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Shortest jokes ever!

2456

Comments

  • #52
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    If you think 7 years bad luck for breaking a mirror is to much try,breaking a condom!


  • #53
    Pal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,115 ✭✭✭Pal


    What do you call a deer with one eye ?
    No idea

    What do you call a deer with one eye and one leg ?
    Still no idea


  • #54
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,349 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Manchester United's Europa clash versus Athletic Bilbao reminds me of a night out I had when I got Diarrhoea.






    Sh!t over both legs.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #55
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!


  • #56
    Bearhunter
    Registered Users Posts: 656 ✭✭✭Bearhunter


    How do you catch a unique rabbit?
    Unique up on it...


  • #57
    Enright
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 946 ✭✭✭Enright


    how do you catch a tame unique rabbit?


    TAME way, you nique up behind it!


  • #58
    C0SM0
    Registered Users Posts: 104 ✭✭C0SM0


    EXIT signs, they're on the way out aren't they!!


  • #59
    Ded_Zebra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,792 ✭✭✭Ded_Zebra


    Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.


  • #60
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    I've just blocked my toilet.I don't know why I added it on Skype in the first place.


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  • #61
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    I spent some time in the Ukraine last year, and had a chick in Kiev.


  • #62
    tfitzgerald
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,285 ✭✭✭tfitzgerald


    Bootup wrote: »
    I spent some time in the Ukraine last year, and had a chick in Kiev.

    Wow! I bet she was tasty


  • #63
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    Bootup wrote: »
    I spent some time in the Ukraine last year, and had a chick in Kiev.

    Was there garlic run-off?


  • #64
    peteandjenn
    Registered Users Posts: 72 ✭✭peteandjenn


    Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?
    Cut off your head.

    :D:D


  • #65
    Frynge
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,667 ✭✭✭Frynge


    outside of dogs books are a mans best friend

    inside of dogs it is too dark to read


  • #66
    peteandjenn
    Registered Users Posts: 72 ✭✭peteandjenn


    WHAT DID THE GHOST SAY TO THE BEE?
    BOO-BEE

    You can have that one


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  • #67
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    I was going to make a joke about my wife's cooking.Then I realised it was in bad taste.


  • #68
    tayto lover
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 52,222 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    Bootup wrote: »
    I was going to make a joke about my wife's cooking.Then I realised it was in bad taste.

    My wife has a Black Belt in cookery. She could kill you with a single chop.


  • #69
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    How do you make a Pirate angry? Take the P out of him.


  • #70
    Nothingbetter2d
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,037 ✭✭✭Nothingbetter2d


    Bootup wrote: »
    I spent some time in the Ukraine last year, and had a chick in Kiev.

    did you nuke her to get her warmed up?


  • #71
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    If you shot a mime artist - would you use a silencer?


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  • #72
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Two homosexual Irishmen: Patrick Fitzwilliam and William Fitzpatrick.


  • #73
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Hear about the gay magician? He dissapeared with a puff


  • #74
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Two cannibals are eating a clown.One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"


  • #75
    Attie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 495 ✭✭Attie


    "Don't sweat petty stuff, and don't pet sweaty stuff"
    "Man who put cream in tart not always baker"
    "Passionate kiss like spider's web - soon lead to undoing of fly"
    "Virginity like bubble - one prick and all gone"
    "Panties not the best thing in the earth, but next to it"
    "It takes many nails to make a crib, but only one screw to fill it"
    "Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails"
    Attie


  • #76
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Are you allowed to kiss a nun? Yes, but don't get into the habit


  • #77
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Did you hear the one about the man with five dicks?His pants fit like a glove.


  • #78
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.


  • #79
    hop2it
    Registered Users Posts: 151 ✭✭hop2it


    statistically 6 out of 7 dwarf's are not happy


  • #80
    Attie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 495 ✭✭Attie


    All money is tainted, taint none of it mine.


  • #81
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.


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  • #82
    jackiebaron
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,038 ✭✭✭jackiebaron


    **** is a waste of fücking time.


  • #83
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Did you hear about the cannibal who was late to dinner? He got the cold shoulder.


  • #84
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    "Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"


  • #85
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Was the red sea formed during the period of Cleopatra?


  • #86
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.


  • #87
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.


  • #88
    Nothingbetter2d
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,037 ✭✭✭Nothingbetter2d


    Went to a weight watchers meeting last night. Opened a packet of maltesers and threw them all on the floor. Best game of hungry hippos ive ever seen !


  • #89
    micawber
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 115 ✭✭micawber


    Real Madrid - 2 Surreal Madrid - Fish


  • #90
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.


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  • #91
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    What do you call an Irish lesbian....Gaelic


  • #92
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Gynecologist: A spreader of old wives' tails.


  • #93
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Who invented fire? Some bright spark!


  • #94
    matthewspook7
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭matthewspook7


    what do you call a woman with 1 leg? Eileen


  • #95
    matthewspook7
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭matthewspook7


    what do you call a woman with no legs? Nolene


  • #96
    matthewspook7
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭matthewspook7


    what do you call a chinese man with one leg? Tai Wun Shoo


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  • #97
    matthewspook7
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭matthewspook7


    Two muffins are in the oven. One says to the other "God it's hot in here" The other one replies "Oh no... It's a talking muffin"


  • #98
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path.


  • #99
    rusty_racer94
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 866 ✭✭✭rusty_racer94


    ''A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "The highballs are on me."

    Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

    Pig with three eyes? Piiig.


  • #100
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    "3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."


  • #101
    Bootup
    Registered Users Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    "42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot."


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