The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Esel

New thread title has had either no effect, or the desired effect.

A copy/paster walked into a thread...

/joke

bonzodog2

Esel wrote: »

New thread title has had either no effect, or the desired effect.

A copy/paster walked into a thread...

/joke

Aah, ironic meta-joke. I like it!

longshanks

Two wind turbines are standing in a field.
One of them asks 'Do you like music?'
The other replies 'I'm a huge metal fan'.

MonkieSocks

Bumped into my ex in Vision Express this morning,




Should have gone to Spec Savers :cool:

Cortina_MK_IV

I had a bet on three horses at Leopardstown today called Sunshine, Moonlight and Good Times.

Not one of them won.

I blame it on the bookie.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Esel wrote: »

New thread title has had either no effect, or the desired effect.

A copy/paster walked into a thread...

/joke

Or ...

A copy/paster walked into a thread......

Heard it!

jonski

Or .......


A few sour people walked into a thread .......

evolving_doors

An AH poster went into IKEA.
There's a joke the but you'll have to assemble it yourself.

iLikeWaffles

A man goes to the dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulls out a large syringe to give him an anaesthesia shot.

"no way, no needles! I can't stand needles!" the man says.

So the dentist pulls out the nitrous oxide mask, and the man says, "I can't do the gas thing either.
The very thought of having that mask on my face suffocates me!"

So the dentist asks if he has any objections to taking pills.

"No" says the man "I'm fine with the pills."

So the lady dentist gives him two little blue pills and he swallows them. "What are those?" he asks.

"Viagra," she calmly replies.

"WHAT?" the man says "I didn't know Viagra works as a painkiller."
"It doesn't," says the wise lady, "But it'll give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth."

Microdot

longshanks wrote: »

Two wind turbines are standing in a field.
One of them asks 'Do you like music?'
The other replies 'I'm a huge metal fan'.

That joke had already been chewed two pages back.


A visiting foreigner has been shot in the head with a starting pistol;
police say it's definitely race related...

mad m

Kids bring his dog to vet, vet picks up dog and looks in his mouth, eyes, all around after a half hour the vet said to kid. Ive to put him down, kid why is he that sick, vet says no he is to heavy!!

A zealous Garda stops a car,
Asks the driver for his driving license, it's OK
Checks the discs on the windscreen, all OK
Asks for registration documents, all OK
looks at the tyres, lights etc, all OK
Sees a dog in the back of the car.
"Has that dog got a license?" he asks.
"He isn't driving!" roars the driver.

Microdot

Im in the dog house with the missus all because i didn't open the car door for her.

Its not entirely my fault... I just panicked and swam for the surface.

coolhull

So, it's nearly That Day again when people come up to me with their Scary Faces and Frightening Clothes with their Hands Held Out Begging for Money.

*

*

Sometimes, I ****ing hate my job at the Social Welfare Office

Capt'n Midnight

I told my girlfriend she looked sexy with black nails.

And now she thinks I slammed the car door on purpose.

coolhull

My wife went to the nightclub, wearing a skirt that showed the edge of her bum under the hem

Normally I would find that sexy, but she was wearing a skirt that came to mid-knee

Cortina_MK_IV

A Lamborghini pulls into Sherrif St. flats and a smart young man in a nice suit gets out. A little kid runs up to him and shouts, "Mister mister I'll look after your car for 5 Euro." The man points to the car and there is a Rottweiler sitting and panting on the back seat (the window is down a bit) and the guy says, "Don't worry sonny nobody will break in with him in the car." The kid replies,

"Yeah but can he put out a fire?"

thesandeman

coolhull wrote: »

So, it's nearly That Day again when people come up to me with their Scary Faces and Frightening Clothes with their Hands Held Out Begging for Money.

*

*

Sometimes, I ****ing hate my job at the Social Welfare Office

That joke could sooo easily be reversed.

iLikeWaffles

coolhull wrote: »

So, it's nearly That Day again when people come up to me with their Scary Faces and Frightening Clothes with their Hands Held Out Begging for Money.

*

*

Sometimes, I ****ing hate my job at the Social Welfare Office

thesandeman wrote: »

That joke could sooo easily be reversed.

So its almost that day again where I go up to people with a scary face from the looks they give me as if I'm begging for money to buy clothes.

I'm just glad I collect my scratcher from the post office.

thesandeman

iLikeWaffles wrote: »

So its almost that day again where I go up to people with a scary face from the looks they give me as if I'm begging for money to buy cloths.

I'm just glad I collect my scratcher from the post office.

Cloths are easy enough, I just use old clothes. Then the begging starts ☺

coolhull

An elderly gentleman was telling his friend about a new restaurant he and his wife recently visited.

“The food and service were great!” he said.

His friend asked, “What’s the name of the place?”

“Gee, I don’t remember,” he said, “What do you call the long stemmed flower people give on special occasions?”

“You mean a rose?” asked his friend.

“That’s it!” he exclaimed and turning to his wife, asked, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to the other day?”

coolhull

Irish Twin Sisters Celebrate their 100th Birthday
Twin sisters in an Irish Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.
Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.
"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.
Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS! "
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out,
"OH Lord! BOTH OF US????""

How many joke threads does he have across the multiple forums that exist?!

Ken.

Deleted User wrote: »

How many joke threads does he have across the multiple forums that exist?!

One less now.

everlast75

Deleted User wrote: »

How many joke threads does he have across the multiple forums that exist?!

I don't know. How many joke threads does he have across the multiple forums that exist?


(awaits punchline)

Sh1t.

Erm.

Conspiracy.

The price difference between a small, medium, and large cup of tea makes no sense.

I mean, you're paying extra money for what is essentially a few drops of extra water.

Something about Irish Water.

Rabble rabble.

...

Oh conspiracy joke.

How many Illuminati members exist?

None.

*sigh*

Esel

What did the thread newbie say when they saw what happened to another (possible) thread newbie?

Thanks.

Butters1979

What's the best thing about twenty eight year old girls?

There's twenty of them !

I'm sorry.

everlast75

everlast75 wrote: »

I don't know. How many joke threads does he have across the multiple forums that exist?


(awaits punchline)

One less now.

jiltloop

A sandwich walk in to a bar and asks for a pint.

The barman says "sorry we don't serve food".