Men who still live at home... is it a deal-breaker?

Fizzlesque

I know two men who are back living at home. In one case, the man lived abroad for years and when he returned to Ireland he stayed with his mother (fathers in both stories are no longer alive) and she is now quite old and didn't want him to move out because a few things had happened to make her nervous about living alone and felt safer with him living there. It's just the two of them in the house, and he takes care of her more than her taking care of him. He hasn't had any difficulties finding a girlfriend.

I'm not sure what the story is regarding the other man, in terms of when or why he moved home, but it's not a recent thing. Similarly, his mother is quite old and has been in and out of hospital a lot, so he stays there to take care of her (a few times he's had to bring her to hospital in the middle of the night) as well as because otherwise he'd be paying rent to live in, possibly, a bedsit, while his mother lives alone in a three bedroomed house.

I have a lot of respect for these men (they're friends - no romantic connections) because they're making sure their mothers are well cared for in their old age and they don't expect their mothers to cook for them or do their laundry etc. They both work so they're bringing in money that goes towards food and the household bills as well as making sure their mothers are safe and cared for in their older years. They do a lot of the stuff that needs doing around the house and while one of them hasn't had a girlfriend in years, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact he lives in his family home. He hasn't been happy in himself for a long time, but that's another topic entirely.

So many background stories and reasons why someone might be living at home, some of them completely selfless, rather than selfish.

christmas2012

as long as they can cook,clean and have good basic hygiene some ambition to better themselves or improve thier lot with education etc..i dont see the issue,the men/women who judge do it purely from a materialistic point of view youll find in most cases..

desertcircus

Jay D wrote: »

Home for me is not with my parents and when people suggest or ask - "do you go home often", it's not applicable. My parents moved home after i had moved out and as it were I didn't consider the previous home my home either.

Home is where the heart is

ps anyone moving home blaming the "current situation" is a lazy shíte I don't care what anyone says. Boy or girl.

I live at home thanks to the current situation; my mother lost her job three years ago, so I moved back to help her cover the mortgage. It was that or let her try to sell the house for enough to clear the mortgage and find a place to live on dole money. Jumping to conclusions isn't helpful or particularly smart.

Daveysil15

whendovescry wrote: »

this thread highlights the superficiality of most relationships. If you really care about someone, that should transcend living arrangements, income or job status. I would place much more emphasis on who you are as a person rather than what you have. If the tangibles are more important than the intangibles, it is a relationship ultimately doomed to failure. Or maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic :rolleyes:

You hit the nail on the head there. And I don't think there's too many men who wouldn't date a nice attractive girl because she still lives with her parents. Some people are very superficial.

Varied

I wouldn't mind a girl still living at home tbh. I have my own place so there's always a place to escape, I would expect a damn good steak once in while for this though.:pac:

blacklilly

Wouldn't put me off as long as the man is waited on hand and foot by his parents.

Once the guy is independent I don't really see it as an issue.

eth0

Varied wrote: »

I wouldn't mind a girl still living at home tbh. I have my own place so there's always a place to escape, I would expect a damn good steak once in while for this though.:pac:

Why couldn't beours be more easy going about this sort of thing? does it all come back to the woman's natural instinct to want a man to look after her while she pushes out and rears the children?

c_man

I still send my laundry home. If a potential girlfriend has a problem with this, well then she can start doing the washing :pac:

py2006

Katgurl wrote: »

UGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

men who STILL live at home??? as in NEVER left?

I just threw up on myself a bit.

Yes. In case my response wasn't clear. Complete dealbreaker.

Get up off your ar$e, get a job, do something, move out, grow up, get a life.

would you say the same about women who live at home? doubt it!

Fizzlesque

Daveysil15 wrote: »

You hit the nail on the head there. And I don't think there's too many men who wouldn't date a nice attractive girl because she still lives with her parents. Some people are very superficial.

This is what gets me about some of your posts, Davey. In a roundabout way, what you're really saying here is women are superficial and men aren't.

Superficiality takes many forms, how about a man dating a nice, but not so attractive woman who still lives with her parents?

Some people are very superficial, that's true. Some people are a little bit superficial, most people will have at least one thing they don't find appealing in a potential partner that another person wouldn't be in the least bit bothered about.

Although you didn't specify the 'some people' you consider to be very superficial are women, your words did the specifying by themselves.

Varied

eth0 wrote: »

Why couldn't beours be more easy going about this sort of thing? does it all come back to the woman's natural instinct to want a man to look after her while she pushes out and rears the children?

I dunno, I think it is frowned upon in todays society to be seen as letting the man look after you. Its not the point of the OP though.

Eve_Dublin

Posters here are in different age groups. I'm in my early 30s. There's a world of difference between a young guy in his early 20s living at home with his mam and a 40 year old living at home with his mam. Age is very relevant here.

Age: But the most important point is circumstances. I'd take each case as it comes.

Daveysil15

Fizzlesque wrote: »

This is what gets me about some of your posts, Davey. In a roundabout way, what you're really saying here is women are superficial and men aren't.

Ok now you're just twisting my words. I said some PEOPLE are superficial, I didn't say all women are. :rolleyes:

Fizzlesque

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Ok now you're just twisting my words. I said some PEOPLE aresuperficial, I didn't say all women are. :rolleyes:

No, I'm not twisting your words.

You said 'not too many men would mind dating a nice attractive woman if she still lived with her parents' and then followed it with 'some PEOPLE are very superficial'.

If you read my post again, I did say at the end that although you didn't specify women, your words did the specifying themselves.

If most men wouldn't be bothered about dating a woman who lives with her parents, then which PEOPLE did you mean are very superficial?

The few men who would be bothered? Or some of the whole other gender not mentioned in your 'not too many men' category?

Varied

Eve_Dublin is thanking the posts regarding Fizzle defending women yet she has said she would judge a man living at home with his parents.

A little bit of consistency regarding the equality here Eve.

py2006

Money is the route of all evil...

Gongoozler

py2006 wrote: »

Money is the route of all evil...

Or for some men on here, it's women.

Daveysil15

Fizzlesque wrote: »

No, I'm not twisting your words.

You said 'not too many men would mind dating a nice attractive woman if she still lived with her parents' and then followed it with 'some PEOPLE are very superficial'.

If you read my post again, I did say at the end that although you didn't specify women, your words did the specifying themselves.

If most men wouldn't be bothered about dating a woman who lives with her parents, then which PEOPLE did you mean are very superficial?

The few men who would be bothered? Or some of the whole other gender not mentioned in your 'not too many men' category?

Read the title of the thread. I wasn't referring to any particular group of people, I just said some people. You just assumed I meant all women. Of course there are superficial men too. It's just the superficial men probably wouldn't judge women on where they live.

Eve_Dublin

Varied wrote: »

Eve_Dublin is thanking the posts regarding Fizzle defending women yet she has said she would judge a man living at home with his parents.

A little bit of consistency regarding the equality here Eve.

Have you read my posts at all? Clearly not.

Eve_Dublin

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Posters here are in different age groups. I'm in my early 30s. There's a world of difference between a young guy in his early 20s living at home with his mam and a 40 year old living at home with his mam. Age is very relevant here.

Age: But the most important point is circumstances. I'd take each case as it comes.

In fact, I'll just quote myself there will I Varied? As seem as you can't be bothered reading my posts and implying I judge a man simply for living at regardless of his circumstances. But sure, it suits your argument not to so why would you bother actually bother telling the truth, eh?

py2006

Gongoozler wrote: »

Or for some men on here, it's women.

Women who don't like men because they don't have a mortgage?

Eve_Dublin

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

But who mentioned judging them even if they had no job? I think almost all posters said that would be the exception. It would be for me anyhow.

Edit: If a guy was living at home, paying rent and pulling his weight and he viewed it as a temporary measure, then I wouldn't mind. If he was unemployed, I also wouldn't mind. Lazy scroungers living at home with their parents because they're too stingy/lazy to move out, not so much.

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Living at home with your parents paying zero rent and not pulling your weight (mothers wait on their kids hand and foot here) having never lived independently well into your 30s even though you have a job...because you're saving for your mortgage.

That'd be the situation with most employed Spanish people and that's what I'm talking about.

There you are. Just to make it clearer for you.

shopaholic01

Daveysil15 wrote: »

It's just the superficial men wouldn't probably wouldn't judge women on where they live.

So what do they judge us on? Is that more acceptable then your opinion that
the majority of us base our judgement of men on their living arrangements?

Daveysil15

shopaholic01 wrote: »

So what do they judge us on? Is that more acceptable then your opinion that
the majority of us base our judgement of men on their living arrangements?

No its not more acceptable, and I don't know what they judge women on because I'm not a superficial man.

shopaholic01

Daveysil15 wrote: »

No its not more acceptable, and I don't know what they judge women on because I'm not a superficial man.

Yet you know that some men don't judge women on their living arrangements............. interesting. Perhaps you could ask them?

py2006

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Yet you know that some men don't judge women on their living arrangements............. interesting. Perhaps you could ask them?

Oh please, that is never a consideration for a man!

Daveysil15

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Yet you know that some men don't judge women on their living arrangements............. interesting. Perhaps you could ask them?

Well I've yet to hear a man complain over a woman's living arrangments. There have been quite a few female posters who have complained about a man's living arrangments. Men and women have different priorities.

shopaholic01

py2006 wrote: »

Oh please, that is never a consideration for a man!

Daveysil15 said that some superficial men would judge women, but not on their living arrangements.

I simply want to know what they do judge us on, and if that is any better than the perceived notion that most women want a man with money, his own house etc.

PickledLime

Fizzlesque wrote: »

I know two men who are back living at home. In one case, the man lived abroad for years and when he returned to Ireland he stayed with his mother (fathers in both stories are no longer alive) and she is now quite old and didn't want him to move out because a few things had happened to make her nervous about living alone and felt safer with him living there. It's just the two of them in the house, and he takes care of her more than her taking care of him. He hasn't had any difficulties finding a girlfriend.

I'm not sure what the story is regarding the other man, in terms of when or why he moved home, but it's not a recent thing. Similarly, his mother is quite old and has been in and out of hospital a lot, so he stays there to take care of her (a few times he's had to bring her to hospital in the middle of the night) as well as because otherwise he'd be paying rent to live in, possibly, a bedsit, while his mother lives alone in a three bedroomed house.

I have a lot of respect for these men (they're friends - no romantic connections) because they're making sure their mothers are well cared for in their old age and they don't expect their mothers to cook for them or do their laundry etc. They both work so they're bringing in money that goes towards food and the household bills as well as making sure their mothers are safe and cared for in their older years. They do a lot of the stuff that needs doing around the house and while one of them hasn't had a girlfriend in years, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact he lives in his family home. He hasn't been happy in himself for a long time, but that's another topic entirely.

So many background stories and reasons why someone might be living at home, some of them completely selfless, rather than selfish.

This is to a certain extent what happened to myself.

I was 25 and moved back home while i was in between jobs. When i got back into full time employment (a few months, not too long, still chipped in from savings), i took over the main expenses of the house from my parents. Was planning on moving out with friends, but both of my parents fell seriously ill within 2 years of each other, and then both of them passed away within another 2 and a half years.

During that time i was in full time education, part time employment (still covering about half the bills) and splitting the care of my folks between myself, my brother and sister. I'd do more 'day to day' things (dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping for daily essentials like milk, bread etc.), while my siblings (who are both older and have their own homes) would do stuff like bringing them to hospital clinics, bring carboot loads of groceries, etc. The house was located a 15 minute walk from college, and a 7 minute walk from my place of work. I still had someone (knowing my full situation) constantly query and annoy me about moving out and look down her nose at me. This made me feel like **** when people asked me who i lived with it (even though i was doing the right thing!), but i obviously didn't want to talk about helping to care for terminally ill parents when i was out to let my hair down!

So just because someone lives at home, don't judge until you know the full story. And if the full story is anything greater than 'i'm a total bum and want to be waited on, hand and foot', don't judge negatively!

py2006

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Daveysil15 said that some superficial men would judge women, but not on their living arrangements.

I simply want to know what they do judge us on, and if that is any better than the perceived notion that most women want a man with money, his own house etc.

:O

It would appear from this thread and the thread referred to in the original post that a lot of women take issue with where a man calls home. Suggesting that a man living at the family home is somebody to be avoided! Why?