Swinging!!

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 3:55pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

You knew exactly what i meant :rolleyes:

You should only want to be with one person if you are truely in love. "Cheating" is normally when someone in a relationship will have sex with someone else but still stay in their relationship, this is achieved by not telling their partner.

With Swinging, it's the person still having sex with other people, it's just that their partner is allowing it. It's "Authorised", this is the only difference.

What kind of person lets their other half have sex with others?

People who are not you.

If it's not for you and you dont' like it and you don't understand it fair enough but don't denigrate those who have, are and may try it.

Malari · 23-09-2010 4:01pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

Well isnt this about opinion?

I severely disagree.

To want to have sex with someone else? If my girlfriend said to me "You know what, you know your friend Jim? I'd love to shag him".... yes, that would be a bad thing :rolleyes:

It is your opinion. It happens to be my opinion too, but do you see the difference between most posters here saying "it wouldn't be for me, but each to their own" and you saying "it would be a bad thing for anyone to suggest swinging while in a relationship"?

gillian1983 · 23-09-2010 4:02pm

Ok i 100% agree with all mr stuffins has said!!!!!!!!
its absolutely shocking to me that people can even argue against what he is saying. sorry but im having none of it...
"IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS'' THIS IS 100% TRUE!!!!
all you people out there who argue for swinging clearly either have no heart or just dont love the one ur with!
why in gods name would u want to share your partner or be with someone else if u loved them??
what would make your relationship special at all if every tom dick and harry had a go with ur girlfriend?
its ludicris! mr stuffins im relieved there are still people like you in society cos its very depressing that people ACTUALY argue for swinging...
if you wanna swing, break up!

krudler · 23-09-2010 4:10pm

gillian1983 wrote: »

Ok i 100% agree with all mr stuffins has said!!!!!!!!
its absolutely shocking to me that people can even argue against what he is saying. sorry but im having none of it...
"IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS'' THIS IS 100% TRUE!!!!
all you people out there who argue for swinging clearly either have no heart or just dont love the one ur with!
why in gods name would u want to share your partner or be with someone else if u loved them??
what would make your relationship special at all if every tom dick and harry had a go with ur girlfriend?
its ludicris ! mr stuffins im relieved there are still people like you in society cos its very depressing that people ACTUALY argue for swinging...
if you wanna swing, break up!

Whats the rapper got to do with any of this :pac:

wow, judgemental much? why do people assume swingers are all sex crazed, depraved deviants? who are you to say what should and shouldnt be acceptable in a couples relationship? I watched a documentary on swingers once and they had what a lot of marriages lack, honesty.Funnily they wouldnt meet people who their partner hadnt approved in a lot of cases, so its not like they were just shagging anyone who crossed their path. Anyone who thinks because they're in love they shouldnt find someone else attractive is deluding themselves, swingers just act on it.

What a married couple does is their own business, and nobody can say they dont love each other simply because they have an open relationship.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 4:12pm

I understand what everyone is saying yes, i understand i have come across as some sort of "Holier than thou" crackpot. And i realise different strokes for different folks and all that. I'm sorry if what i have said has made people think i am judging everyone who does it! I didn't mean to seem like i was looking down on anyone.

But for me, sex is a very important part of a relationship. And part of it's importance is the feeling you have between you and the person you love. That intimacy and love you feel while having sex. It's incredible if you're in love with someone.

I don't think if you were in love with someone that you should be doing that with other people.

Malari · 23-09-2010 4:31pm

gillian1983 wrote: »

"IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS'' THIS IS 100% TRUE!!!!

Well, it's clearly not true. Look at all the couples where one partner has cheated, and yet they have resolved problems. People want to have sex with other people for a variety of reasons - emotional, neglect, sex addiction!! it doesn't mean they don't love the person they are with. I'm not condoning cheating, I actually think it's despicable, I'm just saying fidelity is not as black and white as you claim.

gillian1983 wrote: »

all you people out there who argue for swinging clearly either have no heart or just dont love the one ur with!

People are not really "arguing" for swinging here. Nobody here has claimed they do it and love it. They are saying it ain't their cup of tea. I even said the suggestion of it might be detrimental to my relationship. But that's not to say I'm going to judge a couple who don't see exclusive sexual relations with each other as a pillar of their relationship.

23-09-2010 4:39pm

gillian1983 wrote: »

what would make your relationship special at all if every tom dick and harry had a go with ur girlfriend?

So your relationships are purely based on sex? That's all that makes your relationships special? I find that a lot more depressing than someone who enjoys sex outside of a relationship with their partner's permission.

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 4:41pm

gillian1983 wrote: »

Ok i 100% agree with all mr stuffins has said!!!!!!!!
its absolutely shocking to me that people can even argue against what he is saying. sorry but im having none of it...
"IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS'' THIS IS 100% TRUE!!!!
all you people out there who argue for swinging clearly either have no heart or just dont love the one ur with!
why in gods name would u want to share your partner or be with someone else if u loved them??
what would make your relationship special at all if every tom dick and harry had a go with ur girlfriend?
its ludicris! mr stuffins im relieved there are still people like you in society cos its very depressing that people ACTUALY argue for swinging...
if you wanna swing, break up!

gillain there are people who have open relationship and poly relationships, there are people who don't define their relationships by whom they are having sex with.

It is possible for a couple to have an open relationship or be into swinging or to be polyamrous and for them to still be a couple and have a romantic relationship.

what is 100% true for you is not 100% for the population of this country.

MrStuffins wrote: »

I don't think if you were in love with someone that you should be doing that with other people.

It is a different type of love, but it's love all the same.

boarduser1980 · 23-09-2010 4:43pm

cant you swing without having full sexual intercourse??
you could have a 3sum, 4sum with other ppl but no penetration allowed, only between the couple?

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 4:55pm

Dambant wrote: »

cant you swing without having full sexual intercourse??
you could have a 3sum, 4sum with other ppl but no penetration allowed, only between the couple?

Yes it's called a soft swap or a soft swing.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 5:03pm

Dambant wrote: »

cant you swing without having full sexual intercourse??
you could have a 3sum, 4sum with other ppl but no penetration allowed, only between the couple?

But by doing this, arent you admitting penetration is a bad thing?

Malari · 23-09-2010 5:11pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

But by doing this, arent you admitting penetration is a bad thing?

For their relationship, yes! That's the whole point. It's not suitable or desirable for everyone. Even for most people. but if the couple themselves are happy doing it, then what harm?

Believe me, there are plenty of other things people judge couples on - marriage, style of wedding, children, time spent together, long distance relationships, phone sex, whatever. Each to their own.

Pembily · 23-09-2010 5:19pm

Pebbles! wrote: »

Hey!

just wondering what are your views on swinging?

This is the OP, she asked for your views!!!!

MrStuffins wrote: »

Authorised cheating!

If my girlfriend wanted to do it she'd be gone!

That is your personal opinion and how YOU feel, I am sure there are certain things you enjoy that others don't, as I said above - each to their own!!! Cheating is by definition to act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage!!! With swinging the key to it working is honesty - thus NOT cheating!!!!!!

gillian1983 wrote: »

"IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS'' THIS IS 100% TRUE!!!!
all you people out there who argue for swinging clearly either have no heart or just dont love the one ur with!

That IN MY OPINION is 100% not true... Swingning is not (IMO) about having sex with another person its more about seeing your partner have sex with someone else, someone else pleasuring your partner, that is a fantasy some people have...

gillian1983 wrote: »

its very depressing that people ACTUALY argue for swinging...
if you wanna swing, break up!

That is how YOU feel, others do not feel the same!!!! Everyone has an opinion and its only an opinion, no one is right or wrong, some people enjoy it and others don't!!!

Its not illegal, its not hurting anyone and its all open and honest!!!!!

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 5:20pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

But by doing this, arent you admitting penetration is a bad thing?

MrStuffins differnt people drawn different lines at to what is cheating or betrayal in thier relationships.

Their lines on physical and emotional boundaries may be different then yours for you in your relationship but that doesn't make them bad or wrong, just different and not for you.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 5:25pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

MrStuffins differnt people drawn different lines at to what is cheating or betrayal in thier relationships.

Their lines on physical and emotional boundaries may be different then yours for you in your relationship but that doesn't make them bad or wrong, just different and not for you.

I've already said i'm not trying to be some sort of Moral Compass.

I've no idea why, everytime i give my opinion, people keep saying "Well that's your opinion, not ours".

I already know that!

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 5:27pm

Then maybe take a look at the language you are using, as text has no tone.

MrStuffins wrote: »

But by doing this, arent you admitting penetration is a bad thing?

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 5:32pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Then maybe take a look at the language you are using, as text has no tone.

Since when is asking a question claiming to be a moral compass?

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 5:35pm

Dude you just don't seem to get it and I cant' explain it to you how your statements and questions are coming across as being loaded.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 5:37pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Dude you just don't seem to get it and I cant' explain it to you how your statements and questions are coming across as being loaded.

Well they are not meant to be that way, so replying "Well, that's your opinion and not other peoples' opinion" is futile!

WesternNight · 23-09-2010 5:38pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

Since when is asking a question claiming to be a moral compass?

Just because you stick a question mark at the end, doesn't make it a question, really. What you're doing is giving your opinion and judgement in the form of a question, or multiple (rhetorical) questions. As opposed to asking a question with a genuine interest in the answer. There's a big difference.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 5:43pm

WesternNight wrote: »

Just because you stick a question mark at the end, doesn't make it a question, really. What you're doing is giving your opinion and judgement in the form of a question, or multiple (rhetorical) questions. As opposed to asking a question with a genuine interest in the answer. There's a big difference.

I'm giving my opinions and asking questions. If you disagree with my opinion, you are more than welcome to give your opposing opinion.

Saying "well that's your opinion and not mine" is useless. I don't know how many times i need to say it.

Maybe we can get back on topic?

Carlos_Ray · 23-09-2010 5:44pm

In my opinion swinging is just a gross indulgence of our basic intincts. I find it as revolting as an obese person engaging in gluttony.

If my GF revealed she was into that sort of thing I'd end the relationship. If she revealed she cheated on me I'd also finish with her but somehow I'd feel less insulted and have more respect for her.

Often (although not always) when a person cheats, emotion is involved in the encounter hence the person maintains a degree of dignity. IMO their is no dignity in sleeping on mass with random people.

We all live according to our own moral standards and we usually attract and surround ourselves with like-minded people. I'm not saying my moral stance is correct, but its the only one I care about.

WesternNight · 23-09-2010 5:45pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

I'm giving my opinions and asking questions. If you disagree with my opinion, you are more than welcome to give your opposing opinion.

Saying "well that's your opinion and not mine" is useless. I don't know how many times i need to say it.

Maybe we can get back on topic?

I've given my opinion, which is much the same as your minus the judgement

Pembily · 23-09-2010 5:49pm

Carlos_Ray wrote: »

Often (although not always) when a person cheats, emotion is involved in the encounter hence the person maintains a degree of dignity. IMO their is no dignity in sleeping on mass with random people.

We all live according to our own moral standards and we usually attract and surround ourselves with like-minded people. I'm not saying my moral stance is correct, but its the only one I care about.

At least you made me laugh!!!

krudler · 23-09-2010 5:55pm

Carlos_Ray wrote: »

In my opinion swinging is just a gross indulgence of our basic intincts. I find it as revolting as an obese person engaging in gluttony.

If my GF revealed she was into that sort of thing I'd end the relationship. If she revealed she cheated on me I'd also finish with her but somehow I'd feel less insulted and have more respect for her.

Often (although not always) when a person cheats, emotion is involved in the encounter hence the person maintains a degree of dignity. IMO their is no dignity in sleeping on mass with random people.

We all live according to our own moral standards and we usually attract and surround ourselves with like-minded people. I'm not saying my moral stance is correct, but its the only one I care about.

What about being cheated on if your partner had a drunken one night stand? Given the choice most people would prefer to be cheated on by a drunken night that means nothing as opposed to an affair built from emotion. I know I would, I'd still be dumping the cheater pronto but knowing they were seeing someone else behind my back would be way worse than a drunken shag.

Carlos_Ray · 23-09-2010 6:04pm

<snip>

krudler wrote: »

What about being cheated on if your partner had a drunken one night stand? Given the choice most people would prefer to be cheated on by a drunken night that means nothing as opposed to an affair built from emotion..

I don't know what most people would prefer. I have not seen any statistics eitherway. I would end the relationship over both scenarios, however, a drunken shag (in my opinion) is more degrading than a full blown emotional affair. Don't get me wrong both are repulsive, however, for me I would have less respect for a person that cheats with someone and has no emotional attachment to them. I also think thats more degrading for the partner being cheated on.

krudler · 23-09-2010 6:12pm

Carlos_Ray wrote: »

I don't know what most people would prefer. I have not seen any statistics eitherway. I would end the relationship over both scenarios, however, a drunken shag (in my opinion) is more degrading than a full blown emotional affair. Don't get me wrong both are repulsive, however, for me I would have less respect for a person that cheats with someone and has no emotional attachment to them. I also think thats more degrading for the partner being cheated on.

Hmm, well cheating is a scumbagish thing to do regardless, but I get where you're coming from, I just think the idea that your partner is out doing coupley things (presuming its not an affair based purely on sex) with someone else is horrible, thats just me though. I dont get how people cheat at all, if it gets to the point where you want to go that way, just end your relationship rather than damaging it further and destroying the other persons self esteem if they ever found out.

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 6:13pm

And above ladies and gentlemen is a display of the various attitudes which mean that people who swing/dog/swap or partake in any other sort of sexual activity with other consenting adults which is considered alternative don't talk about it.

MrStuffins · 23-09-2010 6:13pm

All this "Drunken cheating" stuff in nonsense IMO.

Being drunk is no excuse i'm afraid. I've been drunk on many occasions and it never makes me want to cheat on my girlfriend! If your partner was likely to do such thinks when drunk, hiow could you ever trust them?

It's a cop-out!

EDIT: Your guys' conversation was not nonsense, just the excuse in general is nonsense!

Nevyn · 23-09-2010 6:15pm

Swinging/swaping is not the same as cheating or drunken cheating.
If both people in a couple consent then it's not cheating.

Swinging!!

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