LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

The King of Moo

howsyourtusk wrote: »

I'm in the arts too, education. Although the project has great scope to help those at third level I just feel that's not what I want to do tbh. I couldn't teach second level as I don't feel there's enough creative scope inside the system, it's too rigid and that would annoy me. So I'm just gonna pursue a few things. Good luck with the teaching though!

Cheers. I think I like teaching as it feels satisfying knowing you can point to some concrete things the kids have (hopefully!) learned.
I'm still not sure about teaching secondary here, but I've had good experiences teaching English as a second language to visiting kids. I think I'll do that for a while after I finish, even though it's not such a great earner, then decide after a while if I want to stick with it or retrain.

I've posted my story elsewhere but this is an apt place for it.

I was a bit of an oddball kid. I had different interests to others my age, was a "gifted child" and reacted aggressively if someone taunted me. I got on better with adults than I did with children. Nonetheless, I wasn't the least bit shy and regularly had cases of "foot in mouth disease" for saying something stupid or wholly inappropriate.

School bullying took it out of me over the years and it went with me from school to school, which just told me that it was my problem. By age 15 I had given up - I became very reclusive. I stopped doing things I liked doing and found it very difficult to express myself. This remains the case today. The end result of this is that I'm very introverted and shy. I've been living alone for the last four years. I really have to force myself to be social. As a result I've never had a girlfriend or been in a meaningful relationship. When I try to talk to someone I fancy, I just go blank. I don't have many friends in real life either - the internet was great to get me interacting with people but it's just not the same to be honest.

I've tried to get counselling and therapy but the answer always seems to pretty much boil down to "be more social" without working on the reasons why I feel I can't do that. Spending the rest of my life alone isn't something I want but it's a very real possibility.

howsyourtusk

The King of Moo wrote: »

Cheers. I think I like teaching as it feels satisfying knowing you can point to some concrete things the kids have (hopefully!) learned.
I'm still not sure about teaching secondary here, but I've had good experiences teaching English as a second language to visiting kids. I think I'll do that for a while after I finish, even though it's not such a great earner, then decide after a while if I want to stick with it or retrain.

Love teaching, just, as I said, not in that rigid environment. Interested in a side project of working with deaf people to produce better resources for teaching mathematics, have to learn to sign first though but it's on the list come finishing thesis time. So much stuff you can do in education but so little options with funding here. It's a disgrace but that's for another thread.

@Karsini, chin up dude, that feeling of being alone is the emptiest ****ing hole in the universe. I'm lucky to have loads of friends and family who understand but I still get that feeling on a pretty regular basis. I'm sure you've gotten the stock advice plenty of times, I dunno what else to say, but you just have to try in real life, there cannot not be a person out there who isn't in the same boat as you, has the same interests, etc,.

Is there a forum here on boards for people to come together who suffer from depression? Just to share experiences in the real world, away from alcohol, typical Irish ****e. Might be an idea if it doesn't already exist!

banquo

howsyourtusk wrote: »

ople to come together who suffer from depression? Just to share experiences in the real world, away from alcohol, typical Irish ****e. Might be an idea if it doesn't already exist!

There is a very excellent thread, which has always been a fantastic resource.

howsyourtusk

banquo wrote: »

There is a very excellent thread, which has always been a fantastic resource.

Cheers, will follow it!

take everything

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

CBT also stands for cock and ball torture in the S&M world. There isn't, as yet, any evidence favouring this as a treatment for depression.

Not sure about your cock and ball treatment but there's plenty of evidence of CBT's efficacy in depression.

DeVore

Suddenly I'm not so interested in getting counselling for some reason


:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

howsyourtusk

DeVore wrote: »

Suddenly I'm not so interested in getting counselling for some reason


:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Get lucky? :pac:

Paddy Cow

Karsini wrote: »

I've posted my story elsewhere but this is an apt place for it.

I was a bit of an oddball kid. I had different interests to others my age, was a "gifted child" and reacted aggressively if someone taunted me. I got on better with adults than I did with children. Nonetheless, I wasn't the least bit shy and regularly had cases of "foot in mouth disease" for saying something stupid or wholly inappropriate.

School bullying took it out of me over the years and it went with me from school to school, which just told me that it was my problem. By age 15 I had given up - I became very reclusive. I stopped doing things I liked doing and found it very difficult to express myself. This remains the case today. The end result of this is that I'm very introverted and shy. I've been living alone for the last four years. I really have to force myself to be social. As a result I've never had a girlfriend or been in a meaningful relationship. When I try to talk to someone I fancy, I just go blank. I don't have many friends in real life either - the internet was great to get me interacting with people but it's just not the same to be honest.

I've tried to get counselling and therapy but the answer always seems to pretty much boil down to "be more social" without working on the reasons why I feel I can't do that. Spending the rest of my life alone isn't something I want but it's a very real possibility.

Have you been tested for Aspergers?

Paddy Cow

Paddy Cow wrote: »

Have you been tested for Aspergers?

No but I've suspected it for a long time. The last therapist I saw didn't want to know, she said "anyone can tick a few boxes" and "you should focus on what you can do, not what you can't."

Paddy Cow

Karsini wrote: »

No but I've suspected it for a long time. The last therapist I saw didn't want to know, she said "anyone can tick a few boxes" and "you should focus on what you can do, not what you can't."

She sounds like a kunt.

Aspire have a great website http://aspireireland.ie/

If you haven't come across it already, it's well worth a look

Mucky.Bucky

Slept a bit better last night but sleep was still poor. About two hours early in the night. Was up from 2am doing jobs. Back into bed at 6 and slept for another 2 hours. Head cold is still with me and it's that, that has me awake.

My mind is still rotten from time to time. I wrote a few pages back the cause of this spell of depression and the outgoing crap. Well I'm still riddled with guilt for turning around and treating Mr.Lying Asshole like crap. I came down on him like a ton of bricks and I was very, very harsh and obsessive. I was bad but it was way after his bullsh1tting crap and lies. Why am I feeling so bad about it considering he never cared about me? The mind just boggles. I really need to shake this off. I guess I fell at the idea of the man being so nice and gentlemanny but in time I realised he was a fake. I'm also afraid of being shunned from mutual acquinstances. I've locked myself away now for so long about this I don't want to take the next step forward in case I'm challenged for being a b1tch.

I had the day off and went out and about at lunch time. Wandered about art and craft shops and bookshops. It was very therapeutic. I went for lunch afterwards in a lovely hotel and sat and relaxed for ages. Am going away for a few days this week which I'm looking forward to. Dreading good friday though. Looking forward to the titantic movie in 3D coming out next weekend. Have seen it loads of times but I love 3D. I have a feeling I might get seasick.

stupidusername

been crying off and on for hours. feel terrible. i can't have a normal relationship cause i pick at every little thing. it'd drive anyone crazy.

stupidusername

stupidusername wrote: »

been crying off and on for hours. feel terrible. i can't have a normal relationship cause i pick at every little thing. it'd drive anyone crazy.

*hugs* Can't really do much more than that from here I'm afraid.

jaffacakesyum

stupidusername wrote: »

been crying off and on for hours. feel terrible. i can't have a normal relationship cause i pick at every little thing. it'd drive anyone crazy.

Hope you feel better soon. If it helps, I wish I had any relationships to be crap at :pac:

stupidusername

sorry, dunno why i say these things

howsyourtusk

stupidusername wrote: »

been crying off and on for hours. feel terrible. i can't have a normal relationship cause i pick at every little thing. it'd drive anyone crazy.

Don't I know it. Ended a relationship with the hottest, most attractive girl I've ever met a while back. Just because I couldn't turn my brain off and destroyed the whole thing in my head. I gave up but if you really like him just stick with it, I wish I'd had the courage too

stupidusername

howsyourtusk wrote: »

Don't I know it. Ended a relationship with the hottest, most attractive girl I've ever met a while back. Just because I couldn't turn my brain off and destroyed the whole thing in my head. I gave up but if you really like him just stick with it, I wish I'd had the courage too

thing is I would stick with it, but I don't want to put him through it

howsyourtusk

stupidusername wrote: »

thing is I would stick with it, but I don't want to put him through it

Well that's the excuse I made too. And I can't tell you if that is the right thing to do or not. Remember he has choices too, he's an adult and you don't have to make all the decisions! I mean that in the sense relinquishing control is part of a relationship, a healthy one.

Millicent

stupidusername wrote: »

been crying off and on for hours. feel terrible. i can't have a normal relationship cause i pick at every little thing. it'd drive anyone crazy.

I'm really sorry to hear that. How are you feeling now? Is there anything you can see that has prompted this or is it out of the blue?

stupidusername

Millicent wrote: »

I'm really sorry to hear that. How are you feeling now? Is there anything you can see that has prompted this or is it out of the blue?

i didn't mean to make this all about me.
feeling ...meh. i know what's prompted it. my insecurities. how would you expect someone to have a relationship with someone like this.it's impossible.

Earthhorse

When it comes to compulsive thinking, stupidusername, I would say that is something you can work on and improve. Either through counselling or through reading up on things like mindfulness or meditation. Perhaps I make it sound easy but it's a lot of hard work. Worth it though, if it is getting in the way of meaningful friendships or relationships.

Hope you feel better soon anyway.

Millicent

stupidusername wrote: »

i didn't mean to make this all about me.
feeling ...meh. i know what's prompted it. my insecurities. how would you expect someone to have a relationship with someone like this.it's impossible.

I fully acknowledge that I have been a pain in the arse at times to my boyfriend. I couldn't help it but I was. The thing to remember though is that even if you are being a bit of one, it's the exception, rather than the rule.

I feel I know your personality quite well from all our communicating on here and I know you are a decent, good, funny, kind, warm person. We all bring our faults into a relationship and mental issues are just like any other fault--a small part of our personality. Don't let it define you. You bring more to a relationship than insecurity or low self esteem. You bring all those wonderful aspects with you and that's the reason he wants to see you. x

stupidusername

Millicent wrote: »

I fully acknowledge that I have been a pain in the arse at times to my boyfriend. I couldn't help it but I was. The thing to remember though is that even if you are being a bit of one, it's the exception, rather than the rule.

I feel I know your personality quite well from all our communicating on here and I know you are a decent, good, funny, kind, warm person. We all bring our faults into a relationship and mental issues are just like any other fault--a small part of our personality. Don't let it define you. You bring more to a relationship than insecurity or low self esteem. You bring all those wonderful aspects with you and that's the reason he wants to see you. x

thanks.
you're right, there is more. though, at least right now it doesn't seem like there's a good balance.

Wibbs

stupidusername wrote: »

thanks.
you're right, there is more. though, at least right now it doesn't seem like there's a good balance.

Speaking as a rank amateur S the biggest difference I've noted between depressed and non depressed people is the former are of a magnitude more self critical of themselves. The non depressed either accept they're being pains in the arse in life and relationships, or more's the case don't even notice. The depressed folks count every little thing as a black mark in the "I'm worthless and here's the evidence" personal book of their lives. Sometimes they seem to swing between exaggerated negativity and positivity depending on mood and stimulus. That has to be a headwreck.

I know in the past I've sometimes described depressed people as being self centered, but I did not mean it in the pejorative sense at all. I meant it more in the sense that they tend to be overly self focused and focused on the negative concerning the outside world, but most of all the negative they perceive in themselves. 9 times outa 10 a negative the rest of the world doesn't see. Indeed the outside world and partners only really see your reaction to this negative, not the (non) negative itself.

TL;DR? Unless your name is Mr Christ or Mr Buddha you're likely a sometime pain in the arse, but don't let this condition and mindset make you think you're any more of a pain in the arse than everyone else. You're not.

Millicent

stupidusername wrote: »

thanks.
you're right, there is more. though, at least right now it doesn't seem like there's a good balance.

Go easy on yourself and give yourself time to see it. Alternatively, rope in a good mate and let them tell you how great you are. I have one friend that helps a lot with this stuff--she's as smart as they come, a genuinely decent person and very kind. I used to tell myself if I was feeling a bit crap that this person I valued that much couldn't be wrong about me. It helps sometimes.

stupidusername

i know what you're saying wibbs, but really I am that bad. not even two months in and it's already that bad.

thanks for all the attempts, it really is so nice, but well, no one can help. i'll be better after a good sleep, probably. i'll have a clearer head anyway.

Millicent

stupidusername wrote: »

i know what you're saying wibbs, but really I am that bad. not even two months in and it's already that bad.

thanks for all the attempts, it really is so nice, but well, no one can help. i'll be better after a good sleep, probably. i'll have a clearer head anyway.

Let us know how you're feeling tomorrow. And I know it seems hopeless sometimes but others can help. It's too much to shoulder on your own and keeping it to yourself only allows that little voice in your head to become a tidal wave of self doubt.

howsyourtusk

Two months? You made it two months? Do you know how many one week, even one day relationships I've had? Two months is amazing, and I mean that sincerely. Keep at it, if you ask yourself is he worth it and answer yes then just struggle through. He'll do what he has to do

steddyeddy

stupidusername wrote: »

thing is I would stick with it, but I don't want to put him through it

Having been feeling like you do now while in relationships with fantastic girls only to pick out the things wrong in the relationship and ended up sabotaging my own happiness by pushing them away. I would say something to him, you deserve to be happy.