The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Honey-ec

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Then we have dated the same guys...as I've scooped up any sciency guy on OD

I said I attract them, I didn't say I'd dated any of them...

Galvasean

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Then we have dated the same guys...as I've scooped up any sciency guy on OD

Such a thinly veiled boast - and people wonder why guys have this impression that women have all the cards in relation to OD?

Esoteric_

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Then we have dated the same guys...as I've scooped up any sciency guy on OD

You do know there are 'sciency' guys ranging from 18-60 on those sites, right? And you're saying you've 'scooped up' every one of them?

Not being smart, but if that's your 'type' (you said it was), and you've had all of them, why are you still ODing?

riveratom

It actually feels like there is a 'stalemate' affect happening when it comes to OD.

Most girls get quite a few messages, certainly more than any guy out there, even if he is really good-looking.

They go on dates, but unless there is an almighty spark there, the guy gets the 'you're a great guy BUT' text.

The guys keep looking...

The girls get frustrated, edge ever closer towards the big 3-0 and beyond, wondering when they're going to finally meet someone and wondering why they can never meet a guy when out in a bar, etc..

And so there are whole bunch of folks out there who are single and will likely remain so!

I actually wonder does the media and Hollywood really have a lot to answer for, with their idealistic idea of how people get together. I think that if you go on a first date and like the guy and go on another date or two, and don't give him a chance after that, then to a large degree, you've only got yourself to blame if you're doing that on a consistent basis and wondering why you can't find anyone.

If you really don't feel the spark or don't fancy someone after a couple of dates then fine. But don't rule someone out just because you think there might be someone better, or because you aren't sure if you're feeling it. I think to do that is to fundamentally mis-understand attraction in the first place - it's not a magic flash, in real life it's much more of a slow-burner than that, so how can OD be any different.

Larianne

riveratom wrote: »

It actually feels like there is a 'stalemate' affect happening when it comes to OD.

Most girls get quite a few messages, certainly more than any guy out there, even if he is really good-looking.

They go on dates, but unless there is an almighty spark there, the guy gets the 'you're a great guy BUT' text.

The guys keep looking...

The girls get frustrated, edge ever closer towards the big 3-0 and beyond, wondering when they're going to finally meet someone and wondering why they can never meet a guy when out in a bar, etc..

And so there are whole bunch of folks out there who are single and will likely remain so!

I actually wonder does the media and Hollywood really have a lot to answer for, with their idealistic idea of how people get together. I think that if you go on a first date and like the guy and go on another date or two, and don't give him a chance after that, then to a large degree, you've only got yourself to blame if you're doing that on a consistent basis and wondering why you can't find anyone.

If you really don't feel the spark or don't fancy someone after a couple of dates then fine. But don't rule someone out just because you think there might be someone better, or because you aren't sure if you're feeling it. I think to do that is to fundamentally mis-understand attraction in the first place - it's not a magic flash, in real life it's much more of a slow-burner than that, so how can OD be any different.

I get what you're saying Riveratom but for me, I've always been the spark has to be (somewhat) flying when I meet someone, where I continously have the banter with someone. It's just how I have always been. And it's no different to how I meet guys IRL.

I have tried the 2nd and 3rd date with guys without such 'spark' but it never came of anything. I much prefer being single than wasting mine, and other guys time on dates where I don't feel its going to go anywhere.

I don't blame Hollywood, I blame my stupid parents and there amazing love and friendship they have for one another!! Smug bastards! (love them really).

miamee

riveratom wrote: »

It actually feels like there is a 'stalemate' affect happening when it comes to OD.

Most girls get quite a few messages, certainly more than any guy out there, even if he is really good-looking.

They go on dates, but unless there is an almighty spark there, the guy gets the 'you're a great guy BUT' text.

The guys keep looking...

The girls get frustrated, edge ever closer towards the big 3-0 and beyond, wondering when they're going to finally meet someone and wondering why they can never meet a guy when out in a bar, etc..

And so there are whole bunch of folks out there who are single and will likely remain so!

Here we go again. It's quite insulting that you (or anyone) would think the reason lots of men and women remain single is because of women's lack of understanding of OD and how it is supposed to work. Everyone gets frustrated with it when it is not going to plan or not 'going' at all, not just women.

riveratom wrote: »

I actually wonder does the media and Hollywood really have a lot to answer for, with their idealistic idea of how people get together. I think that if you go on a first date and like the guy and go on another date or two, and don't give him a chance after that, then to a large degree, you've only got yourself to blame if you're doing that on a consistent basis and wondering why you can't find anyone.

If you really don't feel the spark or don't fancy someone after a couple of dates then fine. But don't rule someone out just because you think there might be someone better, or because you aren't sure if you're feeling it. I think to do that is to fundamentally mis-understand attraction in the first place - it's not a magic flash, in real life it's much more of a slow-burner than that, so how can OD be any different.

I completely agree with the concept that it can take a while to have a spark/chemistry with someone and I would die of shock if it ever happened to me on a first date probably but the way I think or feel about dates is not because I am a woman, it is because I am me. Some men may also dismiss people after date one and presumably do.

Esoteric_

miamee wrote: »

I completely agree with the concept that it can take a while to have a spark/chemistry with someone and I would die of shock if it ever happened to me on a first date probably but the way I think or feel about dates is not because I am a woman, it is because I am me. Some men may also dismiss people after date one and presumably do.

I think we all, men and women, have been dismissed or have dismissed after one date. Luckily for me, the times I was dismissed after one date, I was holding back for a few hours on telling them it wasn't what I wanted, so it all worked out well in the end. :pac:

Seriously though, everyone's dismissed, everyone's bound to dismiss somebody else, it happens.

That said, I DO agree that women tend to have it easier on OD. Speaking from personal experience, I've NEVER had to chase a guy, I could easily get dates without bothering my backside to initiate contact, I could let them all do the running while I sat back and chose what to reply to. Now, I'm not saying that that's what I did, but after a week or so on POF, it was obvious that I could do that if I chose to. And it has nothing to do with how I look because I'm no stunner!

On the other hand, while women unarguably get more mails than men, how many of them are decent mails? In my experience, feck all!

miamee

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I think we all, men and women, have been dismissed or have dismissed after one date. Luckily for me, the times I was dismissed after one date, I was holding back for a few hours on telling them it wasn't what I wanted, so it all worked out well in the end. :pac:

Seriously though, everyone's dismissed, everyone's bound to dismiss somebody else, it happens.

That said, I DO agree that women tend to have it easier on OD. Speaking from personal experience, I've NEVER had to chase a guy, I could easily get dates without bothering my backside to initiate contact, I could let them all do the running while I sat back and chose what to reply to. Now, I'm not saying that that's what I did, but after a week or so on POF, it was obvious that I could do that if I chose to. And it has nothing to do with how I look because I'm no stunner!

On the other hand, while women unarguably get more mails than men, how many of them are decent mails? In my experience, feck all!

I know, sure it happens to us all from both sides. Unfortunately :pac:

Re the bits in bold - that's cos you're only a young wan :pac:

Esoteric_

miamee wrote: »

I know, sure it happens to us all from both sides. Unfortunately :pac:

Re the bits in bold - that's cos you're only a young wan :pac:

Ah sure, if we lived in a perfect world, all of us boardsies would be happily hooked up with each other and oblivious to the plight of ODers. :pac:

Lol! I suppose, I do get a LOT of people in their 30s jumping at me. Must be an early mid life crisis or wanting to relive their youth or something. Then they act shocked when I say that my life doesn't actually revolve around clubbing, shopping and partying. :pac:

magneticimpulse

LyndaMcL wrote: »

You do know there are 'sciency' guys ranging from 18-60 on those sites, right? And you're saying you've 'scooped up' every one of them?

Not being smart, but if that's your 'type' (you said it was), and you've had all of them, why are you still ODing?

Because there are new ones on a weekly basis...isn't that why everyone stays on OD?

magneticimpulse

riveratom wrote: »

It actually feels like there is a 'stalemate' affect happening when it comes to OD.

Most girls get quite a few messages, certainly more than any guy out there, even if he is really good-looking.

They go on dates, but unless there is an almighty spark there, the guy gets the 'you're a great guy BUT' text.

The guys keep looking...

The girls get frustrated, edge ever closer towards the big 3-0 and beyond, wondering when they're going to finally meet someone and wondering why they can never meet a guy when out in a bar, etc..

And so there are whole bunch of folks out there who are single and will likely remain so!

I actually wonder does the media and Hollywood really have a lot to answer for, with their idealistic idea of how people get together. I think that if you go on a first date and like the guy and go on another date or two, and don't give him a chance after that, then to a large degree, you've only got yourself to blame if you're doing that on a consistent basis and wondering why you can't find anyone.

If you really don't feel the spark or don't fancy someone after a couple of dates then fine. But don't rule someone out just because you think there might be someone better, or because you aren't sure if you're feeling it. I think to do that is to fundamentally mis-understand attraction in the first place - it's not a magic flash, in real life it's much more of a slow-burner than that, so how can OD be any different.

It works both ways...I've met great guys who ended it and I just have to move on. I wouldn't say either sex is to blame...I'd rather date someone who enjoyed my company than with someone who was just going out with me for fear of them being single

Galvasean

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Because there are new ones on a weekly basis...isn't that why everyone stays on OD?

The point is to find someone you like, not 'snap them all up'. With that kind of attitude it's no wonder you've been on 70+ dates and gotten nowhere. It's not Hungry Hungry Hippos...

Esoteric_

Galvasean wrote: »

The point is to find someone you like, not 'snap them all up'. With that kind of attitude it's no wonder you've been on 70+ dates and gotten nowhere. It's not Hungry Hungry Hippos...

I think Galva is putting exactly what I mean into better words, so +1 to this post.


I'm really not trying to be rude, but a lot of your posts smack of bragging to conceal insecurity. You tell us how many dates you've been on (which is a huge number for anyone), then immediately tell us it's not that many and defend it when people react accordingly to that number.

You said in a previous post that you're 'stunning' when done up, not so much in a tracksuit. While I admire a good dose of confidence, I don't think you should focus on your looks so much. I'm sure you're very attractive (most boardsies I've seen pics of on this thread are!), but what about your other nice attributes?

And then saying you've 'scooped up' any man that's 'sciency.'

Sorry, but it all just reeks of an 'I'm better than you, I get more dates than you' attitude.

I'm genuinely, truly not trying to be rude. I just think that if it's coming across that way to us, perhaps there is something wrong in your approach or how you speak to men that may be causing the lack of a 'relationship' from all the dates you've had?

I'm aware that I sound really critical, but I'm honestly not trying to insult you at all. I'm just trying to make you see that perhaps you come across to us a lot differently to how you think you come across.

magneticimpulse

Galvasean wrote: »

The point is to find someone you like, not 'snap them all up'. With that kind of attitude it's no wonder you've been on 70+ dates and gotten nowhere. It's not Hungry Hungry Hippos...

Lol...im not a hippo. Oh come on you've been on here as long as me galvasean and you're telling me youve only been on a few dates??? Over 15 years and 10 years on OD and about 6 dates per year the numbers add up. People are living an illusion if you think ye date your meeting has only gone on 5 or so dates in their life.

Did I not stress ye point that I was selective? I said I was snapping up the sciency guys (not all guys) because there are so few on OD. I like to say its snapping a good potential catch before someone else does no harm in that an I certainly do like them...I'm a likeable person in real life

I've also lots of things going for me besides looks...I don't wear make up to work etc so im not insecure...I was pointing out the fact that I look pretty when I doll up as someone said did I have a photo of me dolled up...I dont my photo is of me with no make up In jeans

The backlash and rudeness just comes across as jealously too be honest an I don't know why...because its not like nobody else has equal opportunity to date. I'd hardly think you guys have been on here for 4 years...52 weeks of the year an week after week saying got a new date this week...me thinks I'm just honest about it

Galvasean

magneticimpulse wrote:

Oh come on you've been on here as long as me galvasean and you're telling me youve only been on a few dates???

Yes. I'd say in my three years of online dating I've probably only been on a dozen 1st dates. Managed to get one relationship out of it, two short term flings and a fair few, "Nice guy BUT" texts after the first date.

magneticimpulse wrote: »

The backlash and rudeness just comes across as jealously too be honest an I don't know why...

Alright. Dismiss other people's advice as 'rudeness' or 'jealousy'. You're only fooling yourself really. All I know is if I was recieving 100s of mails, had been on 70+ first dates and was capable of easily 'snapping up' everyone I liked the look of on OD, but somehow could not get past a first date I'd start looking inward to see what I was doing wrong (slection criteria or approach to 1st dates perhaps?) as opposed to blaming everyone else for a lack of success.

magneticimpulse

Galvasean wrote: »

Yes. I'd say in my three years of online dating I've probably only been on a dozen 1st dates. Managed to get one relationship out of it, two short term flings and a fair few, "Nice guy BUT" texts after the first date.



Alright. Dismiss other people's advice as 'rudeness' or 'jealousy'. You're only fooling yourself really. All I know is if I was recieving 100s of mails, had been on 70+ first dates and was capable of easily 'snapping up' everyone I liked the look of on OD, but somehow could not get past a first date I'd start looking inward to see what I was doing wrong (slection criteria or approach to 1st dates perhaps?) as opposed to blaming everyone else for a lack of success.

Matter of fact is that your equally not successful as otherwise you wouldn't be on it after 3 years...it's luck you can meet someone on the 1st date or after 99! I don't need to look inward as I'm happy with me..if guys don't like it they are not for me

Galvasean

If you say so. We're not going to agree on this any time soon (I could argue all day about what constitutes various degrees of success though). I'm sure you're a nice person though, so we might as well agree to disagree.

magneticimpulse

Galvasean wrote: »

If you say so. We're not going to agree on this any time soon (I could argue all day about what constitutes various degrees of success though). I'm sure you're a nice person though, so we might as well agree to disagree.

Degrees of success? Your single I'm single... I don't see how you see that as successful...out of the 70 guys I had relationships with 20 of them and 13 good relationships and 3 very close relationships...but I'm single just like you are so I don't think your any better nor am I any better...

Galvasean

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Degrees of success? Your single I'm single... I don't see how you see that as successful...out of the 70 guys I had relationships with 20 of them and 13 good relationships and 3 very close relationships...but I'm single just like you are so I don't think your any better nor am I any better...

Well you didn't say that before. I'm out of this debate as the goalposts are moving so quickly I can't even tell what we're even debating about anymore and am getting the distinct feeling that I'm being spoofed.

magneticimpulse

Galvasean wrote: »

Well you didn't say that before. I'm out of this debate as the goalposts are moving so quickly I can't even tell what we're even debating about anymore and am getting the distinct feeling that I'm being spoofed.

Because I didn't think I had to unleash all of my personal details on the internet about each and every guy I went on a date with.

You guys assumed I slept with all the guys on the 1st date, you guys assumed I had photos of me on nights out, you guys assumed I ended it with all of the guys and you guys assumed I didn't date any of them...

I didn't think I had to explain everything but it feels I did because of people forming quick conclusions. I never set out to have a debate...I was just sharing funny date stories before I started being accused of a hungry hippo.

Also then being accused of being selective and guys sending out emails and girls not replyIng...to when I do admit I've had 70 1st dates I get the dating police telling me that is room many an god forbid I must be doing something wrong...this is life. You can't win on here

riveratom

magneticimpulse, are you saying you've had 20 relationships? I get the impression that you might be in the late 30s or 40s bracket (could be wrong). That means you basically have had one relationship per year?!

Not judging or anything but to me that doesn't sound quite right!

magneticimpulse

riveratom wrote: »

magneticimpulse, are you saying you've had 20 relationships? I get the impression that you might be in the late 30s or 40s bracket (could be wrong). That means you basically have had one relationship per year?!

Not judging or anything but to me that doesn't sound quite right!

Are you casting you judgemental rod at me now? Jeez I've never met so many judgemental people in my life. Yes I do have about 1 or 2 relationships per year...are you going to now tell me thats wrong for giving guys a chance???

Mr_Spaceman

riveratom wrote: »

It actually feels like there is a 'stalemate' affect happening when it comes to OD.

Most girls get quite a few messages, certainly more than any guy out there, even if he is really good-looking.

They go on dates, but unless there is an almighty spark there, the guy gets the 'you're a great guy BUT' text.

The guys keep looking...

The girls get frustrated, edge ever closer towards the big 3-0 and beyond, wondering when they're going to finally meet someone and wondering why they can never meet a guy when out in a bar, etc..

And so there are whole bunch of folks out there who are single and will likely remain so!

I actually wonder does the media and Hollywood really have a lot to answer for, with their idealistic idea of how people get together. I think that if you go on a first date and like the guy and go on another date or two, and don't give him a chance after that, then to a large degree, you've only got yourself to blame if you're doing that on a consistent basis and wondering why you can't find anyone.

If you really don't feel the spark or don't fancy someone after a couple of dates then fine. But don't rule someone out just because you think there might be someone better, or because you aren't sure if you're feeling it. I think to do that is to fundamentally mis-understand attraction in the first place - it's not a magic flash, in real life it's much more of a slow-burner than that, so how can OD be any different.

A fantastic post and one of the best on this mega-thread.

Absolutely spot on.

Honey-ec

Just got a message from someone. No pics, nothing filled out on profile, but we're still a 91% match somehow so I go to have a look at his questions. First one that comes up is "Did you join OKC just to meet people you could have sex with?"

Him: Yes

Ok, nothing wrong with that and I admire his honesty, but seriously, the most cursory of glances through my profile would have made it patently clear that I'm not in it just to hook up.

riveratom

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Are you casting you judgemental rod at me now? Jeez I've never met so many judgemental people in my life. Yes I do have about 1 or 2 relationships per year...are you going to now tell me thats wrong for giving guys a chance???

As I said I'm not judging, I'm just saying that that seems like a lot of relationships, one after the next. It seems unusual to me to have that many, and that none of them would turn into something lasting a few years or longer (especially as you seem nice).

That's not a judgement on you, merely my opinion.

smileyj1987

riveratom wrote: »

magneticimpulse, are you saying you've had 20 relationships? I get the impression that you might be in the late 30s or 40s bracket (could be wrong). That means you basically have had one relationship per year?!

Not judging or anything but to me that doesn't sound quite right!

I'm not being funny but it is possible to have more then 1 relationship in a year . It can easily happen by people settling with somebody because they are on the rebound .

knucklehead6

smileyj1987 wrote: »

I'm not being funny but it is possible to have more then 1 relationship in a year . It can easily happen by people settling with somebody because they are on the rebound .

don't forget there are also the serial monogamists..... The ones who go from relationship to relationship.

My ex, broke up with her then fella... met me for a date less than a week later. We were with each other for just under a year and broke up. She was with a guy within 2 weeks.

Oh, and she wasn't settling when she was with me

magneticimpulse

riveratom wrote: »

As I said I'm not judging, I'm just saying that that seems like a lot of relationships, one after the next. It seems unusual to me to have that many, and that none of them would turn into something lasting a few years or longer (especially as you seem nice).

That's not a judgement on you, merely my opinion.

I move on with my life...you can contact my ex and say to him I move on with my life as he seems to keep telling me I should!!! Which shows you how very little he knew me.

I can't sit and mourne something that doesn't exist. It's not unusual...when I lived with housemates they easily clocked up that many relationships over a 15 year period. You don't know these things until you live with people.

Also I lived in England and the attitude to dating and relationships is different there. In Ireland I find people settle too young an stick with the same person so it's seen as weird to live otherwise or god forbid not be a virgin.

Maybe I do have to move back to England as I find the Irish very quick to judge and form conclusions on such issues... Like something must be wrong with you.

I'm just living my life to the full...why does it bother everyone so much as it doesn't bother me

Mr_Spaceman

@magneticimpulse - have you ever tried aromatherapy? Because you seem very defensive.

Seriously though, a lot of us were feeling that you had such rotten luck - until you land the plane and reveal you've had twenty relationships? Some poor sods haven't even had twenty dates in their whole lives.

You've had dates with quite a few nut-jobs. We get that, and there are a LOT of them out there. But the number of wackos you seem to have dates with appears to be rather excessive.

However, I honestly feel a trusted friend should give you a bit of help with the messages you receive as you could be dismissing some great guys out of hand.

Honey-ec

smileyj1987 wrote: »

I'm not being funny but it is possible to have more then 1 relationship in a year . It can easily happen by people settling with somebody because they are on the rebound .

Yes, but to do that consistently, year in, year out is serial monogamy taken to the nth degree.

I just don't think it's necessarily healthy or normal to bounce from relationship to relationsip to relationship constantly. It smacks of the person feeling that something is missing from their life and, unfortunately, if you can't be happy on your own, you'll never be happy with someone else.

That's not directed specifically at you, MI, just an observation about serial monogamists in general.