Cringe worthy moments.

GalwayGuy2

In the second or third class, I let out a fart quite loudly in front of everyone (all 3 students, so fairly intense) as I was explaining something as I my diet consisted of mostly chickpeas at the time and I'll never forget the faces of horror from the 3 of them, particularly from one student.

On that diet myself at the moment.

I feel your, and your students, pain.

loalae

Was putting petrol in my car and I had to pull the hose around the car. So I pulled out the hose but forgot to release the clasp part so petrol went everywhere, I got a fright when I was doused with petrol, let out a scream and practically threw the the hose so it went up in the air with some petrol still coming out. Onlookers were doubled over laughing at me and I had to sit beside the window in work cos I reeked of petrol.

Another car related story - at my first driving lesson I was told to change gear so pushed in the clutch reached out my hand and grabbed.......the driving instructor's crotch. Morto!

Teebor15

At the Barbers after getting the hair tamed I was at the counter settling the bill when I heard a familiar voice greeting me from the far side of the room. It was a friend who I had'nt seen in a while sat looking at me through his mirror while also getting a trim. I was caught unawares and with all eyes of the room, including the sizable waiting group, on me to respond to his greeting I blurted out "Oh well...what are you doing here?". There was silence for a moment which was only broken by my barber saying "He's getting his hair cut..what does it f**kin look like he's doing" This was followed by the room bursting into laughter and me, face as red as a slapped arse looking for the exit. To top it off, in my haste to exit I pulled 3 or 4 times at the door before realising it was a 'push'.

LynnGrace

LorMal wrote: »

A few years ago I was in Florida on business. I had a day off between meetings so I decided to go to Universal Studios theme park.
The first (and only) ride I went on was 'Back to the Future'. (This is a virtual reality ride where you sit into a car, get strapped in and they shut the roof over you - the car then rocks and shunts as the screen shows a very realistic virtual reality video of you zooming through space)
I joined the queue - which was nearly an hour.
When I got to the top of the queue, the attendent would not let be in the car by myself (I am a 45 year old man) as there is a minimum of 4 people per car.
So he put me in the car and put a family in with me.
So here we were - the Mammy and Daddy in the front - and their two kids in the back - with me in the middle of them - like a big baldy Irish paedophile. None of them said a word. I nearly died. I cringed all the way through the ride and secretely prayed furiously for it to end. All the way through the ride, the car tilts to the each side and I was pressed against the kids - I could see the Dad turning around in his seat to glare suspiciously at me.....

This is hilarious! Sorry, LorMal, tears ran down my face when I read it. I wonder if the family have you in their holiday 'snaps'

Legs.Eleven

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

On that diet myself at the moment.

I feel your, and your students, pain.

I eat a lot of them still. Let one off down the biscuit aisle today in the supermarket and managed to evacuate it fairly swiftly.

LorMal

LynnGrace wrote: »

This is hilarious! Sorry, LorMal, tears ran down my face when I read it. I wonder if the family have you in their holiday 'snaps'

I would think the Dad is still in therapy. (I literally ran out of the Theme Park in mortification...I was also a bit worried they might call the police).

pebbles21

Was in the Laughter Lounge in Dublin at a gig..at the break there was a rush into the toilets ..the first few urinals were being used and thought id go up the other end ...was walking up and a guy is in my way ..I moved to the left ..so did he..."sorry"..moved to the right ..so did he "sorry"..left "sorry"..right "sorry"...left "sorry"..right "FFS..." looked him in the eye ...it was me ....its a full wall mirror in there

Adamantium

When I was about 7 or 8, on sunday morning at Mass when the priest was blessing up Eucharist. I was sitting at the very edge of the centre isle

I had a total brain fart moment and I raised my arms and hands outstretched in unison with the priest.

Legs.Eleven

LynnGrace wrote: »

This is hilarious! Sorry, LorMal, tears ran down my face when I read it. I wonder if the family have you in their holiday 'snaps'

Really fooking funny.

Adamantium

I was away in Co.Down when I was age 16 with people on school on 4 day KEY programme (cross border relations).

The place was so utterly miserable, so I brought a stereo for the dorm room we were in and a couple of CD's . At the time I didn't have a computer so my mate burned random selection CD's. So I set up and left it on the shelf. Secretly I was trying to impress the guys with my awesome musical taste as an awkward teenager(two of them were assholes to begin with)

So the guys who I was in the room in the evening, they turned it on.

Suddenly lying on my bunk, I remembered though that my cousin had forgotten her CD and left it in the stereo, and I knew what was coming up at MAX VOLUME, though I knew it was too late.....


"OH BABY DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S WORTH? / OH HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH!!"

Howls of laughter and a cold sweat thinking of it to this day.

Muise...

Adamantium wrote: »

I was away in Co.Down when I was age 16 with people on school on 4 day KEY programme (cross border relations).

The place was so utterly miserable, so I brought a stereo for the dorm room we were in and a couple of CD's . At the time I didn't have a computer so my mate burned random selection CD's. So I set up and left it on the shelf. Secretly I was trying to impress the guys with my awesome musical taste as an awkward teenager(two of them were assholes to begin with)

So the guys who I was in the room in the evening, they turned it on.

Suddenly lying on my bunk, I remembered though that my cousin had forgotten her CD and left it in the stereo, and I knew what was coming up at MAX VOLUME, though I knew it was too late.....


"OH BABY DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S WORTH? / OH HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH!!"

Howls of laughter and a cold sweat thinking of it to this day.

You should have done Orbital sfx immediately, and then you would have been the Emperor of awesome. A dorm in Down can't be that hard to impress.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLRXygGwbGE

Adamantium

Muise... wrote: »

You should have done Orbital sfx immediately, and then you would have been the Emperor of awesome. A dorm in Down can't be that hard to impress.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLRXygGwbGE

I know what's worse is that we were from Leitrim.

LEITRIM

Leitrim in Down.

Muise...

Adamantium wrote: »

I know what's worse is that we were from Leitrim.

LEITRIM

Leitrim in Down.

Ah they probably though they were giving ye a treat, sending ye all the way to Down instead of across a ditch to Fermanagh.

nobody told me

My dad would be terrible at mixing up words when he's talking. One day anyway after getting his haircut by a Brazilian lady we were walking out of the barbers and my mam rang him asked him did he get his haircut he replied "ye I got a Brazilian" cue fits of laughter from everyone in there. He hadn't a clue what they were laughing at.

Ihatecuddles

My mam has a way with words. My parents were giving me and my friend a lift back to my apartment, my dad kept beeping the horn at a car for almost crashing into us. My mam said 'I wish he was this horny in bed'.

We were driving in Florida a few years ago, my dad was giving my mam directions. Tarpon Springs was up ahead and he told her to take a left at Tampon Springs

Mozilla Firefox is Mozzarella Fox.

MRnotlob606

I Was walking in town recently and this pretty young lady says hi and waves to me and I made the appropriate gesture back ,little did i know she was actually waving do the guy behind me. I could even hear her saying to her boyfriend that "that guy just waved to me an I don't know him. I promptly picked up my pace and left the scene of the crime.

3mm

selling cow semen on dragons den

zoe 3619

3mm wrote: »

selling cow semen on dragons den

Surely thats bull?:-)

Muise...

mauzo! wrote: »

My mam has a way with words. My parents were giving me and my friend a lift back to my apartment, my dad kept beeping the horn at a car for almost crashing into us. My mam said 'I wish he was this horny in bed'.

We were driving in Florida a few years ago, my dad was giving my mam directions. Tarpon Springs was up ahead and he told her to take a left at Tampon Springs

Mozilla Firefox is Mozzarella Fox.

I malaprops. Two favourite second-hand ones:

Dotty elderly man trying to impress during a conversation about music announces that he has always enjoyed Verdi's Rectum.

Woman telling everyone who would listen about how her daughter had the house done up lovely - she had a dildo rail the length of the hall.

cazzer22

Have never been the best at Maths to say the least. Was getting results in front of my college class. My name was called and I went up to the top of the room to get the results. The lecturer showed me the result and it said '70'. I asked her 'What's this out of?' and she replied, 'It's a percentage'. I asked again, ' Yeah but what it's out of'. I continued to be extremely confused and my entire college class were laughing hysterically. I got back to my seat and was absolutely mortified haha!

On another occasion, I was leaving a post office and completely misjudged the step in front of me. I fell straight onto the pavement. My cheek was literally touching the pavement. It happened to be just at a traffic lights and lots of cars were waiting for the green light. So embarrassing.

Also, fell on the ice before and dragged a complete randomer down with me.

Un Croissant

cazzer22 wrote: »

Have never been the best at Maths to say the least. Was getting results in front of my college class. My name was called and I went up to the top of the room to get the results. The lecturer showed me the result and it said '70'. I asked her 'What's this out of?' and she replied, 'It's a percentage'. I asked again, ' Yeah but what it's out of'. I continued to be extremely confused and my entire college class were laughing hysterically. I got back to my seat and was absolutely mortified haha!

On another occasion, I was leaving a post office and completely misjudged the step in front of me. I fell straight onto the pavement. My cheek was literally touching the pavement. It happened to be just at a traffic lights and lots of cars were waiting for the green light. So embarrassing.

Also, fell on the ice before and dragged a complete randomer down with me.

Reminds me off Rte news ice fall guy. God I wince when I hear his head bounce off the ground. Awful toe curling stuff.

cazzer22

Oh, was also putting air into my tyres before and was bending down, obviously. I fell backwards and almost did a backwards roll. I thought I got away with it and no-one saw me. I stood up and turned around to clapping from three lads in their thirties who had seen the whole thing. Oh Lord.

Chet T16

Just remembered another one.

I was out for a walk with the buggy when I came across some roadworks where it was down to a single lane with traffic lights. When one of the workers seen me he gives me the "one sec" finger gesture which I assume means he'll clear the footpath for me. No such luck, they stop the traffic in both directions and usher me out into the middle of the road. It felt like it took bloody ages to walk up, certainly long enough for a queue of cars to build up.

Mr. McGreg

Shifting a girl I should have had no chance with a few years back, one of my friends squeezes my arse, I open my eyes mid-shift to see who did it, she opens her eyes a second later and we make eye-contact for a brief moment where I can only presume she thought I'd been staring at her the whole time. She pulled away pretty quick after that....I still get nightmares

Vinta81

The most embarrassing moment of my life

There was a deaf couple in my restaurant about 2 years ago and the girl who seated them was asking them questions, have you been here before etc...but they just looked at her frowning and signing to each other, so she came over to us telling us they were deaf - everyone was being awkward so I offered to serve the food once it was ready.

I got to the table and put the plates down and mouthed (NO voice) "there you go" and swept my arm across the table (VERY exaggerated) and mouthed "anything else?" - they just looked at me like I was retarded - when they left I waved goodbye and mouthed "thank you" to a stare from one of the girls on tills, went into the kitchen and found out I had the WRONG couple! They weren't bloody deaf, it was the table NEXT to them well I swear to god I nearly died of embarrassment, what a special case they must think I am

Paddy Cow

Mr. McGreg wrote: »

Shifting a girl I should have had no chance with a few years back, one of my friends squeezes my arse, I open my eyes mid-shift to see who did it, she opens her eyes a second later and we make eye-contact for a brief moment where I can only presume she thought I'd been staring at her the whole time. She pulled away pretty quick after that....I still get nightmares

Bet you anything your friend pinched her arse too and she thought you were the dirty perv who did it :pac:

Digital Solitude

Adamantium wrote: »

I know what's worse is that we were from Leitrim.

LEITRIM

Leitrim in Down.

In fairness you did well to find someone who could use a computer in Leitrim in the first place

Adamantium

Digital Solitude wrote: »

In fairness you did well to find someone who could use a computer in Leitrim in the first place

I remember now, it was this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antikythera_mechanism

Youzername

cruais wrote: »

Colleague: "I got engaged last night"

Me: "Well done!"

I always do stupid stuff like that.

Someone tells me some about some important/life changing/etc event and I'm like oh that nice.

Only afterwards I realise I wasn't even listening and probably looked like such an d*ckhead.

My brain just seems to wander lately, even when I talking to people I genuinely care about!

Oh, and this is probably more appropriate here.

Muise...

Adamantium wrote: »

I remember now, it was this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antikythera_mechanism

Even if it was a neighbouring county came up with that machine, I'd be so fcuking proud I'd never shut up about it.