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Cringe worthy moments.

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    #62
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    The Diabolical Monocle wrote: »
    Hoover attachment ?

    Yeah Ive several hundred seriously cringe worthy moments, they're of such a level of douchebag chills that they're not going on here.

    One for illustration purposes though....had this English g/f ..oh christ... she came over to visit me, picked her up at the airport went back to gaff, I thought it would be oh so ironically funny, cause Im a funny funny guy, to lift her up like a bride and carry her in the door (shudder)... then I couldn't even manage to carry her in.

    (and thats a fairly tame one)

    she later dumped me, cant think why.

    If you can't lift them don't shift them!


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    #63
    The Diabolical Monocle
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,618 ✭✭✭The Diabolical Monocle


    Spare a thought for these fvckers when it hits them.

    http://i.imgur.com/LrUV7.jpg

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MPvDBGrKaXc/SnOcc9FNFuI/AAAAAAAAAsQ/ZP7oiydR8Vg/s400/guido-prom3.jpg

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MPvDBGrKaXc/SnOccbxta2I/AAAAAAAAAsA/G8BRJsaKNhw/s400/guido-prom1.jpg


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    #64
    MonstaMash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,443 ✭✭✭MonstaMash


    As a young enebriated Monsta at a house party, I was in my friends jax relieving myself (urinating, you dirty minded fookahs), pulled up the fly & caught the auld sack in the heavy duty zip that Wrangler jeans had before buttons...

    My friends sister, a very attractive young nurse, came to my assistance, much to the eager delight of my over-sexed todger, who insisted on standing to attention in close proximity to one so fair thus increasing the pain/cringe threshold to maximum...morto I tells ya :eek: :o:D


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    #65
    yawhat!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 970 ✭✭✭yawhat!


    A friend didn't have any johnnies so he told us he tried to use a plastic bag and your wan left. Was scuttered he was too!


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    #66
    WoollyRedHat
    Registered Users Posts: 10,462 ✭✭✭✭WoollyRedHat


    Kelly06 wrote: »
    No way hose!!!!

    Do you go around trying to rob places with vibrators, is that what you do?


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    #67
    Mint Aero
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,570 ✭✭✭Mint Aero


    Un Croissant wrote: »
    3. An A&E nurse calling me a f**king idiot for waiting nine months to admit a since diagnosed serious issue with my 'back passage'.

    So AH, spill.

    What was wrong with your back passage OP?


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    #68
    Un Croissant
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,052 ✭✭✭Un Croissant


    For all those asking about my purple starfish,I have ulcers from head to hole. The doctor first suspected cancer in my bowel so the nurse chastised me for letting myself lose a lot of blood daily.


    The more you know.


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    #69
    vitani
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,824 ✭✭✭vitani


    Princess Peach wrote: »
    Somebody said happy birthday to me and then I said "Thanks, you too."

    Haunts me!

    I do this all the time. 'Here's your coffee. Enjoy.' 'Oh thanks, you too.' *dies*

    Or 'Hi vitani.' 'Good, how are you?'


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    #70
    Optimalprimerib
    Registered Users Posts: 1,885 ✭✭✭Optimalprimerib


    Asking a quite attractive young lady how's the crack instead of what's the crack.

    Asking my parents why they changed the name of intercoarse to junior cert.

    My cousin also asked for a 69 in the local centra on a hot summers day


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    #71
    lukesmom
    Registered Users Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom


    Asking hairdresser for wash and blowjob
    Trying to get into a car identical to mine
    Slipping on ice, legs into the air at a topaz with a van full of builders creasing up laughing at me
    Getting up (drunk) to sing shania twain man I feel like a woman, and forgetting the words


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    #72
    thomur
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 279 ✭✭thomur


    Years ago I used to play indoor football. Realised one morning that I forgot to dry shorts. Thought it would be a good idea to put them on the engine block in the car to dry while I drove to work. Completely forgot about them. Went to dinner with a girl from work. On the way back she asked me what the burning smell was. Remembered shorts then. Told her I had to stay in the car when we got back to work(too embarrassed to admit what happened). Cue strange looks from her as I couldn't give a reason. Took shorts off engine block. Stiff as a board they were. Went to indoor football. After about 30 mins of playing one of my mates told me there was a massive burn hole(red in middle gradually fading to black) on the back of the shorts. Looked like I had a Armageddonic f@@t. Ran off the pitch. Still get embarrassed about it 20 years later


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    #73
    stop animal cruelty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,012 ✭✭✭stop animal cruelty


    just remembered...

    bout 10 years ago l had washed one of my dogs and my mom commented saying his hair looked really nice, soft and smooth etc...and l said "it does doesnt it? l gave him a good blowjob" omg... :o:o


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    #74
    Lucyfur
    Registered Users Posts: 32,513 ✭✭✭✭Lucyfur


    Mine are more stupid than funny but two stick out for me.

    I was getting headaches and eye strain so I went to get my eyes tested. The optician was lovely and asked plenty of questions. I said that I work long hours and doing order forms and rosters late at night and my eyes were sore and burning.

    He sez ''What do you do?''

    I sez ''I squint''

    He sez ''.........um, no....what do you work as?''


    Another time I was out on a weekend batter with a group of friends. I had my own house so a gang of them stayed over on the Friday night. We all ploughed into town the Saturday morning for breakfast and a scatter of them went to the pub to start drinking again. I had to go home for a nap before heading out that night again.

    Got home. Fell onto the couch with the remote in hand. TV wouldn't work. Neither would the playstation. Or the DVD player. Or the lamp. Nothing on that side of the sitting room worked, but every other light and socket in the house did. In my hungover state, I was distraught. I called an electrician. He was out within an hour. He looked around for a few minutes. And then he turned on the switch that powered the sockets that everything on that side of the room was plugged into. Whoever slept on the couch must've switched off the switch.

    So, I called an out of hours electrician, on a Saturday, to switch on a switch.


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    #75
    sheroman01
    Registered Users Posts: 4,663 ✭✭✭sheroman01


    So many of them but that one that always sticks out in my mind (and one that my cousins love to bring up) was at a funeral, yes, a funeral. I was about 16 and had to give a reading. It was only about 10 lines long, nothing major. I was ****ting it. Stepped up to the podium and upon reading the first line my voice went really high and squeeky and kinda broke. There was an awkward silence, but I could hear my two cousins behind me laughing their holes off. I proceeded to mumble the rest and return to my seat, absolutely mortified.


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    #76
    ColdTurkey
    Registered Users Posts: 143 ✭✭ColdTurkey


    My father was in the pub one night chatting to his friends new girlfriend. She was a tall blond with crooked teeth. Halfway through the conversation she says "I get so self-conscious sometimes" my father says" will you stop your teeth are grand".
    "about my height" she says


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    #77
    Un Croissant
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,052 ✭✭✭Un Croissant


    When I was a young lad I went to the opticians and I was mad for a pair of glasses (don't know why exactly) so when the optician asked if I could see the blue square I would say 'no its green' and vice versa. :/


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    #78
    FlawedGenius
    Registered Users Posts: 2,256 ✭✭✭FlawedGenius


    Birneybau wrote: »
    Many a cringe worthy moment recalled just as falling asleep.

    :eek: thought I was always the one who had that, why is it has to be a scientific reason behind it??:eek:


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    #79
    corner of hells
    Registered Users Posts: 8,363 ✭✭✭corner of hells


    I used to work in a drop in centre for homeless people , one evening while getting ready to close the service I shouted out to the service users " cmon folks , have yous no homes to go to?" , there was complete silence for a moment before everyone , staff and clients pissed themselves laughing.


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    #80
    Tilly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,987 ✭✭✭Tilly


    Sent a pic of me in my new sexy undies to my mates bf instead of my own bf.


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    #81
    Menas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    Met an old school friend who I had not seen in a long time. She had a bump and I congratulated her on being pregnant.
    She informed me that not only was she not pregnant but was in mourning for her recently dead husband.

    Earth. Swallow. Me. Please.


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    #82
    calanus
    Registered Users Posts: 271 ✭✭calanus


    I was just buying a few things from the cornershop a while back and the woman at the till was giving me the change..... I was ready to say cheers when she asked if I needed a bag. I thought "Hmm, you know perhaps I do need one" and instead of saying please I just blurted out a mix of both words and said "Yeah, cheese!".

    I stood there for a second and neither of us did anything so I just bundled the few things in my arms and walked away


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    #83
    The Pheasant2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭The Pheasant2


    When I was 7 I fell into the grave at my Grannie's funeral (thankfully the coffin wasnt in yet!).

    I can still see my mum crying into her facepalmed hands "Oh for goodness sake, just get him out of here".


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    #84
    Blarney92
    Registered Users Posts: 265 ✭✭Blarney92


    Was at a somewhat posh restaurant with the gf (of 6+ years) and after the meal when paying at the table was asked by waitress to sign up to loyalty scheme. Some of the questions on it asked for special dates such as birthdays, anniversaries etc.

    Remembered my birthday but forgot my gf's bday and our anniversary. Cue her saying quite loudly "Do you not remember my birthday or anniversary?". The surrounding tables turned and looked at us while i went bright bright red as my girlfriend just walked out. Handed the waitress the form back blank and sunk sheepishly out afterwards.


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    #85
    fupduck
    Registered Users Posts: 118 ✭✭fupduck


    http://www.sundayworld.com/top-stories/news/td-sent-spanking-facebook-messages-to-girl-17


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    #86
    what2do
    Registered Users Posts: 414 ✭✭what2do


    The Pheasant2 wrote: »
    When I was 7 I fell into the grave at my Grannie's funeral (thankfully the coffin wasnt in yet!).

    I can still see my mum crying into her facepalmed hands "Oh for goodness sake, just get him out of here".


    HILARIOUS!!!!!!!


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    #87
    Lucyfur
    Registered Users Posts: 32,513 ✭✭✭✭Lucyfur


    Trigger Happy wrote: »
    Met an old school friend who I had not seen in a long time. She had a bump and I congratulated her on being pregnant.
    She informed me that not only was she not pregnant but was in mourning for her recently dead husband.

    Earth. Swallow. Me. Please.

    Golden rule of life;

    Never, ever congratulate a woman unless you actually see the child coming out of her vajayjay


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    #88
    orangesoda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,223 ✭✭✭orangesoda


    when i had a mullet a couple of years ago


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    #89
    893bet
    Registered Users Posts: 8,830 ✭✭✭893bet


    Said the words "thanks for coming" in funeral home when was offering my sympathies.

    Also was asked to carry a coffin of a neighbour outside a church and they caught me on the hop and I said "carry what".


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    #90
    Lucyfur
    Registered Users Posts: 32,513 ✭✭✭✭Lucyfur


    893bet wrote: »
    Said the words "thanks for coming" in funeral home when was offering my sympathies.

    Also was asked to carry a coffin of a neighbour outside a church and they caught me on the hop and I said "carry what".

    Omg I'm useless at funerals. I usually laugh the whole way through...nervous giggles....it's awful.

    I was at the funeral of a friend's father a few years ago and when I was sympathising, instead of ''sorry for your loss'' I said ''Hi how are ya'' to all of them. There was about 15 of them. I sounded like a fecking Indian.

    HihowareyaHihowareya.

    Jesus. Morto.


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    #91
    893bet
    Registered Users Posts: 8,830 ✭✭✭893bet


    Was giving a training course before also and my computer was hooked up to projector. Put in memory key. Computer froze and I pressed a few buttons. Student called me down. While helping computer un froze. Memory key auto opened and the folder contents are there in thumbnails......photo preview thumbnails.......some random bird off omegle or something who has emailed me pics that I saved......in lingerie..... On the projector. Nearly died.


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