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Worst/Funniest thing said in bed?

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1246

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    #92
    thedesertman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭thedesertman


    While shes on top I answered the phone and had a full conversation with one of my friends oh ya classy! She wasn't impressed!:pac:


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    #93
    Censorsh!t
    Registered Users Posts: 1,121 ✭✭✭Censorsh!t


    thedesertman wrote: »
    While shes on top I answered the phone and had a full conversation with one of my friends oh ya classy! She wasn't impressed!:pac:
    I wouldnt have been impressed either:eek: although...its funny when it's someone else.


    When you can hear water flying around in their tummy :p i usually end up laughing over something.


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    #94
    Bluefoam
    Registered Users Posts: 7,733 ✭✭✭Bluefoam


    thedesertman wrote: »
    While shes on top I answered the phone and had a full conversation with one of my friends

    I'd be more concerned that you were more interested in your 'friend' than girl on top sex... I hope you continue to have a very fulfilling relationship with your 'friend' -


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    #95
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    thedesertman wrote: »
    While shes on top I answered the phone and had a full conversation with one of my friends oh ya classy! She wasn't.
    FYP.


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    #96
    Bluefoam
    Registered Users Posts: 7,733 ✭✭✭Bluefoam


    Abigayle wrote: »
    FYP.

    http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/FYP


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    #97
    thedesertman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭thedesertman


    Am well I get bored like and she wasn't great like then one of my "special" friends rangwink.gif haha. A lad I know did worse though he was doing the one in the back of the car totally pissed when she'd fallen asleep he accidently shat himself all over the back seat he just got outta the car and left her there with the "present"! Haha he could never drink tequila!:p


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    #98
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Bluefoam wrote: »
    http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/FYP

    For Your Pleasure, it was Fixed Your Post.


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    #99
    Ann22
    Registered Users Posts: 8,004 ✭✭✭Ann22


    Classic sketch from Mitchell and Webb while we're on the subject:D

    http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=MKEUujz12S4&feature=related


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    #100
    Ardscoil Ris
    Registered Users Posts: 1,020 ✭✭✭Ardscoil Ris


    C0SM0 wrote: »
    So question what's the worst or funniest thing said or heard in the scratcher?

    Me: Oh yeah right there...yeah...keep going....talk dirty to me.

    Some dude: Sir, are you going to buy the bed or do I have to call security?


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    #101
    Codofwar
    Registered Users Posts: 328 ✭✭Codofwar


    I was with a girl one night at a mates house and after we were finished or so I thought she turns to me and says Im gonna ride you all night, now on a normal night this would have been music to my ears but I was workin long days at the time and had work at 7 the following morning so i said great and said id be back in a min, got fully dressed and legged it home to bed leaving her there, (her friend was in the next room with my mate so at least I didn't abandon her) Turns out she ended up projectile vomiting all over the room after i left. Lucky me!


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    #102
    paul larry
    Registered Users Posts: 76 ✭✭paul larry


    in a random bed...girl leaves for work....her mate comes in and invites me into her bed....i oblige!!!
    "did u f**K my friend last night?"
    "no, i just kissed her, honest"
    "Ah cool, ya like ray d'arcy?"
    "Yea he's not bad"
    couldnt see where this was going until....
    "wanna take my knickers off"
    score haha had a good time till a mate rang, and she whispers "just finish off there and take that call if ya like!!!!!!!!!!":D


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    #103
    madmik
    Closed Accounts Posts: 423 ✭✭madmik


    shotgun mike wrote: »
    Best thing you do is flick off the pink to nudge into the brown. All the time avoiding any kiss on a red. god bless snooker.
    take the easy red,then go down for the pink with plenty of pace so you can bring the brown into play


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    #104
    madmik
    Closed Accounts Posts: 423 ✭✭madmik


    darling.x wrote: »
    I once said to an ex: 'you're sticking it up the wrong hole'. He found it funny. I did not find it funny. He was trying to stick it up the wrong hole and i didn't like it.

    theres a wrong hole??

    i thought......


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    #105
    Raze_them_all
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,477 ✭✭✭✭Raze_them_all


    Said it to my best mates sister "See the advantages of having a baby brother?" In my defence i was very fvcking drunk!


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    #106
    ArseBurger
    Registered Users Posts: 647 ✭✭✭ArseBurger


    brianthebard wrote: »
    Why'd you laugh? legless girls need lovin' too. Although legs are one of the sexiest parts...

    Not if they're hanging up in the wardrobe.


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    #107
    S.I.R
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,837 ✭✭✭S.I.R


    Well.... Everyone looks funny naked.


    Do you take credit card ??

    mid way through sex - Whats on t.v... Wheres the remote

    :)


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    #108
    GiftofGab
    Registered Users Posts: 2,376 ✭✭✭GiftofGab


    Every guy hates to hear girls use those horrible four letter words like "can't" "won't" "don't" and "stop"


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    #109
    MizzLolly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,556 ✭✭✭MizzLolly


    GiftofGab wrote: »
    Every guy hates to hear girls use those horrible four letter words like "can't" "won't" "don't" and "stop"

    Oppps :pac:


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    #110
    Br4tPr1nc3
    Registered Users Posts: 1,381 ✭✭✭Br4tPr1nc3


    "you get that into ya!"


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    #111
    MizzLolly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,556 ✭✭✭MizzLolly


    ''You nearly finished?''


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    #112
    bad2theboneB
    Closed Accounts Posts: 42 ✭bad2theboneB


    Afterwards - "So do i pay you or what? If i give you a euro do you have change?"


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    #113
    Blazer
    Registered Users Posts: 17,427 ✭✭✭✭Blazer


    Septic Leper wrote: »
    My mate was in bed with this bird he pulled in a nightclub and she asked him could she take her legs off ,they were prosthetic.I laughed for weeks
    he still gave her a roide!!!:D


    Oh god :eek:

    I'd have fcuking legged it :pac: or else said "no prob love..I've 3 of them here and one's for you :cool:


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    #114
    Chucky the tree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    SheroN wrote: »
    "Get off me daddy"


    Could of been worse, you could of said..


    SheroN wrote: »
    "Get me off daddy"


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    #115
    PaulByrne'sBald
    Closed Accounts Posts: 59 ✭✭PaulByrne'sBald


    last year on a night on the town i ended up meeting a nurse... Went back to mine and we got down to business however i had neglected to ask the young lady her name, she told me she wasn't to impressed yet allowed the matter slide...
    again after some fooling around in my stupidity and inability to have a one night stand without forming some connection to ease the upcoming awkwardness i blurted out 'we should do this again some time ehh, hmm...'
    'you've forgotten my name again haven't you' '
    i, eh, well...'
    needless to say i didnt get a go at a third guess... Rumpelstilskin maybe?
    thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, door slam...
    bed to myself and the discovery of how to seal the deal without having to help her find her clothes in the morning


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    #116
    samhail
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭samhail


    i said i love you after my first time.
    i was like no no no im sorry ! :)


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    #117
    Redrocket
    Registered Users Posts: 2,214 ✭✭✭Redrocket


    the scratcher? you infested or something?


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    #118
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,999 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    loz wrote: »
    Whats a scratcher ?? - I dont understand Northside too well.
    Dates from an earlier age when the scratcher was "infested be hoppers"


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    #119
    dotsman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,635 ✭✭✭dotsman


    madmik wrote: »
    theres a wrong hole??

    i thought......

    The nostrils. If yours can fit up there comfortably, then there's definitely something wrong.


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    #120
    DanGerMus
    Registered Users Posts: 1,525 ✭✭✭DanGerMus


    dotsman wrote: »
    The nostrils. If yours can fit up there comfortably, then there's definitely something wrong.

    Yeah you're haeving sex with a horse!


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    #121
    Slidey
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,811 ✭✭✭✭Slidey


    I was with a bird one night, "horseing it into to her" so to speak...

    In the middle of it she shouts out "paint me insides white"

    Nearly fell out of the bed laughin!


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