Worst/Funniest thing said in bed?

brundle · 22-11-2008 1:28am

darling.x wrote: »

I once said to an ex: 'you're sticking it up the wrong hole'. He found it funny. I did not find it funny. He was trying to stick it up the wrong hole and i didn't like it.

I think he might have had an idea he was sticking it up the 'wrong' hole

NewFrockTuesday · 22-11-2008 3:15am

Brrriiinnnnggg brrriiinngggg (thats a phone ringing)

*he checks phone :eek:

"Its my Ma"

"Dont answer it"

"But its my Ma"

"I dont care if its the f******g Queen"

"But its my Ma"

He answers

gets a slap

and a bj

try talking to her now!

hows yer ma?

Aurora Borealis · 22-11-2008 7:27am

THink this is very funny and it's true.

Guy's been pounding away thinking he's working miracles. Finishes off and rolls off and turns and in a pretend wink wink nudge nudge way says so do you come here often...

Girl replies No you silly twat try the other one.

I laughed anyway when i heard it maybe because it was true....well apparently!

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 22-11-2008 7:29am

Kold wrote: »

The expulsions of gas from corpses can really ruin the mood.

"Was that a fanny fart?"

"No no, it was just... eh...

"What, you coughed in your knickers?"

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 22-11-2008 7:31am

Deepsense wrote: »

Brrriiinnnnggg brrriiinngggg (thats a phone ringing)

*he checks phone :eek:

"Its my Ma"

"Dont answer it"

"But its my Ma"

"I dont care if its the f******g Queen"

"But its my Ma"

He answers

gets a slap

and a bj

try talking to her now!

hows yer ma?

Sorry, but WTF is it with women, blow jobs, and mothers on the phone. Does it turn ye on? Seriously that's not right... If I reflex punch you in the face when you try that then I am sorry, but WTF? SERIOUSLY!!! That's creepy...

darling.x · 22-11-2008 9:24am

brundle wrote: »

I think he might have had an idea he was sticking it up the 'wrong' hole

Well I didnt let him, thats for sure.

coffee_cake · 22-11-2008 9:24am

Dayton Greasy Bench wrote: »

Sorry, but WTF is it with women, blow jobs, and mothers on the phone. Does it turn ye on? Seriously that's not right... If I reflex punch you in the face when you try that then I am sorry, but WTF? SERIOUSLY!!! That's creepy...

But it's so much fun! Knowing they can't make a noise and have to maintain a normal tone of voice and doing your best to spoil that

NewFrockTuesday · 22-11-2008 11:22am

If I reflex punch you in the face when you try that..

Whatever floats yer boat

gernon · 22-11-2008 11:42am

Daddy whats a pervert?

Shut up and keep sucking son

brianthebard · 22-11-2008 1:18pm

Deepsense wrote: »

Brrriiinnnnggg brrriiinngggg (thats a phone ringing)

*he checks phone :eek:

"Its my Ma"

"Dont answer it"

"But its my Ma"

"I dont care if its the f******g Queen"

"But its my Ma"

He answers

gets a slap

and a bj

try talking to her now!

hows yer ma?

Hang on, you rewarded him for interrupting sexy time and answering the phone?? Doesn't make sense tbh.

iPlop · 22-11-2008 2:09pm

My mate was in bed with this bird he pulled in a nightclub and she asked him could she take her legs off ,they were prosthetic.I laughed for weeks
he still gave her a roide!!!:D

NewFrockTuesday · 22-11-2008 2:27pm

Hang on, you rewarded him for interrupting sexy time and answering the phone?? Doesn't make sense tbh.

But it's so much fun! Knowing they can't make a noise and have to maintain a normal tone of voice and doing your best to spoil that

Totally agree with Bluewolf!! Gotta have a bit of fun as well!

And he did get a slap first!

Oh ....and it doesnt have to make sense...not to other people....every post here is an in joke between a couple. thats the beauty of it.

Wurly · 22-11-2008 3:36pm

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Could be worse.

"Mmm, oh yeah Laura - I love you so much".

"My name is not Laura, it's Fred"

:eek:

Ha ha - yeah. QFT.:D

22-11-2008 5:12pm

So, what are you in the mood for tonight; little bit kinky or downright dirty?

I go for the kinky option, he pulls out a feather.

A few minutes later, I hear a clucking sound and ask what it is. Turns out that's what was the other option.

frag420 · 22-11-2008 5:25pm

calm down girl,lets not this rape into a murder!!!

brianthebard · 22-11-2008 6:46pm

Septic Leper wrote: »

My mate was in bed with this bird he pulled in a nightclub and she asked him could she take her legs off ,they were prosthetic.I laughed for weeks
he still gave her a roide!!!:D

Why'd you laugh? legless girls need lovin' too. Although legs are one of the sexiest parts...

chin_grin · 22-11-2008 6:51pm

Funniest thing said in bed eh?

"Get out and walk" While wafting the covers. Yeah. Gentleman.

Overblood · 29-01-2009 7:22pm

Sorry to resurrect an old thread but I thought of one last night...

Just before the girl goes down to give you a BJ, say : "Warning, may contain NUTS"

Bluefoam · 29-01-2009 7:24pm

Overblood wrote: »

Sorry to resurrect an old thread but I thought of one last night...

Just before the girl goes down to give you a BJ, say : "Warning, may contain NUTS"

Was it really worth it?

29-01-2009 7:28pm

Overblood wrote: »

Sorry to resurrect an old thread but I thought of one last night...

Just before the girl goes down to give you a BJ, say : "Warning, may contain NUTS"

I'd be more worried if it didnt contain nuts.

Kold · 29-01-2009 7:44pm

Overblood wrote: »

Sorry to resurrect an old thread but I thought of one last night...

Just before the girl goes down to give you a BJ, say : "Warning, may contain NUTS"

Quit job now. Write for Ed Byrne.

admiralofthefleet · 29-01-2009 7:46pm

'fancy a dutch breakfast';)

ibarelycare · 29-01-2009 8:11pm

"Wow, you look really skinny lying down"

Professey Chin · 29-01-2009 8:13pm

Kold wrote: »

Quit job now. Write for Ed Byrne.

Ah now thats uncalled for. Be nice.

Dont worry OP, its not your fault that was sh*te......oh wait. Yes it is.
Yeah go do what Kold said:mad:

Overblood · 29-01-2009 8:24pm

Ah come on, it was pretty funny. 5 out of 10?

Abi · 29-01-2009 8:42pm

Overblood wrote: »

Ah come on, it was pretty funny. 5 out of 10?

*crickets*

shane86 · 29-01-2009 9:02pm

Lying in bed about a year ago with a yoke I got home, she is asking me about my age and how many were in my family, so I asked the same, she was 19, youngest in family, and she mentions she has a few nephews/nieces. To which out of nowhere she blurts out

"Its mad, by my age all my sisters and my brother were either parents or expecting a kid"

Not exactly the type of "me next" talk you want to hear after drunken fumblement :eek::eek:

Anyone remember Peter Kays Max and Paddy? They pulled two birds whilst at a seaside nightclub dressed as sailors, he is riding her singing an altered Popeye thme tune (I think it went "I last til the finish, cos I eat me spinach" :P )