily all day. Luckily for Miss O'Brien and her four students they had a lovely nice, warm and just about big enough tent for them all to be in together. As they all sat together in the tent, all they could do was just lie on their hammocks quietly listening to the sound of the rain outside.
"A fine trip this has turned out to be" Julie bluntly remarked.
"Yeah! Any more of this and I'll probably die of boredom!" moaned Emma.
"Oh come on you two! It's not THAT bad!" Eva said rather cheerfully.
"Yes." agreed Sonia. "I didn't think that I was going to enjoy it, but I now have to admit, I am!"
Eva smiled and put anm warm, gentle hand on Sonia's shoulder.
"I know. Thanks Eva." replied Sonia. "But I just wish that Miss O'Brien hadn't left us! I mean, why did she do that?!"
"I don't know. Maybe she's trying to test us in some way?" Eva pondered.
"Hang on a minute! Didn't she say something about going to find some firewood?" Emma suddenly rememebred.
"Yes! I think you're right there Em'" replied Eva.
"Well I don't know about you three, but I can't wait to get out of this bloody tent and go home!" exclaimed Julie.
"Why?!" the other three couldn't help but ask together.
Julie shugged.
"I don't know what it is exactly, but I really DON'T like this tent! There's something really....well....creepy about it!"
"Don't be daft Julie!" exclaimed Eva."It's just an ordinary tent like any other!"
"No Eva! It's not! I'm telling you.....There is something really, really weird about this tent!"

As the girls all thought about this, Miss O'Brien was actually not too far away from them. She was in a nearby clearing at the far end of which was a large waterfall. Just beyond the falls was a dark, damp narrow passageway or tunnel. It was hear that Miss O'Brien was hiding. She was crouched down just inside the entrance.
("What if my plan doesn't work?! No!...No!!...Don't be silly! It WILL work!! Right! I'd better get back to those
brats if only to try and keep an eye on them!")
When Miss O'Brien got back to the tent, Eva and Sonia let her in, much to her relief.
"So what's been going on here then?" she asked as she secured the tent's fastener.
There was a moment of long silence.
Emma said, "Where have you been for all this time, Miss?"
"Well I needed some time on my own. The last couple of weeks have been fairly stressful for me. But enough about me, are you four hungry?"
The girls all nodded.
Miss O'Brien then took out a large bag of what looked like crisps. She then handed each of the girls a packet and then put the rest away safely in case they would be needed again.

As she did so, the girls immediately opened the "packet of crisps" and began stuffing their faces with it.
Miss O'Brien watched them, an extremely wicked grin spreading across her face.
("Those poor fools! They've No IDEA what they've all just done! Hee! hee!")
"Very sad about what happened to Barbara and Sinead isn't it?" Emma remarked.
"Yes. Now that WAS very strange indeed!" agreed Julie, muching away on yet another crisp.
"Such a shame. They were two really nice girls as well." added Eva.
"Absolutely. " Sonia nodded. "To suddenly disappear right in the middle of their art class and NOBODY noticed?!!"
"What do you think, Miss?" asked Julie.

Andrea took an number of deep breaths as she trited to regain her composure. After a few moments, she then said, "It was tragic indeed. That is the last thing you would expect to happen in school. Does anyone know what happen at all?"
"Nobody." replied Eva. "But I DID hear on the grapevine that their school uniforms were found abandoned in the art room by Miss O'Kelly."
"By the way Miss. These are absolutely beautiful crisps. Such a lovely smooth salty taste to them." Sonia remarked.
"Yes. Where did you get these by the way. Are they new?" Julie asked.
Miss O'Brien nodded. She was struggling a bit trying to keep up the front she was projecting.
"Yes. They are new. I bought them at a new small shop on the edge of town. It's just been opened for the last two weeks but they've apparently being doing some really good business."
The girls all slowly nodded, not entirely sure as to whether or not they should believe her.

All of a sudden, Emma let out an extremely loud belch.
"Ohh! Excuse me!" she exclaimed putting a hand over her mouth.
Eva and Sonia both giggled. Julie frowned while Miss O'Brien just shook her head slightly.
("Here it comes now! It's beginning to work!")
Miss O'Brien grinned in anticipation. But after a few more moments, nothing was happening. Her smile gradually faded to be replaced by a frown.
("What?! Why didn't that happening? Something's wrong here! I must inspect these crisps to see what's going on here!")
Completely confused by what she thought was going on, Miss O'Brien immediately opened one of the "packets of crisps" and took a whole fistfull out
Popping them into her mouth, she did notice a rather unsual taste. It was something which tasted like rubber mixed with alcohol but with a slightly sour taste.
("Now THAT deffinately isn't right! Ohh my! That's NOT the shrinking formula! That's the GROWTH formula! Oh boy! Are WE all in trouble now!")
And she was absolute right.
Sonia suddenly let out an extremely loud belch. As she did so, Miss O'Brien, Julie, Eva and Emma all almost immediately did the same.
"Well! THAT's a bit unusual!" remarked Julie.
"What's going on, Miss?!" cried Sonia. "I'm scared!"
"I...I...I don't know Sonia!" stammered Miss O'Brien somewhat appologetically.
All of a sudden, shirt buttons began pinging and went flying like bullets from a gun absolutely everywhere.

Instantly, the group all immediately tried to cover themselves up.
"Her Miss! Let me help you!" Eva said reaching out to try and touch Miss O'Brien's shirt. Miss O'Brien immediately took a strong hold of Eva's arm and managed to

As Miss O'Brien glanced down at her black gypsy skirt, she saw her belt straining to hold together against a rapidly growing and expanding unusual bulge that had suddenly developed just below her waist. She also saw multiple numerous rips and tears appearing in various places on her skirt as the material split slightly. From underneath the torn remains, there came a sudden flash of navy-blue as tufts of navy-blue hair immediately sprouted out It felt very prickly and wiry. Unlike the girls who were in state of semi-shock, the wiry feeling caused a great deal of giddiness in Miss O'Brien . She couldn't help giggling at this even though she was actually thinking: "Ohh! Bugger! That's ANOTHER gypsy skirt gone! Nooo! Not my BEST clothes!!")
"Ooohh!" Eva and Sonia suddenly exclaimed both together as the exact same thing began happening to the rest of them as well. "

WomanSkirtFan8

Camping Chaos (The Tent Collapse)
(Burst-Out!: The Tent Collapse) (Version #1)
It had been raining heavily all day. Luckily for Miss O'Brien and her four students they had a lovely nice, warm and just about big enough tent for them all to be in together. As they all sat together in the tent, all they could do was just lie on their hammocks quietly listening to the sound of the rain outside.
"A fine trip this has turned out to be" Julie bluntly remarked.
"Yeah! Any more of this and I'll probably die of boredom!" moaned Emma.
"Oh come on you two! It's not THAT bad!" Eva said rather cheerfully.
"Yes." agreed Sonia. "I didn't think that I was going to enjoy it, but I now have to admit, I am!"
Eva smiled and put anm warm, gentle hand on Sonia's shoulder.
"I know. Thanks Eva." replied Sonia. "But I just wish that Miss O'Brien hadn't left us! I mean, why did she do that?!"
"I don't know. Maybe she's trying to test us in some way?" Eva pondered.
"Hang on a minute! Didn't she say something about going to find some firewood?" Emma suddenly rememebred.
"Yes! I think you're right there Em'" replied Eva.
"Well I don't know about you three, but I can't wait to get out of this bloody tent and go home!" exclaimed Julie.
"Why?!" the other three couldn't help but ask together.
Julie shugged.
"I don't know what it is exactly, but I really DON'T like this tent! There's something really....well....creepy about it!"
"Don't be daft Julie!" exclaimed Eva."It's just an ordinary tent like any other!"
"No Eva! It's not! I'm telling you.....There is something really, really weird about this tent!"
As the girls all thought about this, Miss O'Brien was actually not too far away from them. She was in a nearby clearing at the far end of which was a large waterfall. Just beyond the falls was a dark, damp narrow passageway or tunnel. It was hear that Miss O'Brien was hiding. She was crouched down just inside the entrance.
("What if my plan doesn't work?! No!...No!!...Don't be silly! It WILL work!! Right! I'd better get back to those
brats if only to try and keep an eye on them!")
When Miss O'Brien got back to the tent, Eva and Sonia let her in, much to her relief.
"So what's been going on here then?" she asked as she secured the tent's fastener.
There was a moment of long silence.
Emma said, "Where have you been for all this time, Miss?"
"Well I needed some time on my own. The last couple of weeks have been fairly stressful for me. But enough about me, are you four hungry?"
The girls all nodded.
Miss O'Brien then took out a large bag of what looked like crisps. She then handed each of the girls a packet and then put the rest away safely in case they would be needed again.
As she did so, the girls immediately opened the "packet of crisps" and began stuffing their faces with it.
Miss O'Brien watched them, an extremely wicked grin spreading across her face.
("Those poor fools! They've No IDEA what they've all just done! Hee! hee!")
"Very sad about what happened to Barbara and Sinead isn't it?" Emma remarked.
"Yes. Now that WAS very strange indeed!" agreed Julie, muching away on yet another crisp.
"Such a shame. They were two really nice girls as well." added Eva.
"Absolutely. " Sonia nodded. "To suddenly disappear right in the middle of their art class and NOBODY noticed?!!"
"What do you think, Miss?" asked Julie.
Andrea took an number of deep breaths as she trited to regain her composure. After a few moments, she then said, "It was tragic indeed. That is the last thing you would expect to happen in school. Does anyone know what happen at all?"
"Nobody." replied Eva. "But I DID hear on the grapevine that their school uniforms were found abandoned in the art room by Miss O'Kelly."
"By the way Miss. These are absolutely beautiful crisps. Such a lovely smooth salty taste to them." Sonia remarked.
"Yes. Where did you get these by the way. Are they new?" Julie asked.
Miss O'Brien nodded. She was struggling a bit trying to keep up the front she was projecting.
"Yes. They are new. I bought them at a new small shop on the edge of town. It's just been opened for the last two weeks but they've apparently being doing some really good business."
The girls all slowly nodded, not entirely sure as to whether or not they should believe her.
All of a sudden, Emma let out an extremely loud belch.
"Ohh! Excuse me!" she exclaimed putting a hand over her mouth.
Eva and Sonia both giggled. Julie frowned while Miss O'Brien just shook her head slightly.
("Here it comes now! It's beginning to work!")
Miss O'Brien grinned in anticipation. But after a few more moments, nothing was happening. Her smile gradually faded to be replaced by a frown.
("What?! Why didn't that happening? Something's wrong here! I must inspect these crisps to see what's going on here!")
Completely confused by what she thought was going on, Miss O'Brien immediately opened one of the "packets of crisps" and took a whole fistfull out
Popping them into her mouth, she did notice a rather unsual taste. It was something which tasted like rubber mixed with alcohol but with a slightly sour taste.
("Now THAT deffinately isn't right! Ohh my! That's NOT the shrinking formula! That's the GROWTH formula! Oh boy! Are WE all in trouble now!")
And she was absolute right.
Sonia suddenly let out an extremely loud belch. As she did so, Miss O'Brien, Julie, Eva and Emma all almost immediately did the same.
"Well! THAT's a bit unusual!" remarked Julie.
"What's going on, Miss?!" cried Sonia. "I'm scared!"
"I...I...I don't know Sonia!" stammered Miss O'Brien somewhat appologetically.
All of a sudden, shirt buttons began pinging and went flying like bullets from a gun absolutely everywhere.
Instantly, the group all immediately tried to cover themselves up.
"Her Miss! Let me help you!" Eva said reaching out to try and touch Miss O'Brien's shirt. Miss O'Brien immediately took a strong hold of Eva's arm and managed to push it away.
"Behave yourself!" she
As Miss O'Brien glanced down at her black gypsy skirt, she saw her belt straining to hold together against a rapidly growing and expanding unusual bulge that had suddenly developed just below her waist. She also saw multiple numerous rips and tears appearing in various places on her skirt as the material split slightly. From underneath the torn remains, there came a sudden flash of navy-blue as tufts of navy-blue hair immediately sprouted out It felt very prickly and wiry. Unlike the girls who were in state of semi-shock, the wiry feeling caused a great deal of giddiness in Miss O'Brien . She couldn't help giggling at this even though she was actually thinking: "Ohh! Bugger! That's ANOTHER gypsy skirt gone! Nooo! Not my BEST clothes!!")
"Ooohh!" Eva and Sonia suddenly exclaimed both together as the exact same thing began happening to the rest of them as well. "
As this happend, the tent began streaching trying to adjust to the five new creatures now beginning to grow within the confines of the tent. At this point, there was still enough space for everyone inside the tent. But this wasn't to last much for longer.
A loud, sharp tearing sound suddenly caught everyone's attention. Immediately, the girls looked toward Miss O'Brien.

WomanSkirtFan8

hi all,

Have a question in relation to my story. My apologies in advance if this sounds in any way strange or weird but....

Situation: If you were a teacher in a secondary school and you suddenly discovered two school uniforms apparently "abandoned" in one of the classrooms, what would you be thinking?

(Note: And Yes! This IS a SERIOUS question!!)

dee_mc

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

hi all,

Have a question in relation to my story. My apologies in advance if this sounds in any way strange or weird but....

Situation: If you were a teacher in a secondary school and you suddenly discovered two school uniforms apparently "abandoned" in one of the classrooms, what would you be thinking?

(Note: And Yes! This IS a SERIOUS question!!)

1. Stage 1 of a practical joke/prank by students
2. Students got changed for PE and didn't tidy up after themselves (shocker)

WomanSkirtFan8

dee_mc wrote: »

1. Stage 1 of a practical joke/prank by students
2. Students got changed for PE and didn't tidy up after themselves (shocker)

Right. Okay. Then the next question is what would you do? Do you tell someone or not?

And why would the students suddenly appear to "take off their clothes" in the middle of a school lesson? (We're talking about senior students here (aged between 18 and 19, by the way.)

The reason I'm asking is because in the story, Andrea develops a "shrinking" formula and she needs to test it on someone, so she decides to "ask" two girls, Barbara and Sinead, to "test it" so to speak and its their school uniforms she discovers.

dee_mc

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

Right. Okay. Then the next question is what would you do? Do you tell someone or not?

And why would the students suddenly appear to "take off their clothes" in the middle of a school lesson? (We're talking about senior students here (aged between 18 and 19, by the way.)

The reason I'm asking is because in the story, Andrea develops a "shrinking" formula and she needs to test it on someone, so she decides to "ask" two girls, Barbara and Sinead, to "test it" so to speak and its their school uniforms she discovers.

You've switched scenarios there. Initially you were talking about how a random teacher would react on finding uniforms abandoned on entering a classroom; now it's Ms O'Brien noticing them in the room she's teaching in, having given the girls in question a shrinking potion?
Obviously the reaction of a random teacher will be different to that of the person who caused it uniform scenario.
Why would students of any age appear to take off their clothes during class (not even taking into account the whole shrinking/disappearing thing)? I have no idea. Maybe I need an imagination transplant but I can't think of any feasible reason why this would happen.

WomanSkirtFan8

dee_mc wrote: »

You've switched scenarios there. Initially you were talking about how a random teacher would react on finding uniforms abandoned on entering a classroom; now it's Ms O'Brien noticing them in the room she's teaching in, having given the girls in question a shrinking potion?
Obviously the reaction of a random teacher will be different to that of the person who caused it uniform scenario.
Why would students of any age appear to take off their clothes during class (not even taking into account the whole shrinking/disappearing thing)? I have no idea. Maybe I need an imagination transplant but I can't think of any feasible reason why this would happen.[/QUTE]

Oh right. Sorry about that. My mistake. The question is what would a random teacher do then having discovered two abandoned uniforms in their classroom? Do they tell someone or do they keep it to themselves?

I'm basically trying to get inside a teacher's head here.

dee_mc

Oh right. Sorry about that. My mistake. The question is what would a random teacher do then having discovered two abandoned uniforms in their classroom? Do they tell someone or do they keep it to themselves?

I'm basically trying to get inside a teacher's head here.

*Dunno why message didn't quote properly, apologies
As a teacher, I'd probably have asked any students that might have been hanging around if they knew why there were uniforms abandoned, and I might or might not have mentioned it in the staff room during the next break. I wouldn't immediately assume there was something big happening - weird stuff goes down in schools every day, so I don't think it'd seem like a big deal!

WomanSkirtFan8

And while we're on the subject, here's another question for you:

Question: What would a teacher think if they were in a situation where they were teaching their class and all of a sudden, each one of their students suddenly started bursting out of their school uniforms?

What would the teacher be thinking? How would they react?

dee_mc

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

And while we're on the subject, here's another question for you:

Question: What would a teacher think if they were in a situation where they were teaching their class and all of a sudden, each one of their students suddenly started bursting out of their school uniforms?

What would the teacher be thinking? How would they react?

I would be shocked. I would try to ascertain whether any one of the students knows what is going on. I would call the emergency services and try to explain the situation, as I would assume it was something along the lines of a bizarre simultaneous allergic reaction type thing. Then I would raise the alert with school management/other teachers in case that other students could somehow be at risk.

WomanSkirtFan8

dee_mc wrote: »

I would be shocked. I would try to ascertain whether any one of the students knows what is going on. I would call the emergency services and try to explain the situation, as I would assume it was something along the lines of a bizarre simultaneous allergic reaction type thing. Then I would raise the alert with school management/other teachers in case that other students could somehow be at risk.

intereasting. One of the interesting phrases in the story (which I will get back to in a moment) is: "All Other Clothes Suddenly Burst Open!". Basically, what this means is that multiple garments rip and burst open at the same time.

Not entirely sure yet as to how it fits with the story but will work that out someway