Single women 'on the lookout for a man'

Maple

Nulty wrote: »

You know, when its said that your smile makes things easier, its not that you have a beautiful smile that makes the differencee, its that it makes you less intimidating to the other person. don't worry about what you look like when you smile - thats not important. Whats important is the message you send when you smile.

2 cents

This. If i'm out and catch someone's eye I always smile. Hold eye contact and smile. One of us will then engineer a meeting, whether it be a trip to the loo or the bar and I always try to be polite and make conversation. If it doesn't work then I just say I'm heading back to my mates and tell them to enjoy their night.

There's no need to be rude or ignorant about it, although it can be hard not to be when someone is drunk and obnoxious but it takes guts to approach anyone so that at least deserves some recognition.

Scanlas The 2nd

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I think I will keep my anecdotes to myself in future, I mean, how dare I try to be friendly and say hello when these poor women are subjected to the never ending horrors that they have been? How unthoughtful of me.

I see nothing unnatural about saying hello and introducing myself to a group of people, Ive done this quite a bit, no one has ever said it was weird, and Ive made some great friends in doing so. Its a bit strange, you complain, and rightly so, about drunken lecherous guys approaching, yet you also complain about what I said. Its a bit of a joke tbh, I was friendly and clearly said why I was there. If she doesn't believe that, then thats her problem, not mine, not much else I can do. Its attitudes like this which result in guys getting tanked up before going over to women, I didn't do that, I was just friendly, yet am still wrong.

I was told to feck of solely based on my looks, I am sure if I said I told some woman who came over in the same circumstances to feck off because I thought she was ugly I would be rightly crucified.

You seem to think you are entitled to respect, manners and politeness. That belief is not in alignment with reality. Incorrect beliefs like this can be very harmful as they can cause depression, bitterness and anger when real life contradicts the belief.

I don't see how it's the girls problem that she didn't believe you, It's no ones problem. She probably forgot about you and got on with her night.

I think a lot of people think like this. They want to know rules for how to behave in situations and to know what to expect when the rules are applied. But this only ends in misery. You can never know how people will respond. Become comfortable with that, let uncertainty be your friend. That will give you more confidence. Also you didn't do anythink wrong, just because someone is rude to you doesn't make you wrong.

If a four yearl old kid was rude to you would you be as angry about it or would you just shrug it off?

starlit

Nozebleed wrote: »

can i ask a question..you dont have to answer of course..im just curious..have you ever asked a guy out on a date? honestly..

Yes I have but turned me down most of the time. So end up waiting until they ask me sometimes I'll oblige other times I won't!

Wolfe Tone

You seem to think you are entitled to respect, manners and politeness.

I should be, and so should everyone else.

Discodog

missrandomer wrote: »

ok so smile: check
be braver: check

but can i ask.... do guys in your opinion think in that level in just one glance. i dunno but i cant see someone thinkin "she mite be worth getting to know but is shy" just from a room scan and a smile. Its keeping the attention i supose is wher the work comes in.

Personally if you smiled & made eye contact, so I knew that it was me that you were smiling at & not the guy standing behind me, I would definitely want to know more about you. I wouldn't know at that point that you were shy - I would only find out by talking to you.

If, because of shyness, you were not very responsive but you kept smiling then I would definitely continue talking to you. After all, in one way, the less you say the more that I have to discover.

missrandomer

Discodog wrote: »

If, because of shyness, you were not very responsive but you kept smiling then I would definitely continue talking to you. After all, in one way, the less you say the more that I have to discover.

true but i wud look a little funny if i stood there grinnin so i would have to say somethin... stuttering like scratched dvd isnt good haha but i wish ther were more like minded people lik you out there. least then i could relax abit and maby people would have time to see that im pretty ok to talk to (hopefully)

Wibbs

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I should be, and so should everyone else.

Great in theory, but in reality? I personally extend respect to people I dont know, but I do it for myself, I don't do it expecting it to be returned. Nice when it is is, but when its not, no big deal for me.

People who demand respect? All they'll ever get from me is politeness, they don't deserve respect IMHO. Respect is earned over time and ebbs and flows. It's a living thing, it's not demanded.

So in the end I work on the principle and always have that the attitudes of strangers have zero relevance for me. Men women whatever. Woman turns me down? Big deal. Turns me down nastily? Actually a good thing. You're seeing the muppet up front, before you end up with her for 6 months. If someones insults hurt you, again it's not the other person, it's because somewhere in your head you believe them. I guess for me getting overly het up is just that bit too self indulgent.

seenitall

Wibbs wrote: »

Great in theory, but in reality? I personally extend respect to people I dont know, but I do it for myself, I don't do it expecting it to be returned. Nice when it is is, but when its not, no big deal for me.

People who demand respect? All they'll ever get from me is politeness, they don't deserve respect IMHO. Respect is earned over time and ebbs and flows. It's a living thing, it's not demanded.

To me, politeness is a show of respect, it is about acknowledging that the other person is a human being like myself and therefore treating them the same way I would like to be treated; therefore nothing to do with what kind of person they are (e.i. what nasty deeds may or may not lurk in their past, how they treated their OH at breakfast, or what kind of parent they are).

I can't judge people according to how they treated their parents at breakfast because I don't know this information about a person in a pub, beside which I don't know them from Adam and I don't know the full story whichever way you look at it, but I do judge them according to how they relate to the world around them - disrespect and rudeness to strangers isn't very indicative of a sound and healthy attitude when it comes to closer ties, is it?

In short, I abhor rudeness and disrespect, and I most certainly equate the two.

Discodog

There used to be a saying "Manners maketh Man". Now women can be genuinely surprised if one shows basic courtesy - maybe it's becoming a rarity. Mind you whenever I have got out of the car & walked around to open the passenger door for the lady she is usually half way down the street .

Thin line between chauvinism, women's lib & manners. Like that poor guy on the radio one morning who offered his seat on the bus to a pregnant woman & got slapped !. Apparently she was large but not pregnant.

Bellablue

I live with a girl from Canada and Jesus, she has confidence coming out of her ears.Before she met her current fella, she was always asking random guys out...

How do you even go about that? I want to do it in the New Year.

This. It's one of my major New Year's resolutions. My problem is that if a guy I'm not interested in approaches me and starts chatting I've no problem having a great conversation with him.

However, if I'm trying to chat/flirt with someone I'm attracted to, forget it! Brain completely stops functioning, I become tongue tied and can't come out with a single intelligent sentence. It's also impossible to hold eye contact and my shoes are suddenly the most interesting thing in the world!

I know this is probably common....but how on earth do you get over it, and manage to be as confident with the ones you DO like as the ones you don't??

Scanlas The 2nd

Bellablue wrote: »

This. It's one of my major New Year's resolutions. My problem is that if a guy I'm not interested in approaches me and starts chatting I've no problem having a great conversation with him.

However, if I'm trying to chat/flirt with someone I'm attracted to, forget it! Brain completely stops functioning, I become tongue tied and can't come out with a single intelligent sentence. It's also impossible to hold eye contact and my shoes are suddenly the most interesting thing in the world!

I know this is probably common....but how on earth do you get over it, and manage to be as confident with the ones you DO like as the ones you don't??

Practice and willingness to make a fool of yourself. Just keep doing it despite your fear and you will become desensitized after a while, then your brain will start to give you your interesting personality back when you really want it.

PK2008

Bellablue wrote: »

However, if I'm trying to chat/flirt with someone I'm attracted to, forget it! Brain completely stops functioning, I become tongue tied and can't come out with a single intelligent sentence. It's also impossible to hold eye contact and my shoes are suddenly the most interesting thing in the world!

I would take this as a sign the girl wasn't interested in me

Discodog

PK2008 wrote: »

I would take this as a sign the girl wasn't interested in me

I wouldn't. It would be pretty easy to recognise this as sign of shyness. If she wasn't interested she probably wouldn't be talking to you at all.

Bellablue

I would take this as a sign the girl wasn't interested in me

There ya go, you've just confirmed my fear!

I'm working on it.....but it's not easy. Guess the New Year's resolution will have to involve just taking the plunge and making a fool of myself! Too many missed opportunities lately caused by shyness!

Discodog

Bellablue wrote: »

There ya go, you've just confirmed my fear!

I'm working on it.....but it's not easy. Guess the New Year's resolution will have to involve just taking the plunge and making a fool of myself! Too many missed opportunities lately caused by shyness!

Why should it confirm your fear when it is the opinion of one person ?. I know that some women have the impression that all men are the same but we are not. Maybe they were lucky escapes rather than missed opportunities if the guys were too shallow to bother finding out more about you.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Skipped the last few pages here, bit burned out by all the reading!

So here goes my 2 cents for both sides of the spectrum.

Mussolini, that "queen bee" did seem a little ignorant. A great thing to try and get around that is have a friendly (note friendly not nasty!) go at her in front of her friends. Just say something with a smile like "You can't take that girl anywhere can you?" to one of the other girls. One of the other girls might be interested in talking to you and you can ignore the "queen bee" until she comes onside.

And girls, really don't be shy in approaching guys. You don't have to do much, just present an opportunity for a conversation and see will the guy run with it.

Something like:

"Hey, we don't usually go out on Tuesday nights, what nightclub would you recommend?"

"Hi, where did you get that cool t-shirt? My brother's birthday is coming up and I'd love to get that for him".

Anything really to give the guy the opportunity to carry the conversation.

My current girlfriend I thought said a great one. We started chatting to her group of friends one night and she suddenly just said to me "You look like a Gaelic Footballer". I thought it was brill, it let me know she was interested without being sleazy and just allowed the conversation to develop.