Swinging!!

Pebbles! · 22-09-2010 11:03pm #1

Hey!

just wondering what are your views on swinging? It was something I Never thought about until I heard an interview on the radio about it! seems Kinda interesting, I know it's definitely not everybody cup of tea, but i'm curious about it Now!!

Oh and with my boyfriend!!

Wibbs · 22-09-2010 11:20pm

OK folks lets keep this non X rated and non flippant discussion wise, or it goes to the Sex and Sexuality forum where it would better belong. Thanks.

22-09-2010 11:22pm

Don't see anything wrong with it myself. Different strokes and all that. Probably something I'd say a lot of people would be best to try out when their sex life is on the rocks? Try and throw a bit of excitement into the mix?

MrStuffins · 22-09-2010 11:23pm

Authorised cheating!

If my girlfriend wanted to do it she'd be gone!

Panthro · 22-09-2010 11:25pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

Authorised cheating!

If my girlfriend wanted to do it she'd be gone!

Amen to that, I don't share my food, and I don't share my wimmins, end of!

rainbow kirby · 22-09-2010 11:27pm

Wouldn't be my thing at all, but if it's something that works for a particular couple then who am I to knock it.

elleburp · 22-09-2010 11:27pm

No chance.

Can you imagine the pile of condoms and the smell of rubber all over the gaff - yuck! Or worse, the alternative; a neighbourhood filled with STI's!

I know of one area/road/estate that it goes on in

rannerap · 22-09-2010 11:47pm

Doesnt bother me but I personally wouldnt be into it at all, I wouldnt want to be shared with anyone the same way I would never want to share my boyfriend with anyone, different strokes for different folks!

krudler · 22-09-2010 11:53pm

elleburp wrote: »

No chance.

Can you imagine the pile of condoms and the smell of rubber all over the gaff - yuck! Or worse, the alternative; a neighbourhood filled with STI's!

I know of one area/road/estate that it goes on in

As opposed to the pile of condoms after a nights session between a couple? whats the difference?

Meh, whatever floats your boat, wouldnt be into seeing some other guy ride someone I'm going out with or even the thought of it, but if thats your thing and its all mutual then go for it.

Augmerson · 22-09-2010 11:58pm

Although I have nothing against what other consenting adults do between themselves behind closed doors, I would never be into swinging. I'm a one-woman man (if I get that lucky).

WesternNight · 23-09-2010 7:38am

Wouldn't be into it in the slightest. Honestly can't see the draw of it at all.

helimachoptor · 23-09-2010 10:21am

Some people are into it. I think you'd need to be very comfortable, watching your wife/husband getting their rocks off with someone else probably isnt the easiest thing to watch.

ppink · 23-09-2010 10:56am

What I wonder about it is what happens when

One of the couple no longer wants it but the other does
You get old an wrinkly and no one wants to swing with you:eek: Maybe I'm wrong but I would think it would be more likely the female of the couple to end up in this boat.
Diseases....yuk!

moonshinerocks · 23-09-2010 11:14am

I think if you have been in a relationship for a long time and it is something you both want then you should go for it. It's a way of having a new sexual experience whilst keeping the partner/spouse you love. If you both get something out of it then why not? Whether you actually would go through with it or not is another thing

Malari · 23-09-2010 11:55am

Pebbles! wrote: »

Hey!

just wondering what are your views on swinging? It was something I Never thought about until I heard an interview on the radio about it! seems Kinda interesting, I know it's definitely not everybody cup of tea, but i'm curious about it Now!!

Oh and with my boyfriend!!

It seems odd to me that someone who would potentially be into that kind of thing would never think about it until prompted by a radio interview!

No, I would never consider it and if my boyfriend ever intimated he would be into it I would be very worried for the stability of our relationship.

Pembily · 23-09-2010 12:53pm

Each to their own, we are all made differently thus we all enjoy different things!!!!

shellyboo · 23-09-2010 2:21pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

Authorised cheating!

If my girlfriend wanted to do it she'd be gone!

Not cheating if it's authorised, now is it? Cheating involves some form of deception. In fact, swinging takes the deceoption (ergo the harm) out of it -- as long as both partners are in agreement.

Personally, it's not for me. I'm far too possessive. I envy anyone who'd be so secure and open as to be able to share their partner sexually - it would totally destroy me.

OP, there are lots of other (more sex-positive places) to discuss this kind of thing, and you might learn more by reading blogs from couples who swing. Do lots of research before you make any rash decisions! Best of luck.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 2:27pm

shellyboo wrote: »

Not cheating if it's authorised, now is it? Cheating involves some form of deception. In fact, swinging takes the deceoption (ergo the harm) out of it -- as long as both partners are in agreement.

You knew exactly what i meant :rolleyes:

You should only want to be with one person if you are truely in love. "Cheating" is normally when someone in a relationship will have sex with someone else but still stay in their relationship, this is achieved by not telling their partner.

With Swinging, it's the person still having sex with other people, it's just that their partner is allowing it. It's "Authorised", this is the only difference.

What kind of person lets their other half have sex with others?

Pembily · 23-09-2010 2:29pm

Pebbles! wrote: »

Hey!

just wondering what are your views on swinging? It was something I Never thought about until I heard an interview on the radio about it! seems Kinda interesting, I know it's definitely not everybody cup of tea, but i'm curious about it Now!!

Oh and with my boyfriend!!

If its something you want to do you must be FULLY OPEN AND HONEST with your boyfriend, ye both need to be fully open!!! Research it a lot, talk about it a lot, fantasy is one thing but its very different when you actually go through with it!!! Jealousy can play a huge part, you need to be prepared for that, while you think its going to be fun, your partner will be pleasuring another woman and you will be doing the same with another guy!!! It tests any couple!!

Also its not cheating as all parties involved are aware of what is happening!

Good luck

23-09-2010 2:51pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

You knew exactly what i meant :rolleyes:

You should only want to be with one person if you are truely in love. "Cheating" is normally when someone in a relationship will have sex with someone else but still stay in their relationship, this is achieved by not telling their partner.

With Swinging, it's the person still having sex with other people, it's just that their partner is allowing it. It's "Authorised", this is the only difference.

What kind of person lets their other half have sex with others?

Wtf?
You're the supreme moral authority on relationships now are you?
I doubt you have a clue.
It works for plenty of people. Just because you don't like it is no need to start getting offensive about it.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 3:02pm

bluewolf wrote: »

Wtf?
You're the supreme moral authority on relationships now are you?
I doubt you have a clue.
It works for plenty of people. Just because you don't like it is no need to start getting offensive about it.

Moral authority? Why? Because i gave my opinion? Where did i claim to be any sort of authority?

You are the one getting personal here, but then say i'm being offensive? You don't know me, so why the need to say "I doubt you have a clue". And what exactly do i need to have a clue about to know i don't want my girlriend to be having sex with others? So defensive here BlueWolf, maybe you should relax and have a sit down.

Also, how did i offend anybody?

23-09-2010 3:09pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

Moral authority? Why? Because i gave my opinion? Where did i claim to be any sort of authority?

You declared nobody in love should ever want to have sex with anyone else

And what exactly do i need to have a clue about to know i don't want my girlriend to be having sex with others?

Right, you wouldn't need to know anything for that. Except that's not what you said. You said "what kind of person" etc like there's something massively wrong with it

I apologise if I overreacted but I find these kind of general sweeping statements very irritating.

rainbow kirby · 23-09-2010 3:09pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

And what exactly do i need to have a clue about to know i don't want my girlriend to be having sex with others?

That's a choice you make in your own relationship. For those who are polyamorous, they may make other choices - be that swinging, or taking another partner into the relationship, or otherwise.

MrStuffins wrote: »

So defensive here BlueWolf, maybe you should relax and have a sit down.

Don't get personal here.

icywind1980 · 23-09-2010 3:13pm

Speaking from experience, you have to be in a full and completely trust worthy relationship or else there will be jealousy and resentment. It can be mutually pleasing for all involved but it will only be successful with trust and honesty as the main keys.

As for the smelly pile of condoms, swing with clean people and you won't need 'em.

As for the moral nay-sayers, do what pleases you it is a free (chuckle) country now. Let people do what they want.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 3:17pm

bluewolf wrote: »

You declared nobody in love should ever want to have sex with anyone else

That's right, they shouldn't! I have female friends, i can have coffee with them, go out to the pub with them etc. No problem. But if i had sex with them, that crosses a line! It's a pretty standard practice not to have sex with others if you're in a relationship.

Right, you wouldn't need to know anything for that. Except that's not what you said. You said "what kind of person" etc like there's something massively wrong with it

I asked the question. What kind of person? To me, it's the kind of person who wants to cheat, but is possibly afraid of getting caught and losing their partner. They want to have their cake and eat it.

I apologise if I overreacted but I find these kind of general sweeping statements very irritating.

Apology accepted. I also apologise for being personal.

rainbow kirby wrote: »

That's a choice you make in your own relationship. For those who are polyamorous, they may make other choices - be that swinging, or taking another partner into the relationship, or otherwise.

I realise this, but i disagree with it. 99% of couples would not bring another person into their relationship, so it's not as if i'm alone in my thinking here.

Don't get personal here.

I apologised, however i wasn't the only one being personal. I don't know why i'm the only one being singled out for it.

icywind1980 · 23-09-2010 3:22pm

Just a question to to the above post quotes- Why shouldn't anyone else consider sex with another person? Don't men think about this all the time? If it's agreed upon and talked about why shouldn't it be allowed in that specific couples relationship?

23-09-2010 3:25pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

That's right, they shouldn't!

Why? Just because you don't agree?

It's a pretty standard practice not to have sex with others if you're in a relationship.

Not THAT standard, it's just not really talked about.

I asked the question. What kind of person? To me, it's the kind of person who wants to cheat, but is possibly afraid of getting caught and losing their partner. They want to have their cake and eat it.

Right, so you were really implying it was a bad thing to want it.

I realise this, but i disagree with it. 99% of couples would not bring another person into their relationship, so it's not as if i'm alone in my thinking here.

Except for all the people who do go swinging? And even despite numbers what does it matter - it's their relationship not yours so why not accept different people have different ways of being in relationships?
I just don't understand why you'd come in and decide it's wrong based on your own standards. Wrong for YOU maybe, but that doesn't mean it's objectively wrong full stop.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 3:29pm

bluewolf wrote: »

Why? Just because you don't agree?

Well isnt this about opinion?

Not THAT standard, it's just not really talked about.

I severely disagree.

Right, so you were really implying it was a bad thing to want it.

To want to have sex with someone else? If my girlfriend said to me "You know what, you know your friend Jim? I'd love to shag him".... yes, that would be a bad thing :rolleyes:

Except for all the people who do go swinging? And even despite numbers what does it matter - it's their relationship not yours so why not accept different people have different ways of being in relationships?
I just don't understand why you'd come in and decide it's wrong based on your own standards. Wrong for YOU maybe, but that doesn't mean it's objectively wrong full stop.

Indeed, which is why i said on the first page here that if it was my girlfriend she'd be gone. I wouldn't get in someone else's face about it, i'd just question their motives as i am doing here.

23-09-2010 3:34pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

That's right, they shouldn't! I have female friends, i can have coffee with them, go out to the pub with them etc. No problem. But if i had sex with them, that crosses a line! It's a pretty standard practice not to have sex with others if you're in a relationship.

It's pretty 'standard' not to have a sex-life which includes bondage, is there something wrong with people who want to introduce that to their relationship? It's a very common fantasy for a man to watch his partner have sex with someone else. That crosses your line, it may not cross someone else's. How about you post your sexual fetishes up here, and we'll decide what's morally ok for you to be doing?

MrStuffins wrote: »

I realise this, but i disagree with it. 99% of couples would not bring another person into their relationship, so it's not as if i'm alone in my thinking here.

Even if your "99%" was correct, it would still be a logic fail. Many couples would not suggest bringing another person into their relationship. That's not the same as saying they wouldn't have any interest in it

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 3:37pm

28064212 wrote: »

It's pretty 'standard' not to have a sex-life which includes bondage............

You can't compare bondage to having sex with others, i'm sorry.

Even if your "99%" was correct, it would still be a logic fail. Many couples would not suggest bringing another person into their relationship. That's not the same as saying they wouldn't have any interest in it

No, but it's the same as them not doing it.

23-09-2010 3:52pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

Well isnt this about opinion?

It's supposed to be. You are saying that there is something fundamentally wrong with it. Saying that it's just something you wouldn't do, saying that you would never be interested, that's fine. Saying that nobody should do it, that people who do it don't love their partner, is not

MrStuffins wrote: »

To want to have sex with someone else? If my girlfriend said to me "You know what, you know your friend Jim? I'd love to shag him".... yes, that would be a bad thing :rolleyes:

No, that would be a bad thing for you. If the man was happy for her doing it, it was something that made her happy, and it didn't hurt their relationship, why is it bad?

MrStuffins wrote: »

You can't compare bondage to having sex with others, i'm sorry.

Of course you can. Swinging is a sexual activity. Some people are into it, some aren't. It has no bearing on the level of love for their partner.

I'd be more worried about a partner who was emotionally cheating (i.e. confiding in someone else, telling them stuff they wouldn't tell me) than a partner who was essentially, with my permission, using another person as nothing more than a sex-toy.

MrStuffins wrote: »

No, but it's the same as them not doing it.

You said because they don't do it, their thinking was the same as yours. That is not the same thing. Just because they don't do it, doesn't mean they are fundamentally opposed to it, or that they think there is something wrong with it

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 3:55pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

You knew exactly what i meant :rolleyes:

You should only want to be with one person if you are truely in love. "Cheating" is normally when someone in a relationship will have sex with someone else but still stay in their relationship, this is achieved by not telling their partner.

With Swinging, it's the person still having sex with other people, it's just that their partner is allowing it. It's "Authorised", this is the only difference.

What kind of person lets their other half have sex with others?

People who are not you.

If it's not for you and you dont' like it and you don't understand it fair enough but don't denigrate those who have, are and may try it.

Malari · 23-09-2010 4:01pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

Well isnt this about opinion?

I severely disagree.

To want to have sex with someone else? If my girlfriend said to me "You know what, you know your friend Jim? I'd love to shag him".... yes, that would be a bad thing :rolleyes:

It is your opinion. It happens to be my opinion too, but do you see the difference between most posters here saying "it wouldn't be for me, but each to their own" and you saying "it would be a bad thing for anyone to suggest swinging while in a relationship"?

gillian1983 · 23-09-2010 4:02pm

Ok i 100% agree with all mr stuffins has said!!!!!!!!
its absolutely shocking to me that people can even argue against what he is saying. sorry but im having none of it...
"IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS'' THIS IS 100% TRUE!!!!
all you people out there who argue for swinging clearly either have no heart or just dont love the one ur with!
why in gods name would u want to share your partner or be with someone else if u loved them??
what would make your relationship special at all if every tom dick and harry had a go with ur girlfriend?
its ludicris! mr stuffins im relieved there are still people like you in society cos its very depressing that people ACTUALY argue for swinging...
if you wanna swing, break up!

krudler · 23-09-2010 4:10pm

gillian1983 wrote: »

Ok i 100% agree with all mr stuffins has said!!!!!!!!
its absolutely shocking to me that people can even argue against what he is saying. sorry but im having none of it...
"IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS'' THIS IS 100% TRUE!!!!
all you people out there who argue for swinging clearly either have no heart or just dont love the one ur with!
why in gods name would u want to share your partner or be with someone else if u loved them??
what would make your relationship special at all if every tom dick and harry had a go with ur girlfriend?
its ludicris ! mr stuffins im relieved there are still people like you in society cos its very depressing that people ACTUALY argue for swinging...
if you wanna swing, break up!

Whats the rapper got to do with any of this :pac:

wow, judgemental much? why do people assume swingers are all sex crazed, depraved deviants? who are you to say what should and shouldnt be acceptable in a couples relationship? I watched a documentary on swingers once and they had what a lot of marriages lack, honesty.Funnily they wouldnt meet people who their partner hadnt approved in a lot of cases, so its not like they were just shagging anyone who crossed their path. Anyone who thinks because they're in love they shouldnt find someone else attractive is deluding themselves, swingers just act on it.

What a married couple does is their own business, and nobody can say they dont love each other simply because they have an open relationship.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 4:12pm

I understand what everyone is saying yes, i understand i have come across as some sort of "Holier than thou" crackpot. And i realise different strokes for different folks and all that. I'm sorry if what i have said has made people think i am judging everyone who does it! I didn't mean to seem like i was looking down on anyone.

But for me, sex is a very important part of a relationship. And part of it's importance is the feeling you have between you and the person you love. That intimacy and love you feel while having sex. It's incredible if you're in love with someone.

I don't think if you were in love with someone that you should be doing that with other people.

Malari · 23-09-2010 4:31pm

gillian1983 wrote: »

"IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS'' THIS IS 100% TRUE!!!!

Well, it's clearly not true. Look at all the couples where one partner has cheated, and yet they have resolved problems. People want to have sex with other people for a variety of reasons - emotional, neglect, sex addiction!! it doesn't mean they don't love the person they are with. I'm not condoning cheating, I actually think it's despicable, I'm just saying fidelity is not as black and white as you claim.

gillian1983 wrote: »

all you people out there who argue for swinging clearly either have no heart or just dont love the one ur with!

People are not really "arguing" for swinging here. Nobody here has claimed they do it and love it. They are saying it ain't their cup of tea. I even said the suggestion of it might be detrimental to my relationship. But that's not to say I'm going to judge a couple who don't see exclusive sexual relations with each other as a pillar of their relationship.

23-09-2010 4:39pm

gillian1983 wrote: »

what would make your relationship special at all if every tom dick and harry had a go with ur girlfriend?

So your relationships are purely based on sex? That's all that makes your relationships special? I find that a lot more depressing than someone who enjoys sex outside of a relationship with their partner's permission.

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 4:41pm

gillian1983 wrote: »

Ok i 100% agree with all mr stuffins has said!!!!!!!!
its absolutely shocking to me that people can even argue against what he is saying. sorry but im having none of it...
"IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS'' THIS IS 100% TRUE!!!!
all you people out there who argue for swinging clearly either have no heart or just dont love the one ur with!
why in gods name would u want to share your partner or be with someone else if u loved them??
what would make your relationship special at all if every tom dick and harry had a go with ur girlfriend?
its ludicris! mr stuffins im relieved there are still people like you in society cos its very depressing that people ACTUALY argue for swinging...
if you wanna swing, break up!

gillain there are people who have open relationship and poly relationships, there are people who don't define their relationships by whom they are having sex with.

It is possible for a couple to have an open relationship or be into swinging or to be polyamrous and for them to still be a couple and have a romantic relationship.

what is 100% true for you is not 100% for the population of this country.

MrStuffins wrote: »

I don't think if you were in love with someone that you should be doing that with other people.

It is a different type of love, but it's love all the same.

boarduser1980 · 23-09-2010 4:43pm

cant you swing without having full sexual intercourse??
you could have a 3sum, 4sum with other ppl but no penetration allowed, only between the couple?

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 4:55pm

Dambant wrote: »

cant you swing without having full sexual intercourse??
you could have a 3sum, 4sum with other ppl but no penetration allowed, only between the couple?

Yes it's called a soft swap or a soft swing.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 5:03pm

Dambant wrote: »

cant you swing without having full sexual intercourse??
you could have a 3sum, 4sum with other ppl but no penetration allowed, only between the couple?

But by doing this, arent you admitting penetration is a bad thing?

Malari · 23-09-2010 5:11pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

But by doing this, arent you admitting penetration is a bad thing?

For their relationship, yes! That's the whole point. It's not suitable or desirable for everyone. Even for most people. but if the couple themselves are happy doing it, then what harm?

Believe me, there are plenty of other things people judge couples on - marriage, style of wedding, children, time spent together, long distance relationships, phone sex, whatever. Each to their own.

Pembily · 23-09-2010 5:19pm

Pebbles! wrote: »

Hey!

just wondering what are your views on swinging?

This is the OP, she asked for your views!!!!

MrStuffins wrote: »

Authorised cheating!

If my girlfriend wanted to do it she'd be gone!

That is your personal opinion and how YOU feel, I am sure there are certain things you enjoy that others don't, as I said above - each to their own!!! Cheating is by definition to act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage!!! With swinging the key to it working is honesty - thus NOT cheating!!!!!!

gillian1983 wrote: »

"IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS'' THIS IS 100% TRUE!!!!
all you people out there who argue for swinging clearly either have no heart or just dont love the one ur with!

That IN MY OPINION is 100% not true... Swingning is not (IMO) about having sex with another person its more about seeing your partner have sex with someone else, someone else pleasuring your partner, that is a fantasy some people have...

gillian1983 wrote: »

its very depressing that people ACTUALY argue for swinging...
if you wanna swing, break up!

That is how YOU feel, others do not feel the same!!!! Everyone has an opinion and its only an opinion, no one is right or wrong, some people enjoy it and others don't!!!

Its not illegal, its not hurting anyone and its all open and honest!!!!!

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 5:20pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

But by doing this, arent you admitting penetration is a bad thing?

MrStuffins differnt people drawn different lines at to what is cheating or betrayal in thier relationships.

Their lines on physical and emotional boundaries may be different then yours for you in your relationship but that doesn't make them bad or wrong, just different and not for you.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 5:25pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

MrStuffins differnt people drawn different lines at to what is cheating or betrayal in thier relationships.

Their lines on physical and emotional boundaries may be different then yours for you in your relationship but that doesn't make them bad or wrong, just different and not for you.

I've already said i'm not trying to be some sort of Moral Compass.

I've no idea why, everytime i give my opinion, people keep saying "Well that's your opinion, not ours".

I already know that!

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 5:27pm

Then maybe take a look at the language you are using, as text has no tone.

MrStuffins wrote: »

But by doing this, arent you admitting penetration is a bad thing?

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 5:32pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Then maybe take a look at the language you are using, as text has no tone.

Since when is asking a question claiming to be a moral compass?

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 5:35pm

Dude you just don't seem to get it and I cant' explain it to you how your statements and questions are coming across as being loaded.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 5:37pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Dude you just don't seem to get it and I cant' explain it to you how your statements and questions are coming across as being loaded.

Well they are not meant to be that way, so replying "Well, that's your opinion and not other peoples' opinion" is futile!

WesternNight · 23-09-2010 5:38pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

Since when is asking a question claiming to be a moral compass?

Just because you stick a question mark at the end, doesn't make it a question, really. What you're doing is giving your opinion and judgement in the form of a question, or multiple (rhetorical) questions. As opposed to asking a question with a genuine interest in the answer. There's a big difference.

Swinging!!

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