Single life as a guy...

silverharp

I tend to see some US articles that get commented on. Invariably its a female journalist wondering why more men are sticking to minimum wage jobs or not bothering to work formally. the irony is women are encouraged to drop their old gender roles but all men have to stick to theirs? it seems logical that some men would jump the fence and live a low cost lifestyle, life only gets expensive if you get married and have kids.
Society seems hell bent at chipping away at previous male rewards for living up to male expectations, take the rewards away and the cost is going to seem too high to more men.

Carlos Orange

worded wrote: »

I think this is going to bite Ireland in the arse in years to come

Seems like a strange article to post in a single life as a guy thread.

zcorpian88

worded wrote: »

Financial castration

I think this is going to bite Ireland in the arse in years to come

Its darwinism on its head. WORKING couples can barely afford to have 1 or two kids. Who is going to pay the pensions of elderely retired people in 20 - 40 years up the road?

If you asked my 18-21 year old self "where do you see yourself when you're 30?"

I would have said I'd have liked to have been newly married and planning a family. Today I turn 28 and the thoughts of it now are well in the distance because of the shaky climate here. Our generation are scared s**tless of having children, the amount of people giving out stink on Budget Day about childcare costs ffs. One person always has to stay at home. I'm a bit disappointed that things haven't worked out the way I would have liked, I'd hate to be one of these new age 40 year old parents with very small children, I'd wonder if I was 40 or so would I even be able to keep up with them as they grow up and would I be as good of a parent. I imagined myself being a young enough parent but stuff doesn't always work out the way you'd like.

Tbh when I was young, in my house at least, there was no such thing as pre-school or creche. Must have been a teenager when I heard the word creche for the first time!

To my folks, if they didn't have it, then we wouldn't have it, they were pretty "old school" plus I think the money really wasn't there for this playschool craic. Creche for me was the back garden until I made it to primary and if the folks were working I had Grandparents and aunts and uncles nearby.

zcorpian88

Deleted User wrote: »

Pfft that's nothing. I once went on to someone'e profile and in the time it took me to type the message they'd seen that I'd viewed their profile and blocked me.

FFS why be on it if they don't want to be viewed?? Hate to sound like a prick but what the f**k is wrong with some of these women?? On the verge of deleting my profile actually. Days could go by before I get a view, and when I do it's someone from miles and miles away or it's spam. I'd like a date not a commute or even worse a catfish or some shyte.

Carlos Orange

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Hate to sound like a prick but what the f**k is wrong with some of these women??

I don't much deal with the dating world but I get the impression guys are kinda sick of propositioning girls and constantly being rejected and girls are kinda sick of constantly being propositioned and rejecting guys. Kinda doesn't seem like the best system from anyones point of view.

zcorpian88

psinno wrote: »

I don't much deal with the dating world but I get the impression guys are kinda sick of propositioning girls and constantly being rejected and girls are kinda sick of constantly being propositioned and rejecting guys. Kinda doesn't seem like the best system from anyones point of view.

You're bang on the money there, not too great for a fella's self esteem, to come out with a nice message and to make it non boring like they seem to request even in the profile and then no reply or even worse to be blocked. Only reason I'm on the site is because I'm sick of the pub scene.

With the way people are on these sites I wonder how anyone gets a date on them at all. Maybe women have some sort of higher standard they've accustomed to, but if you have very high standards maybe you shouldn't be on a dating site. I've seen my competition in my local area on POF and they aren't that impressive!

They should rename POF to PAF, to stand for "Picky As F**k"

Potatoeman

zcorpian88 wrote: »

You're bang on the money there, not too great for a fella's self esteem, to come out with a nice message and to make it non boring like they seem to request even in the profile and then no reply or even worse to be blocked. Only reason I'm on the site is because I'm sick of the pub scene.

With the way people are on these sites I wonder how anyone gets a date on them at all. Maybe women have some sort of higher standard they've accustomed to, but if you have very high standards maybe you shouldn't be on a dating site. I've seen my competition in my local area on POF and they aren't that impressive!

They should rename POF to PAF, to stand for "Picky As F**k"

Do you have a decent profile picture and a not generic profile? This is one thing that seems to come up, women moan about the generic messages from men and men moan about the waste of time if she isn't interested from the start. It's one reason tinder went from a hookup app to a dating app.

zcorpian88

Potatoeman wrote: »

Do you have a decent profile picture and a not generic profile? This is one thing that seems to come up, women moan about the generic messages from men and men moan about the waste of time if she isn't interested from the start. It's one reason tinder went from a hookup app to a dating app.

No my profile pic is a good one, one of the best pictures I have, I have 6 pictures of myself in all. Have a decent about me written, think it describes me to a tee and leaves some mystery. Don't like Tinder either, seems more of a weekend app for me anyway, don't get many people popping up on weekdays. As for POF according to that every single woman is in Dublin, I have no interest in long distance relationships, been there done that, never again!

The ones in my area are either smokers, (not into them) "social" drug takers, (no way) single mothers (hell no!) and any of the one's I'd be into, they aren't all supermodels by the way, some are pretty and some are average enough but I mean that in a good way, but not even a reply out of them, if I'm lucky they'll check my profile out.

Maybe because I'm not a rugby/gaelic footballer/hurler type!

Potatoeman

zcorpian88 wrote: »

No my profile pic is a good one, one of the best pictures I have, I have 6 pictures of myself in all. Have a decent about me written, think it describes me to a tee and leaves some mystery. Don't like Tinder either, seems more of a weekend app for me anyway, don't get many people popping up on weekdays. As for POF according to that every single woman is in Dublin, I have no interest in long distance relationships, been there done that, never again!

The ones in my area are either smokers, (not into them) "social" drug takers, (no way) single mothers (hell no!) and any of the one's I'd be into, they aren't all supermodels by the way, some are pretty and some are average enough but I mean that in a good way, but not even a reply out of them, if I'm lucky they'll check my profile out.

Maybe because I'm not a rugby/gaelic footballer/hurler type!

First hit the gym and get in better shape. Online dating is always about looks first. Secondly, I would check how the above limits your options. What % of women fall into those dealbreakers.

zcorpian88

Potatoeman wrote: »

First hit the gym and get in better shape. Online dating is always about looks first. Secondly, I would check how the above limits your options. What % of women fall into those dealbreakers.

I do go to the gym actually, I do a 2 hour heavy cycle most days, I do more cardio than anything, contemplating going right now actually. Well there aren't many single mothers maybe 15% but there are a lot of smokers on it which is disappointing more than half of whoever is in the area and that's a mix of smoking "socially" and "often"... went out with a smoker before, tried to get used to it but as a militant non smoker I really couldn't. There were 2 amazing looking ones in my area, and I clicked on them, not much in the about me, then I see "Do you do drugs?" and I read "Socially" beside it and I'm like "Ah ffs"

Then all the relatively clean cut women that I might take a liking to, not all by looks of course, I read the profiles, and I'd be like "Hmm I'll message her" and mention something related to her profile if there is something there I can go on and I'll say I liked whatever it is or try make a conversation about it.

Did get talking to one nice woman about 2 weeks ago, her about me was terrific, she was about 3 years old than me, never thought I'd be into a woman older than I am, she was great looking though and kind of elegant even and the conversation stopped short after I mentioned her profile was brilliantly written and I mentioned what I liked the most about it, 10 minutes is all I got and bang, it ended. Still the best profile I came across, and that wasn't because I got a reply.

Potatoeman

zcorpian88 wrote: »

I do go to the gym actually, I do a 2 hour heavy cycle most days, I do more cardio than anything, contemplating going right now actually. Well there aren't many single mothers maybe 15% but there are a lot of smokers on it which is disappointing more than half of whoever is in the area and that's a mix of smoking "socially" and "often"... went out with a smoker before, tried to get used to it but as a militant non smoker I really couldn't. There were 2 amazing looking ones in my area, and I clicked on them, not much in the about me, then I see "Do you do drugs?" and I read "Socially" beside it and I'm like "Ah ffs"

Then all the relatively clean cut women that I might take a liking to, not all by looks of course, I read the profiles, and I'd be like "Hmm I'll message her" and mention something related to her profile if there is something there I can go on and I'll say I liked whatever it is or try make a conversation about it.

Did get talking to one nice woman about 2 weeks ago, her about me was terrific, she was about 3 years old than me, never thought I'd be into a woman older than I am, she was great looking though and kind of elegant even and the conversation stopped short after I mentioned her profile was brilliantly written and I mentioned what I liked the most about it, 10 minutes is all I got and bang, it ended. Still the best profile I came across, and that wasn't because I got a reply.

You can't see cardio on men, you should try and put on some muscle. I'm not talking about body building (too much is just as bad) but once you put some on it's easy to maintain. I was always thin and got into weights in my mid-twenties, I get far more attention now then I did then. You're not going to get a rugby body if your slim but you can get nice shoulders and pecks, which show even in a shirt.

There are plenty of non-smokers but when you add the no drugs (in your age group) the pool gets smaller. Drugs 'socially' is a very wide definition. It might be very rarely, they might not want to seem boring.

If you were only chatting to someone for ten minutes you don't know them much, it sounds like you over invested. Your 28, things are going to get easier from now on.

eeguy

Potatoeman wrote: »

Drugs 'socially' is a very wide definition. It might be very rarely, they might not want to seem boring.

It could be that they're casting the net as wide as possible.

Smoker could mean they have a cigarette the odd time they're out too. It's hard to gauge if they're a one a day or a 40 a day person.

IMO I wouldn't make these dealbreakers. If you get a date then you can judge for yourself.

zcorpian88

Potatoeman wrote: »

You can't see cardio on men, you should try and put on some muscle. I'm not talking about body building (too much is just as bad) but once you put some on it's easy to maintain. I was always thin and got into weights in my mid-twenties, I get far more attention now then I did then. You're not going to get a rugby body if your slim but you can get nice shoulders and pecks, which show even in a shirt.

There are plenty of non-smokers but when you add the no drugs (in your age group) the pool gets smaller. Drugs 'socially' is a very wide definition. It might be very rarely, they might not want to seem boring.

If you were only chatting to someone for ten minutes you don't know them much, it sounds like you over invested. Your 28, things are going to get easier from now on.

Well if anything the amount of cycling I've done over the last year, gave me great legs, always had good legs since I was a teen, but they are better then they've ever been. My stomach has vanished, didn't have much of one maybe a very minor beer gut and that being it.

As for muscle everywhere else, that needs to be worked on alright, never imagined myself as big as a house, I'm only 5ft 6" so if I did body build I'd be like a wide little f**ker ha. I'd go more for well toned than built up. Don't think it would take me long really if I lay off the cardio a day or two a week.

Yeah the drugs thing is just off-putting, have had enough of being around that stuff. Spent from my teens and most of my 20's with that stuff being around me, never took it but I don't like that whole scene. Not into fags either, nothing worse than getting the shift and the person smell like an ashtray. Drink I don't care about but drugs and fags I'd like to do without.

Yeah someone will come along eventually I suppose, right now I'm gone picky about who I even write to on that app, fear of rejection I suppose.

worded

zcorpian88 wrote: »

If you asked my 18-21 year old self "where do you see yourself when you're 30?"

I would have said I'd have liked to have been newly married and planning a family. Today I turn 28 and the thoughts of it now are well in the distance because of the shaky climate here. Our generation are scared s**tless of having children, the amount of people giving out stink on Budget Day about childcare costs ffs. One person always has to stay at home. I'm a bit disappointed that things haven't worked out the way I would have liked, I'd hate to be one of these new age 40 year old parents with very small children, I'd wonder if I was 40 or so would I even be able to keep up with them as they grow up and would I be as good of a parent. I imagined myself being a young enough parent but stuff doesn't always work out the way you'd like.

Tbh when I was young, in my house at least, there was no such thing as pre-school or creche. Must have been a teenager when I heard the word creche for the first time!

To my folks, if they didn't have it, then we wouldn't have it, they were pretty "old school" plus I think the money really wasn't there for this playschool craic. Creche for me was the back garden until I made it to primary and if the folks were working I had Grandparents and aunts and uncles nearby.

A Creche to me was something I over heard that happened when two cars collided in Foxrock :-)

You will always find the $ for the kids.

They may not have what they want, but they will have what they need.
If you move close to the folks / family, they will help out

Dont despair .......

Someone said to me once, dont procrastinate too long with having kids ...

Mister Vain

zcorpian88 wrote: »

They should rename POF to PAF, to stand for "Picky As F**k"

:pac:

Tbh I've absolutely no motivation to even try with that site anymore. Countless messages sent which have resulted in nothing. It's hard to justify spending anymore time on it.

Creol1

Potatoeman wrote: »

Drugs 'socially' is a very wide definition. It might be very rarely, they might not want to seem boring.

A person who equates being interesting with taking drugs is not someone I would personally want to get involved with.

tomwaterford

Creol1 wrote: »

A person who equates being interesting with taking drugs is not someone I would personally want to get involved with.

Tbf....many people I know what take drugs rarely socialise etc



It's their night out...meeting up with friends for a few smokes/pills listen to music talk shtie etc




Each to their own....it's no better or worse than going drinking every weekend imo

eeguy

Creol1 wrote: »

A person who equates being interesting with taking drugs is not someone I would personally want to get involved with.

It's really vague.
I'd be up for spliff if I was offered, but haven't had one in probably 6 or 7 years.

Mister Vain

The smell of hash is a thousand times worse than normal cigarettes. And the smell of normal cigarettes is pretty bad.

Wibbs

TBH I like the smell of the oul hashish. However, only the direct scent, not the smell of a room after it. It's a scent that ages very badly for me. Caveat; I also like the smell of fresh good tobacco, IE pipe or cigar. Again, both age badly and rapidly.

zcorpian88

Good Jesus I've been using Boards for 4 and a half years, and at this minute I'm too drunk to quote every single comment since I left the house since after 8. My last comment was at half 7-ish to mark my birthday with a few quiet ones with a good mate of mine who has put up with my nonsense the last few years...the last few comments here were gas.

I'm half tore right now so I haven't got the mental ability to add your quote but I'll read as I'm going along...

Worded: I had no idea what a Creche was until I was at least 14, I was 14 in 2002, so this would have been about first year in school, I heard of playschool alright and even for me that didn't exist either and even in my head as a kid then, that was for privileged kids. I didn't realize till I was a teenager how much I missed out on when I was a child when kids my own age asked me about playschool as I grew up in the early 90s and beyond even and I never knew what they were talking about when I was young and I often felt like like an oddball. My parents were both relatively young they were rared in the 1960's and 70's like and there were parents of their generation that sent their kids to Creche and Playschool and there wasn't a problem at least that was the impression I got from classmates way back when. So I felt even then I kind of missed out then, and I wasn't brought up in the country or way away from it all, I'm from a city FFS!

Mister Vain: The smell of hash, I haven't smelled it in about 10 years but I always thought it smelled the same as the smell of a perphein heather ,an oily type of smell, someone told me it was because of it being smuggled here in oil barrel containers, no idea if that is true, and weed, that always smelled like mould to me, like the smell of the upstairs of an old house that was in need of a bulldozing to me and I've been around both drugs since 2002.

Hash was everywhere when I was a teen but weed since I was about 20 or so, everyone I knew was mad into both. Tried weed when I was 21 or so, it done nothing for me, maybe because I had no real precedent for me, there was nothing before, just no buzz, what's to like about it really? I just like the few drinks, it's fine with me and I don't need to do it to excess either, I can take it or leave it even, even as I type this after a few pints of ale.

And Wibbs, I actually love the smell of a pipe or even a cigar but more so a pipe, my uncle Micheal smokes both but more so he'd have his pipe, and has done for 40 plus years, one of the nicest men you'd ever met, always super looked up to him as a kid because he always gave me cool gadgets to look at and gave me money and stuff and always had gas stories for me, always had a pipe in his mouth. Anytime I get the smell of pipe tobacco, I get the instant memory of my childhood and the treat of the kind of rare visits with my uncle and he'd have the pipe in his mouth, like I can't imagine a visit without the smell of the stuff, I know tobacco is bad and all and I've complained about it within what I'd expect of a female partner, but this pipe thing is a different story, this is different, just a cool, fun, male relative I was fond of. I have two sisters that think the same way of him. Never imagined myself smoking a pipe, I always wondered what it was like though. I smoked a cigar each when my Godson was born in 2010...and my niece this year, other than that smoking isn't my thing

The uncle is alive so yeah I may go visit him more, he'll be 60 soon, may make more time with the man, still loves his gadgets and his betting on horses and he loves that I know more than him on all things television, phones, smartphones, internet, mp3 players. The uncle is very tech impaired, don't think he'll have internet in the house, I think he's scared s**less of it. Love the man at the same time, I kind of don't want him to change, if that makes any sense! Because he's really into gambling as well, he'd like the drive miles in to put a bet on a couple of horses, the internet would make it way easy on him, if he had access to it! Playing with fire!.....we'd be creating a monster so to speak showing him how it works and giving him access to Paddy Power or Ladbrokes on the web.

eeguy

Go to bed.

zcorpian88

eeguy wrote: »

Go to bed.

Yeah I probably need to....lots of booze I've had, I apologize dudes/dudettes...

Potatoeman

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Well if anything the amount of cycling I've done over the last year, gave me great legs, always had good legs since I was a teen, but they are better then they've ever been. My stomach has vanished, didn't have much of one maybe a very minor beer gut and that being it.

As for muscle everywhere else, that needs to be worked on alright, never imagined myself as big as a house, I'm only 5ft 6" so if I did body build I'd be like a wide little f**ker ha. I'd go more for well toned than built up. Don't think it would take me long really if I lay off the cardio a day or two a week.

Yeah the drugs thing is just off-putting, have had enough of being around that stuff. Spent from my teens and most of my 20's with that stuff being around me, never took it but I don't like that whole scene. Not into fags either, nothing worse than getting the shift and the person smell like an ashtray. Drink I don't care about but drugs and fags I'd like to do without.

Yeah someone will come along eventually I suppose, right now I'm gone picky about who I even write to on that app, fear of rejection I suppose.

It's harder to hide weight in your stomach when youre slim everywhere else. The advantage of muscle is it hides weight when you do put it on. As for your legs, unless youre wearing shorts women cant see them. Your height would be a problem in online dating though.

armaghlad

Unless you're 6 ft everyone's height is a problem for online dating

Creol1

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Yeah someone will come along eventually I suppose, right now I'm gone picky about who I even write to on that app, fear of rejection I suppose.

Do you ever signal your interest by adding someone to your favourites? It can be quite deflating if you write a nice message and get ignored so that's what I tend to do, but it doesn't seem to be that popular.

H3llR4iser

Potatoeman wrote: »

It's harder to hide weight in your stomach when youre slim everywhere else. The advantage of muscle is it hides weight when you do put it on. As for your legs, unless youre wearing shorts women cant see them. Your height would be a problem in online dating though.

On the other side of things, if you're naturally stocky you can work out as much as you want, muscles and tone will not be evident underneath clothing - and some people will even mistake it for fat

Unfortunately, muscular legs aren't the most "in" characteristic at this point in time - I have witnessed a few lady friends commenting about how some guy had "womanlike hips/legs" just because the dude in question had a more balanced physique than the currently-in-fashion "hulking arms and shoulders, tiny hips and spindly legs" type. Most of the male "hunks" paraded in movies, series, magazines et all belong to the "everyday is upper body day!" brigade and it is indeed affecting people's perception.

armaghlad wrote: »

Unless you're 6 ft everyone's height is a problem for online dating

I am somewhere around 6'1" and, I feckin' kid you not, I did encounter at least one woman who said she'd prefer a taller guy. The one area where I thought "right, there's no issue there!" :P

Mister Vain wrote: »

:pac:

Tbh I've absolutely no motivation to even try with that site anymore. Countless messages sent which have resulted in nothing. It's hard to justify spending anymore time on it.

Folks, I had no intention of revealing this since I ran the experiment for my own curiosity, but seeing the frustration I think sharing it might be of some help.

I set up two different women's profiles on one specific OD website, using a couple of pictures each taken from freely available public sources (royalty free services):

- Both the women in the pictures look definitely average for their age;
-While the pictures are good and have good lighting, they aren't polished studio shoots;
- Each profile has one face image, and one head-to-hips.
- Neither of them is wearing anything fancy nor revealing, plain everyday clothes.

"Profile 1" is for a single, 29 years old Dubliner, "Average" body type; "Profile 2" for a divorced mother of 2, 39 years old, from Galway but living in Dublin, "A few extra pounds" body type. Both "women" are "looking for a relationship".

I just created the profiles and left them there. Within the first 24 hours, "Profile 1" had just above 100 messages, while"Profile 2" lagged behind...having received "only" around 50 messages.

Both profiles amounted over 500 views in the first couple of days, with "Profile 1" breaking past the 1000 views before the first week was gone. Each time I logged into either profile, a spike of 3-4 messages would rush in as the status went to "online".

A few "interesting" things:

- When they are "Online", both profiles seem to receive similar attention;
- When "Offline" however, "Profile 1" is (predictably) favored;
- "Profile 2" is still receiving a huge amount of traffic, even from markedly younger guys (had plenty of messages from folks aged 20-25);
- This far, I haven't received any d1ck pictures yet ;
- Also, neither profile has yet got any rude or abusive message;
- Plenty of guys message repeatedly, some even once or twice a day, often with the same content in the message;
- The very same guys above messaged both profiles with absolutely identical messages;
- The two points above make me strongly suspect those guys have some sort of automated script (bot, possibly) that scouts the site periodically and messages as many women as possible with a pre-made text;

So, to conclude a far too long post with a TL;DR:

- It is very likely that a lot (if not most) women's inboxes are as busy as those two fake ones; Technically speaking, your message will look like a grain of rice in an Uncle Ben's packaging facility;

- Some guys approach OD as if it was a viral marketing campaign and spoil it for all;

- Most women will indeed have plenty of choice who to reply to and, by sheer statistics, it is likely that there'll be at least ONE guy who appeals to her more than you; It's just natural;

- Don't let OD influence your confidence or mood, because it's essentially a dice roll;

worded

worded wrote: »

A Creche to me was something I over heard that happened when two cars collided in Foxrock :-)

You will always find the $ for the kids.

They may not have what they want, but they will have what they need.
If you move close to the folks / family, they will help out

Dont despair .......

Someone said to me once, dont procrastinate too long with having kids ...

I think that view is a bit naive. Children are very expensive. Not everyone has family who can help out. If I got pregnant in the morning it would be a very very difficult road ahead. Baby would be sleeping in a drawer and wearing my old dolls dresses.

ancapailldorcha

Deleted User wrote: »

I think that view is a bit naive. Children are very expensive. Not everyone has family who can help out. If I got pregnant in the morning it would be a very very difficult road ahead. Baby would be sleeping in a drawer and wearing my old dolls dresses.

Indeed. I earn above the UK average wage but well, well below the London average wage so I can't afford a car or even rent a one-bedroom flat. I've not idea whatsoever where I'm supposed to get the money to raise a child from. Assuming I had a partner on similar money, it wouldn't be easier as we'd be spending well over half our income on rent alone.

cantdecide

Jaysus we're all stoney on this thread. I remember hearing the term 'minimum wage' on US TV as a kid and thinking it was somehow exotic. Now, I'm working full time for minimum wage for literally 2 reasons- 1) to pay for the degree course I hope will give me a reasonable wage in the future and 2) so I don't have another hole in my CV after the clusterfeck that was contruction. At 34, my ambition is to move out of my parents spare room. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to have enough money to have a future, let alone a present. I have no idea how my generation could have kids, mortgages creches etc etc without some kind of prior financial or circumstantial advantage. To say that it doesn't affect the love prospects would be naive, in my case.