Single life as a guy...

Dr Crayfish

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Still doing the POF thing, got talking to this nice girl, couple of years younger than me, she's 24, doesn't live far from me, seems intelligent enough but not pretentious about it, very pretty too. One down side, she has a kid, a baby by the sound of it.

Was messaging her most of last weekend, great conversations, she thinks I should be a writer or a journalist going by how well my profile is written and how descriptive and very funny my messages are, she also said I have lovely blue eyes, still drops me the odd message throughout the week, like one off messages, then I reply, but she doesn't read the reply and message back herself for a day or two. Her kid is sick at the minute apparently anyway plus she's working and doing a course. The father isn't in the picture, complete scumbag (her words) that jumped ship when she fell pregnant.

Her profile is nice, I get the very driven and grounded vibe from her when we do message. If it did materialize, it'd be mad going out with someone with a kid, never did before. Wonder what my family and friends would think if anything happened. I like kids but never went out with anyone with one, like I'd wonder what would happen if the dad came back into the picture, awkwardness.

You're already imagining domestic scenarios with someone you've never even met lol. One step at a time brah

zcorpian88

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

You're already imagining domestic scenarios with someone you've never even met lol. One step at a time brah

Oh I know like, but she spilled enough personal stuff in the first heap of messages, something you wouldn't expect from the first few messages, like calling the father of her kid "scum" and so on, wouldn't expect anything like that unless I managed to sort of gain a bit of favour or some sort of "online trust" or whatever you want to call it.

She's kind of cool anyway, liked the profile, sounds like the kind of woman I'd date, have a good bit in common and the only one I've been consistently messaging, there was this one in Galway I was messaging too for a bit, she was ok too and a good laugh but Galway is too out of the way for me, done the long distance thing before, it gets to be a pain in the hole after a while. LDR's are not worth the trouble, learned my lesson, never break yourself for anyone that won't do the same for you.

Surreptitious

I would be fair wary of that telling you stuff in the first messages. The father of her baby dumped her recently and she doesn't sound to be over it. You could be a rebound gesture. I might be all wrong but be careful all the same.

Dr Crayfish

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Oh I know like, but she spilled enough personal stuff in the first heap of messages, something you wouldn't expect from the first few messages, like calling the father of her kid "scum" and so on, wouldn't expect anything like that unless I managed to sort of gain a bit of favour or some sort of "online trust" or whatever you want to call it.

She's kind of cool anyway, liked the profile, sounds like the kind of woman I'd date, have a good bit in common and the only one I've been consistently messaging, there was this one in Galway I was messaging too for a bit, she was ok too and a good laugh but Galway is too out of the way for me, done the long distance thing before, it gets to be a pain in the hole after a while. LDR's are not worth the trouble, learned my lesson, never break yourself for anyone that won't do the same for you.

Seriously she sounds cray cray to me already. Anyway, if you do meet her, keep us filled in here, I think it could be very entertaining reading!

Carlos Orange

Telling a random stranger the father of her child is scum doesn't seem like the best sign.......

bucketybuck

You know, in a job interview its seen as very poor form to criticise your old job, no matter how crappy the old company was. If asked, you don't go on about how evil your old boss was or start explaining the illegal things they were doing, instead you just say you learned a lot there but it was time to move on. Its a sign of professionalism, shows that you are not into drama or telling tales.

Its good advice. And it also applies to dating. If your date immediately starts talking about exes or worse if she starts slagging off her exes then you should tread very carefully.

zcorpian88

Well I do know she hasn't dated since he left and she wanted to start on there.

I didn't ask how old the baby was yet, I didn't want to get too personal with her over that just yet, like if she mentioned the child, I'd be like "aww that's sweet" or whatever and I'd mention something I could relate to over what she said because I have a newborn niece and I'm getting my practice with children with her right now so I can make her laugh with that kind of stuff, plus other domestic stuff I've had going on this week. Going by the messages I think her child is very very young, I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't a year old yet, like she mentioned putting her down for a nap so I took it she was very small. Sounds like she's a good mother, must be tough looking after her alone. Lot of guys doing that, pissing off as soon as their partner is pregnant, just a scummy thing to do, I think she is allowed to say it if she wants to I suppose, I can imagine it being a really s**t experience and POF is riddled with single mothers I've noticed in the last fortnight or so. Beginning to think do any lads hang around at all anymore?

Yeah I wasn't expecting the "scum" comment, I didn't even know how to reply to it, I had to think and I said "I'm sure you do more than enough to compensate for her Dad not being around and I'm sure your family are super there for you also" and so on, tried to make her feel a bit better about it. Think I succeeded anyway.

bucketybuck

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Well I do know she hasn't dated since he left and she wanted to start on there.

I didn't ask how old the baby was yet, I didn't want to get too personal with her over that just yet, like if she mentioned the child, I'd be like "aww that's sweet" or whatever and I'd mention something I could relate to over what she said because I have a newborn niece and I'm getting my practice with children with her right now so I can make her laugh with that kind of stuff, plus other domestic stuff I've had going on this week. Going by the messages I think her child is very very young, I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't a year old yet, like she mentioned putting her down for a nap so I took it she was very small. Sounds like she's a good mother, must be tough looking after her alone. Lot of guys doing that, pissing off as soon as their partner is pregnant, just a scummy thing to do, I think she is allowed to say it if she wants to I suppose, I can imagine it being a really s**t experience and POF is riddled with single mothers I've noticed in the last fortnight or so. Beginning to think do any lads hang around at all anymore?

Yeah I wasn't expecting the "scum" comment, I didn't even know how to reply to it, I had to think and I said "I'm sure you do more than enough to compensate for her Dad not being around and I'm sure your family are super there for you also" and so on, tried to make her feel a bit better about it. Think I succeeded anyway.

You sound as if you already think its your job to do the right thing and be there to help the poor single mom who is having a hard time. Don't fall into that trap, if you continue to be in contact do it because you genuinely want to find out more about her, not because she has a kid and her ex was a scumbag.

zcorpian88

bucketybuck wrote: »

You sound as if you already think its your job to do the right thing and be there to help the poor single mom who is having a hard time. Don't fall into that trap, if you continue to be in contact do it because you genuinely want to find out more about her, not because she has a kid and her ex was a scumbag.

Oh of course not, like I feel bad she's had a rough time of it, but yeah I do want to find out more about her, never been into single mother's before but I might break the mould here. I'll see what happens, she's kind of inconsistent with being online and whatnot, busy with the child I reckon, plus she says she works and is doing a course, she's a pretty busy gal.

njs030

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Oh of course not, like I feel bad she's had a rough time of it, but yeah I do want to find out more about her, never been into single mother's before but I might break the mould here. I'll see what happens, she's kind of inconsistent with being online and whatnot, busy with the child I reckon, plus she says she works and is doing a course, she's a pretty busy gal.

She was talking about her ex within the first few messages? Oh I forsee drama......

zcorpian88

Santa Cola wrote: »

Do you really want to be with someone who made the life choices that resulted in them calling the Father of their child scum?

Well to be fair, a lot of guys can seem like butter wouldn't melt in the beginning and even stay that way for some time, guys can be a wolf in sheep's clothing, her longest relationship was 4 years, it's on her profile, she's mid through her 20s now, this guy I would imagine was the guy she was with for 4 years and is the father of the child, could have been a generally grand relationship until there is a long term responsibility/obligation put in front of this guy and he cowardly ran for the hills from it.

People do stupid things when they're young, Like I did some stupid thing's in my early 20's, well I never knocked up anyone, hell I couldn't get laid in my early 20's!
Could have been any reason for the child to come along, condom broke, pill failed to work for the reasons the pill sometimes doesn't work (it happens) She could have taken an antibiotic while on the pill (some people don't know that makes the pill inaffective) maybe she herself forgot the pill or didn't take the pill at the time she was supposed to take it, she could have had that bar in her arm, I hear sometimes that thing doesn't work.

She doesn't seem like the type of young single mother that is kind of rough around the edges and doesn't care about whatever happens to her and did/does what she likes and doesn't think of the consequences she actually seems reasonably intelligent and seems quite driven and hardworking for her age, I'd even go as far to say she seems more driven than myself, maybe the child and her circumstances helped to get her this way. I haven't met her yet but her messages are articulate enough for me to come to that conclusion.

I think she to be honest met a fella, fell for the guy, he hung around a few years, he didn't do anything extreme to get himself dumped, probably had the "charismastic bad boy thing going on" or had some sort of lure on her.... he eventually got her pregnant and when push came to shove to step up and be responsible, he legged it. Now she has to be clever enough to be 2 parents for the child. Sad fact of life really.

Oh and "notjustsweet" she mentioned him once at the end of one of the messages, that was it, and I just said something nice to make her feel better about it, every other message was just light hearted stuff, domestic shyte, and jokes and stuff. Light and breezy.

bucketybuck

My armchair psychologist says that you are rationalising. Take that for what its worth, but thats what seems to be coming across strong in your posts.

Rory28

OP just go out with her and see how you get on. All this nonsense about what she is doing means little until you actually go out with her. Assess the situation after a few dates if that even happens.

cee_jay

zcorpian88 you are coming up with excuses for this woman, and building up a picture of her in your head - which may or may not match reality. You haven't even met her yet.
Don't make her into something that she is not. You have no idea of her background or the circumstances of her pregnancy, yet have this major story built up. That's not very healthy. Take a step back and take things at face value.

njs030

zcorpian88 wrote: »

this guy I would imagine was the guy she was with for 4 years and is the father of the child, could have been a generally grand relationship until there is a long term responsibility/obligation put in front of this guy and he cowardly ran for the hills from it.

Could have been any reason for the child to come along, condom broke, pill failed to work for the reasons the pill sometimes doesn't work (it happens) She could have taken an antibiotic while on the pill (some people don't know that makes the pill inaffective) maybe she herself forgot the pill or didn't take the pill at the time she was supposed to take it, she could have had that bar in her arm, I hear sometimes that thing doesn't work.

She doesn't seem like the type of young single mother that is kind of rough around the edges and doesn't care about whatever happens to her and did/does what she likes and doesn't think of the consequences she actually seems reasonably intelligent and seems quite driven and hardworking for her age, I'd even go as far to say she seems more driven than myself, maybe the child and her circumstances helped to get her this way. I haven't met her yet but her messages are articulate enough for me to come to that conclusion.

I think she to be honest met a fella, fell for the guy, he hung around a few years, he didn't do anything extreme to get himself dumped, probably had the "charismastic bad boy thing going on" or had some sort of lure on her.... he eventually got her pregnant and when push came to shove to step up and be responsible, he legged it. Now she has to be clever enough to be 2 parents for the child. Sad fact of life really.

Oh and "notjustsweet" she mentioned him once at the end of one of the messages, that was it, and I just said something nice to make her feel better about it, every other message was just light hearted stuff, domestic shyte, and jokes and stuff. Light and breezy.

This all guessing and assumptions based on nothing more than a few messages and an idea in your head of what you'd like her to be.

It's just as likely that the child is the result of her getting pregnant on purpose to force a commitment that someone didn't want and it hasn't worked out how she wanted.Or a one night stand, or her being irresponsible etc. The father may desperately want to know his child and she could be demanding money or refusing out of sheer spite.

All you know is what she's choosing to tell you and that she's the type of woman to call the father of her child scum when talking to a stranger. That's pretty harsh.

professore

zcorpian88 wrote: »

her longest relationship was 4 years, it's on her profile,

Ah it must be true so. Otherwise she would have put "25 guys and counting - whose next?" on her profile.

Holy mother of Jaysus.

Zcorpian meet the girl for a drink and see how it goes. Nobody here has a clue about the type of woman she is or her circumstances.

lawred2

Is this how kids do it these days?

Mister Vain

I once mentioned that the most I ever spent on a date was 20 euro and people went mad and called me a tight arse. It was only a coffee or a couple of drinks though. I was a bit shocked to discover that a lot of people were spending upwards of 100 euro on one date. Seems like an awful lot to me.

zcorpian88

Deleted User wrote: »

Holy mother of Jaysus.

Zcorpian meet the girl for a drink and see how it goes. Nobody here has a clue about the type of woman she is or her circumstances.

I would if she'd stay on the app for longer than 5 minutes so I can build up to asking. It was only like last Thursday through to Monday I was messaging her, got like 2 messages since then, one of them was yesterday and I replied, she went offline in the moment I replied, the message is unread at the moment.

She does keep very busy so I'd imagine she just hasn't had a minute to look at the app. She keeps busy plus it's coming up to the silly season, hard to find a minute to scratch yourself. Ball is in her court if she wants to pick up where we left off anyway.

zcorpian88

Mister Vain wrote: »

I once mentioned that the most I ever spent on a date was 20 euro and people went mad and called me a tight arse. It was only a coffee or a couple of drinks though. I was a bit shocked to discover that a lot of people were spending upwards of 100 euro on one date. Seems like an awful lot to me.

Date number 1 should only cost 20 in my head anyway, 100 euro on the first few dates is madness, first date should be casual and to break the ice, something more flashy should come after, like a nice meal, pub grub for example, 35-40 euro with maybe the cinema after if you'd like to extend the date. 100 euro dates should only be if you're actually serious about the person. F**king hell 100 euro, what recession eh?

SarahMollie

Mister Vain wrote: »

I once mentioned that the most I ever spent on a date was 20 euro and people went mad and called me a tight arse. It was only a coffee or a couple of drinks though. I was a bit shocked to discover that a lot of people were spending upwards of 100 euro on one date. Seems like an awful lot to me.

As a woman, I've no issue wtih this. Actually my first date with my OH we went to a normal "old man pub" and had I'd say 4 drinks each, he got the first round and then I got the second and so on.... Probably did cost about €20-25 each I guess.

We didn't go out for a formal meal until our third of fourth date when we were obviously quite comfortable with each other and having enough to talk about wasnt a worry. The thoughts of dinner on a first date is really stressful IMO, I was always much happier to keep it simple, and then if that goes well, then dinner could happen another time.

cantdecide

Anyone have any experiences of speed dating? I'm thinking about giving it a go,

jackofalltrades

cantdecide wrote: »

Anyone have any experiences of speed dating? I'm thinking about giving it a go,

Did it once, had about eighteen 3 minute long dates.
It's a really good way of seeing if you have chemistry with someone.
And if you don't you only have to create small talk for a minute or two.
When it finished everyone went to the local pub and the craic continued.
Got a few matches out of it and a date as well.
Just like online dating though you do get time wasters and attention seekers.

carrollsno1

Well lads hope this is the right thread to post in. I've been single most of my life used to get around a bit after my leaving cert and college (very early 20s at the moment so I'm not an oldie). I suppose 2 years ago after college I went across the pond for work and lived a fairly isolated life. Came back around this time last year a few stone heavier than when I left, now I'm a good bit leaner but that's still a work in progress for the moment. This time last year I found it hard to talk to people because i was so isolated over there but now I'm completely different i would talk to most people and have an actual conversation with them. Since I'm home I've became a leader in a group which is being recognised at a national level of the organisation ive made about 15 new good friends through this organisation across the country in the last few months. I've taken up new sports going to the gym and even jiving to keep meeting new people but i suppose im just looking for advice on how to get back in the saddle because tis been a good while since I was ever really with a girl I think it's mainly because I lack confidence and write myself off the whole time. I've tried apps like tinder and pof but to no avail. I'm useless in our local nightclub as it's mainly a cockfest or full of absolute d#ckheads, the lads keep saying to me you just have to lock in and all that craic I used to be at that myself but I just can't get my head around it anymore. Another problem is people think I look around 30 and that's a problem in itself when your trying to pull women in there early 20s lads can't understand how I'm not pulling like before either so lads any advice on how to improve my confidence and get back in the saddle btw I have stable job where the hours are long but the pay is good sorry about the long post

fire_man

I would like some a advice as a single dad who is looking to date women again.Im single a number of years but lacking confidence to ask girls out as I fear rejection.Anyone in same boat and how you dealt with dating again.

zcorpian88

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Seriously she sounds cray cray to me already. Anyway, if you do meet her, keep us filled in here, I think it could be very entertaining reading!

Hey I'm back, messaged here earlier about the possibility of going out with someone with a child.

Was messaging her on pof for a while, since got her snapchat and was messaging her for most of December but the messages have gotten better and way more consistent since I would say Christmas week. Pretty much every day since Christmas week, she sends me a lot of pretty snaps of herself and telling me what she's up to, she wants to meet me later this week and it's looking like Wednesday (hopefully) she insisted she wanted to come down and meet me which was nice of her, I'd have been happy to go up to her, she's not too far away, but she I think is afraid of being seen because she lives in a small town and you know the way village people can't keep their noses out of peoples business and gossip. Probably if it was any other time of the year I'd have met her sooner but with the Christmas pandemonium she was busy.

She said and I quote though.... I have to be honest with you tho I really like talking to you it's why I want to meet you but I'm actually not sure if I'm ready for anything more then friends I was thinking of deleting this profile and we could just keep talking .... I really wouldn't want to lead you on but I do really like you if you know what I mean" So make of that what you will...

Conversations have been great, I make her laugh, she makes me laugh, told me about some rough things that went on with her, family stuff, some of it very personal and pretty bad, have had very similar stuff happen in my own family even, she told me more about the father of her child, he's a right bollocks and treated her like absolute dirt, some of the stuff she said about him boggled the mind, he still takes the child for short visits but never overnight visits and does f**k all with her, while she was pregnant he wasn't bothered to get out of bed to accompany her to her scans even when she had some complications during the pregnancy, he swiped her bank card and spent nearly all her savings which was a couple of grand, mostly on stupid shyte...an Xbox and big slap up meals out, car parts for his Dad's car and other stuff. And he wasn't even working himself, she only realized the money was gone when she went to get oil for her house and there wasn't enough in the account! And himself rather than stay in a cold house to sleep, he f**ked off back to his parents warm house to sleep and left her.

And when she left him he went bananas telling her nobody will want her because she'll be looked as a desperate single mother and guys will just use her for sex. God you couldn't make any of this up.

He has even stalked her house a couple of times recently but she can't prove it and he spits venimous malicuous stuff at her saying she's a slut and sleeping with everyone and he can't bear to look at her now, playing the victim, sounds pretty deluded and f**ked up and she said to me she hasn't slept with anyone since him, over 2 years like. She has had no time to see anyone between work, college and minding the child. Think she needs to be as far away from this guy as possible and he's the whole time taking her to court over the child only because he can over visits yet he won't put his hand in his pocket to buy nappies or wipes. The guy is like Satan in my mind, he gives her a very hard time.

Pretty complex but still want to go ahead with it, she seems too nice not to mention attractive to not meet like. I'm super nervous, actually want to get my ass to the gym and run off everything I ate at Christmas, she's very attractive, I'd hate to be a let down. Freaking out a bit, like if it does go somewhere, telling my folks will be interesting. I still live at home myself and so does she since she broke it off with yer man but she's trying to rectify her situation. I actually tried to help her with her housing situation as she told me there is a bit of friction at home and it's for a few different reasons and I gave her a TD's number that might help her with the process of setting her up with some form of place of her own. There was some argument at home over space and it didn't sound good at all so I told her about this person that could help her out.

Surreptitious

So she tells you her life story and then only wants to be friends with you. Take it handy with her I'd say in case you get hurt.

zcorpian88

Surreptitious wrote: »

So she tells you her life story and then only wants to be friends with you. Take it handy with her I'd say in case you get hurt.

Oh we had a laugh in between but yeah there was some intense stuff in there about this guy and her family troubles, sibling trouble and her own parents broke up kind of recently, she seems to have a good head on her shoulders despite her own hardship and misfortune. She's flirty in messages too and even gives me love hearts before she goes to bed, I never know the right "text ettiquete" when messaging someone online and do the love hearts mean the person is into you

Oh yeah I even had some funny messages about sex (she started it now) was kind of weird being I haven't met her (it's never happened before with me anyway) but I gave her a laugh with it but brought it back to Earth and said sex is about the bonding and it's only really good and at it's best when you really click with the person....and all that kind of thing which is true, I was never one for sleeping around.

This will be the most interesting date I've had in years I'd say.

njs030

What makes you think it's a date? She's said she only wants to be friends and seems to want someone to talk to and lay all her troubles on. That's not really how people act when they want to impress someone.

Don't rush in because she's the first person you've liked that's seemed interested. It screams drama and trouble.