Single life as a guy...

Rekop dog

Surreptitious wrote: »

Ok so I'm ugly then. Kinda guessed anyway.

Well you asked the question, no point giving you a bs answer. Online is highly superficial, either get a thicker skin and more realistic self evaluation or close your account.

Surreptitious

Rekop dog wrote: »

Well you asked the question, no point giving you a bs answer. Online is highly superficial, either get a thicker skin and more realistic self evaluation or close your account.

I already said I know I'm ugly. My skin is thick enough thanks.

tomwaterford

Surreptitious wrote: »

Ok so I'm ugly then. Kinda guessed anyway.

This all depends.....what age group are sending these messages to you??

Do you message people first?

Surreptitious

tomwaterford wrote: »

This all depends.....what age group are sending these messages to you??

Do you message people first?

I never message anyone. It's not always straight out looking for sex though to be fair, some people are ok. I think ugly is a horrible word anyway.

FortySeven

Surreptitious wrote: »

I never message anyone. It's not always straight out looking for sex though to be fair, some people are ok. I think ugly is a horrible word anyway.

Try putting up a great profile with a picture of a man. See how you get on.

You think ugly girls have it bad? Trust me.

Surreptitious

FortySeven wrote: »

Try putting up a great profile with a picture of a man. See how you get on.

You think ugly girls have it bad? Trust me.

I don't think I am ugly really but some of the responses even on here have me wondering.

FortySeven

Surreptitious wrote: »

I don't think I am ugly really but some of the responses even on here have me wondering.

I didn't say YOU were ugly. I don't think I worded that right. My apologies. If it's any consolation I live under a bridge and scare women and children. We get what we get. Cest la vie.

Try as a man. You'll grow old waiting for a message, never mind a hook up. You said it yourself, you don't message. Neither do most women.

Surreptitious

FortySeven wrote: »

I didn't say YOU were ugly. I don't think I worded that right. My apologies. If it's any consolation I live under a bridge and scare women and children. We get what we get. Cest la vie.

Try as a man. You'll grow old waiting for a message, never mind a hook up. You said it yourself, you don't message. Neither do most women.

I'm sure that's not the case.

FortySeven

Surreptitious wrote: »

I'm sure that's not the case.

We did this experiment on the online dating thread.

One man's face, average. One woman's face, average.

Left for some time with exact same profile except sex.

Man. Nothing.
Woman. Ringing off the hook.

Its just like a bar without any body language. Women don't look for men, they wait for them.

Surreptitious

FortySeven wrote: »

We did this experiment on the online dating thread.

One man's face, average. One woman's face, average.

Left for some time with exact same profile except sex.

Man. Nothing.
Woman. Ringing off the hook.

Its just like a bar without any body language. Women don't look for men, they wait for them.

I think some women message men as I've heard I just don't myself.

FortySeven

Surreptitious wrote: »

I think some women message men as I've heard I just don't myself.

They probably all message the same good looking guy. As you found in your opposite experiment.

That's why online dating is ****e. You can't show anything but face and words. We are all special in our own way, some look good in pictures. Some have a sexy walk. Who wins?

njs030

Rekop dog wrote: »

Generally if a woman is attractive enough you wouldn't risk messing it up by asking for hook up straight away. Whereas the women lads ask for sex straight away would be the highly unattractive ones where they wouldn't give a jot if they reject them or not, if the girl says no, then 'meh she's ugly anyway' if they say yes then 'easy sex'.

That's not true at all don't take any notice of him. Jesus you'd have no confidence at all if you listened to people on here sometimes.

There's a lot of people who just want sex anyway and don't have the courage to go up to people in the street and ask but think its OK online.

Surreptitious

notjustsweet wrote: »

That's not true at all don't take any notice of him. Jesus you'd have no confidence at all if you listened to people on here sometimes.

There's a lot of people who just want sex anyway and don't have the courage to go up to people in the street and ask but think its OK online.

I thought it was a harsh response myself.

njs030

Surreptitious wrote: »

I thought it was a harsh response myself.

The irony is any man who's asked me for sex online has been very unattractive himself and clearly desperate so you'd wonder where these comments are coming from

Rekop dog

notjustsweet wrote: »

That's not true at all don't take any notice of him. Jesus you'd have no confidence at all if you listened to people on here sometimes.

There's a lot of people who just want sex anyway and don't have the courage to go up to people in the street and ask but think its OK online.

I'm afraid it is. Not saying that I've personally ever done this but have read plenty of psychological article's to that effect. The women online who get the least sex propositions are the highly attractive ones, because guys would like them to be more than hooks ups and adjust their chat up style accordingly. The ones who get the most sexual propositions are on the opposite end of the scale. Cruel world and all that.

Online dating is not for the faint hearted. You are being judged on how you look, you are one person in a sea of faces. There will always be people more attractive an less attractive. If you are in anyway fragile or lacking in confidence in how you look or indeed who you are then you're going to have a very hard time and the sites just aren't for you. I come across posts on boards time and time again about people getting upset because their message was ignored or they don't get matches. Sure it stings a bit but it's not a reflection of who you are. It never is.

Surreptitious, I have never heard anything like rekopdog's view. My own experience has been that I rarely if ever was propostioned for sex but if I had a euro for the amount of messages I sent to men who didn't respond I'd be a very wealthy woman indeed. When I was using the dating sites I was very proactive and had no problem sending messages or asking men out. This business of the woman sitting back and waiting is old and silly. If you like someone make a move.

There are many users who will look past the pretty face, who want something more. I was one of them. Yes I had to be attracted to the man but there needed to be depth as well. A badly written or empty profile, or unpleasant views along with a gorgeous face and I wasn't interested.

mzungu

Surreptitious wrote: »

I thought it was a harsh response myself.

Regarding POF/Tinder, I think online dating is a terrible metric to make a judgement about the intricacies of attraction. POF and Tinder, while they may work for some people, are basically digital meat markets when it comes down to it. Shallowness is almost a given when using it, unfortunately. Not that everybody who uses it is like that of course, but to wade through all the BS is like a part time job in itself. If real life was in anyway similar, hardly anybody would ever get together....and this thread would be a hell of a lot busier!!

njs030

Rekop dog wrote: »

I'm afraid it is. Not saying that I've personally ever done this but have read plenty of psychological article's to that effect. The women online who get the least sex propositions are the highly attractive ones, because guys would like them to be more than hooks ups and adjust their chat up style accordingly. The ones who get the most sexual propositions are on the opposite end of the scale. Cruel world and all that.

Links please?

I've yet to hear of any woman who doesn't get sexual propositions online no matter how good looking, you're forgetting that from behind a keyboard people are anonymous and can say what they like without thought for how likely it is to happen.

When someone is feeling bad there's no need to pull them down further though.

cantdecide

There's a guy I work that I've kind of gotten to know over the last few months. He's in his late twenties, pretty decent looking and works out. He's quiet but smooth. He's intelligent enough and has passions and interests he talks about. A generally pretty alright guy from out of town.

He started asking me about where to find that club and that bar and I realised that there was a pretty common and surprising theme to all these places. He's alluded to his lack of interest in looking for relationships. He's made remarks at times that he doesn't bother chasing after 'hot girls' because it's too much hassle... then I realised... he's that guy.

There was a thread, possibly in and OD thread in elsewhere from a while back that it's easy for women to get sex through OD but it's quite hard to find a relationship. The lady concerned seemed pretty sure that she was definitely very attractive and could easily go and pull in a bar. The lesson I took from that was 'attention doesn't necessarily mean a thing if that's not what you're pursuing'.

The superficial nature of OD is thus; as a 'normal' girl looking for a relationship, people like my workmate, who are real, interesting people, may be happy to lead her on with fibs without too much shame or very much empathy toward her- she will give him the time of day where others wouldn't and she probably seems very plausible indeed. She might end up devoting too much investment in Mr Insincere and 'unread deleting' many others. As a 'normal' guy looking for a relationship, with the numbers involved, above average is the new average (wasn't there a study that showed that 80% of men were below average?). IME, women assess men in layers and may be more open to dating someone they would normally not be attracted to. However, in an OD setting, most guys just don't get a look in to begin with especially when there's always that charming Mr. Insincere elbowing you out of the way.

In a nutshell, stuff happens in OD that wouldn't happen in the real world and vice versa. If it's your last resort, you will probably be sorely disappointed. The people that it works best for probably don't need it.

cantdecide

cantdecide wrote: »

There's a guy I work that I've kind of gotten to know over the last few months. He's in his late twenties, pretty decent looking and works out. He's quiet but smooth. He's intelligent enough and has passions and interests he talks about. A generally pretty alright guy from out of town.

He started asking me about where to find that club and that bar and I realised that there was a pretty common and surprising theme to all these places. He's alluded to his lack of interest in looking for relationships. He's made remarks at times that he doesn't bother chasing after 'hot girls' because it's too much hassle... then I realised... he's that guy.

There was a thread, possibly in and OD thread in elsewhere from a while back that it's easy for women to get sex through OD but it's quite hard to find a relationship. The lady concerned seemed pretty sure that she was definitely very attractive and could easily go and pull in a bar. The lesson I took from that was 'attention doesn't necessarily mean a thing if that's not what you're pursuing'.

The superficial nature of OD is thus; as a 'normal' girl looking for a relationship, people like my workmate, who are real, interesting people, may be happy to lead her on with fibs without too much shame or very much empathy toward her- she will give him the time of day where others wouldn't and she probably seems very plausible indeed. She might end up devoting too much investment in Mr Insincere and 'unread deleting' many others. As a 'normal' guy looking for a relationship, with the numbers involved, above average is the new average (wasn't there a study that showed that 80% of men were below average?). IME, women assess men in layers and may be more open to dating someone they would normally not be attracted to. However, in an OD setting, most guys just don't get a look in to begin with especially when there's always that charming Mr. Insincere elbowing you out of the way.

In a nutshell, stuff happens in OD that wouldn't happen in the real world and vice versa. If it's your last resort, you will probably be sorely disappointed. The people that it works best for probably don't need it.

Can you explain that to me again? I'm going stupid here

ongarboy

Deleted User wrote: »

Can you explain that to me again? I'm going stupid here

Lol, glad I wasn't the only one!!

mzungu

Deleted User wrote: »

Can you explain that to me again? I'm going stupid here

ongarboy wrote:

Lol, glad I wasn't the only one!!

I think it is outlining the way the odds are stacked against a successful outcome in OD.

Take the bits in bold below:

cantdecide wrote:

There's a guy I work that I've kind of gotten to know over the last few months. He's in his late twenties, pretty decent looking and works out. He's quiet but smooth. He's intelligent enough and has passions and interests he talks about. A generally pretty alright guy from out of town.

He started asking me about where to find that club and that bar and I realised that there was a pretty common and surprising theme to all these places. He's alluded to his lack of interest in looking for relationships. He's made remarks at times that he doesn't bother chasing after 'hot girls' because it's too much hassle... then I realised... he's that guy.

There was a thread, possibly in and OD thread in elsewhere from a while back that it's easy for women to get sex through OD but it's quite hard to find a relationship. The lady concerned seemed pretty sure that she was definitely very attractive and could easily go and pull in a bar. The lesson I took from that was 'attention doesn't necessarily mean a thing if that's not what you're pursuing'.

The superficial nature of OD is thus; as a 'normal' girl looking for a relationship, people like my workmate, who are real, interesting people, may be happy to lead her on with fibs without too much shame or very much empathy toward her- she will give him the time of day where others wouldn't and she probably seems very plausible indeed. She might end up devoting too much investment in Mr Insincere and 'unread deleting' many others. As a 'normal' guy looking for a relationship, with the numbers involved, above average is the new average (wasn't there a study that showed that 80% of men were below average?). IME, women assess men in layers and may be more open to dating someone they would normally not be attracted to. However, in an OD setting, most guys just don't get a look in to begin with especially when there's always that charming Mr. Insincere elbowing you out of the way.

I took it to mean the poster knows a guy who is pretty hot (Mr Insincere) who would be the type of the lad on OD who would be getting all the attention from the ladies. This, however, is to the detriment of other lads on OD because whilst they might be Mr Sincere (looking for a meaningful relationship), they do not have the good looks that Mr Insincere has. They are at a disadvantage because of this as they will not find it easy being in the below average looking category online.

So, Mr Insincere is stringing along women on OD as he is just out for the one night stand, however, the women that he is conversing with are possibly looking for a meaningful relationship. So, the tragedy is that Mr Sincere is a good catch, but he is part of a majority of 80% below average looking lads that will never do well online. Even though, in a face-to-face meeting, they would most likely get on really well (in the romantic sense) with people who would not go for them in an OD setting.

So, to summarise, a lot of lads who are good looking will be using OD for no strings style stuff. They can, and do, lead people on, and this hurts the chances of the 80% below average lads out there who are looking for something meaningful but cannot get a look in becuase Mr Insincere is hogging the limelight. If Mr Sincere had the chance, there is every possibility he would be a better match for the ladies that are having their time wasted by Mr Insincere.

Ok, ok, on reflection there is a fairly strong possibility that I did not understand the post in question all that well either!

I am open to correction on my flawed interpretation!

cantdecide

Errr yeah, it was a bit of a ramble in hindsight but at least one of yis got it!

mzungu wrote: »

So, to summarise, a lot of lads who are good looking will be using OD for no strings style stuff. They can, and do, lead people on, and this hurts the chances of the 80% below average lads out there who are looking for something meaningful but cannot get a look in becuase Mr Insincere is hogging the limelight. If Mr Sincere had the chance, there is every possibility he would be a better match for the ladies that are having their time wasted by Mr Insincere.

In a nutshell it's my theory about OD and why it should work very well but it seems it doesn't most of the time. Very generally, the two common opposing perspectives from men and women always appear to be 'OD is really bad for my self esteem' and 'ugh, guys are such jerks', respectively. It's a question of power- most women have it and misuse it. Few men have it but abuse it.

Carlos Orange

cantdecide wrote: »

In a nutshell it's my theory about OD and why it should work very well but it seems it doesn't most of the time.

Aka nice guys finish last

silverharp

cantdecide wrote: »

Errr yeah, it was a bit of a ramble in hindsight but at least one of yis got it!



In a nutshell it's my theory about OD and why it should work very well but it seems it doesn't most of the time. Very generally, the two common opposing perspectives from men and women always appear to be 'OD is really bad for my self esteem' and 'ugh, guys are such jerks', respectively. It's a question of power- most women have it and misuse it. Few men have it but abuse it.

If you "abuse" your power and get advantage out of it at least something is achieved. I suspect its ultimately damaging a lot of women because ultimately they don't get what they want?

armaghlad

I think I might be Mr Insincere..

Pawwed Rig

cantdecide wrote: »

It's a question of power- most women have it and misuse it. Few men have it but abuse it.

Why do men abuse but women misuse? Interesting word choice.

ongarboy

cantdecide wrote: »

Errr yeah, it was a bit of a ramble in hindsight but at least one of yis got it!



In a nutshell it's my theory about OD and why it should work very well but it seems it doesn't most of the time. Very generally, the two common opposing perspectives from men and women always appear to be 'OD is really bad for my self esteem' and 'ugh, guys are such jerks', respectively. It's a question of power- most women have it and misuse it. Few men have it but abuse it.

OK but as the other poster said above, this perpetuates the myth that nice guys finish last. Why is it always assumed that the better looking guys are insincere and the less attractive looking guys are more likely to be sincere? It's not automatic that if a guy is handsome, he must also be insincere just because he's aware that he'll not have problems attracting women. Some good looking guys actually dislike having that constant unwanted attention. I know plenty of good looking guys who are also the nicest and sincerest people I know. Equally, there are plenty of ugly guys who have ugly personalities too and are probably worse because they carry such an awful chip on their shoulder blaming their looks for their lack of appeal.

Online dating is visual pure and simple. You can tick every box that the other person has but if you or they look like the back of a bus, you will swipe left every time. Can any guy here who feels they are less than average looking and uses OD honestly say they've pursued conventionally ugly looking girls online for dates? I'd guess not so why be disappointed or surprised when attractive women don't swipe right for you?

fits

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Why do men abuse but women misuse? Interesting word choice.

Maybe they didnt want to use the same word twice in a short post? Its bad language practice

Carlos Orange

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Why do men abuse but women misuse? Interesting word choice.

Possibly because the men are achieving what they want.