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Swinging!!

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    #62
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Swinging/swaping is not the same as cheating or drunken cheating.
    If both people in a couple consent then it's not cheating.

    Good point, howd this even get to be a discussion about cheating anyway?

    Some couples dont sleep with other couples at all, just have sex in the same room, that could be a huge turnon but you'd both need to be fairly comfortable with having another couple watch what you do. No pressure then :pac:


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    #63
    Penny Lane
    Registered Users Posts: 67 ✭✭Penny Lane


    Carlos_Ray wrote: »
    In my opinion swinging is just a gross indulgence of our basic intincts. I find it as revolting as an obese person engaging in gluttony.

    Ditto!

    It grates on me then when people tell me I'm in some way small minded because I don't believe that it's OK to behave like this. Having some degree of civility and moral standards is not small minded. And shagging all round you is not being open minded, it's base, greedy and grubby. In my opinion of course.


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    #64
    WesternNight
    Registered Users Posts: 9,286 ✭✭✭WesternNight


    Penny Lane wrote: »
    Ditto!

    It grates on me then when people tell me I'm in some way small minded because I don't believe that it's OK to behave like this. Having some degree of civility and moral standards is not small minded. And shagging all round you is not being open minded, it's base, greedy and grubby. In my opinion of course.

    Swinging is uncivil? Why?


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    #65
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Swinging does not mean people are indiscreet or shagging just anyone or shagging any chance they get.


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    #66
    Pembily
    Registered Users Posts: 14,404 ✭✭✭✭Pembily


    Penny Lane wrote: »
    Ditto!

    It grates on me then when people tell me I'm in some way small minded because I don't believe that it's OK to behave like this. Having some degree of civility and moral standards is not small minded. And shagging all round you is not being open minded, it's base, greedy and grubby. In my opinion of course.

    As WN said how does swinging make you uncivil?????? Or mean you have different moral standards???


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    #67
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,111 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    And above ladies and gentlemen is a display of the various attitudes which mean that people who swing/dog/swap or partake in any other sort of sexual activity with other consenting adults which is considered alternative don't talk about it.
    This. People's individual sexuality is quite wide ranging. Has been throughout history. OK the main bulk of the population might appear to be monogamous, let's have 2.2 kids in the "burbs" and fair play, but even there there is quite prevalent sexual infidelity going on. Even here few readers by the time they hit say 30 will have escaped been cheated upon or cheating themselves. it seems that even in the average there's other stuff going on. I bring in cheating not because it has much if anything to do with swinging, but as an example of the oft grey area around sexual contact/loyalty etc.

    As for swinging? I doubt it would be my bag, but I have known a few couples with open sexual relationships and some who were "swingers"(one was like Krudlers example and only went as far as liking watching and being watched). What really did surprise me is how many boundaries there were, even in something that looked like a free for all. Last days of the Roman empire it was not and the partners had a choice. Compare that to say a woman who suspects hubby's feeling up the secretary.

    My only issue is where one of the partners is pressured into it and is made uncomfortable because of emotional leverage. I gather that's not too common though.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #68
    WesternNight
    Registered Users Posts: 9,286 ✭✭✭WesternNight


    Wibbs wrote: »
    My only issue is where one of the partners is pressured into it and is made uncomfortable because of emotional leverage. I gather that's not too common though.

    Yes. I think a lot of people mistakenly presume that that's what's happening and go straight to apportioning some sort of blame when it's not necessary. I guess it's difficult to identify with when, for whatever reason, it's not your cup of tea.


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    #69
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    At the end of the day, swinging is only one of a range of dozens of paraphilias, or "abnormal" sexual behaviours. I'm researching paraphilias at the moment, and personally I'd be a lot happier for my partner to suggest swinging than pooing on me during sex, or vomiting, or whatever. What people seem to be misunderstanding is that it's not "authorised cheating" or as simple as "I fancy your mate, can I have sex with him?". It's a turn on for the couple in the same way as sexy lingerie might be. The people get turned out by seeing their partner with someone else, or just knowing their partner is with someone else. I don't know enough about the logistics of swinging to get into more detail, but it should be considered a fetish in the same way that BDSM is, for example. If both members of the couple are interested in it, great. If not, it presumably doesn't go ahead.


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    #70
    Pebbles!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 206 ✭✭Pebbles!


    Okay thanks to everybody for what they thought about it! didn't think there would be quite the reaction that I got but still I should have expected it! Everybody's views about things are going to be completely different.

    Personally I don't consider swinging cheating as both partners have agreed to it. But yes I can be a jealous person and don't know how I would react to seeing my boyfriend with somebody else but I think in that situation I think I would be okay but you'l never know until your faced with it. To me I like the idea of having another girl there or my boyfriend watching intrigues me. Yes not everybody's thing I completely understand that.

    I don't have an interest in going out at the wkend and cheating on my boyfriend with somebody else...(I know some people will see this as the same thing ) but at a swing party my boyfriend is included. I love my boyfriend very much and we have amazing sex but I just don't like the idea of going through life and never experiencing things. It's just about adding a bit of fun to the relationship! :P

    Now I don't know if I would go through with it at the same time..at the minute it's only a thought!;)


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    #71
    KyussBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,797 ✭✭✭KyussBishop


    Hmm, wow...a lot of debate on this, is it not just as simple for everyone as: different strokes for different folks?
    Why does anyone feel it's their business or place to judge what other people consensually get up to? Fair enough if it's not your thing, but don't go judging others.

    As for swinging or poly type relationships: They can work, and work well, but obviously all people involved need to be extremely secure in themselves, and extremely open/mutually-respectful about their feelings, for it to work out; I don't think it's very common that people are ready to try something like that.


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    #72
    MrStuffins
    Registered Users Posts: 19,154 ✭✭✭✭MrStuffins


    KyussBishop wrote: »
    Hmm, wow...a lot of debate on this, is it not just as simple for everyone as: different strokes for different folks?
    Why does anyone feel it's their business or place to judge what other people consensually get up to? Fair enough if it's not your thing, but don't go judging others.

    We were asked for our opinions.


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    #73
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    MrStuffins wrote: »
    We were asked for our opinions.

    Big difference between saying, I'd never do it and saying people that do are cheating scumbags who can't possibly love/respect their partner or be in a real relationship.


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    #74
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Personally speaking I dont know that its something Id ever be into however I can certainly see the attraction in it.Its different,its risque,its taboo so obviously for some of people it would be a huge turn on.There are however many factors to consider from a health perspective to the impact on the relationship.

    Id reckon that if a couple are that secure in their relationship and want to try it then where is the harm,I just dont think I could ever do it.Never say never though.;)


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    #75
    Blisterman
    Registered Users Posts: 7,452 ✭✭✭Blisterman


    I can see the attraction for a married couple. Monogamy can be difficult. Boredom seems to be the main reason people start affairs. At least with swinging, it's equal. You're both doing it so there's a kind of honesty and equality that doesn't apply with cheating.


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    #76
    KyussBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,797 ✭✭✭KyussBishop


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    MrStuffins wrote: »
    We were asked for our opinions.
    Big difference between saying, I'd never do it and saying people that do are cheating scumbags who can't possibly love/respect their partner or be in a real relationship.
    Yes, exactly; people can state their opinion without being judgmental about it.


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    #77
    MrStuffins
    Registered Users Posts: 19,154 ✭✭✭✭MrStuffins


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Big difference between saying, I'd never do it and saying people that do are cheating scumbags who can't possibly love/respect their partner or be in a real relationship.

    I never said anyone was a scumbag.

    there's being defensive, and there's putting words into someone's mouth and basically lying to back up your point.

    It's ironic how you are calling me judgemental, yet you think you can put words into my mouth


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    #78
    Silverfish
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,696 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    Okay folks let's keep this civil and on-topic please and thank you.


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    #79
    28064212
    Registered Users Posts: 10,526 ✭✭✭✭28064212


    MrStuffins wrote: »
    I never said anyone was a scumbag.

    there's being defensive, and there's putting words into someone's mouth and basically lying to back up your point.

    It's ironic how you are calling me judgemental, yet you think you can put words into my mouth
    Correct, you didn't say anyone was a scumbag, Thaedydal shouldn't have said you did. On the other hand, you did say:
    MrStuffins wrote: »
    You should only want to be with one person if you are truely in love. "Cheating" is normally when someone in a relationship will have sex with someone else but still stay in their relationship, this is achieved by not telling their partner.
    MrStuffins wrote: »
    What kind of person lets their other half have sex with others?
    MrStuffins wrote: »
    That's right, they shouldn't! [have sex with others]
    MrStuffins wrote: »
    It's a pretty standard practice not to have sex with others if you're in a relationship.
    MrStuffins wrote: »
    I asked the question. What kind of person? To me, it's the kind of person who wants to cheat, but is possibly afraid of getting caught and losing their partner. They want to have their cake and eat it.
    MrStuffins wrote: »
    I realise this, but i disagree with it. 99% of couples would not bring another person into their relationship, so it's not as if i'm alone in my thinking here.
    MrStuffins wrote: »
    I severely disagree. [that swinging may be more common than you think]
    MrStuffins wrote: »
    I don't think if you were in love with someone that you should be doing that with other people.
    And that's before I get to the statements that are ambiguous about whether you're applying your opinions to everyone
    MrStuffins wrote: »
    I've already said i'm not trying to be some sort of Moral Compass.

    I've no idea why, everytime i give my opinion, people keep saying "Well that's your opinion, not ours".

    I already know that!
    Maybe it's because you keep making broad statements that read like you're attempting to cover everyone with your opinions.

    Here's a couple of statements for you:
    1. It is possible for a person to be ok with their partner having sex with a third-party, and for them to equally in love as a person in a completely monogamous relationship
    2. It is also possible for a person have sex with someone who is not their partner and to be equally in love as a person in a completely monogamous relationship
    3. Furthermore, that person's relationship is not necessarily weakened by the fact that their partner had sex with someone outside the relationship
    4. In fact, both partners may be capable of having a relationship involving swinging that is equally valid and as strong as a monogamous relationship
    Do you agree or disagree with those? Before you answer, note that I said "It is possible", "not necessarily" and "may be capable"

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    #80
    MrStuffins
    Registered Users Posts: 19,154 ✭✭✭✭MrStuffins


    28064212 wrote: »
    Correct, you didn't say anyone was a scumbag, Thaedydal shouldn't have said you did. On the other hand, you did say:









    And that's before I get to the statements that are ambiguous about whether you're applying your opinions to everyone


    Maybe it's because you keep making broad statements that read like you're attempting to cover everyone with your opinions.

    Here's a couple of statements for you:

    Do you agree or disagree with those? Before you answer, note that I said "It is possible", "not necessarily" and "may be capable"

    Is this thread about Swinging or about me?


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    #81
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,111 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Ok MrStuffins is not on trial here, so lets move along thanks.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #82
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    I paraphrased all the judgemental comments not just those of one person.

    Yes STI are a risk but sensible adults know the risks and get test and take precautions.
    Often I have found that those who do have nontraditional sexual relationships are usually better inforumed about the possible risks as they have taken the time to educate themselves about what they may be getting into.


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    #83
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,111 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Yes STI are a risk but sensible adults know the risks and get test and take precautions.
    Often I have found that those who do have nontraditional sexual relationships are usually better inforumed about the possible risks as they have taken the time to educate themselves about what they may be getting into.
    I'd agree with that from my experience of couples who were into the scene. Stands to reason I suppose. Like the difference between people who use a car to get from A to B and petrolheads. The latter will be more clued in about maintenance. OK bad analogy. I'll get my coat. :o:D But yes the more knowledge you have about any subject the more precautions you'll tend to take.

    I think there's a lot of misconceptions about others people's range and practice of their sexuality. Hell there are a lot about one's own. I think "swinging" pushes a lot of people's buttons. The biggy being the fidelity aspect as so many have been hit by infidelity and the attendant hurt.

    IMHO fidelity covers a helluva range. EG The swinging thing wouldnt be my bag, but I would be more hurt by emotional infidelity than a one off sexual one. So part of me can understand that disconnect for want of a better word.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #84
    SeekUp
    Registered Users Posts: 1,072 ✭✭✭SeekUp


    moonshinerocks wrote: »
    I think if you have been in a relationship for a long time and it is something you both want then you should go for it. It's a way of having a new sexual experience whilst keeping the partner/spouse you love. If you both get something out of it then why not? Whether you actually would go through with it or not is another thing :)

    +1 . . . I'd guess that for many couples, talking about it or opening the door just a little bit might be enough for them, without having to go through with anything that they might feel would push their boundaries a bit too much.


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    #85
    Delicate_Dlite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 250 ✭✭Delicate_Dlite


    Consenting adult and all that. Once ppl are sensible about sex safety and it makes them both happy, enjoy.

    If a partner mentioned it to me, I'd examine their motives but it wouldn't be a definite dumping offense.


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    #86
    Sgt. Bilko 09
    Registered Users Posts: 1,464 ✭✭✭Sgt. Bilko 09


    listen no matter what says with redards to swinging its sick times wasting ball of sex that is basically childish.
    You don't settle down and be with a girl you supposidly love if your gonna go into a room a ride somelse who is in the predictment as you.
    whether or not you have consent by your wife or husband you should be divorced you should need to aanything of the sort if you love someone or even care for them


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    #87
    WesternNight
    Registered Users Posts: 9,286 ✭✭✭WesternNight


    Sgt. Bilko 09 wrote: »
    listen no matter what says with redards to swinging its sick times wasting ball of sex that is basically childish.
    You don't settle down and be with a girl you supposidly love if your gonna go into a room a ride somelse who is in the predictment as you.
    whether or not you have consent by your wife or husband you should be divorced you should need to aanything of the sort if you love someone or even care for them

    I'm not even going to begin to list all the things that are wrong with this post.


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    #88
    Sgt. Bilko 09
    Registered Users Posts: 1,464 ✭✭✭Sgt. Bilko 09


    swing away


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    #89
    Motley Crue
    Registered Users Posts: 6,382 ✭✭✭Motley Crue


    krudler wrote: »
    As opposed to the pile of condoms after a nights session between a couple? whats the difference?

    how many do you tend to use in a session? Isn't one or two enough...:D


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    #90
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,111 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Sgt. Bilko 09 if you've nothing constructive to add to the thread then please refrain from adding anything. Thank you

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #91
    Rockery Woman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 593 ✭✭✭Rockery Woman


    I have nothing against it - consenting adults and all that. But personally I dont think I could handle the emotional strain. I am married and I don't think I could handle my partner enjoying sex with another woman.

    I have great admiration for the people who can do this without becoming an emotional mess. I do think women in particular have more problems seperating sex and love than men.

    Any opinions on this???


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