Single women 'on the lookout for a man'

Ickle Magoo

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I have no doubt if it was a bunch of lads I went up to that would not have happened.

If YOU went up to a bunch of lads it may not have happened but I would bet my house that every weekend equal volumes of men are rude and leering and gropingly bad mannered as there are women snapping at men - unfortunately one behaviour fuels the other and means innocent guys and girls who indulge in neither get tarred with the same brush.

I agree with Eve, unfortunately it's a part of life that women have to fight past all the lecherous players and men have to get past the snooty cows to meet the good guys - but they certainly both exist and accepting that and ensuring such people don't get under your skin and taint the way you feel about people in general is really important in not missing the good guys.

Maguined

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I know all that, but again it is easier said than done. I'm convinced if it was some really handsome bloke they wouldn't have reacted the same. So the fact that its just random people even makes it worse, as they would have no reason to act like bitches.


I have no doubt if it was a bunch of lads I went up to that would not have happened.

It does not matter if they would of been nicer to a big handsome bloke, they don't owe being nice to you, if someone is nasty to you then you avoid them and not care what they think or how they act to you, they only have as much influence in your life as you give them.

So you have never been on a night out and some guy is rude or aggressive to you? I am not talking about going up to them and starting a chat, it could be any circumstance, if some guy bumped into you and tried to start agro but eventually left would you let him ruin your night as well or just write him off as a rude git and enjoy the rest of your night?

Eve_Dublin

Maddison wrote: »

As I said I worded it wrong. I can see where Mussolini is coming from in a sense that Its difficult enough going up to random strangers trying to strike up friendly banter only to be knocked back like that. Its not great for the confidence. Ive worked in bars for years and Ive seen many a knock back and different ways people deal with them. Ive also seen many a guy/girl getting their comeuppence also. Karma is a bitch:)

Fair enough. You have to keep in mind Mussolini that this nasty behaviour is THEIR problem, it´s no reflection on you. They´re the ones who are going to make enemies down the line and probably die alone. But I do see what you´re saying...I´d probably feel the same in Mussolini´s shoes but more for the fact that I don´t like being in confrontational scenarios and when I come across nasty people, I´m more disappointed that people feel they can treat people that way and get away with it when I worry so much about treating people with respect. I´d be annoyed that I have to be reminded that the world has a-holes when I´m in a good mood and enjoying myself in a social setting. Not the context you expect to come across that kind of attitude.

Wolfe Tone

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

If YOU went up to a bunch of lads it may not have happened but I would bet my house that every weekend equal volumes of men are rude and leering and gropingly bad mannered as there are women snapping at men - unfortunately one behaviour fuels the other and means innocent guys and girls who indulge in neither get tarred with the same brush.

I agree with Eve, unfortunately it's a part of life that women have to fight past all the lecherous players and men have to get past the snooty cows to meet the good guys - but they certainly both exist and accepting that and ensuring such people don't get under your skin and taint the way you feel about people in general is really important in not missing the good guys.

Yes, thats my point, I was talking about me. Maddison asked would I be as hurt if it was lads, that simply would not have happened.

And as for tainting my opinion of women, no it hasn't, I would just be a bit more wary of doing what I did again in future, its only natural. If I was punched in the face when I opened the door I think I would be more wary the next time I opened it.

In fact I prefer to hang around with women in clubs, as mostly they seem to be thee to have fun rather than on the pull.

Ickle Magoo

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Yes, thats my point, I was talking about me. Maddison asked would I be as hurt if it was lads, that simply would not have happened.

Well, Maddison asked if you'd be hurt - you then took that and ran with it to suggest that rude men on nights out just don't exist - which I think we both know simply isn't true.

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

And as for tainting my opinion of women, no it hasn't, I would just be a bit more wary of doing what I did again in future, its only natural. If I was punched in the face when I opened the door I think I would be more wary the next time I opened it.

In fact I prefer to hang around with women in clubs, as mostly they seem to be thee to have fun rather than on the pull.

I would hope it hasn't. There does seem to be a prevailing negative attitude towards women based entirely on this minority that are rude to guys and up themselves which is clearly unjust and unfair on the rest of us. If you think about it, night out with the girls/boys, drink on board, hormones flying, both sexes strutting around a public arena - it's a disaster waiting to happen.

Silverfish

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Yes, thats my point, I was talking about me. Maddison asked would I be as hurt if it was lads, that simply would not have happened.

It wouldn;t have happened because you wouldn't have been chatting them up, or it wouldn't have happened because lads would never reject anyone in a mean way, or how do you mean?

Wolfe Tone

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Well, Maddison asked if you'd be hurt - you then took that and ran with it to suggest that rude men on nights out just don't exist - which I think we both know simply isn't true.

No I fcuking didn't, what I did was say that I, yes I, would not not have been treated in the same way by a group of lads. Got that? You should read more carefully in future and not look for things to take issue with.

Silverfish

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

No I fcuking didn't, what I did was say that I, yes I, would not not have been treated in the same way by a group of lads. Got that? You should read more carefully in future and not look for things to take issue with.

How do you know though?

Have you ever tried chatting up a guy in a group?

I have, and I've seen friends do it, and I've seen it go varying ways from very well, to responses of 'Ahaha **** off you fat ****'.

So to be honest I don't think you know for sure HOW a group of random guys would react upon being chatted up, because I don't think you've tried it.

Wolfe Tone

Silverfish wrote: »

How do you know though?

Have you ever tried chatting up a guy in a group?

I have, and I've seen friends do it, and I've seen it go varying ways from very well, to responses of 'Ahaha **** off you fat ****'.

So to be honest I don't think you know for sure HOW a group of random guys would react upon being chatted up, because I don't think you've tried it.

I wasnt chatting the girls up, they looked friendly so I went over to chat to pass the time, hardly a crime is it? They were beside me, if it was a group of lads I would have done the exact same, I have done so in the past.

Eve_Dublin

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I wasnt chatting the girls up, they looked friendly so I went over to chat to pass the time, hardly a crime is it? They were beside me, if it was a group of lads I would have done the exact same, I have done so in the past.

I don´t think anyone is condoning their behaviour, all people are saying is this kind of behaviour is not exclusive to women. That is all.

Silverfish

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I wasnt chatting the girls up, they looked friendly so I went over to chat to pass the time, hardly a crime is it? They were beside me, if it was a group of lads I would have done the exact same, I have done so in the past.

I was just trying to figure out the relevance to this thread.

They may not have been single, they may not have been on the lookout for a man, they might just have been in the middle of a private conversation, and I've had it happen where guys come up to me and my mates saying 'Oh I'm just waiting on my friends do you mind if I sit with you?' if we say yes, we're 'gagging for it' when his mates show up, if we say no we're 'rude bitches', so for us, there was no right answer ever.

Sometimes you're better off with an outright 'no' from the get-go, rude as it might be, than getting abuse screamed at you when you say 'no' later in the night when they've had a few drinks in them, because if they've been sitting and chatting with you all night then you're a 'pricktease'.

So really, while they could have been nicer about it, they were probably right to cut it off quickly, not being able to predict how it would end, but knowing they weren't interested from the start.

Wolfe Tone

Silverfish wrote: »

I was just trying to figure out the relevance to this thread.

They may not have been single, they may not have been on the lookout for a man, they might just have been in the middle of a private conversation, and I've had it happen where guys come up to me and my mates saying 'Oh I'm just waiting on my friends do you mind if I sit with you?' if we say yes, we're 'gagging for it' when his mates show up, if we say no we're 'rude bitches', so for us, there was no right answer ever.

I guess I should go stand in the corner in such cases then?

Silverfish

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I guess I should go stand in the corner in such cases then?

They weren't legally obliged to speak with you

I usually wait for my friends to return, I don't need to try insert myself into a conversation with group of guys to wait for them.

Maguined

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I guess I should go stand in the corner in such cases then?

Or you could walk away from the group of rude girls and go talk to another group as not all women will react the same way so just keep ignoring the mean ones and then you will find the nice ones.

Wolfe Tone

Silverfish wrote: »

They weren't legally obliged to speak with you

I usually wait for my friends to return, I don't need to try insert myself into a conversation with group of guys to wait for them.

Oh I see, it was all my fault, head down and silent next time I am in a social setting so.

Silverfish

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Oh I see, it was all my fault, head down and silent next time I am in a social setting so.

I'm pointing out why this may have happened to you. Just move on and talk to someone else.

Larianne

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I guess I should go stand in the corner in such cases then?

No, continue to do what you usually do. Just be prepared you will on occasions meet rude people in these situations. (guys & girls). Not everybody will be like that. Sure if everyone did that there would be no banter in any bar/pub/club across the country.

Wolfe Tone

Maguined wrote: »

Or you could walk away from the group of rude girls and go talk to another group as not all women will react the same way so just keep ignoring the mean ones and then you will find the nice ones.

I went over to a mixed group afterwards.

Eve_Dublin

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I guess I should go stand in the corner in such cases then?

Come on Mussolini, you know the craic! The girls were rude, no doubt that and their behaviour is not justified but I´d say .00001% of men who come up to talk to you in a club or bar merely want to just have a chat and nothing more. Most men talk to you with an ulterior motive. The fact that you didn´t want anything else is very unusual, particularly in this kind of social setting. Women are automatically on their guard and even a polite rebuff can be seen as hostile by some men. I´ve lost count at how many times I´ve been labelled a "lesbian" by seemingly nice fellas who wanted a chat (and I didn´t) and as I said, I´m always polite.

Rabble Rabble

The real problem is the modern nightclub, or singles bar is a sexually charged place primarily, and only. If people are talking all night you expect them to get it on, so the conversation is sexual to begin with. "Hi, I am Mussolini" is not a neutral statement, the subtext ( to some women) is "do you find me attractive enough to talk to".

This is a sexual world devoid of normal social rules, so social relations can be as bitter and as honest as other primitive primate species.

Contrast this with a house party, or - better yet - a dinner party where Mussolini gets into a conversation with an attractive girl. There are rules there. She cant tell him to f*ck off, or she will lose all social credibility.

Bring back the old country dances - Jane Austen era. you dance with everyone who asks, music is at a level where conversation is easy, and there are general group dances. You can still get some special time with the girl or guy you fancy. nobody is rude.

killerking

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Come on Mussolini, you know the craic! The girls were rude, no doubt that and their behaviour is not justified but I´d say .00001% of men who come up to talk to you in a club or bar merely want to just have a chat and nothing more. Most men talk to you with an ulterior motive. The fact that you didn´t want anything else is very unusual, particularly in this kind of social setting. Women are automatically on their guard and even a polite rebuff can be seen as hostile by some men. I´ve lost count at how many times I´ve been labelled a "lesbian" by seemingly nice fellas who wanted a chat (and I didn´t) and as I said, I´m always polite.

Your experience is typical of probably 100% of women.

Yet guys who are rejected again and again and again and again in clubs and bars never seem to learn this and lash out aggressively at women calling them 'bitches' and 'lesbians.'

Do they honestly think that being humorless, aggressive and abusive is going to work?

Wolfe Tone

It seems both sexes are just as guilty of generalizing.

Eve_Dublin

Larianne wrote: »

No, continue to do what you usually do. Just be prepared you will on occasions meet rude people in these situations. (guys & girls). Not everybody will be like that. Sure if everyone did that there would be no banter in any bar/pub/club across the country.

Actually this is a good point. I live in Madrid and it´s one thing I really, really miss about Ireland...the random banter with strangers. You just don´t do it in Spain and the opinion of the Spanish is why would you bother if you have your own friends? Your experience is the exception and if it wasn´t, random banter wouldn´t be so common place. Really, Ireland is exceptional...this doesn´t happen in other countries I´ve lived in.

Ickle Magoo

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I went over to a mixed group afterwards.

Are you suggesting that by being mixed and not exclusively women you were guaranteed a warmer reception? I'm not getting the point you are trying to make other than a need to keep banging a drum about "women" being rude to you. I could recount hundreds, probably thousands of occasions where men or women have caused hassles - both on nights out and while working in bars/clubs.

I think most men and women would agree and be able to give you experiences where both sexes have caused issues in their nights out - that's the point being made - it isn't a gender issue, it's a basic manners issue - something both sexes can be lacking.

killerking

Rabble Rabble wrote: »

The real problem is the modern nightclub, or singles bar is a sexually charged place primarily, and only. If people are talking all night you expect them to get it on, so the conversation is sexual to begin with. "Hi, I am Mussolini" is not a neutral statement, the subtext ( to some women) is "do you find me attractive enough to talk to".

This is a sexual world devoid of normal social rules, so social relations can be as bitter and as honest as other primitive primate species.

Contrast this with a house party, or - better yet - a dinner party where Mussolini gets into a conversation with an attractive girl. There are rules there. She cant tell him to f*ck off, or she will lose all social credibility.

Bring back the old country dances - Jane Austen era. you dance with everyone who asks, music is at a level where conversation is easy, and there are general group dances. You can still get some special time with the girl or guy you fancy. nobody is rude.

First of all old country dances were just as sexually charged as modern nightclubs.
Secondly if a woman doesn't want a man to talk to her she doesn't have to tolerate him if she doesn't want to. Being polite often doesn't work because many men simply don't understand plain English so they have to be told to 'f*ck off.'

Wolfe Tone

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Are you suggesting that by being mixed and not exclusively women you were guaranteed a warmer reception? I'm not getting the point you are trying to make other than a need to keep banging a drum about "women" being rude to you. I could recount hundreds, probably thousands of occasions where men or women have caused hassles - both on nights out and while working in bars/clubs.

I think most men and women would agree and be able to give you experiences where both sexes have caused issues in their nights out - that's the point being made - it isn't a gender issue, it's a basic manners issue - something both sexes can be lacking.

No, the poster said that I should just go talk to a different group, which I did, it just happened to be mixed. Thats it, it seems you are determined to find some misogynist aspect to my posts. I have had run in with lads as well, a few fights too, as I am sure most lads have.

Ickle Magoo

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

No, the poster said that I should just go talk to a different group, which I did, it just happened to be mixed. Thats it, it seems you are determined to find some misogynist aspect to my posts. I have had run in with lads as well, a few fights too, as I am sure most lads have.

So why mention it was a mixed group then? Where's the relevance unless you were trying to make a point? Why state you wouldn't have been treated that way by a group of lads just to later own up to having run in with lads too? You have a habit of choosing very particular language and then turning it around and inferring it's everyone else reading into it. Perhaps the issue is your choice of language, no? Tis the t'internet - we have nothing else to go on bar what you write.

Wolfe Tone

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

So why mention it was a mixed group then? Where's the relevance unless you were trying to make a point? Why state you wouldn't have been treated that way by a group of lads just to later own up to having run in with lads too? You have a habit of choosing very particular language and then turning it around and inferring it's everyone else reading into it. Perhaps the issue is your choice of language, no? Tis the t'internet - we have nothing else to go on bar what you write.

I said it was a mixed group, because it was a mixed group. The poster said I should just go talk to different people, another group, which I did. The relevance is that if I say "another group" the natural query would be whether it was a group of girls or not, I preempted that. Simple as. You are reading too much into it.


I have never had issues with lads induced by me merely saying what was basically hello.

Eve_Dublin

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

I have never had issues with lads induced by me merely saying what was basically hello.

Your point is all over the place. Now you´re saying it is a gender thing when you insisted it wasn´t. Once again, do you think you going up talking to a bunch of guys could be construed as chatting them up? More than likely if you do go up to talk to another bunch of guys, it´s just for the banter and not to get into their underwear. These women presumed you´d come to chat them up (yes yes I know you weren´t) because almost all men who approach women do it with the intention of something happening and most women find it draining. They handled it very badly but they are the exception.

Discodog

Deleted User wrote: »

I wouldn't say I was always on the lookout, but I'd say that I when I'm single I'm always open to meeting a new guy, if you know what I mean?
Then again there are some times when I feel like I just want guys to leave me alone for a while - I'm sure men get them too, you just want to go out to have a good time and guys trying to approach you become a nuisance.

Go to a Gay Bar. I was persuaded & yes that is my excuse, to accompany a gay female friend to a gay club. I was amazed to find the place full of lovely girls . So being a sociable & inquisitive chap I started chatting. Most of them were straight & used the club so that they "wouldn't be hassled by men". The owner confided that the number of "straights", especially girls, was putting off the gay punters !.

Maybe we should rename this thread Mussolini getting grief from angry women. Lighten up mate & don't tar all women with the same brush - actually don't tar them at all. Don't lose your confidence - nothing worse than going to a pub/club & looking like Father Dougal in a room full of Nuns !.