LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

nesf

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

Is there any way that I could go on anti-depressants without my parents finding out?

Depends on whether you're old enough to be on a separate DPS "card" or not. And, having been through this personally, you're probably better off being upfront with them about it.

ItsAWindUp

nesf wrote: »

Depends on whether you're old enough to be on a separate DPS "card" or not. And, having been through this personally, you're probably better off being upfront with them about it.

I don't know about the card thing, but I am over eighteen. And if possible I'd rather that they didn't find out about it. Does anyone know how much anti-depressants roughly cost?

jammstarr

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

I don't know about the card thing, but I am over eighteen. And if possible I'd rather that they didn't find out about it. Does anyone know how much anti-depressants roughly cost?

Really depends on what you're prescribed. I was paying €100 for a months supply at one stage.

I'd second talking with your folks even if you're a legal adult. They'll only want to help you out

Mucky.Bucky

Although I was never diagnosed with depression because I never went to my doctor I highly suspected it.

The past couple of months were dreadful for me. All though I was able to keep up with work (thank goodness) and I was grand in work all though a bit gloomy, my free time outside of work was black. From October to Feb I was stuck in that black hole.

I wrote about the depressive spell above a page back and it was brought about by sheer assholish behaviour and lies that I believed. I just couldn't understand why someone would behave like that - getting someones hopes up just to crush them and lie, lie, and lie. At one stage when I was locked in that black hole I transmitted that crap I received from him back at him in the form of nasty messages. That's not like me and I felt worse in the long run.

Now that I'm climbing out from that black hole in my own way and reaching the top and things are somewhat ok aside from huge feelings of shame and guilt due to transmitting the crap back at the chap, should I go to me GP?

HalloweenJack

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

And if possible I'd rather that they didn't find out about it.

Just to add my name to those saying you should talk to your parents about it.

It was really uncomfortable for me to talk about it with my mother. I felt guilty about it, as if I'd let her down, but she was really understanding. She said she was proud of me 'cause I was admitting that I needed help and that I was doing something about it. That actually made me feel better about it.

I only talked to her about it after I'd been through the worst and felt a lot more comfortable about myself and a lot more confident about my feelings.

I don't want to make any assumptions and maybe you have a different relationship with your parents than I have with my mother but I would suggest talking to them about it. I would think you'll find them to be nothing but supportive and concerned.

Mucky.Bucky

Mucky.Bucky wrote: »

Although I was never diagnosed with depression because I never went to my doctor I highly suspected it.

The past couple of months were dreadful for me. All though I was able to keep up with work (thank goodness) and I was grand in work all though a bit gloomy, my free time outside of work was black. From October to Feb I was stuck in that black hole.

I wrote about the depressive spell above a page back and it was brought about by sheer assholish behaviour and lies that I believed. I just couldn't understand why someone would behave like that - getting someones hopes up just to crush them and lie, lie, and lie. At one stage when I was locked in that black hole I transmitted that crap I received from him back at him in the form of nasty messages. That's not like me and I felt worse in the long run.

Now that I'm climbing out from that black hole in my own way and reaching the top and things are somewhat ok aside from huge feelings of shame and guilt due to transmitting the crap back at the chap, should I go to me GP?

God! I was batsh1t crazy and that crap will come back to bite me in my ass some day.

catthinkin

God! I was batsh1t crazy and that crap will come back to bite me in my ass some day.[/Quote]

I dont think there is a person on this planet that hasnt done some crazy **** in their time. Apologise to the person if you can and move on be kind to yourself good to know u feel ur getting better

Mucky.Bucky

catthinkin wrote: »

God! I was batsh1t crazy and that crap will come back to bite me in my ass some day.

I dont think there is a person on this planet that hasnt done some crazy **** in their time. Apologise to the person if you can and move on be kind to yourself good to know u feel ur getting better [/QUOTE]

Apoligising is something I want to do because I was in the wrong but I am kinda in two minds about it. He drove me into despair with his lies and actions and had absolutely no remorse for me or my feelings. Which actually started off the depressive episode. He made me feel so unbelievably low and worthless. There wasn't even so much as even an apology from him. Almost as if to say: if you feel that way, it's nothing to do with me.

catthinkin

Mucky.Bucky wrote: »

catthinkin wrote: »

God! I was batsh1t crazy and that crap will come back to bite me in my ass some day.

I dont think there is a person on this planet that hasnt done some crazy **** in their time. Apologise to the person if you can and move on be kind to yourself good to know u feel ur getting better

Apoligising is something I want to do because I was in the wrong but I am kinda in two minds about it. He drove me into despair with his lies and actions and had absolutely no remorse for me or my feelings. Which actually started off the depressive episode. He made me feel so unbelievably low and worthless. There wasn't even so much as even an apology from him. Almost as if to say: if you feel that way, it's nothing to do with me.[/Quote]

maybe write him a letter saying sorry ? Then never post it

ItsAWindUp

jammstarr wrote: »

Really depends on what you're prescribed. I was paying €100 for a months supply at one stage.

I'd second talking with your folks even if you're a legal adult. They'll only want to help you out

Whaaaaaaat:eek:I can't afford that

jammstarr

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

Whaaaaaaat:eek:I can't afford that

I was working at the time thankfully however it was still a chunk of wages. If possible look into the drug payment scheme or a medical card.

mysteries1984

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

Whaaaaaaat:eek:I can't afford that

jammstarr wrote: »

I was working at the time thankfully however it was still a chunk of wages. If possible look into the drug payment scheme or a medical card.

+1 to this. Mine cost me €1.89 each, and I take 3 a day.

Also +1 to talking to your parents about it, best thing I ever did.

roseybear

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

Is there any way that I could go on anti-depressants without my parents finding out?

chances are your parents already know something is up. i know in my case, they knew something was wrong long before i even realised it. they were the ones who brought me to the doc last summer to get a prescritption for antidepressants. i was 20 at the time, and although i have always been an extremely independent person this was one time that i was glad they were involved in my business. it just makes things easier when they do know as they can be aware of stressful times and keep an extra eye on you

guitarzero

Just curious as to what some folks make of these observations about psychiatry.

http://www.indymedia.ie/article/60719?userlanguage=ga&save_prefs=true

Im hoping this wont spiral into some dispute, see no reason why it should, but have a read through and see if any of it strikes a chord in anyway. Personally, I have no experience with psychiatry but I'm due an appointment soon enough. It all seems pretty murky.

I had once thought psychiatry was based on some form of emotional interaction akin to psychotherapy but it seems its pretty much like a drug merchant.

Also, I remember once reading that people who are left handed are more prone to depression, if I can find the link I'll post it. 1 in 10 people are thought to be left handed yet the ratio was said to be greater on part of left handers in the context of depression and addiction.

mysteries1984

guitarzero wrote: »

Just curious as to what some folks make of these observations about psychiatry.

http://www.indymedia.ie/article/60719?userlanguage=ga&save_prefs=true

Im hoping this wont spiral into some dispute, see no reason why it should, but have a read through and see if any of it strikes a chord in anyway. Personally, I have no experience with psychiatry but I'm due an appointment soon enough. It all seems pretty murky.

I had once thought psychiatry was based on some form of emotional interaction akin to psychotherapy but it seems its pretty much like a drug merchant.

Also, I remember once reading that people who are left handed are more prone to depression, if I can find the link I'll post it. 1 in 10 people are thought to be left handed yet the ratio was said to be greater on part of left handers in the context of depression and addiction.

I mostly skimmed it - but numbers 1 and 12 stood out to me as bizarre and blatantly untrue, with no proof posted there to back such statements up. It strikes me as nonsense that's potentially far more damaging than it claims psychiatrists to be.

K-9

guitarzero wrote: »

Just curious as to what some folks make of these observations about psychiatry.

http://www.indymedia.ie/article/60719?userlanguage=ga&save_prefs=true

Im hoping this wont spiral into some dispute, see no reason why it should, but have a read through and see if any of it strikes a chord in anyway. Personally, I have no experience with psychiatry but I'm due an appointment soon enough. It all seems pretty murky.

I had once thought psychiatry was based on some form of emotional interaction akin to psychotherapy but it seems its pretty much like a drug merchant.

Also, I remember once reading that people who are left handed are more prone to depression, if I can find the link I'll post it. 1 in 10 people are thought to be left handed yet the ratio was said to be greater on part of left handers in the context of depression and addiction.

While there probably is some truth buried in there somewhere, it kind of gets lost amid all the hyperbole, it's indymedia after all! I'd call it hypocritical as that article could potentially be very dangerous for somebody taking it too seriously!

purplestuff

Depression is exactly as you have described it.It's a sense of nothingness.I've had it for a couple of years now and the best description I've heard , bar your own, is from Stephen Fry.It was in his documentary on Manic Depression.''Everything bad that happens to you is because you are a complete and utter ****''.It's not necessarily true but it's how it can feel sometimes.

nesf

K-9 wrote: »

While there probably is some truth buried in there somewhere, it kind of gets lost amid all the hyperbole, it's indymedia after all! I'd call it hypocritical as that article could potentially be very dangerous for somebody taking it too seriously!

This.

Mucky.Bucky

The feelings of shame, guilt, disguist and fear were very strong today. Sorrow and regret too.

Princess Peach

Captain Graphite wrote: »

I've shared my story here before, and since then things have mostly been a bit better. But recently I've made the mortal error of allowing myself time to think. I'm currently in China, teaching English until the end of May. I came here to have an adventure, to get away from home, to give myself somewhere new to try and shake old demons out. And for the first couple of weeks, when everything was new and hectic, it worked. My mind was free of personal problems. Instead I focussed on getting along with Chinese public transport and being taken to fancy restaurants every few nights by gracious Chinese hosts. This should be the opportunity of a lifetime for me. I reckon a lot of people would love to be where I am right now. I should be giddy with excitement constantly.

But I can't feeling really underwhelmed and lonely right now. Other than two other foreign ESL teachers, there's no-one here for me to talk to really. But I know if I went back home, it'd pretty much just be my family I'd be talking to. Going back home would mean going back to mindnumbing days of boredom, unemployment and loneliness. At least here, the loneliness part is all I have to deal with. So there's no point in me going back home. But the novelty of teaching has worn off after a couple of weeks and, after 18 classes a week, I'm usually just left with a very sore throat and a vague sense of futility.

When I do get back home, I'm starting a Masters in Nottingham in September. And already I can't help thinking to myself; what if I'm not able for it? I screwed up in college a lot of the time and I can't help feeling I'll screw up this time too. I should be looking forward to having another great opportunity but, eight months in advance, I'm already just pretty terrified.

Going back to the loneliness thing, I know there's no chance of me having any sort of lovelife over here in China (the whole "gheyness" thing is non-existent where I am) and it probably won't be any different when I get back home. I love being in a relationship but my previous two both ended disastrously. I don't talk to either of my exes anymore, and that really bugs me. I think it says a lot about me that, two years in a row, I get dumped right before my birthday by guys who, only a little while before, told me that they loved me. And it feels really unhealthy that I have yet to have an ex that I've stayed friends with after. It feels like I'm just completely disposable, or something. Good for a few months and then thrown away. And even though I long for a relationship that works out (or even one that ends well), I'm now terrified of even the prospect of going on a date with anyone. If what's already happened to me twice happens a third time......there's no way I can deal with that kind of shít.

I'm only 22 years old but already it feels like I have unhealthy amounts of regret. There are so many things I wish I could change about my life and the way things have gone. I know that the past is the past, and that there's nothing I can do about it. But no matter how many times I tell myself that, my mind won't let me stop pondering the "what-ifs". And I've done the whole counselling thing, psychotherapy thing, psychiatric thing, anti-depressants thing (still on them at the moment)....and every time it feels like I'm resolving things and moving in the right direction, something comes along to just set me back again.

I'm not even looking for advice or sympathy any more, really. I just need to vent, and online is pretty much the only place I can do it right now. And a lot of this stuff I've already posted about before, so anyone who knows me that reads it would be forgiven for rolling their eyes and calling me a broken record. Maybe someone shouting in my face, telling me to cop on and get the fúck over myself is what I need.

I really thought I'd moved on from the whole "needing to see the bad in everything" mindset, and 2012 started off on such a high note; getting to go to China, getting accepted for a Masters......I should not be feeling so down right now. It just doesn't make sense. Nothing about depression does, I guess.

I just moved to Canada 2 months ago. Everyone is really nice but hard to kinda break through the barrier to good friends you know? So gets pretty lonely sometimes.

Feeling exactly the same as you. Everything was so exciting at first and then I kinda hit a plateau. Did you learn about the stages of culture shock in your ESL training? I did a course last year and its one of the things we learned about. Here's a link, lots of other sites on it too.

http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/cultural-services/articles/cultureshock-stages.html

You are probably just in stage 2. I had this all too the last time I moved to the states. Don't beat yourself up about it or think its you slipping back into depression. Hopefully it's just a bit of homesickness and will pass

You should be so proud of yourself going on an adventure and getting accepted to your masters. You've taken control of your life and are making positive changes. Hope you feel better soon and start enjoying yourself again.

stupidusername

I'm realising more and more that it's anxiety I have, rather than depression. depression induced by anxiety I suppose. but much about a depression diagnosis is just me I think.

jammstarr

stupidusername wrote: »

I'm realising more and more that it's anxiety I have, rather than depression. depression induced by anxiety I suppose. but much about a depression diagnosis is just me I think.

I used to think the same but they're after flip flopping so many times now I can't tell anymore.

K-9

stupidusername wrote: »

I'm realising more and more that it's anxiety I have, rather than depression. depression induced by anxiety I suppose. but much about a depression diagnosis is just me I think.

I'd concentrate on the anxiety part if you think depression is the symptom. Read up on it as much as you can, try and address it and see if it makes any difference.

I know, all seems very simple when its put like that, and it isn't!

stupidusername

K-9 wrote: »

I'd concentrate on the anxiety part if you think depression is the symptom. Read up on it as much as you can, try and address it and see if it makes any difference.

I know, all seems very simple when its put like that, and it isn't!

i'm going to CBT for it. after analysing my thoughts for tonight I really don't see how I'll ever get past it. i'll never have a normal ****ing relationship!

K-9

DeVore wrote: »

It's incredibly easy to feel alone in a foreign country. No language , cant read or write, different culture etc... Trust me I've been on the road in Asia now for two weeks and it's a challenge but I have a buddy with me which makes it a bit easier... College will be a lot easier I think, cos you will have plenty of people who are potential friends. You are 22, I envy you. It gets sooooo much better.

Sherlock Season 2 is out on DVD here!

Young lad loved the first series and thought the cliffhanger was great, as I said, if you think that was good, wait till you see Season 2! Still thinks the movies are better so I think Series 2 will knock that out of him!

Anybody any good ideas for evening classes, general activities, not involving the pub or drink?

nesf

K-9 wrote: »

Anybody any good ideas for evening classes, general activities, not involving the pub or drink?

Take up Go! Free to play online on the KGS or IGS servers. It'll keep you busy forever and there's loads of free learning tools here:

http://senseis.xmp.net/

and

http://goproblems.com/

That's my current hobby. I'm still crap at it though.

Night_Shade

hi, this thread is a great read.

personally, i've had some major issues over the last 6 months that have really affected my life but i've no idea whether or no i'm actually **depressed** or if it's just a massive mental disorder that leads to symptoms of depression (i assume this is possible?)

i know myself that i've a huge mental disorder. it's a body image disorder. i know i have it, but haven't had the courage to go and see someone over it. basically i've been avoiding everyone i know these past 6 months bar a handful of people (mainly immediate family). and by avoiding, i mean none of them have actually seen me in 6 months. i never go down town anymore, i don't exercise and stay at home all day on the computer. i sleep at odd times, often wake up in the middle of the night. the odd time i do leave the house (only when i absolutely have to) i am extraordinarily anxious. i feel like i can't let anyone see me. i've also withdrawn from previous sporting activities i was engaged in. all of them.

i have hope, most of the time. i know what to do to fix it (at least temporarily). a strict healthy diet and exercise for about 6 weeks and i'd be back to normal, happy to see people and get out and about again. sometimes i might get through a day or two of sticking to my goals but always, i end up failing. the motivation just isn't strong enough. and then i suffer from feelings of guilt and occasionally have the odd thought of suicide when i'm at my lowest (although, i could never, ever, see myself going through with it, it's more of a selfish gesture than a serious thought). and then i get back to planning the healthy diet and exercise routine, get through a day or two and the same thing happens. rinse and repeat. has been happening for the guts of 6 months now.

i've only recently thought that i may be depressed. i hadn't done so before because i always thought depression was something that happens relatively naturally to people, they become sad for no reason whereas i know what the root of my problems are. the more i think about it, the more confused i become about it all.

Mucky.Bucky

catthinkin wrote: »

Apoligising is something I want to do because I was in the wrong but I am kinda in two minds about it. He drove me into despair with his lies and actions and had absolutely no remorse for me or my feelings. Which actually started off the depressive episode. He made me feel so unbelievably low and worthless. There wasn't even so much as even an apology from him. Almost as if to say: if you feel that way, it's nothing to do with me.

maybe write him a letter saying sorry ? Then never post it [/QUOTE]

I wrote him an apology. It didn't help one bit. Apologising is something I so badly want to do but I'm only going to make a fool of myself sending it because he was completely inconsiderate of me with empty promises crushing me which led to the depression which led to me being a b1tch and an absolutely batsh1t crazy one. He may be likely to dismiss it too.

Will ponder it for a few more days.

Wattle

Night_Shade wrote: »

hi, this thread is a great read.

personally, i've had some major issues over the last 6 months that have really affected my life but i've no idea whether or no i'm actually **depressed** or if it's just a massive mental disorder that leads to symptoms of depression (i assume this is possible?)

i know myself that i've a huge mental disorder. it's a body image disorder. i know i have it, but haven't had the courage to go and see someone over it. basically i've been avoiding everyone i know these past 6 months bar a handful of people (mainly immediate family). and by avoiding, i mean none of them have actually seen me in 6 months. i never go down town anymore, i don't exercise and stay at home all day on the computer. i sleep at odd times, often wake up in the middle of the night. the odd time i do leave the house (only when i absolutely have to) i am extraordinarily anxious. i feel like i can't let anyone see me. i've also withdrawn from previous sporting activities i was engaged in. all of them.

i have hope, most of the time. i know what to do to fix it (at least temporarily). a strict healthy diet and exercise for about 6 weeks and i'd be back to normal, happy to see people and get out and about again. sometimes i might get through a day or two of sticking to my goals but always, i end up failing. the motivation just isn't strong enough. and then i suffer from feelings of guilt and occasionally have the odd thought of suicide when i'm at my lowest (although, i could never, ever, see myself going through with it, it's more of a selfish gesture than a serious thought). and then i get back to planning the healthy diet and exercise routine, get through a day or two and the same thing happens. rinse and repeat. has been happening for the guts of 6 months now.

i've only recently thought that i may be depressed. i hadn't done so before because i always thought depression was something that happens relatively naturally to people, they become sad for no reason whereas i know what the root of my problems are. the more i think about it, the more confused i become about it all.

I would try and break the cycle of reclusiveness if I were you diet or no diet. Being by ourselves when we're ill just makes us more self obsessed and less able to communicate with people. Maybe you shouldn't try and do this alone? Maybe you should talk to a counsellor or family member? From reading your message it sounds like you may be setting yourself too high of a level of perfection. If you give in just once you end up feeling like a miserable failure and you are back to square one. This is unhealthy thinking. Try and talk to someone with a sympathetic listening ear. One of the irony's of depression is that we need people most when we least feel like talking to them.

SerialComplaint

Night_Shade wrote: »

hi, this thread is a great read.

personally, i've had some major issues over the last 6 months that have really affected my life but i've no idea whether or no i'm actually **depressed** or if it's just a massive mental disorder that leads to symptoms of depression (i assume this is possible?)

i know myself that i've a huge mental disorder. it's a body image disorder. i know i have it, but haven't had the courage to go and see someone over it. basically i've been avoiding everyone i know these past 6 months bar a handful of people (mainly immediate family). and by avoiding, i mean none of them have actually seen me in 6 months. i never go down town anymore, i don't exercise and stay at home all day on the computer. i sleep at odd times, often wake up in the middle of the night. the odd time i do leave the house (only when i absolutely have to) i am extraordinarily anxious. i feel like i can't let anyone see me. i've also withdrawn from previous sporting activities i was engaged in. all of them.

Congrats on posting here. This could be your first step on a long road to recovery.

My amateur opinion is that you need to move from trying to 'fix' your perceived problem (with weight presumably) as the first step. Lots of us are overweight - me included. Most of us don't let it rule our lives.

You might be able to start addressing this issue yourself, or with help from family or friends, or by getting professional help. But either way, don't keep falling into the trap of thinking that the first thing you have to deal with is diet. In reality, the first thing you have to deal with is how you are letting your body image issue control your life.