Single life as a guy...

cantdecide

cantdecide wrote: »

Jaysus we're all stoney on this thread. I remember hearing the term 'minimum wage' on US TV as a kid and thinking it was somehow exotic. Now, I'm working full time for minimum wage for literally 2 reasons- 1) to pay for the degree course I hope will give me a reasonable wage in the future and 2) so I don't have another hole in my CV after the clusterfeck that was contruction. At 34, my ambition is to move out of my parents spare room. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to have enough money to have a future, let alone a present. I have no idea how my generation could have kids, mortgages creches etc etc without some kind of prior financial or circumstantial advantage. To say that it doesn't affect the love prospects would be naive, in my case.

I can totally relate. Once upon a time I had lots of money and everything that went with it. Then I made a few decisions and now it's not so easy financially. That will change but for now it's my reality. Good thing I view wealth as something other than money and don't have a very loud ticking clock inside of me.

When it comes to relationships I firmly believe that the right person will see beyond your circumstance. That may be a bit romantic of me but I've experienced it. Lovely men who wanted to spend time with me regardless of how well off or not I was.

Tigger99

That's very very true Persepoly.

Pawwed Rig

It has been said here before but men are more likely to pursue someone less well off than themselves than women would. Studies available on request.

mzungu

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

It has been said here before but men are more likely to pursue someone less well off than themselves than women would. Studies available on request.

It does look like things are changing in that regard.

http://time.com/7442/wives-are-now-more-educated-than-husbands/

For the first time in 50 years, the educational balance among married couples has tipped towards women. Wives are more likely to be the better educated partner than the other way around. The trend is particularly sharp among newlyweds; in 2012 almost 40% of college educated women were married to a guy without a degree.

http://www.ippr.org/news-and-media/press-releases/modern-women-marrying-men-of-the-same-or-lower-social-class

British women and men are choosing to marry partners who are increasingly from the same social class as themselves, despite modern society offering them more choice than ever before, according to new research by the think tank IPPR. The new analysis is part of an on-going IPPR project on how women's aspirations have changed across different generations.

silverharp

British women and men are choosing to marry partners who are increasingly from the same social class as themselves, despite modern society offering them more choice than ever before, according to new research by the think tank IPPR. The new analysis is part of an on-going IPPR project on how women's aspirations have changed across different generations.

I would have thought that was "always" the case although I was at one wedding where the families were comically mismatched ;-)

mzungu

silverharp wrote: »

I would have thought that was "always" the case although I was at one wedding where the families were comically mismatched ;-)

Second paragraph in the link would have been the better one to go with on my part!

Here it is:

In the post-war period of rising social mobility, women increasingly married men who were both older and in a higher social class than themselves. But new IPPR analysis of cohort data sets - of women born in different generations since 1958 - shows that there has been a decline in the number of women 'marrying up' over the last 40 years combined with a small increase in women 'marrying down'. There are now more 'marrying down', than 'marrying up'. The biggest increase however, has been in the number of people who choose to marry within their own social class.

silverharp

mzungu wrote: »

Second paragraph in the link would have been the better one to go with on my part!

Here it is:

In the post-war period of rising social mobility, women increasingly married men who were both older and in a higher social class than themselves. But new IPPR analysis of cohort data sets - of women born in different generations since 1958 - shows that there has been a decline in the number of women 'marrying up' over the last 40 years combined with a small increase in women 'marrying down'. There are now more 'marrying down', than 'marrying up'. The biggest increase however, has been in the number of people who choose to marry within their own social class.

the older part it true for sure there was normally 5 to 10 difference in my parents generation.

"marrying up" for the last few decades has been reduced to income mostly. I still picture the UK as as always being tiered , a woman born with a cockney accent would unlikely end up with someone with an oxbridge accent but yeah there would be a big variation in the middle
Today if you take the high end, a female doctor for example cant really marry up anymore its either going to be a male doctor from college or work or someone who earns something comparable which is a challenge. A high earning man wont care so much what his future wife might earn but will likely want someone that is around his level socially if not higher. everyone else is in a broad middle or working class.

H3llR4iser

There's a bit of an issue with the concept of going "up" and "down" socially nowadays, in the fact that the social "levels" or even "classes" are not so easy to define, unless we talk exclusively about financial earnings.

We can have people from a modest background going up to be doctors, solicitors and so on; a Degree doesn't necessarily mean "culture", there are plenty of monumentally ignorant people with a third level qualification and equally plenty of extremely cultured individuals with only a leaving cert or less.

Some particularly brilliant or gifted individuals will manage to access high paying, highly skilled jobs even without an Academic curriculum, especially on the technical side of things; Other fields of employment require extensive training but not necessarily a third level degree - would a doctor really "marry down" by being with, say, an airline pilot who has no degree but earns 100k+ / year?

silverharp

H3llR4iser wrote: »

Some particularly brilliant or gifted individuals will manage to access high paying, highly skilled jobs even without an Academic curriculum, especially on the technical side of things; Other fields of employment require extensive training but not necessarily a third level degree - would a doctor really "marry down" by being with, say, an airline pilot who has no degree but earns 100k+ / year?

absolutely there are jobs out there that have a lot of status Pilot would be an example. and No would be the answer, chances are though as men dont really judge women on their careers, our pilot wouldnt have any reason to pick someone just because they were a doctor. He being high paid and working odd hours would have a preference for someone that would keep reasonable hours and a doctor wouldnt be it by a long shot.

Creol1

H3llR4iser wrote: »

There's a bit of an issue with the concept of going "up" and "down" socially nowadays, in the fact that the social "levels" or even "classes" are not so easy to define, unless we talk exclusively about financial earnings.

We can have people from a modest background going up to be doctors, solicitors and so on; a Degree doesn't necessarily mean "culture", there are plenty of monumentally ignorant people with a third level qualification and equally plenty of extremely cultured individuals with only a leaving cert or less.

Some particularly brilliant or gifted individuals will manage to access high paying, highly skilled jobs even without an Academic curriculum, especially on the technical side of things; Other fields of employment require extensive training but not necessarily a third level degree - would a doctor really "marry down" by being with, say, an airline pilot who has no degree but earns 100k+ / year?

It's true that social class isn't easy to define in a precise way, but I definitely wouldn't paint it as being as fluid as you do. There would certainly be very, very few people from unskilled backgrounds who would become doctors or solicitors.

FloatingVoter

Deleted User wrote: »

I think that view is a bit naive. Children are very expensive. Not everyone has family who can help out. If I got pregnant in the morning it would be a very very difficult road ahead. Baby would be sleeping in a drawer and wearing my old dolls dresses.

Tripped over this thread and don't mean to interrupt. But somewhere up there, Sue Townsend is writing the book. I'm seeing baby Roy Keane in Barbie dresses.

zcorpian88

Creol1 wrote: »

Do you ever signal your interest by adding someone to your favourites? It can be quite deflating if you write a nice message and get ignored so that's what I tend to do, but it doesn't seem to be that popular.

Saving to favourites sends a signal on the app? that's news to me, something in my head says that didn't do a thing, my favourites section is empty actually, I'd try it but to be honest it might be a lost cause.

Actually I think my profile gets the most amounts of hits on a Friday or a Saturday dare I say, and that is 2 or 3 views at the most, seems a weekend thing in my world anyway. And being I'm not in the big smoke, it's damn near impossible to get a date or a f**king reply for that matter if I dare send one. I try not to bother with the stupid lines people fire out, I look for something in their profile and relate to that if I can, and try strike up a conversation that way. I don't want to sound like a corny wanker or a douchebag, it's not me at all!

Surreptitious

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Saving to favourites sends a signal on the app? that's news to me, something in my head says that didn't do a thing, my favourites section is empty actually, I'd try it but to be honest it might be a lost cause.

Actually I think my profile gets the most amounts of hits on a Friday or a Saturday dare I say, and that is 2 or 3 views at the most, seems a weekend thing in my world anyway. And being I'm not in the big smoke, it's damn near impossible to get a date or a f**king reply for that matter if I dare send one. I try not to bother with the stupid lines people fire out, I look for something in their profile and relate to that if I can, and try strike up a conversation that way. I don't want to sound like a corny wanker or a douchebag, it's not me at all!

Do you want an opinion on your profile from a woman who won't judge you?

Creol1

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Saving to favourites sends a signal on the app? that's news to me, something in my head says that didn't do a thing, my favourites section is empty actually, I'd try it but to be honest it might be a lost cause.

Yes, I think so (not favourites on your general toolbar, but there's a mechanism in the site itself).

zcorpian88

Another POF, complaint

I upgraded recently, just to make the experience better I suppose.

Don't know whether to be delighted or a little pissed off about knowing if my messages are read or not.

It'd be great of a lot of these women would read the messages before deleting them! I take the time to write a pleasant message, not patronizing them with cheesy lines and they can't even read it before deleting it, deleting is bad enough but not even reading it?? I can see beside the sent message "unread deleted" seriously makes me want to hop the phone off the wall. I'm happy to read messages even reply to them, even if I'm not into the person.

What the f**k is wrong with some of these women?

tomwaterford

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Another POF, complaint

I upgraded recently, just to make the experience better I suppose.

Don't know whether to be delighted or a little pissed off about knowing if my messages are read or not.

It'd be great of a lot of these women would read the messages before deleting them! I take the time to write a pleasant message, not patronizing them with cheesy lines and they can't even read it before deleting it, deleting is bad enough but not even reading it?? I can see beside the sent message "unread deleted" seriously makes me want to hop the phone off the wall. I'm happy to read messages even reply to them, even if I'm not into the person.

What the f**k is wrong with some of these women?

I wouldn't take it so personally??


Maybe there not in mood to talk and just block deleted msgs,
Maybe they didn't like your pic

Or they were in middle of conversation with someone else and just deleted msgs from everyone else until they got back to the conversation


Sure what of it like....theres plenty more to msg on them sites

Surreptitious

Well to be fair you completely ignored my offer of help so it's essentially the same thing. Not everyone wants to reply to everything.

zcorpian88

Surreptitious wrote: »

Well to be fair you completely ignored my offer of help so it's essentially the same thing. Not everyone wants to reply to everything.

Oh crap, I replied on my phone a few days ago, seriously no bulls**t, I guess it didn't post, I said no thanks anyway. There is an about me in my profile, describes me well, no negatives, I did say I didn't want to go on about achievements, what I do and where I've traveled which seems to be the habit of everyone on POF, I don't like to talk about that because I don't like to look smug like I have something to show and try too hard to get attention on there.

Also went on to say I’m more laid back and black and white and what you see is what you get, I'm a decent guy, I don't like to show off or big myself up in any fashion especially with the written word, I would be the more modest type and I prefer to do that kind of thing more face to face.

and on further to say "I found myself on here to see if there are any nice ladies out there that are up for a hangout for a coffee/lunch/pint etc...and we'll see where it goes. You also don't have to be incredibly academically achieved, you don't have to be super well traveled, that isn't the be all or end all, to me, we would have to have similar values for it to go somewhere and to relate and enjoy each others company and for the personalities to gel, that's really what matters at the end of the day" That's the jist of it, and I have 8 photos up in all.

Sorry if you think I didn't reply Surreptitious

Surreptitious

I would say just to keep on trying. I have been ignored on dating sites too. There's not a whole lot you can do about it except to weed out the fake ones.

zcorpian88

Surreptitious wrote: »

I would say just to keep on trying. I have been ignored on dating sites too. There's not a whole lot you can do about it except to weed out the fake ones.

Lot of fake profiles on there, the phone would go off and stupid o clock in the morning and I'd look, only because it woke me, some half naked asian chick and in the headline "fish4sex.com" or some shyte....before I say "Feck off" and turn my wi-fi off and go back to sleep.

Not too many ones in my locality, and when a nice profile does come up, they can't be arsed replying or delete the message, it's kind of confidence shattering....I'd rather not travel too far for dates, so sick of long distance dates/relationships it's not even funny. A nice local girl bubbly I'd like, where I don't have to spend all day traveling to go see.

Surreptitious

Dating sites are not for the thin skinned. Most men don't reply to me or want to come to my house for sex. I'm very educated, well traveled and independent and not bad looking. I think genuine people get overlooked in favour of flings and easy hook ups. I don't think it's a reflection of you and I wouldn't get riled up over it or you could get frustrated. Most messages I get or 'hi' or 'nice tits'. Says a lot really.

Rekop dog

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Another POF, complaint

I upgraded recently, just to make the experience better I suppose.

Don't know whether to be delighted or a little pissed off about knowing if my messages are read or not.

It'd be great of a lot of these women would read the messages before deleting them! I take the time to write a pleasant message, not patronizing them with cheesy lines and they can't even read it before deleting it, deleting is bad enough but not even reading it?? I can see beside the sent message "unread deleted" seriously makes me want to hop the phone off the wall. I'm happy to read messages even reply to them, even if I'm not into the person.

What the f**k is wrong with some of these women?

Height is one of the biggest deal breakers for women so you're at a disadvantage right off the bat. But there's plenty of small/weedy pick up artists so it's not impossible.

A pleasant message sounds painfully boring too, if they're receiving piles of similar stuff it's easy to overlook. Get creative and try to stand out.

Satriale

Just one thing about ruling people out because they smoke or they've taken a yoke at some stage or theyre fat or short or thin or tall.
I had to do all this the old fashioned way and some of the best relationships/experiences I ever had were with people I'd never have guessed I'd click with in a million years. And I'd never have had those if I clicked "no" off the bat as i surely would have had I the opportunity back then.

Imho if someone is perfect for you in all other respects you'll get over his/her full body Boyzone tattoos.

Surreptitious

Xtasy from me to you :P



You're right, unexpected connections are the best. Don't rule anything out.

impop

zcorpian88, I understand and feel your pain. Same thing here, "unread deleted". POF is not like Okcupid where women can see a bit of the message you're sending before opening it. So, to me the main reason is that they didn't like the picture they see.

I am 6'1", 2 degrees, witty, smart, good-looking, balblablabla, but that's rubbish when you are exposed with just a mini-picture of yourself. Why? Well, In my case I'm shaved/bald and wear a goatee, so they either don't like one, or the other or just my face. Nothing else. Don't get me wrong, I'm strikingly handsome but they just didn't like my pic as I don't like some of theirs. Send your profile pics to your female friends, let them read your profile and come up with suggestions. Helps a lot.

I agree with tomwaterford. The best thing to do is not take it too personally. There are other websites (match, okcupid, bumble app, happn app) and also meetups of every single kind. Keep trying, don't let shallowness take you down. A positive attitude will reflect in your messages.

However, Surreptitious, I'll take your offer if it's still out there

Miquel

Pepe LeFrits

For what it's worth, my experience is that Tinder is considerably better than any of the dating sites I tried. POF etc have no real restrictions on who can message who so it’s a huge waste of time in my view. You’ll spend so much time messaging people who have zero interest, and the women on there likely get bombarded with a huge number of messages. You’ll waste a lot of time on Tinder but nothing like to the same degree, and the response rate is much higher.

zcorpian88

Surreptitious wrote: »

Dating sites are not for the thin skinned. Most men don't reply to me or want to come to my house for sex. I'm very educated, well traveled and independent and not bad looking. I think genuine people get overlooked in favour of flings and easy hook ups. I don't think it's a reflection of you and I wouldn't get riled up over it or you could get frustrated. Most messages I get or 'hi' or 'nice tits'. Says a lot really.

I'm not into hook ups, never have been, never been lucky enough to get a one night stand to begin with, almost feel like (I haven't lived)...but nobody in their right mind floats that way with me anyway. I'd be lucky to get the shift on a night out.

Me, I'm reasonably educated, grounded, not as independent as I want to be, but many a 20 something year old in this country isn't as independent as they want to be, I can cook, clean up after myself, save money, wash my own clothes, pay my bills. That is independent as most people can be I suppose.

Jesus Surreptitious I wouldn't dare say "nice tits" to anyone on POF, I'd have some sort of online decorum, I try to find something in their profile in the "about me" and strike up a conversation about that, or if there is nothing in the "about me"...I'd talk about something else, like a detail in a photo, say if they were on holidays somewhere, or if I see they are from a particular place, if I'm familiar I'd mention that, or if they have hobbies that we have in common that would be an in for me too. Doesn't get me very far though.

You never comment on the person's body, very superficial, big no-no in my book.

And Tinder, I can't stand Tinder, just so so boring!

TPD

It might be going against the grain of the thread, but I'm single and loving it! Have my own place, utter bliss having no human contact after work unless I actively seek it. Head out til all hours at the weekends and nobody checking up on me or worrying about me. Packing in the job and going travelling for a few months in the new year, relocating to a different part of Ireland afterwards. Don't think I'd be able for half that if I was in a relationship, at least not without some serious discussions!

Mister Vain

You don't have to worry about things like Valentines day either. Even the thought of writing out a card makes me shudder. I'm terrible at expressing myself.

OCEANIC FIZZY POP NINE

Is your youth wasted having never had one night stands/casual sex?