Your finest retort

Pedro K

LiNgWiStIkZ wrote: »

Sounds a bit familiar..

Overheard in Cork?:cool:

I certainly didn't overhear it in Cork anyway.

I have been told that it's in over heard in dublin alright. But I hadn't read that when I came up with what I thought was a pretty decent on the spot response!

ChocolateSauce

Me (to group of people, cc mother): She's been saying horrible things about me to you all, hasn't she?

Mother: Oh shut up, you've been saying horrible things about me too!

Me: Yes, but the difference is none of the things I've been telling people about you are true.


True story. Got a room of people into fits for about 50 seconds.

3qsmavrod5twfe

This is my best ever retort.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

I've done this many many times and it never ceases to amuse me

You're sitting with some mates, may be there's a nice girl there that one of the lads is into. He's doing the typical immature 'Amn't I a fantastically witty guy!' routine to try to woo this particular lady (Lets call her Jenny).
And in doing this routine he's getting on your nerves just by being a nob or by trying to make an ass out of everyone to make himself look cool.

So I just say to him 'Hey, do that impression of Jenny!'

There's no way out of it, he will obviously deny it and she'll no doubt say 'I don't really care I just want to hear it'
But she does care and she's pissed off at him

This can be used in a variety of situations and shuts anyone up

cantankerous

Mila Rotten Wagon wrote: »

I've done this many many times and it never ceases to amuse me

You're sitting with some mates, may be there's a nice girl there that one of the lads is into. He's doing the typical immature 'Amn't I a fantastically witty guy!' routine to try to woo this particular lady (Lets call her Jenny).
And in doing this routine he's getting on your nerves just by being a nob or by trying to make an ass out of everyone to make himself look cool.

So I just say to him 'Hey, do that impression of Jenny!'

There's no way out of it, he will obviously deny it and she'll no doubt say 'I don't really care I just want to hear it'
But she does care and she's pissed off at him

This can be used in a variety of situations and shuts anyone up

That's evil. Like that time I went up to a dickhead i knew who was scoring some randomer and said "are you sure you should be doing that with your glandular fever"?

Wasn't really a retort but it ruined his night .

trapsagenius

I'm sorry OP but that was possibly one of the worst retorts I've ever heard in my life.Did you ever live it down?

omahaid

"I'm not your friend, buddy!"

Busi_Girl08

omahaid wrote: »

"I'm not your friend, buddy!"

"I'm not your buddy, guy!!"

Bolag_the_2nd

Busi_Girl08 wrote: »

"I'm not your buddy, guy!!"

your not my buddy....... ohh man

OutlawPete

Busi_Girl08 wrote: »

"I'm not your buddy, guy!!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8M_3JTwtPg

falan

themacdaddy wrote: »

Spa say what?

What?

Ah your a spa hahaha

"Did you watch that tv show last night 'spastics say no?"

Target- "No"

*points finger at target "ahahaha you're a spastic"

annie87

Retr0gamer wrote: »

Your Ma's your Da

That's my favouri!te too

wild_cat

I thought this one was a bit **** myself.... but the reaction I got from this girl was priceless she raised her fist to hit me but put it down due to the laughter at the angry head on her.

It was a few years back in secondary school and we're making some banner or something during TY.

We're all sitting around a round table chatting away, this girl I'm not that friendly with creates a silence in the room by announcing this to me...

"My Ma and I think you look like a lesbian because you got your hair cut so short"

I paused for a moment to take in what had just been said to me out of no where.... Perplexed I was.

Anywho.. I answered with.

"Well if your MA thinks I'm such a dyke tell her I'll give her a lickout".

She went red with anger. I think her reaction was funny not my come back.


Oh and lately a convo with an now ex:

Me: Your brother is very good looking.
Ex: He's above you.
Me: He will be when I'm under him.

Darksaga87

"I shaged your Ma!"

"Mate, my Ma is pushing 50... your 17, so im thinking... thats not really a big score for you."


not mine, but i think its legend:

"My dad will kill your dad!!"

"oh yeah?! well... my dad will shag your dad.... and your dad will enjoy it!"

Senna

Not mine, but a manager i worked with. He was running a pub in London when he got a called to the bar, it was a girl wanting to order a bottle of very expensive champagne. She was one of those z-list celebrities (cant remember her name, but i never heard of her) and she refused to pay the bar staff, saying to "put it on account". She started complaining to him and used the line "dont you know who i am", he quickly replied "OH god sorry, your Melinda Messenger" (she wasn't and he knew it), she got all angry "no i'm...........", he just looked her up and down and said "never heard of you" and walked away.

Capt'n Midnight

Eli Steep Toy wrote: »

This is my best ever retort.
http://boards.ie/vbulletin/attachment.php?attachmentid=105050&d=1266009640

It's an old trick they play on apprentices.
And you actually came back with a long stand. :eek:

Closed ac

This girl I rly don't like was talking among my group of friends and tries to start off on a story:

'Ugh, I saw the sickest sh*t ever yesterday..'

To which I interrupted, 'The mirror?'

3hn2givr7mx1sc

In third year, one of the teachers(fat) and one of the lads(reeally tall) were having a slagging match and the teacher goes:
"I'd love to hang you out that window by your neck, but you're feet would touch the floor, so it wouldn't be much use."
to which my classmate replied
"I'd love to throw you out that window, but you'd only bounce back up!"

It was hilarious.:D

sesna

DKZ wrote: »

This girl I rly don't like was talking among my group of friends and tries to start off on a story:

'Ugh, I saw the sickest sh*t ever yesterday..'

To which I interrupted, 'The mirror?'

That would be an insult, not a retort

Biggins

Poster "oh well , okay" just made a class one in the politics section.
They are chatting about FF passing the blame to us and NAMA.
(http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=64451969#post64451969)

Can I blame the government when I overspend on my credit card ?

oh well , okay wrote: »

No you can't it's your responsibility, but apparently when a developer overspends on land it's the consumers fault, go figure !

LOL

Four-Percent

Kudos to Bonito for taking all the abuse in his stride

**Timbuk2**

When I was younger, group of knacker-type girls saying 'Wadda ya lookin at?' to me and my friends.

I looked at the one that said as if she was something I scraped off my shoe, and said 'I have taken shits more intelligent than you'.

She shut up after that (probably a brain overload).

speedboatchase

A few weeks ago I was out in the pub mid-week with some mates and a girl I know, it was her birthday on the saturday of that week. My gf's best mate goes out with one of my mates and that couple was having a birthday night on the saturday too, so I had decided I would go to that instead. However the whole night the group was trying to rile me up for being "whipped" for going out with my gf and that group instead.

So in the end the bday girl says to me "oh come out on sat, what's the matter - your gf won't let you?", to which I replied "no actually, it's just that I don't want to go to your birthday, I don't care about it and I'd rather hang out with my gf than you". Felt good

Lord Nikon

A punch in the face will wipe a smirk of someones face.

MiciG91

I was in a similar situation to the OP one lad constantly gave me abuse and it all came to a head in LC year.One day at lunch me and my mates were driving through the town when he threw a yoghurt at my mates car.So we thought enough was enough we did a couple of laps of the town to try and find him and eventually we saw him on walking his gf back to school
. There was four of us in the car. 2 of us hopped out and jumped him from behind put a scarf around his eyes like a blindfold and drove around the town for 20 minutes he was in the back ****ting it telling us he was gonna kill us and get his mates ''after us''he went from that to apologizing to us.
So we took him to my house blindfolded convinced him we had taken him up to the cliffs at this stage he had stopped talking we put him on a table in the middle of the garden and told him he was at the edge.

He then started begging us to take him back to school.we told him we'd be back after study(4 hours later).we pretended to walk away instead we set up our cameras and got 20 of the funniest minutes of video footage you've ever seen we then took of the blindfold off him and he went to swing for us but then he realised we had it all on video and just walked towards the school.

He then kept textin me asking me to delete it and we eventually came to the deal if he gives us 40 euro and never says a word to us till the end of the year we wont put it on you tube.That's a retort

epgc3fyqirnbsx

MiciG91 wrote: »

I was in a similar situation to the OP one lad constantly gave me abuse and it all came to a head in LC year.One day at lunch me and my mates were driving through the town when he threw a yoghurt at my mates car.So we thought enough was enough we did a couple of laps of the town to try and find him and eventually we saw him on walking his gf back to school
. There was four of us in the car. 2 of us hopped out and jumped him from behind put a scarf around his eyes like a blindfold and drove around the town for 20 minutes he was in the back ****ting it telling us he was gonna kill us and get his mates ''after us''he went from that to apologizing to us.
So we took him to my house blindfolded convinced him we had taken him up to the cliffs at this stage he had stopped talking we put him on a table in the middle of the garden and told him he was at the edge.

He then started begging us to take him back to school.we told him we'd be back after study(4 hours later).we pretended to walk away instead we set up our cameras and got 20 of the funniest minutes of video footage you've ever seen we then took of the blindfold off him and he went to swing for us but then he realised we had it all on video and just walked towards the school.

He then kept textin me asking me to delete it and we eventually came to the deal if he gives us 40 euro and never says a word to us till the end of the year we wont put it on you tube.That's a retort

I dunno why but I feel really sceptical

Pyr0

MiciG91 wrote: »

I was in a similar situation to the OP one lad constantly gave me abuse and it all came to a head in LC year.One day at lunch me and my mates were driving through the town when he threw a yoghurt at my mates car.So we thought enough was enough we did a couple of laps of the town to try and find him and eventually we saw him on walking his gf back to school
. There was four of us in the car. 2 of us hopped out and jumped him from behind put a scarf around his eyes like a blindfold and drove around the town for 20 minutes he was in the back ****ting it telling us he was gonna kill us and get his mates ''after us''he went from that to apologizing to us.
So we took him to my house blindfolded convinced him we had taken him up to the cliffs at this stage he had stopped talking we put him on a table in the middle of the garden and told him he was at the edge.

He then started begging us to take him back to school.we told him we'd be back after study(4 hours later).we pretended to walk away instead we set up our cameras and got 20 of the funniest minutes of video footage you've ever seen we then took of the blindfold off him and he went to swing for us but then he realised we had it all on video and just walked towards the school.

He then kept textin me asking me to delete it and we eventually came to the deal if he gives us 40 euro and never says a word to us till the end of the year we wont put it on you tube.That's a retort

Cool story brah !

sesna

MiciG91 wrote: »

I was in a similar situation to the OP one lad constantly gave me abuse and it all came to a head in LC year.One day at lunch me and my mates were driving through the town when he threw a yoghurt at my mates car.So we thought enough was enough we did a couple of laps of the town to try and find him and eventually we saw him on walking his gf back to school
. There was four of us in the car. 2 of us hopped out and jumped him from behind put a scarf around his eyes like a blindfold and drove around the town for 20 minutes he was in the back ****ting it telling us he was gonna kill us and get his mates ''after us''he went from that to apologizing to us.
So we took him to my house blindfolded convinced him we had taken him up to the cliffs at this stage he had stopped talking we put him on a table in the middle of the garden and told him he was at the edge.

He then started begging us to take him back to school.we told him we'd be back after study(4 hours later).we pretended to walk away instead we set up our cameras and got 20 of the funniest minutes of video footage you've ever seen we then took of the blindfold off him and he went to swing for us but then he realised we had it all on video and just walked towards the school.

He then kept textin me asking me to delete it and we eventually came to the deal if he gives us 40 euro and never says a word to us till the end of the year we wont put it on you tube.That's a retort

And then you woke up, in dread of the thought of having to face another day of bullying.

Four-Percent

MiciG91 wrote: »

That's a retort

No it's not.

MiciG91

Four-Percent wrote: »

No it's not.

No your a towel