Your finest retort

themacdaddy

Spa say what?

What?

Ah your a spa hahaha

Bolag_the_2nd

out one night, i was looking good, felt great. this fudder mudder started at me, she said, did you get a smack of the ugly stick luv......... fuming i turned and said, maybe, but u fell out of the ugly tree, n hit every branch on the way down, ppl fell around laughing, i felt great, she left red faced, biotch!!

artvandulet

bonerm wrote: »

He eyed me up and down before saying :

"You fight like a dairy farmer!"

After thinking about this strange & insulting comment for several seconds I replied "How appropriate. You fight like a cow!"

1-0 to me.

Monkey Island?

we'llallhavetea_old

i fcuked your boyfriend.... :pac:

bonerm

artvandulet wrote: »

Monkey Island?

Yep, Aran Islands. But they don't like it when you call them monkeys.

Co45

Bolag_the_2nd wrote: »

out one night, i was looking good, felt great. this fudder mudder started at me, she said, did you get a smack of the ugly stick luv......... fuming i turned and said, maybe, but u fell out of the ugly tree, n hit every branch on the way down, ppl fell around laughing, i felt great, she left red faced, biotch!!

How original. You witty, witty man, you. No wonder everyone was falling around laughing.

Bolag_the_2nd

Co45 wrote: »

How original. You witty, witty man, you. No wonder everyone was falling around laughing.

witty witty woman!!!!!

Co45

Bonito wrote: »

Mine was when I was in secondary school in Biology. One of the "popular" ppl decided to make nasty references to my gorgeous highlighted blonde locks (naturally highlighted from the sun while I was in Spain) he was jealous because mine looked more awesome than his :cool:

Who says "one of the popular people"? Seems so bitter and Americanized. Also "gorgeous highlighted blonde locks," ? If your not a women then you deserve a slagging for that one. Also I doubt the guy was in anyway jealous of you seeing as he was well liked around the school and probably getting an abundance of teenage pootang whilst you were disliked and at a guess, getting nothing. Not being harsh but your being a bit delusional if you think he was "just jealous,"

I got fed, I booted my stool down the classroom, walked up to his desk and slammed my hands down (in full view of the class)

Cringe. Well done you made a scene and he got the reaction he was hoping for. Over reacting and being so sensitive is not how a strong person carries themselves. He won that round.

and said "Yano somethin, I can't stand you, half the people in here laugh at your stupidity and not because you're funny, they're laughing AT you and not WITH you.

Well considering he was popular in the school they probably weren't laughing at him but more than likely were laughing with him, at you.

Wanna know what you are? You know when you've gone out for dinner and had a nice juicy steak or that delicious chicken and ham? Yeh? Well, you're that annoying bastard of a piece of meat that gets stuck between your teeth and does your head in for the rest of the fúcking day trying to get it out when you haven't got a toothpick! Now, you keep pissing me off and I swear I'll get a toothpick, so stop annoying me! Are we clear?"

Double cringe. You went on a non sensical rant about toothpicks and having dinner. This is just plain odd and embarassing.

I then picked my stool up and sat down in awe of the teacher and a completely silent open-mouthed classroom

Awe? Or just complete shock at how strange and embarassing you just acted?

I was last leaving the class and she simply winked and smiled and said "don't let rubbish like that get to you"

Probably whilst holding in an eruption of laughter that followed after your exit from the classroom.




Sorry that was harsh but my god, you really need to step back and look at everything in context if you think that was a "brilliant retort"
I am only trying to help.

SV

Ahh Bonito, you made a show of yourself I'm afraid..

Biggins

Best answer back?

Discussing a hot topic of religion and schools.
One chap absolutely refused to admit that it was legal and written in law that its possible (and does happen) to discriminate in state schools in conjunction with the catholic religion in it - and take Catholics first when enrolling a child, over other religions and those of atheist lifestyle.
The person went on and on without evidence for his meandering stubborn opinion and then I simply quoted section seven, subsection 3, part C of our Equal Status Act 2000!

7.
(c) where the establishment is a school providing primary or post-primary education to students and the objective of the school is to provide education in an environment which promotes certain religious values, it admits persons of a particular religious denomination in preference to others or it refuses to admit as a student a person who is not of that denomination and, in the case of a refusal, it is proved that the refusal is essential to maintain the ethos of the school,

/end of thread. He shut up after that and quickly tried to steer the direction of his opinion away sharpish and the thread after all his previous ranting.

CreepingDeath

Not exactly a "retort", but I was accepting a 5 years service award from the C.E.O. and I put on a bit of sincerity and said

"I'd rather have worked with you than with the finest C.E.O. in Dublin".


* blatantly ripped off & adapted from the film "Roxanne" where C.D. stands up at a dinner party and says "I'd rather spend tonight with you people than with the finest people in the world".

sorrywhat

No your a Towel.....

El Siglo

Biggins wrote: »

Best answer back?

Discussing a hot topic of religion and schools.
One chap absolutely refused to admit that it was legal and written in law that its possible (and does happen) to discriminate between state school in conjunction with catholic religion and take Catholics first when enrolling a child, over other religions and those of atheist lifestyle.
The person went on and on without evidence for his meandering stubborn opinion and then I simply quoted section seven, subsection 3, part C of our Equal Status Act!



/end of thread. He shut up after that and quickly tried to steer the direction of his opinion away sharpish and the thread after all his previous ranting.

Brilliant! I love doing that, if there's a piece of legislation or something from An Bunreacht. I don't think I've had any good retorts but I did have an email argument (yeh I know, absolutely retarded so it is and I'm embarressed by it) with a girl on my postgrad course. She was being a cunt emailing people about a project we were doing, taking over and being cuntish about it. I got fed up with being given retarded orders and took one of her long arse emails and shot down every argument she had made, I started off with "A chara" and then I'd highlight parts of her email and retort, it was like posting something in boards! Finished off with "Is mise le meas" because she's really Americanised and has high opinions of herself. She tried to embarress me in another email but by that stage I didn't give a fuck because I was happy to have told her off.

El Siglo

sorrywhat wrote: »

No your a Towel.....

You're a beaner towel...

Enigma IE

Used quite recently after some clown starting giving me grief in the pub for no particular reason. I suspect he was off his head.

"Your oulone has got the clap"

Got his attention.

sexdwarf

Bonito wrote: »

Ok everyone hit me with it. I want a full blown story with these ones and I don't care how late it is. Commit to the thread. I want to know what was the best back answer you had to someone. Whether it was someone trying to start a fight or whatever and you shut them up with something extremely epic! I'm talking about the kinda sentence that makes you turn around, hold up your chin, strut it away while walking and then not being able to help smile and say to yourself "Yehhhhh motherf****Er"

Mine was when I was in secondary school in Biology. One of the "popular" ppl decided to make nasty references to my gorgeous highlighted blonde locks (naturally highlighted from the sun while I was in Spain) he was jealous because mine looked more awesome than his :cool:

I got fed, I booted my stool down the classroom, walked up to his desk and slammed my hands down (in full view of the class) and said "Yano somethin, I can't stand you, half the people in here laugh at your stupidity and not because you're funny, they're laughing AT you and not WITH you. Wanna know what you are? You know when you've gone out for dinner and had a nice juicy steak or that delicious chicken and ham? Yeh? Well, you're that annoying bastard of a piece of meat that gets stuck between your teeth and does your head in for the rest of the fúcking day trying to get it out when you haven't got a toothpick! Now, you keep pissing me off and I swear I'll get a toothpick, so stop annoying me! Are we clear?"

I then picked my stool up and sat down in awe of the teacher and a completely silent open-mouthed classroom, I was last leaving the class and she simply winked and smiled and said "don't let rubbish like that get to you"

Your turn peeps

I'm so embarrassed for you

EraseAndRewind

[EMAIL="*Cringes*@OP"]*Cringes*@OP[/EMAIL]

Guy in school with me did a very similar thing.We all still laugh at him.....10 years on:pac:

MaybeLogic

I was living in an apartment block in Dublin one time and as I was finished rooting about in the postbox, my neighbour, who I didn't really have any contact with, came in and started up the stairs in front of me, about 3 floors up and so I start walking up behind her.Just as we got to our floor she turned around, giving me the evil eye and very angrily says "Did you enjoy the view?"I says "Nah, I couldn't see a thing with your fat-ass in the way.(she wasn't fat but she deserved it)

Agricola

"Oh yeah!! Well if Im a fat bastard, WHAT DOES THAT MAKE YOU??"

HA! YEAH SUCK ON THAT!




I was 15, i didnt think it through!

stovelid

Did anybody say Your Ma's, your Da yet?

It's application is universal so it's pointless trying to append its use to a single tale.

4zn76tysfajdxp

You spelled "retard" wrong, OP.

Stercus Accidit

Some guy in school flipped out at me once when I made a crack about his hair, he started roaring and kicking stools.

I rode his ma.

chakotha

"What are you looking at?"

"I don't know but it's looking back"

powerfade

My buddy was sharing a flat with a guy from Donegal(this becomes important, just wait) and they were making some food after work. Anyway said guy asks my buddy to pass him a knife to butter some toast and he mistakenly passes him a spoon. So Donegal guys says thats not a knife and my buddy replies 'Ah, I see you've played knifey spooney before...' and the response to the greatest moment of comic genius he will ever produce, complete and utter silence, your man thought he was retarded!! To this day, he is still devastated there wasn't somebody who watches the Simpsons there to witness it..

Also a kinda had to be there moment, but when in Irish college one Summer many moons ago, we were all chatting and having a laugh in the dorm after lights out. Anyways the uber nerd of the class comes back in from a toilet break(they were about a 100m walk away from the dorm outside!!) and states 'Lads ye are going to have to keep it down, ye can hear ye for miles' to which I replied 'why how far did ya go?'!! The whole dorm broke their sh!te laughing and I was left feeling quite smug, now however looking back feel like it was a bit of a cheap shot at your man, but fcuk it anything for a laugh.......Is this thing on?????

arybvtcw0eolkf

Fuck you!.

Bolag_the_2nd

Foster Big Lockout wrote: »

Fuck you!.

ha brill,

Rycn

Yeah your ma...

we'llallhavetea_old

Foster Big Lockout wrote: »

Fuck you!.

fcukin hell!

bonerm

MaybeLogic wrote: »

I was living in an apartment block in Dublin one time and as I was finished rooting about in the postbox, my neighbour, who I didn't really have any contact with, came in and started up the stairs in front of me, about 3 floors up and so I start walking up behind her.Just as we got to our floor she turned around, giving me the evil eye and very angrily says "Did you enjoy the view?"I says "Nah, I couldn't see a thing with your fat-ass in the way.(she wasn't fat but she deserved it)

Any upskirt?

Whyno

Rycn wrote: »

Yeah your ma...

You're MA