Swinging!!

Pebbles!

Hey!

just wondering what are your views on swinging? It was something I Never thought about until I heard an interview on the radio about it! seems Kinda interesting, I know it's definitely not everybody cup of tea, but i'm curious about it Now!!

Oh and with my boyfriend!!

Wibbs

OK folks lets keep this non X rated and non flippant discussion wise, or it goes to the Sex and Sexuality forum where it would better belong. Thanks.

Don't see anything wrong with it myself. Different strokes and all that. Probably something I'd say a lot of people would be best to try out when their sex life is on the rocks? Try and throw a bit of excitement into the mix?

MrStuffins

Authorised cheating!

If my girlfriend wanted to do it she'd be gone!

Panthro

MrStuffins wrote: »

Authorised cheating!

If my girlfriend wanted to do it she'd be gone!

Amen to that, I don't share my food, and I don't share my wimmins, end of!

rainbow kirby

Wouldn't be my thing at all, but if it's something that works for a particular couple then who am I to knock it.

elleburp

No chance.

Can you imagine the pile of condoms and the smell of rubber all over the gaff - yuck! Or worse, the alternative; a neighbourhood filled with STI's!

I know of one area/road/estate that it goes on in

rannerap

Doesnt bother me but I personally wouldnt be into it at all, I wouldnt want to be shared with anyone the same way I would never want to share my boyfriend with anyone, different strokes for different folks!

krudler

elleburp wrote: »

No chance.

Can you imagine the pile of condoms and the smell of rubber all over the gaff - yuck! Or worse, the alternative; a neighbourhood filled with STI's!

I know of one area/road/estate that it goes on in

As opposed to the pile of condoms after a nights session between a couple? whats the difference?

Meh, whatever floats your boat, wouldnt be into seeing some other guy ride someone I'm going out with or even the thought of it, but if thats your thing and its all mutual then go for it.

Augmerson

Although I have nothing against what other consenting adults do between themselves behind closed doors, I would never be into swinging. I'm a one-woman man (if I get that lucky).

WesternNight

Wouldn't be into it in the slightest. Honestly can't see the draw of it at all.

helimachoptor

Some people are into it. I think you'd need to be very comfortable, watching your wife/husband getting their rocks off with someone else probably isnt the easiest thing to watch.

ppink

What I wonder about it is what happens when

• One of the couple no longer wants it but the other does
• You get old an wrinkly and no one wants to swing with you:eek: Maybe I'm wrong but I would think it would be more likely the female of the couple to end up in this boat.
• Diseases....yuk!

moonshinerocks

I think if you have been in a relationship for a long time and it is something you both want then you should go for it. It's a way of having a new sexual experience whilst keeping the partner/spouse you love. If you both get something out of it then why not? Whether you actually would go through with it or not is another thing

Malari

Pebbles! wrote: »

Hey!

just wondering what are your views on swinging? It was something I Never thought about until I heard an interview on the radio about it! seems Kinda interesting, I know it's definitely not everybody cup of tea, but i'm curious about it Now!!

Oh and with my boyfriend!!

It seems odd to me that someone who would potentially be into that kind of thing would never think about it until prompted by a radio interview!

No, I would never consider it and if my boyfriend ever intimated he would be into it I would be very worried for the stability of our relationship.

Pembily

Each to their own, we are all made differently thus we all enjoy different things!!!!

shellyboo

MrStuffins wrote: »

Authorised cheating!

If my girlfriend wanted to do it she'd be gone!

Not cheating if it's authorised, now is it? Cheating involves some form of deception. In fact, swinging takes the deceoption (ergo the harm) out of it -- as long as both partners are in agreement.

Personally, it's not for me. I'm far too possessive. I envy anyone who'd be so secure and open as to be able to share their partner sexually - it would totally destroy me.

OP, there are lots of other (more sex-positive places) to discuss this kind of thing, and you might learn more by reading blogs from couples who swing. Do lots of research before you make any rash decisions! Best of luck.

MrStuffins

shellyboo wrote: »

Not cheating if it's authorised, now is it? Cheating involves some form of deception. In fact, swinging takes the deceoption (ergo the harm) out of it -- as long as both partners are in agreement.

You knew exactly what i meant :rolleyes:

You should only want to be with one person if you are truely in love. "Cheating" is normally when someone in a relationship will have sex with someone else but still stay in their relationship, this is achieved by not telling their partner.

With Swinging, it's the person still having sex with other people, it's just that their partner is allowing it. It's "Authorised", this is the only difference.

What kind of person lets their other half have sex with others?

Pembily

Pebbles! wrote: »

Hey!

just wondering what are your views on swinging? It was something I Never thought about until I heard an interview on the radio about it! seems Kinda interesting, I know it's definitely not everybody cup of tea, but i'm curious about it Now!!

Oh and with my boyfriend!!

If its something you want to do you must be FULLY OPEN AND HONEST with your boyfriend, ye both need to be fully open!!! Research it a lot, talk about it a lot, fantasy is one thing but its very different when you actually go through with it!!! Jealousy can play a huge part, you need to be prepared for that, while you think its going to be fun, your partner will be pleasuring another woman and you will be doing the same with another guy!!! It tests any couple!!

Also its not cheating as all parties involved are aware of what is happening!

Good luck

coffee_cake

MrStuffins wrote: »

You knew exactly what i meant :rolleyes:

You should only want to be with one person if you are truely in love. "Cheating" is normally when someone in a relationship will have sex with someone else but still stay in their relationship, this is achieved by not telling their partner.

With Swinging, it's the person still having sex with other people, it's just that their partner is allowing it. It's "Authorised", this is the only difference.

What kind of person lets their other half have sex with others?

Wtf?
You're the supreme moral authority on relationships now are you?
I doubt you have a clue.
It works for plenty of people. Just because you don't like it is no need to start getting offensive about it.

MrStuffins

bluewolf wrote: »

Wtf?
You're the supreme moral authority on relationships now are you?
I doubt you have a clue.
It works for plenty of people. Just because you don't like it is no need to start getting offensive about it.

Moral authority? Why? Because i gave my opinion? Where did i claim to be any sort of authority?

You are the one getting personal here, but then say i'm being offensive? You don't know me, so why the need to say "I doubt you have a clue". And what exactly do i need to have a clue about to know i don't want my girlriend to be having sex with others? So defensive here BlueWolf, maybe you should relax and have a sit down.

Also, how did i offend anybody?

coffee_cake

MrStuffins wrote: »

Moral authority? Why? Because i gave my opinion? Where did i claim to be any sort of authority?

You declared nobody in love should ever want to have sex with anyone else

And what exactly do i need to have a clue about to know i don't want my girlriend to be having sex with others?

Right, you wouldn't need to know anything for that. Except that's not what you said. You said "what kind of person" etc like there's something massively wrong with it

I apologise if I overreacted but I find these kind of general sweeping statements very irritating.

rainbow kirby

MrStuffins wrote: »

And what exactly do i need to have a clue about to know i don't want my girlriend to be having sex with others?

That's a choice you make in your own relationship. For those who are polyamorous, they may make other choices - be that swinging, or taking another partner into the relationship, or otherwise.

MrStuffins wrote: »

So defensive here BlueWolf, maybe you should relax and have a sit down.

Don't get personal here.

icywind1980

Speaking from experience, you have to be in a full and completely trust worthy relationship or else there will be jealousy and resentment. It can be mutually pleasing for all involved but it will only be successful with trust and honesty as the main keys.

As for the smelly pile of condoms, swing with clean people and you won't need 'em.

As for the moral nay-sayers, do what pleases you it is a free (chuckle) country now. Let people do what they want.

MrStuffins

bluewolf wrote: »

You declared nobody in love should ever want to have sex with anyone else

That's right, they shouldn't! I have female friends, i can have coffee with them, go out to the pub with them etc. No problem. But if i had sex with them, that crosses a line! It's a pretty standard practice not to have sex with others if you're in a relationship.

Right, you wouldn't need to know anything for that. Except that's not what you said. You said "what kind of person" etc like there's something massively wrong with it

I asked the question. What kind of person? To me, it's the kind of person who wants to cheat, but is possibly afraid of getting caught and losing their partner. They want to have their cake and eat it.

I apologise if I overreacted but I find these kind of general sweeping statements very irritating.

Apology accepted. I also apologise for being personal.

rainbow kirby wrote: »

That's a choice you make in your own relationship. For those who are polyamorous, they may make other choices - be that swinging, or taking another partner into the relationship, or otherwise.

I realise this, but i disagree with it. 99% of couples would not bring another person into their relationship, so it's not as if i'm alone in my thinking here.

Don't get personal here.

I apologised, however i wasn't the only one being personal. I don't know why i'm the only one being singled out for it.

icywind1980

Just a question to to the above post quotes- Why shouldn't anyone else consider sex with another person? Don't men think about this all the time? If it's agreed upon and talked about why shouldn't it be allowed in that specific couples relationship?

coffee_cake

MrStuffins wrote: »

That's right, they shouldn't!

Why? Just because you don't agree?

It's a pretty standard practice not to have sex with others if you're in a relationship.

Not THAT standard, it's just not really talked about.

I asked the question. What kind of person? To me, it's the kind of person who wants to cheat, but is possibly afraid of getting caught and losing their partner. They want to have their cake and eat it.

Right, so you were really implying it was a bad thing to want it.

I realise this, but i disagree with it. 99% of couples would not bring another person into their relationship, so it's not as if i'm alone in my thinking here.

Except for all the people who do go swinging? And even despite numbers what does it matter - it's their relationship not yours so why not accept different people have different ways of being in relationships?
I just don't understand why you'd come in and decide it's wrong based on your own standards. Wrong for YOU maybe, but that doesn't mean it's objectively wrong full stop.

MrStuffins

bluewolf wrote: »

Why? Just because you don't agree?

Well isnt this about opinion?

Not THAT standard, it's just not really talked about.

I severely disagree.

Right, so you were really implying it was a bad thing to want it.

To want to have sex with someone else? If my girlfriend said to me "You know what, you know your friend Jim? I'd love to shag him".... yes, that would be a bad thing :rolleyes:

Except for all the people who do go swinging? And even despite numbers what does it matter - it's their relationship not yours so why not accept different people have different ways of being in relationships?
I just don't understand why you'd come in and decide it's wrong based on your own standards. Wrong for YOU maybe, but that doesn't mean it's objectively wrong full stop.

Indeed, which is why i said on the first page here that if it was my girlfriend she'd be gone. I wouldn't get in someone else's face about it, i'd just question their motives as i am doing here.

28064212

MrStuffins wrote: »

That's right, they shouldn't! I have female friends, i can have coffee with them, go out to the pub with them etc. No problem. But if i had sex with them, that crosses a line! It's a pretty standard practice not to have sex with others if you're in a relationship.

It's pretty 'standard' not to have a sex-life which includes bondage, is there something wrong with people who want to introduce that to their relationship? It's a very common fantasy for a man to watch his partner have sex with someone else. That crosses your line, it may not cross someone else's. How about you post your sexual fetishes up here, and we'll decide what's morally ok for you to be doing?

MrStuffins wrote: »

I realise this, but i disagree with it. 99% of couples would not bring another person into their relationship, so it's not as if i'm alone in my thinking here.

Even if your "99%" was correct, it would still be a logic fail. Many couples would not suggest bringing another person into their relationship. That's not the same as saying they wouldn't have any interest in it

MrStuffins

28064212 wrote: »

It's pretty 'standard' not to have a sex-life which includes bondage............

You can't compare bondage to having sex with others, i'm sorry.

Even if your "99%" was correct, it would still be a logic fail. Many couples would not suggest bringing another person into their relationship. That's not the same as saying they wouldn't have any interest in it

No, but it's the same as them not doing it.

28064212

MrStuffins wrote: »

Well isnt this about opinion?

It's supposed to be. You are saying that there is something fundamentally wrong with it. Saying that it's just something you wouldn't do, saying that you would never be interested, that's fine. Saying that nobody should do it, that people who do it don't love their partner, is not

MrStuffins wrote: »

To want to have sex with someone else? If my girlfriend said to me "You know what, you know your friend Jim? I'd love to shag him".... yes, that would be a bad thing :rolleyes:

No, that would be a bad thing for you. If the man was happy for her doing it, it was something that made her happy, and it didn't hurt their relationship, why is it bad?

MrStuffins wrote: »

You can't compare bondage to having sex with others, i'm sorry.

Of course you can. Swinging is a sexual activity. Some people are into it, some aren't. It has no bearing on the level of love for their partner.

I'd be more worried about a partner who was emotionally cheating (i.e. confiding in someone else, telling them stuff they wouldn't tell me) than a partner who was essentially, with my permission, using another person as nothing more than a sex-toy.

MrStuffins wrote: »

No, but it's the same as them not doing it.

You said because they don't do it, their thinking was the same as yours. That is not the same thing. Just because they don't do it, doesn't mean they are fundamentally opposed to it, or that they think there is something wrong with it