Swinging!!

Nevyn

Some women do some women don't, and some men do and some men don't.

Novella

Rockery Woman wrote: »

I have nothing against it - consenting adults and all that. But personally I dont think I could handle the emotional strain. I am married and I don't think I could handle my partner enjoying sex with another woman.

I have great admiration for the people who can do this without becoming an emotional mess. I do think women in particular have more problems seperating sex and love than men.

Any opinions on this???

No, I don't think that at all. I think a persons view of love and of love and sex is formed over time and through experience. Different people experience different things and so form different opinions, and therefore gender doesn't really come into, imo.

Some women think love and sex go hand in hand, some men do. Some women can separate them no problem, as can some men.

OT - swinging, don't think it'd be my cup of tea, not at the moment anyway but I dunno, never say never?! I'm sure it works perfectly in some relationships and if it does, it does and that's great.

Princess Peach

Not for me. I dont know how I could watch my boyfriend or husband being with another girl and not be jealous, analyzing every look and touch. And what if he found someone better then me and left!?

But maybe if you've been married for many years, things get boring and this is a way to spice it up? I've yet to be in a relationship long enough for that to happen :P

IrishEyes19

Its very brave. I know I could never do it, simply because I want one man to myself. Im not looking down on it, but it wouldnt be my thing at all.

I think my insecurities would play up, Id be jealous as hell seeing another woman with him, and second Id be worried that he'd enjoy it so much, that it would become the norm.

And then of course, the other dangers like std's and so on would be just as worrying, because truthfully you could never be sure. So I suppose fair play if you can emotionally detach yourself but I couldnt.

virmilitaris

I'm really curious about this. People really think that all people who cheat don't love their partners ?

Having sex with someone does not mean you love them any more then shaking hands with someone means you're glad to meet them.

I know several people (almost all men) who are in long term relationships or married who do go to prostitutes or go out for one night stands and their reasoning for this varies from their partners not wanting sex at all to having a higher sex drive than their partners to simply been bored with sex with their partners. In fairness you do also have people who just do it because they can.

What would you say to a man/woman who loves his wife/her husband dearly yet she/he doesn't want to have sex ?

Deal with it ? Use your hands mate ?

Love and sex do not go hand in hand.

Swinging would not be for me or my partner at the moment but I'm not dismissing it because of some medieval religiously inspired nonsense that you should only have one partner.

pickarooney

Thaedydal wrote: »

And above ladies and gentlemen is a display of the various attitudes which mean that people who swing/dog/swap or partake in any other sort of sexual activity with other consenting adults which is considered alternative don't talk about it.

You think they don't talk about it because they couldn't handle the idea of someone having a different opinion to them or just because it's nobody's business but theirs? I would plump for the latter.

There's a galling level of hypocrisy in this thread where MrStuffins is being jumped on for expressing his opinion without prefacing them with "IMO", though the OP¨specifically asked for opinions, whereas those doing the jumping are doing exactly the same.

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

You think they don't talk about it because they couldn't handle the idea of someone having a different opinion to them or just because it's nobody's business but theirs? I would plump for the latter.

There's a galling level of hypocrisy in this thread where MrStuffins is being jumped on for expressing his opinion without prefacing them with "IMO", though the OP¨specifically asked for opinions, whereas those doing the jumping are doing exactly the same.

You really don't see the difference between "Swinging is not something I have any interest in" and "Anyone who swings doesn't love their partner"?

No-one here has said "Anyone who thinks swinging is wrong is a prude who doesn't have a healthy attitude to sex". That's the equivalent critical argument from the swinging side, and no-one made it.

pickarooney

I don't see the point of a thread where only two opinions are considered valid - "I do/would swing" and "it's not for me but fire ahead". That would be the dullest thread ever made. When someone asks for your opinion, they should be prepared to hear it, however strongly you choose to express it provided it doesn't involve personal insults.

If someone offers me celery salad I'm not going to take a bit and say "It's not really my thing, but I'm sure it's a perfectly nice dish and other people would enjoy it". I'll say "It's fuсking disgusting." If someone doesn't understand that this is my opinion rather than The Rules For The Universe, frankly I'd wonder if they were all there.

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

I don't see the point of a thread where only two opinions are considered valid - "I do/would swing" and "it's not for me but fire ahead". That would be the dullest thread ever made. When someone asks for your opinion, they should be prepared to hear it, however strongly you choose to express it provided it doesn't involve personal insults.

If someone offers me celery salad I'm not going to take a bit and say "It's not really my thing, but I'm sure it's a perfectly nice dish and other people would enjoy it". I'll say "It's fuсking disgusting." If someone doesn't understand that this is my opinion rather than The Rules For The Universe, frankly I'd wonder if they were all there.

And if someone said that there was something wrong with you for not liking celery? Or that because you don't like celery that you can't have a proper appreciation of food? If someone is opposed to swinging and says "It's fucking disgusting", I would have no problem with that (well, they could probably tone down the language). I would take that as their opinion on the act of swinging.

It's when they say that there is something wrong with you for holding a different opinion to their's, or that someone who swings is incapable of loving their partner that there's a problem

Malari

pickarooney wrote: »

If someone offers me celery salad I'm not going to take a bit and say "It's not really my thing, but I'm sure it's a perfectly nice dish and other people would enjoy it". I'll say "It's fuсking disgusting." If someone doesn't understand that this is my opinion rather than The Rules For The Universe, frankly I'd wonder if they were all there.

But some people have not just said the equivalent of "it's f**king disgusting" - they have said the equivalent of "anyone who eats celery salad has something wrong with them and clearly is not able to judge the quality of food properly"

I've no problem with people not being all liberal and saying swinging is a great, healthy thing to do. I've no problem if they think it's depraved and disgusting and say so, but I don't like when they make generalisations and judgements on people who do it. It's not necessary.

I also disagree with people who say it's brave or something to be admired in general. I don't admire anyone who does it. Just because I don't swing does not make me insecure in my relationship either.

pickarooney

Fair enough, but I secretly (or not so secretly) think that anyone who likes celery is weird. I have no issue with people thinking my tastes in food, music, clothing etc. are weird or that I am weird for having them; I can't see why I would care.

As for swinging - never tried it so don't have a useful opinion on it. I did watch Louis Theroux's documentary on it though and found it very depressing. Many of the women in it were clearly going along with their husbands' fantasies against their own wishes and much like any 'joint' decision I suspect a lot of the time one partner is really enthusiastic while the other is at best ambivalent.

Pembily

pickarooney wrote: »

Fair enough, but I secretly (or not so secretly) think that anyone who likes celery is weird. I have no issue with people thinking my tastes in food, music, clothing etc. are weird or that I am weird for having them; I can't see why I would care.

There is a massive difference in people thinking I am weird because I like celery (yes I actually do) and people telling me I am disgusting and fcuked up for liking celery!!! Weird is one thing but disgusting is a personal attack...

pickarooney

It seems about the same to me, but I couldn't find one mention of the word 'disgusting' or 'fuсked up' in this thread before my post, so the point is moot.

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

Fair enough, but I secretly (or not so secretly) think that anyone who likes celery is weird. I have no issue with people thinking my tastes in food, music, clothing etc. are weird or that I am weird for having them; I can't see why I would care.

Do you actually think that someone who likes celery is weird? Do you genuinely believe that someone who likes celery has something wrong with them? Regardless of anything else about them?

pickarooney wrote: »

As for swinging - never tried it so don't have a useful opinion on it. I did watch Louis Theroux's documentary on it though and found it very depressing. Many of the women in it were clearly going along with their husbands' fantasies against their own wishes and much like any 'joint' decision I suspect a lot of the time one partner is really enthusiastic while the other is at best ambivalent.

True, but that's true of many, many sexual fetishes and fantasies. It's rare for partners to have the same level of interest in each other's fantasies. But you do it because you want to make them happy. Obviously no-one should be forced to do it, but if both are consenting I don't see why swinging should be treated as any different to bondage or any other fetish

pickarooney

28064212 wrote: »

Do you actually think that someone who likes celery is weird? Do you genuinely believe that someone who likes celery has something wrong with them? Regardless of anything else about them?

A bit, yes, if I'm honest. It just doesn't make sense in my head how it could appeal to anyone. I won't shun them or anything, but I won't ask them for recipes either.

Obviously no-one should be forced to do it, but if both are consenting I don't see why swinging should be treated as any different to bondage or any other fetish

Do you think it is treated differently? Do you not think that if you started a thread on scat that people would give their opinions that it's disgusting and that anyone who's into that is weird?

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

A bit, yes, if I'm honest. It just doesn't make sense in my head how it could appeal to anyone. I won't shun them or anything, but I won't ask them for recipes either.

That's a bizarre world-view tbh

pickarooney wrote: »

Do you think it is treated differently? Do you not think that if you started a thread on scat that people would give their opinions that it's disgusting and that anyone who's into that is weird?

Yes, and they would be equally as wrong. Your argument doesn't really work when you pick something that is even further outside the norm, when my point is about things that are outside the norm. If the OP had said they were interested in using role-play in the bedroom, no-one would have said they didn't love their partner.

pickarooney

28064212 wrote: »

Yes, and they would be equally as wrong. Your argument doesn't really work when you pick something that is even further outside the norm.

Says you. Scat is only further outside 'the norm' according to your prejudices. It's human nature to find certain things, and the people who engage in them, weird.

fungun

I think it seems to be more difficult for women. A partner of mine hadnt had any lovers before me and I was willing to let her try one out so to speak....and the thought of it was a turn on for me. But although she actually did love the thought of it, she never found a man she would have liked to do it with. I often wonder how I would have felt afterwards!

The thing is though, once you do it...it means women have the sexual power....takes a little bit for a man to come to terms with this.

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

Says you. Scat is only further outside 'the norm' according to your prejudices. It's human nature to find certain things, and the people who engage in them, weird.

Actually, I was basing it on society's current prejudices. At times, homosexual activity would be considered way outside the norm, even if it wasn't considered that way by some people. If someone wants to engage in scat play, I have no problem with it.

And just because some people do it, doesn't make it human nature or right.

fungun wrote: »

I think it seems to be more difficult for women. A partner of mine hadnt had any lovers before me and I was willing to let her try one out so to speak....and the thought of it was a turn on for me. But although she actually did love the thought of it, she never found a man she would have liked to do it with. I often wonder how I would have felt afterwards!

The thing is though, once you do it...it means women have the sexual power....takes a little bit for a man to come to terms with this.

Are you specifically talking about a woman taking other lovers while her partner doesn't? That's slightly different to swinging (arguably a specific subset of it) called cuckolding, and involves a dominant-female/male-submissive element, so the woman would have the sexual power in it.

In an 'equal' swinging relationship, both partners are free to indulge in sexual activities outside of the relationship. Would not necessarily involve any change in the sexual power balance, and both partners would need as much "coming to terms" as each other

pickarooney

28064212 wrote: »

Actually, I was basing it on society's current prejudices.

Is there a certified diagram detailing what exactly is more normal that what?

And just because some people do it, doesn't make it human nature or right.

And just because some people don't do it, doesn't make it odd, or wrong.

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

Is there a certified diagram detailing what exactly is more normal that what?

I'm not talking about something being normal in the sense that it's ok (or "not abnormal"), I'm talking about closer to what society considers to be normal. If I did a massive survey interviewing every person in Ireland on what they considered to be a normal sexual habit, do you think scat would receive more positives or less positives than swinging?

pickarooney wrote: »

And just because some people don't do it, doesn't make it odd, or wrong.

Never said it did. It is objectively wrong though

pickarooney

28064212 wrote: »

I'm not talking about something being normal in the sense that it's ok (or "not abnormal"), I'm talking about closer to what society considers to be normal. If I did a massive survey interviewing every person in Ireland on what they considered to be a normal sexual habit, do you think scat would receive more positives or less positives than swinging?

I have absolutely no idea of the answer or how you would presume to know it in advance.

Never said it did. It is objectively wrong though

I don't understand. What is wrong?

28064212

pickarooney wrote: »

I have absolutely no idea of the answer or how you would presume to know it in advance.

Fair enough. But it was irrelevant to my point. Go back to my post and replace "even further outside the norm" with "also outside the norm". The point was that stuff outside the norm should not be treated any differently

pickarooney wrote: »

I don't understand. What is wrong?

We seem to have gone a little too deep into double negatives. This was the original statement:

pickarooney wrote: »

It's human nature to find certain things, and the people who engage in them, weird.

I don't think it's human nature, and I think it's objectively wrong to find people weird based on a single aspect of their personality

Bottle_of_Smoke

Ok male visitor here.

I think I'd be too jealous of girlfriend being with another guy for it to work out. Just don't think I'd see her in the same light anymore. Which is a shame really because I find the authorised sleeping with more than one woman whilst having a relationship a great concept.

Maybe I'll feel differently in later life. Heres hoping...

Kooli

28064212 wrote: »

I don't think it's human nature, and I think it's objectively wrong to find people weird based on a single aspect of their personality

Isn't that judgmental in the same way?

Why is it OK for you to say it's wrong for someone to call someone else weird, but it's not OK for someone to say it's wrong to have sex with someone who's not your partner? (That's more of a rhetorical question than one directed at you in particular)

We all have our own moral codes, and I think there's a lot of pressure in threads like these to say we're 'totally cool' with things we're really not!!

I'm one of those people who does equate sex with love, intimacy and closeness. There have been times in the past when sex was just sex for me, but I would never want to go back there to be honest. So the idea of swinging, which people here seem to be saying is just sex with someone I have absolutely no connection with, when I am already in a loving relationship with someone I do have a sexual connection with, is bonkers to me.

And I certainly don't envy or admire those who do it. I don't really care what they do in their own time, but it's an act that I cannot reconcile with my own ideas of sex and relationships in any way.

28064212

Kooli wrote: »

Isn't that judgmental in the same way?

Why is it OK for you to say it's wrong for someone to call someone else weird, but it's not OK for someone to say it's wrong to have sex with someone who's not your partner? (That's more of a rhetorical question than one directed at you in particular)

Again, that's not what I've said at all. What I've said is:

• It's wrong to say that someone who swings doesn't love their partner
• It's wrong to say that someone who swings is in some way 'wrong'
• A person can say swinging is wrong, but they can't say that someone who swings is somehow less than they are

Kooli wrote: »

We all have our own moral codes, and I think there's a lot of pressure in threads like these to say we're 'totally cool' with things we're really not!!

No-one has said anyone has to be 'totally cool' with swinging. It's when people try to apply their moral codes to others. In your moral code, if your OH slept or wanted to sleep with someone else, that would be unacceptable to you. That's fine. What's not ok is telling someone else who has full knowledge and given full consent that they are wrong to allow their OH to sleep with someone else, even though it's not against their moral code.

Kooli wrote: »

I'm one of those people who does equate sex with love, intimacy and closeness. There have been times in the past when sex was just sex for me, but I would never want to go back there to be honest. So the idea of swinging, which people here seem to be saying is just sex with someone I have absolutely no connection with, when I am already in a loving relationship with someone I do have a sexual connection with, is bonkers to me.

And I certainly don't envy or admire those who do it. I don't really care what they do in their own time, but it's an act that I cannot reconcile with my own ideas of sex and relationships in any way.

There's no problem with any of that (although swinging doesn't have to involve someone who you have no connection to, many couples (either together or separately) will vet prospective partners the same way they would if they were single)

Audie

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Ok male visitor here.

I think I'd be too jealous of girlfriend being with another guy for it to work out. Just don't think I'd see her in the same light anymore. Which is a shame really because I find the authorised sleeping with more than one woman whilst having a relationship a great concept.

Maybe I'll feel differently in later life. Heres hoping...

Yeah my boyfriend would probably have the same idea as you. I'm surprised, looking at this thread, how many people are against the idea. It's fair enough, people are entitled to their opinions and feelings. I don't see the big deal. Sex is just sex, if a couple can agree on where to draw the line, and keep everything honest and open, then where's the problem. I think the trust involved would say that a relationship is stronger, and not weaker because of it. There is a risk involved, but if you're able to control everything, then there shouldn't be a problem.

LegacyUser

just wondering if any of you have tried it? my bf has asked me to try it... I think i would like to but not sure!! Just wondering what peoples experience of it is good or bad?

Thanks.

Pebbles!

willIwon'tI wrote: »

just wondering if any of you have tried it? my bf has asked me to try it... I think i would like to but not sure!! Just wondering what peoples experience of it is good or bad?

Thanks.

I'm in the same boat myself, I think I'l like it but not sure! I suppose you never know til you try!! Me and my boyfriend talked about it together and both of us are curious about it but not going to do anything until we're fully sure!!

It's a hard one to call about whether you'd enjoy it or not cause there could be so many feelings after it's done!!! As you can read from this thread everybodys views on the subject are varied! To me it's not like cheating because both are involved! The majority of people would see nothing wrong with a three-some but see this as totally wrong! I would never cheat on my boyfriend but this to me is different, it's something we are trying together. People that I have talked to that have done this, said it has made their relationship stronger.

You can always try it once and see if you like it or not. You can go to these parties and not participate if you feel uncomfortable or you can just not have intercourse until your ready for that step that yer sure!

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

Not cheating if it's authorised, now is it? Cheating involves some form of deception. In fact, swinging takes the deceoption (ergo the harm) out of it -- as long as both partners are in agreement.

I agree with this to a certain extent...if both partners are in agreement you would think there is no harm in it...but what happens after the 1st time if one partner decides they didn't like it and the other partner was still all for it?? there has to be alot of trust involved...i think i would worry that my partner would get a taste for being with someone else which would result in him/her cheating - that may not be everyones view but imo if you are in any way uneasy about it after thinking it was something you wanted then both partners have to agree that it is something that will never be done again...if a partner has to be coerced into it at any time then it is a big no-no. So definitely both partners must be in agreement and there has to be ground rules, alot of trust and not something to be entered into without alot of thought and discussion! sorry if that was a bit long winded haha!