The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

blacklilly

knucklehead6 wrote: »

This is very true in my case too. The only one of my close friends who hasn't been with his wife/partner for more than 10 years would be quite confident and easy on the eye for the ladies so on a night out for him it was very easy for him to talk to women.

They don't understand that an outgoing guy in their company (company I'm quite comfortable in) suffers from crippling shyness when chatting to women that I don't know.....

Shyness is such a pain, I'd be considered very confident and the life and soul of gatherings but put a guy in front of me that I like and I get all awkward and painfully shy. It's strange because I wasn't always like that, in fact I use to have no problem talking with a guy I liked but over the past 1-2 years I've noticed that change.

knucklehead6

blacklilly wrote: »

Shyness is such a pain, I'd be considered very confident and the life and soul of gatherings but put a guy in front of me that I like and I get all awkward and painfully shy. It's strange because I wasn't always like that, in fact I use to have no problem talking with a guy I liked but over the past 1-2 years I've noticed that change.

I've always been like that with women I'm attracted to. It's a bloody pain.

magneticimpulse

mood wrote: »

Your picking me up wrong or I'm not explaining myself well. Maybe you friends would know if you get too needy or nag too much or something. they don't need to be on your dates to know stuff like that.

They don't know why either...my guy friends always fall for me so if guys spend time to get To get to know the real me they really like me.

The problem with OD is guys expect a spark straight away...whereas I think if they got to know me they would like me too.

All my friends say I'm nice...if not too nice. People say I need to put the foot down more and guys have even said they go out with bitchy girls that keep them chasing. I've been told I'm too nice and easy going...kinda like what guys gets when they are not manly enough and too like a whimp I suppose. So my friends have nothing but nice things to say about me.

blacklilly

Shyness can and is interperatated as showing a lack of interest too. I've lost count over how many guys have called me distant this year and I've lost out numerous times to more flirty non shy girls

magneticimpulse

Daveysil15 wrote: »

5000 men??? Jasus... that just makes the whole thing even more baffling.

I know!!! But everyone I look at had a wedding ring

knucklehead6

magneticimpulse wrote: »

They don't know why either...my guy friends always fall for me so if guys spend time to get To get to know the real me they really like me.

The problem with OD is guys expect a spark straight away...whereas I think if they got to know me they would like me too.

All my friends say I'm nice...if not too nice. People say I need to put the foot down more and guys have even said they go out with bitchy girls that keep them chasing. I've been told I'm too nice and easy going...kinda like what guys gets when they are not manly enough and too like a whimp I suppose. So my friends have nothing but nice things to say about me.

I dunno if all guys expect a spark straight away. If it happens then great.

All I hope for is an opportunity to generate that spark!

magneticimpulse

blacklilly wrote: »

I think its because most of my friends were lucky and met their partners years ago, they were never really in the dating scene so sometimes it can be difficult to have a conversation with them about dating because in their eyes, its very straight forward

Exact same...my married friends were never on the dating scene...so although they try to give me advice it doesn't work as I just didn't meet anyone at college or sports clubs etc or through the 5000 men I work with

yeahimhere

blacklilly wrote: »

Shyness is such a pain, I'd be considered very confident and the life and soul of gatherings but put a guy in front of me that I like and I get all awkward and painfully shy. It's strange because I wasn't always like that, in fact I use to have no problem talking with a guy I liked but over the past 1-2 years I've noticed that change.

I'm exactly like that, but unfortunately it's been all my life rather than just recently. If I'm not interested in someone - can chat away no hassle. The minute I really like someone, I'm really shy or end up saying something really stupid and kick myself for being an ejit

Galvasean

blacklilly wrote: »

Shyness can and is interperatated as showing a lack of interest too. I've lost count over how many guys have called me distant this year and I've lost out numerous times to more flirty non shy girls

Last girlfriend I had thought I wasn't very interested at the start. I felt the same about her. Turns out we were both just a bit shy! We both nearly lost out over it. Shyness is a crippler unfortunately. That's why first dates, particularly with OD are tricky. Everybody is bound to be a bit nervous or shy, especially if they are new to the scene. It makes you wonder how many potentially excellent couples never came to be because of it...

knucklehead6

blacklilly wrote: »

Shyness can and is interperatated as showing a lack of interest too. I've lost count over how many guys have called me distant this year and I've lost out numerous times to more flirty non shy girls

I'd also say shyness is a point of contention for people as it also implies a lack of confidence.

I'm not lacking in confidence, I've achieved a fair bit in my life and am actually happy enough with where I am at the moment, being single excepted.

mood

It's probably the shyness that is holding a lot of us back!

knucklehead6

mood wrote: »

It's probably the shyness that is holding a lot of us back!

It's the shyness that has me on OD anyway!! :-)

Esoteric_

I've found that my six months or so on OD actually helped cure my shyness!

I know people think shyness is down to insecurity or a lack of confidence, but I don't think mine is/was. I'm confident and totally happy with myself, but I still get shy talking to new people because I simply haven't a clue what to talk about to them!

That said, with OD, meeting up with guys who I didn't actually know helped a lot. I'm not really shy on dates anymore because I've gotten used to talking to strangers and have learned how to make small talk and stuff like that.

If anyone's shy, have a few questions ready that could lead into conversations. That's what I always do, and I've never been stuck for conversation on a date yet since I started doing that.

mood

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I've found that my six months or so on OD actually helped cure my shyness!

I know people think shyness is down to insecurity or a lack of confidence, but I don't think mine is/was. I'm confident and totally happy with myself, but I still get shy talking to new people because I simply haven't a clue what to talk about to them!

That said, with OD, meeting up with guys who I didn't actually know helped a lot. I'm not really shy on dates anymore because I've gotten used to talking to strangers and have learned how to make small talk and stuff like that.

If anyone's shy, have a few questions ready that could lead into conversations. That's what I always do, and I've never been stuck for conversation on a date yet since I started doing that.

I'm fine on dates it more in groups where I don't know many people etc.

blacklilly

knucklehead6 wrote: »

I'd also say shyness is a point of contention for people as it also implies a lack of confidence.

I'm not lacking in confidence, I've achieved a fair bit in my life and am actually happy enough with where I am at the moment, being single excepted.

I never felt shy on any dates I had through OD, which is strange, I didn't really explain myself well in my previous post because what really makes me shy is if I know someone likes me, which possible is due to a lack in confidence in ways but thankfully I'm confident in most other areas of my life.

Honey-ec

mood wrote: »

It's probably the shyness that is holding a lot of us back!

Eh, speak for yisserselves!

And I have to go back to something I spotted earlier, can't remember who posted it, but I HATE this cliche that sleeping with someone on the first night automatically rules you out. I slept with my husband on the first night; we were together 7 years after that. It's not an automatic deal-breaker and it is not a reflection on either party's moral fibre.

Galvasean

Agreed Honey-ec. Heavans forbid human beings should enjoy sexual intercourse!

jimbobaloobob

Society is a pain in the ass with how it sets those standards about what you should or shouldnt do on a first date.

People are too much into judging and comparing.
Get on with what you really want when you meet someone and forget what others think or want to think.

knucklehead6

Honey-ec wrote: »

Eh, speak for yisserselves!

And I have to go back to something I spotted earlier, can't remember who posted it, but I HATE this cliche that sleeping with someone on the first night automatically rules you out. I slept with my husband on the first night; we were together 7 years after that. It's not an automatic deal-breaker and it is not a reflection on either party's moral fibre.

I've had a 2 year and a 3 year relationship start off with sleeping together on our first night. I don't see any reason to suggest it is anything like a reflection on me, or either of my 2 ex's.

blacklilly

Honey-ec wrote: »

Eh, speak for yisserselves!

And I have to go back to something I spotted earlier, can't remember who posted it, but I HATE this cliche that sleeping with someone on the first night automatically rules you out. I slept with my husband on the first night; we were together 7 years after that. It's not an automatic deal-breaker and it is not a reflection on either party's moral fibre.

Sex is really bad for your health as is judging people

Insect Overlord

blacklilly wrote: »

Sex is really bad for your health as is judging people

Not sure if serious...

blacklilly

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Not sure if serious...

Totally not serious apart from the judging people part

jimbobaloobob

there should be a font for sacricsm on this or is there already.

magneticimpulse

One guy flew from another city from OD and obviously he stayed in my place... I think the assumption from both parties was something would happen. He dated a friend of mine and she said he was nice...so it was a fun weekend...thou due to distance it didn't go beyond that. We are still friends.

As I said before my ex from OD I asked him on the 4th date to go back to his as we had not kissed. We had gone to pubs, cinema, lunch in the park, meals and the place never seemed right. Although I didn't want to be so forward and stay at his...I knew that if I did it would be more relaxed atmosphere and easier to have our 1st kiss...of course we got carried away. It was a few weeks later before we actually did the deed. He thought it was rushed but I thought t was right.

Personally I might even wait longer in the future based on friends advice. Thou I would never judge someone...I just think the guys I go for (the nerdy reserved type) would prob judge me....thou like that I don't think it matters...if 2 people really like each other I think it will work out whether you stay over or not on 1st date.

jaffacakesyum

I also hate the "rules" that go along with dating and sex...when it feels right, it feels right, go for it and have fun! That said, I have a friend who really wants a boyfriend and is going on a good few dates (not online dating) and she usually ends up sleeping with the guys on the first date or soon after and then complains that they never want anything serious. I think if you sleep with someone on a first date you have to take the risk that it may not turn into something serious after. That said, if the guy (or girl) in question isn't looking for anything serious anyway (let's say at this point a discussion hasn't been had and you don't know what each other is looking for), than it doesn't matter if you sleep with them on the 1st or 5th date they will still not want anything serious out of it.

I have a date this week, trying to fit one in before Christmas.

jimbobaloobob

but thinking the people you go for might judge you is judging them, if your true to yourself you wont even consider their judging if they do their not for you.

Blacklily i think your right its all bad for you. Tie a knot on it or plug it everyone

blacklilly

jimbobaloobob wrote: »

but thinking the people you go for might judge you is judging them, if your true to yourself you wont even consider their judging if they do their not for you.

Blacklily i think your right its all bad for you. Tie a knot on it or plug it everyone

Everything in moderation....unless its really good.

Sex on the first date is still frowned upon by some people and there are men who will not contact a girl again if she has sex with him on the first date, double standards and all that. I think you reach a point in your adult life where if a man does that, you just move on quickly. I'm sure someday these men will find their virgin princesses

magneticimpulse

Just read a hilarious profile from a guy makes fun of the common things women put in their profiles...

jaffacakesyum

blacklilly wrote: »

Everything in moderation....unless its really good.

Sex on the first date is still frowned upon by some people and there are men who will not contact a girl again if she has sex with him on the first date, double standards and all that. I think you reach a point in your adult life where if a man does that, you just move on quickly. I'm sure someday these men will find their virgin princesses

I'd rather have sex with them on the first date and them not want anything to do with me afterwards, rather than date them, develop feelings for them and then down the line find out about their attitude to women.

Esoteric_

A fairly humourous read, detailing one woman's foray into online dating -

http://www.annalsofonlinedating.com/