Single life as a guy...

zcorpian88

Cotts72 wrote: »

Zcorpian Im cringing reading your responses to all these questions.In my opinion you've messaged your way into the friendzone. its not normal to just "chat" this long and not have some bit of a meetup if there was mutual interest there. I was messaging a girl in December and we managed to set aside time to meet up 4 days before Xmas eventhough we were both working. youve invested way too much time and thought in this. Quit thinking up the names of ye're future children,drop the excuses and Pull the plug! Keep your sanity

Hey all, Jesus a lot of flak here I'm getting.

Good news, yesterday afternoon she messaged me, she was on her way home from an interview today and she was passing my area on the way back home so I met her for a hot chocolate this afternoon for about an hour and a half. She seems very nice, we had a laugh, I could sense some nerves on her end, was a bit nervous myself, might be meeting next week, she's got work, college an interview and some christening to attend so she'll let me know.

Surreptitious

Glad to hear it son. Do you think something will come of it all?

zcorpian88

Surreptitious wrote: »

Glad to hear it son. Do you think something will come of it all?

Hard to tell, we had fun, made her laugh a lot, way prettier in person, she did say she wants to come down again for a bit longer, she was only breezing through, she had to get back to the child, she left her with the dad.

Get this, he doesn't really take the child at all, and when she left the child over to him before she left for this interview, he was giving out that he had to cancel a get together with his new partner in order to take the child. (Oh my heart bleeds....clown! Somebody get him a violin)

Rekop dog

The way she's confiding in you over all the things her ex does wrong does sound like you're friedzoned. Nobody babbles on about their ex if they're on a date if they've any interest in romantically perusing the other person.

Regardless even in the slim event she is interested her situation sounds very messy, and with the endless supply of options out their you'd be insane or very desperate to get involved here.

njs030

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Hard to tell, we had fun, made her laugh a lot, way prettier in person, she did say she wants to come down again for a bit longer, she was only breezing through, she had to get back to the child, she left her with the dad.

Get this, he doesn't really take the child at all, and when she left the child over to him before she left for this interview, he was giving out that he had to cancel a get together with his new partner in order to take the child. (Oh my heart bleeds....clown! Somebody get him a violin)

That's good news, maybe stop talking about her ex though. Let her bitch about him to her friends or family.

There is two sides to every story and the other side is he obviously had plans and as far as you know she demanded he take the child at the very last minute. He did cancel his plans for his child, some would have said no.
Maybe try to avoid the ex rants and steer the subject elsewhere so she might view you as a date more than a friend eventually?

bucketybuck

zcorpian88 wrote: »

made her laugh a lot

Did she make you laugh, or is this still all about her?

SarahMollie

notjustsweet wrote: »

There is two sides to every story and the other side is he obviously had plans and as far as you know she demanded he take the child at the very last minute. He did cancel his plans for his child, some would have said no.
Maybe try to avoid the ex rants and steer the subject elsewhere so she might view you as a date more than a friend eventually?

This is a really good point. I think whats frustrating a lot of people here is your lack of any critical thinking when it comes to this girl. You take everything she says as gospel regardless of the fact that you only met her for the first time yesterday. You seem too involved and too invested.

The old saying "theres his side, her side and the truth" should be your mantra here. There is always an alternative view point and you should watch how biased your thinking has become. I also agree that the more time spent talking about her ex, the less likely this situation will lead anywhere romantic.

Wibbs

notjustsweet wrote: »

That's good news, maybe stop talking about her ex though. Let her bitch about him to her friends or family.

+1000. This alone, this early in, even if it was going romantic, would be a major red flag for me and an almost guaranteed "Nope". Consider this; the majority of people put their best side forward when they're romantically interested. If this is her best side, what would she be like in a long term relationship?

Bringing this stuff up means either a) she's nowhere near over this stuff and/or b)(and more likely) the only bodily contact in play is your shoulder for her to cry on. In your position and putting it more crudely, I'd be thinking I don't want to snog your baggage. TBH no man with self regard and dating choice would.

zcorpian88

Bucketybuck: Yeah she made me laugh too, lots of random funny stories she crammed into the hour and a half. And I had one's of a similar relatable nature which in turn got laughs.

Repok dog and notsjustsweet: She only mentioned the ex in the first few minutes and that was just the difficulty she had getting him to take the child, she was told about this interview a week ago and she gave him plenty of notice, he has a fairly sedantry piss easy job so it's not like he hadn't the energy to take her. Being honest, going on what I already know about this dude I'd be reluctant to let him see the child at all, but that's just my opinion. The courts have her hands kind of tied with this, he only takes the child when he feels like it, and if she won't let him see her he takes her to court just because he can, and when he is given opportunities to see her, he complains. And he apparently goes on to people in his area like he's the proud father type yet in reality he's nothing more than an absentminded gobshyte.

I get what you guys are saying though, but I can't help but feel bad for her when she went into detail about what she went through, she thinks more for the childs benefit than herself really, she said very little about it when she was there with me in the flesh, I had a good time with her, even if nothing comes of it, it still will go down as a good first meeting in my book. If I get more out of it, it's a plus.

tomwaterford

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Repok dog and notsjustsweet: She only mentioned the ex in the first few minutes and that was just the difficulty she had getting him to take the child, she was told about this interview a week ago and she gave him plenty of notice, he has a fairly sedantry piss easy job so it's not like he hadn't the energy to take her. Being honest, going on what I already know about this dude I'd be reluctant to let him see the child at all, but that's just my opinion..

Even if you do happen to make a go of seeing this wan....sTayl well outta deciding/influenceing whether the father sees the kid or not

That's a massive hole in which no good will come of getting involved in

Ash.J.Williams

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Bucketybuck: Yeah she made me laugh too, lots of random funny stories she crammed into the hour and a half. And I had one's of a similar relatable nature which in turn got laughs.

Repok dog and notsjustsweet: She only mentioned the ex in the first few minutes and that was just the difficulty she had getting him to take the child, she was told about this interview a week ago and she gave him plenty of notice, he has a fairly sedantry piss easy job so it's not like he hadn't the energy to take her. Being honest, going on what I already know about this dude I'd be reluctant to let him see the child at all, but that's just my opinion. The courts have her hands kind of tied with this, he only takes the child when he feels like it, and if she won't let him see her he takes her to court just because he can, and when he is given opportunities to see her, he complains. And he apparently goes on to people in his area like he's the proud father type yet in reality he's nothing more than an absentminded gobshyte.

I get what you guys are saying though, but I can't help but feel bad for her when she went into detail about what she went through, she thinks more for the childs benefit than herself really, she said very little about it when she was there with me in the flesh, I had a good time with her, even if nothing comes of it, it still will go down as a good first meeting in my book. If I get more out of it, it's a plus.

As an estranged /highly involved father myself.l would say no court will grant "custody when he feels like it" to any man... And no judge would take one seriously... Structure is the only way... Be careful dude... "I'm sorry judge but his attitude to access is upsetting the childs routine" then it's back in her court.... Obviously don't mention this to her..

Galwayguy35

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Bucketybuck: Yeah she made me laugh too, lots of random funny stories she crammed into the hour and a half. And I had one's of a similar relatable nature which in turn got laughs.

Repok dog and notsjustsweet: She only mentioned the ex in the first few minutes and that was just the difficulty she had getting him to take the child, she was told about this interview a week ago and she gave him plenty of notice, he has a fairly sedantry piss easy job so it's not like he hadn't the energy to take her. Being honest, going on what I already know about this dude I'd be reluctant to let him see the child at all, but that's just my opinion. The courts have her hands kind of tied with this, he only takes the child when he feels like it, and if she won't let him see her he takes her to court just because he can, and when he is given opportunities to see her, he complains. And he apparently goes on to people in his area like he's the proud father type yet in reality he's nothing more than an absentminded gobshyte.

I get what you guys are saying though, but I can't help but feel bad for her when she went into detail about what she went through, she thinks more for the childs benefit than herself really, she said very little about it when she was there with me in the flesh, I had a good time with her, even if nothing comes of it, it still will go down as a good first meeting in my book. If I get more out of it, it's a plus.

You're badmouthing someone you have never met on a public forum based on information given to you by someone you have been messaging and have met in person just once.

And now you've decided he's a bad father?

You're assuming the worst about a person based on second hand information from someone you barely know.

daisybelle2008

zcorpian88 wrote: »

I can't help but feel bad for her when she went into detail about what she went through.

Have you told her what you 'went through' with your last two exes? Sounds like theres a lot to bond over. You might enjoy badmouthing your exes together, but two sides to every story and all that. Your view of your exes would seem unreasonable and unfairly negative to most. I'd be careful of jumping on her exhating bandwagon, you'll really have your hands full.

Stigura

:eek: Jesus wept! No comment on all That stuff!

Actually answering the original question that started this thread, long, long ago .....

I'm a Born Again Single. Have been for, ohhhhh ..... Must be fifteen years now? Love It!!!

Honestly; I couldn't have a women (or even a male housemate) around me now for all the tea in China. In fact, on average, I can tolerate casual human company, around my home, for no more than about an hour a day. Then I start getting fidgety.

And I Have tested all this too. I fell in with some chick, in england. We exchanged comments on a forum. Got matey. Took it to PM. Web cam. We got on so well, I invited her over with an open idea that she might move over here and share my home. (She was being slung out by her landlord)

She drove a junker motor that looked like a land fill inside. I loathed seeing that wreck parked outside my gate.

She had a Saluki bred lurker, with which she determined to run every hare in the country. People respect the hare, round here.

She hated spiders. I Like my spiders! I smile to see one scuttling across my wall. They kill flies. She'd be stalking my spiders with a rolled up news paper?!

And so on and so forth. She went back, with visions of inviting all her friends over, with a trailer. Which they would unhitch at the end of 'That meadow'. (That being my friend and neighbours meadow! An extremely fastidious neighbour). I was already getting different ideas.

But, the Real deal breaker was much simpler: A day or two later, I was standing out in my compound, gazing down across the river field. Content in my solitude. When, in my minds ear, I heard:

" Stiiiguuuuraaaaa ....? "

And I saw myself scowling, distressed, as I spun round and answered; " What?! " My peace and tranquillity shattered. For ever!

No. F**k That. Not for Anything. I'm happy with my creatures now. No other person has anything to offer that I want. Thanks.

dustyrip

What happened zcorpian88?

zcorpian88

dustyrip wrote: »

What happened zcorpian88?

F**k all really, think she really isn't able to do dating again with her college, work and look after her kid lifestyle. She drops me a text every so often to see how I'm getting on, sometimes I drop her a text, that's it really. Asked her does she want to meet up again a few times and she always has some excuse so I'm not bothered anymore.